Kate: Tuning in to channel 5 and discovering that Ms. GaGa was one of the guest judges truly made my week. She’s such a huge star and there she was sitting on a judges’ panel for a reality competition show, long mint green wig and all. She’s just full of surprises. Was Z excited to see her?
Erica: Yes, Z was very excited to see her, and when other judges spoke, she kept demanding to see Lady Gaga. “Does she have green hair?” “Yes.” “Oh, why?”
Sasha and Pasha
Erica: How happy could I be with Sasha and Pasha kicking off the night for me? Very happy, indeed!
Kate: I just can’t bring myself to like the quick-step. Even when it’s Sasha and Pasha.
Erica: I loved this. I thought when the choreographer was talking about the quick-step in bizarre-o world that it was going to be stupid but no, it was totally quirky and cute and I loved it. Put a big smile on my face. I even looked at Sasha and not Pasha for most of the dance! And not just because I want her dress! I thought her technique looked good, I thought her legs were great with all those kicks, and I thought her character was perfect. Sasha for the win!
Kate: Yes she had great form and that was quite an interesting dress. It still wasn’t my favorite from her.
Erica: I must say I am really surprised that Lady Gaga is so lucid and coherent and not nearly as prone to dance babble as I thought she’d be, and a really helpful and informative judge.
Kate: I enjoy her appreciation of dance.
Caitlyn and Ivan
Erica: Caitlyn did seem more present and alive during this number. But I didn’t like it. I hate the amateur-theatrics stuff with the phone and the head-shaking and I thought the choreography was meh. But that doesn’t mean she didn’t dance it well.
Kate: Oh yeah, I hated this. Mostly because of the bad choreography-the
intro had approximately zero dancing.
Erica: See, Lady Gaga called the choreography “dated” and I have to say that’s exactly how I felt but couldn’t articulate it. Which is, of course, the definition of a good judge-someone who agrees with me but says it better.
Kate: Who’da thunk it?
Jordan and Ade
Erica: I know this is shallow but costume people, seriously. What the f*ck is Jordan supposed to be wearing and why? I consider Zoe too old for rompers.
Kate: The costume people must have beef with Miss Jordan because nothing they choose for her is ever flattering.
Erica: I feel that both of them move their bodies like wow and are well-matched in terms of the athletic-ness of their dancing but I felt her performance was forced. It is possible that this is just my anti-Jordan prejudice showing, though.
Kate: No, you’re right. Put two people with awesome legs together and you should get an explosive performance, which this was most decidedly not.
Erica: See, I was liking Lady Gaga, and then she had to say the thing about the catheter.
Kate: Wait, was she serious?
Erica: I sure hope not. She later threw those shoes at Sasha, Melanie, and Sonja.
Melanie and Neil
Erica: Melanie and Neil? This night just keeps getting better! And if you can trust anyone to hit the “emotional highs and lows,” it’s them. For serious.
Erica: Trust Mandy Moore to pick a super-cheesy song, too. Which is not to say I don’t love this song. I love this song with my whole heart.
Kate: I also found the song choice hilarious and had a hard time taking them seriously, but they were just so phenomenal.
Erica: Zoe observed that they were dancing to a Glee song. (She had the opportunity to make that observation many times tonight.) She asked me who was singing; I said “Bonnie Tyler.” She said, “And Rachel?”
Kate: Hot damn I miss that kid.
Erica: They were just f*cking amazing. Amazing. The leap. The everything. I loved it. I love them. I love her. I changed my mind; Melanie for the win!
Kate: It’s certainly going to come down to her and Sash!
Ricky and Anya
Erica: Here is the problem-the only person who’s ever been manly enough to partner Anya is Pasha. Everyone else just gets led around the floor by her. And hey, I would pay good money to watch Anya lead a series of men around the floor. The chick rocks my socks off. But I was already over Ricky and this didn’t help.
Kate: Agreed. If I were Ricky I’d feel pretty emasculated from her throwing me over her head.
