So here’s what I think of all the dresses (because I know y’all are just dying for my opinion). This time the numbers correspond to nothing, and all the pictures are linked from gettyimages.com.
1. Claire Danes looks a little more like herself. Am I becoming old? Am I, like, her grandmother, going, “Get your hair out of your face! It’s such a pretty face; why do you hide it behind all that hair?” Because I think that’s what I didn’t like about her look last time.
2. Look, I love Heidi Klum, and I think she looks great (and young!). But is this really a fancy enough dress for this event?
3. Oh, man. This, to me, is another misfire for Christina Hendricks. Well, it’s not nearly as bad as what she wore to the Emmys. But it’s still . . . off. You know what I think it needs? It needs the neckline lowered a couple of inches. And then it needs to not have quite so big a pouf. And I do kind of think the color competes with her hair color. Which is mainly a problem because her hair is down; if it were up, it wouldn’t be so bad. I guess I am turning into someone’s grandmother.
4. I do not understand why the eighties are back. Not that Anne Hathaway looks bad. But I still totally hate the dress.
5. I love Michelle William’s look and I don’t care how anyone else feels about it.
6. I really like this color on Tina Fey. Not sure about the dress as a whole.
7. Jennifer Lopez usually looks either fabulous or way too weird. This, I think, is fabulous.
8. I feel like I haven’t seen pictures of Mandy Moore in forever. It’s nice to see her again! I have no opinion on her dress.
9. Love this. Mainly for the color. And the person wearing it.
10. Well. Let’s see who accuses Sofia Vergara of looking pagaenty now.
11. Isn’t this look a little old for Mila Kunis? Not that it’s not gorgeous.
12. Did Christina Aguilera gain weight? I mean, she looks great, just thicker, right? I love that dress; if I ever became famous and glamorous, it’s totally the dress I would pick for my first red carpet (before going back to who I really am and dressing like Michelle Williams – see #5).
13. And while I was wearing it, Catherine Zeta-Jones would kind of sneer at me and then be like, “This is how actual Glam Goddesses do it, sweetheart.”
14. What is going on here? When her husband turned out to be a cheating Nazi lover, Sandra Bullock showed up everywhere tanned, confident, and gorgeous. Now she’s showing up moping like Kristen Stewart behind a veil of bang? In a pretty, but way-too-pale-for-her-skin-tone-right-now dress? Get your hair out of your face! Stand up straight! Keep your knees together! And keep off my lawn!
15. Jane Lynch and her wife both look, individually, gorgeous. But here’s the thing – I think if I were a lesbian who also had lots of public events to go to, I would be totally unable to resist coordinating looks with my partner. Not like we’d wear the same thing, but I’d probably want us to look, at events like this, like we could be in the same fashion shoot, you know? But I guess that’s, you know, ridiculous. And also, congratulations!
16. I really don’t understand what’s going through Julianne Moore’s head here. All my life, I’ve wanted to be a gorgeous, talented redhead, and yet the people who fit that description are disappointing me mightily.
17. The knockout brunettes aren’t doing much better.
18. Jane Krakowski is pregnant? Awesome! And she looks great, of course.
19. When Zoe saw this picture, she said, “Who’s that?” I said, “That’s Natalie Portman.” She said, “Natalie Portman looks sooooo preeeeettttttyyyyy.” I agree.
20. Is it me, or does Carrie Underwood wear the same dress to virtually every event?
22. You know what I think January Jones’s problem is? She hates that she looks like Grace Kelly. Silly girl.
23. I think Lea Michele is really finding her groove. And that groove is, dress like Penelope Cruz’s little sister. It’s a good groove.
24. One day, fashion magazines and gossip rags will stop caring about what Helena Bonham Carter is wearing, at which point she will show up in an LBD and a string of pearls with her hair in a smooth French twist and then no one will know what to do with themselves.
25. I know this color has been used too often now to be called refreshing, but it still looks fabulous.
26. The thing about Dianna Agron is that she’s such a gorgeous girl it seems to hardly matter what she’s wearing. This dress is a little boring, and the hair and make-up read a little prom-y to me, but who cares?
27. I forget what Olivia Wilde has done lately to make her famous but I love this dress. But. Get your hair. Out. Of your face!
28. Totally fab. I totally hope that, if Amber Riley was not asked to sing something at the ceremony (they don’t do that at the Golden Globes, right?), that she went out to a karaoke bar right after, still in that dress, and gave a performance worthy of that gown.
29. Julia Stiles, I also feel, looks fab, but maybe a little too old?
30. I don’t know who this person is, but her dress is all kinds of lovely.
31. This is not okay, Halle Berry. You are better than that.
32. What on earth did Emma Stone do to her hair and why?
33. Who has been telling the ladies of Glee to lose weight? Stop doing that. Jayma Mays, you look like a skeleton. Eat a sandwich. Come to my house, I’ll make you some nice spaghetti and meatballs.
Okay, those are my reactions. What did you all think?