Erica: I felt like his feet weren’t going high enough and he definitely did not look like he could be trusted with the lifts. He gave off no heat. There were some moments where his lithe slinkiness looked good, but overall? Meh.
Kate: I don’t get what the judges see in him.
Erica: And I get so excited when I can tell that Mary Murphy totally agrees with me even if she says it nicer.
Jess and Lauren Gottlieb
Kate: He was FANTASTIC in this! Let me pretend to be Nigel for a moment and say I am ecstatic that a hip-hop performance like that came from a Broadway dancer. That’s the kind of hip-hop dance I’d love to do.
Erica: Jess looked manly doing this! He did a great performance! I feel my love for him is justified!
Kate: It is!
Erica: And I also maybe had a sort of anti-Lauren feeling during her season which is perhaps not justified.
Kate: I didn’t watch her season but I’ve always thought she was good.
Erica: Lady Gaga did not like the props! I love that she’s going after choreographers.
Kate: Yeah, she’s getting pretty sassy. It was only one prop though. I like that she stopped and said, “You know I love props.” We know, Gags.
Tadd and Lauren Froderman
Kate: L-O-V-E-D looooooved it. Another routine I would love to do myself, they were spot-on.
Erica: These two belong together, I thought. Both of them make me smile. I thought it was super cheesy, which I sort of expect from Mandy Moore, but there’s “Ugh, this is so cheesy” cheese (like Caitlyn and Ivan’s number) and then there’s “Nom, nom, I love cheese!” I loved this cheese. I must figure out what makes me go “ugh” and what makes me go “nom”; it would really help my writing.
Kate: Good explanation. I now like Tadd a lot more.
Erica: And if they bring up the “You’re a b-boy” nonsense again I’m going to lose it.
Kate: I’m sayin’!
Marko and Allison
Erica: Another great pair.
Kate: Wow. WAIT! Did you know that Allison and Twitch are dating!? I just discovered that this morning via Twitter, and I think it is just the best thing ever. They probably have earth-shattering sex.
Erica: You know, I thought it was lovely and amazing, but I didn’t lose my shit like all the judges and the two dancers seemed to. Which may be because I was watching through a weather warning and a toddler who wanted “Another One Bites the Dust” again and a husband who wanted to tell me about some tech thing he wants to buy. But I love Marko and I totally melted with the interaction between him and his mom because I am a softie at heart. But not such a softie that I want to listen to Nigel natter on in a patronizing way about parental love and loss. Shut it, Nigel. Other people in the world besides you have felt emotions.
Kate: Well yes that was pretty freakin’ adorable with his mom, and I thought this was a great number, but let’s get back to the Allison and Twitch sex. I mean relationship.
Erica: I did hear that and I need to see them dance together before I can tell whether I think they are having the most amazing
sex relationship ever. But chances are pretty good that they are.
Caitlyn and Tadd
Erica: Seriously, Caitlyn grew a personality in a week or something. Where did she come from?
Kate: Still don’t think she’s all that and a bag of chips.
Erica: She’s just a lot better than she has been. And I’m losing it. Enough with the b-boy nonsense. Especially because you just know he’s tried out for this show a time or two and
he’s taken classes in stuff like contemporary and ballroom so this ridiculous “You’ve never seen choreography before!” is not only insulting and a little racist, it’s a manipulative lie.
Kate: Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Erica: The thing Lady Gaga said about trophies and how she makes each album like she’s never had a hit before was great. Really good advice for any artist. Why am I liking her so much? I was definitely not expecting this.
Kate: ZT is rubbing off on you.
Marko and Ricky
Erica: Aw, how cute. The two least tough people in this competition get the swaggiest (for NappyTabs) hip-hop choreography yet. And actually, I thought Marko pulled it off.
Kate: Agreed, but I agreed with GaGa’s “contrived” comment. It was a little too similar to Jeanine and Ade “Move If You Wanna” and it even had a little borrowed choreography from Alex Wong and Twitch’s “Outta Your Mind”.
Erica: I’m kind of loving Lady Gaga ragging on NappyTabs.
Kate: But I still love NappyTabs!
Jordan and Jess
Erica: Here’s what I love: when the judges totally agree with me! I thought they both danced well but not together and there was no heat, no chemistry at all. And I even noticed the swayback thing Nigel pointed out! I am a dance-judge genius!
Kate: Yes you are. This, in a word, sucked. See what I mean about the costume people’s beef with Jordan? Perhaps they are annoyed with her faux innocence as you are.
Erica: I don’t know; I think they don’t know what to do with her. I mean, to call her “thick” would be a joke of monstrous proportions, but she’s built a little more solidly and a little more broadly than your average dancer while still being short. So the costumes that look good on lithe, tiny girls like Sasha (who is still crazy muscled but just slimmer and longer) don’t quite work as well on Jordan. But the costumers don’t do anything to adjust their costuming to flatter her. That said, I didn’t mind the ballroom dress as much as the friggin’ romper.
Sasha and Melanie
Erica: Sasha and Melanie?! Sasha and Melanie?! I wasn’t even this happy about Sasha and Pasha!
Kate: Yeah, during the commercial break I tried to figure out who was left and realized they were going for this. Pretty awesome.
Erica: I can’t even speak. This was awesome. This was so awesome it went beyond awesome and then came right back around to it. How, America? How will we decide between these two amazing, beautiful, ridiculous dancers?
Kate: How sick would it be if there was a tie!? And don’t you think Ms.Tayeh should choreograph for Ms. GaGa? They seem somewhat made for each other.
Erica: Are we certain she hasn’t?
Kate: Also, Lady GaGa made for a surprisingly great guest judge but lest we forget some of her shameless self promotion tricks-she dropped in “on the edge” and “born this way” several times throughout her critiques. Yea, I see you GaGa!
Erica: See, I’m an idiot. I didn’t know she had a song called “On the Edge,” because they haven’t covered it on “Glee.” But I don’t care much about that; it’s not like there’s a large demographic of people who watch SYTYCD but aren’t much aware of Lady Gaga. On the elimination show, Zoe loved the Lady Gaga number. And the opening number. She was trying to imitate the dances.
Kate: We need to start Facetime-ing more.
Erica: Sure. And Ricky didn’t even make bottom two. The bottom two boys were Jess and Tadd. And Jess went home. Allegedly the judges went with the votes. WTF, America?
Kate: SO disappointed, I will restate what I said on Twitter: There is absolutely NO reason Jess should have gone home and Ricky should still be in the competition. NO REASON, AMERICA!
Erica: I mean, I can see either Jess or Tadd being in the bottom two. It was obviously not going to be Marko. But why wasn’t Ricky there so that he could have been sent home instead? At least they got the girls right with Jordan and Caitlyn in the bottom two. And Jordan went home. Caitlyn will go home next week. And their dances are kind of exactly what I mean about the whole “I’m a virgin but I dance like a whore” dichotomy. Both of those girls were deliberately sexual in their solos. Both of those girls-ESPECIALLY Jordan-are known for “sexy” solos and deliberately include overtly sexual movements in their solos, solos which they choreograph, so it’s not like they’re being told to be sexy by someone else. We even saw Tyce go ballistic over Jordan’s deliberately sexy audition, saying “You NAUGHTY girl!” And both of them, but more so Jordan, have been very “I’ve never heard of sex; I don’t know if I can be sexy; ew, totally cute Tadd might actually put his tongue in my mouth, gross!” in interviews. Now I don’t know which persona is false but they’re both annoying. That said, Jordan, you do have crazy-ass legs and a lot of talent and I’m sorry I’m such a bitch.
Kate: Yeah, my world will go on with Jordan out of this competition. And I hope you’re right about Caitlyn next week.
Erica: And Jess, I love you, bubbeleh. You can come over for Shabbat dinner any time.
Kate: You are such a good Jewish mother. Poor Jess! ❤ Hugs.