Erica: Because I can’t not do this, I must point out that when the girls come out in the beginning of the episode they’re in skimpy, sexy dancewear, and when the boys come out, they’re in…clothes.

Kate: It happens. Unless Brandon is there. That kid never wears clothes.

Erica: I will be referring to one of the guest judges as Joey all evening. Partially because I am old and nostalgic (for the time when TV was… worse?) and partially because she’s, like, 35 and she still seems to be playing the 15-year-old ingénue.

Kate: Katie Holmes will never ever not be Joey Potter. You know how that just happens to some TV characters? Like most of the “Friends” and “Seinfeld” casts? Same goes for “Dawson’s Creek.” It doesn’t help that she doesn’t LOOK any older than 15 and also doesn’t have any kind of authority on dance whatsoever.

Marko and Melanie

Erica: See, the world likes to do this to me a lot. Marko and Melanie together again! Yay! Doing Disco. Blah.

Kate: The song was simply dreadful and I was…bored? I hate to do this to them but yeah, I didn’t like it.

Erica: I almost never like the disco. And I hate that song more than most other disco songs. The song itself seems to me to sap energy from the room; Melanie and Marko did their level best to bring it back.

Mark and Sasha

Erica: Whereas Mark, Sasha and Sonya is an all-around dream team.

Zoe: He needs a shirt.

Erica: Did you know that Mark was Lady Gaga’s lead dancer? That seems extremely appropriate. He was also in the Britney/Madonna number on “Glee.”

Kate: Good for Mark.

Erica: Also, do we think he’s one of Cat’s favorite dancers because he’s about as tall as her?

Kate: A rare thing indeed.

Tadd and Joshua

Erica: Listen, in a swag competition between Tadd and Joshua, obviously Joshua is going to win. That said, I thought Tadd was pretty good, too. He had some flow and some…I guess “sass” in place of “swag.” Which was good! And on another topic, which I only bring up because Mr. Kenny Ortega did, but I just want to say I like this format of standard pairing for the top 20-the top 10, then a mix of all-stars and coupled performances.

Kate: See but I still don’t love the whole all-stars thing because the all-stars are not being judged or critiqued and contrary to popular belief just because they are “all-stars” does not mean their technique is flawless-what if one of them fobs up the routine? Only the contestant gets sh!t for it.

Erica: But I get so happy seeing them! Also, as we wind down to the finale, it helps to highlight individual competitors over teams, you know? Okay, now that this gesture has been used by an aging disco queen, a quirky-artsy dancer type, and a hip-hop guy, it must be universal. I will therefore now put my hands in prayer position and touch them to my forehead and bow a little every time someone says something nice to me.

Melanie and Robert

Erica: Sometimes I get a little tired of the heartbreak-and-flail contemporary stuff. And then this happens, where it’s heartbreak-y and flail-y and AWESOME and Melanie breaks my heart. I’m going to be depressed all day. Thanks.

Kate: Mmm Robert. Sorry what? Dancing? Oh yeah.

Erica: I haven’t said this enough this season but Cat is so adorable. I loved her demanding exorbitant agent’s fees for getting Melanie an alleged job. Also, I like Stacey Tookey’s hair.

Kate: She’s just such a little pumpkin. Although I get her and Mandy Moore (the choreographer, not the singer/actress) confused.

Erica: ME, TOO.

Sasha and Marko

Erica: I thought they were great. Even if Nigel didn’t. I love the little things in Broadway numbers, like when his foot jerks along with her head or whatever.

Kate: Well what a fantastic little song for Miss Sasha Fierce (the REAL Sasha Fierce!).

Erica: But why do all the Broadway routines have the same “story”? Sexy, aggressive lady, hapless dude? Also, is Katie Holmes-I mean Joey-taking on some of Tom Cruise’s mannerisms? I only ask because at one point the way she was saying something reminded me of Ben Stiller’s parody of Tom Cruise on the SNL series of Celebrity Jeopardy sketches.

Kate: Given that Tom Cruise performs brainwashing voodoo hexes on Katie on a nightly basis and infects her with his supreme unsettling weirdness, probably.

Melanie solo

Erica: She’s so adorable.

Marko solo

Erica: I like the song he dances to. Kate, get on that for me, would you?

Kate: I actually have a great site for all the SYTYCD music: PURESYTYCD BLOG

Erica: No, no, no, I don’t want to do any work. I want you (and your viewing companion, if he’d like) to make me some more CDs of music I won’t find on my own that I’d like (keeping in mind that I only “find things on my own” if they’re covered on “Glee.”) Also I like the acknowledgement that, uh, some people work for a living.

Sasha and Tadd

Erica: I kind of hated the music, but I didn’t think the dancing was nearly as bad as the judges did. But look, if Mary Murphy says they didn’t do the cha-cha properly, then they didn’t do the cha-cha properly.

Zoe: I want Saaaaassshhhha.

Lauren and Marko

Kate: Okay someone explain to me what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is WRONG with Lauren Froderman. Last time she looked a little weird but this time she looked positively distraught, like unable to form coherent movements/words after the routine was over. Let’s get to the bottom of this.

Erica: I very much agree with you. Weird. I still love him, though.

Kate: I actually thought he was better than her in this. See what I mean about the all-stars, in this case the WINNER, not being assolutamente perfetto?

Erica: I concede, you have a point.

Tadd solo

Erica: I liked it.

Kate: I still don’t like b-boy solos.

Tadd and Melanie

Erica: So much fun. You know what I loved? The old-fashioned sock-garter things when Melanie ripped Tadd’s pants off.

Kate: Cute for sure but I saw some of the awkwardness you mentioned last week about her hip-hop-her contemporary training was showing when she was trying to loosen up and be all sassy jazzy lady. The pants were a tad (ha, I’ll never get sick of that pun in here) unflattering.

Erica: Yes. Most definitely not a good idea.

Sasha solo

Erica: She’s going to win.

Kate: She should.

Sasha and Melanie

Erica: I loved this. A lot. And I thought the choreography was really smart. But I think the things they (the judges and the choreographer) said about it and the things I actually saw were different. I didn’t see the women using each other’s strength and their friendship to break out. I saw the women wanting to do that, but then consciously rejecting it and returning to their corners. Which I thought was really brilliant. But it didn’t match what they said.

Kate: I feel as though Stacey Tookey choreographed this specifically with you in mind.

Erica: Sometimes that happens.

Kate: I liked that they not only danced together but did lifts together, and it looked perfectly effortless! Like they each weighed nothing!

Erica: So, I hate to go all hippie-dippie here (okay, that’s an obvious lie-I love to go all hippie-dippie), but this thing with Nigel saying the camaraderie is what’s so great, and competition aside, these girls are both stars-I mean, it’s all true, so…are we having a competition, then? I really think I could be equally entertained if we saw the collaborative process of putting on a dance, watched a set of dancers grow and change and explore, rather than watching two get kicked off every week. And I think this about skill-based competitive reality shows in general, not just here. Here, if it’s true that these guys are all such wonderful dancers (which they are), do we really need to crown only one of them the best? Why do we need to assume competition is the best thing all the time?

Kate: And the thing about this show is, the top 10 go on tour anyway and probably the top 20 all get kick-as$ dance careers out of it.

Erica: Well, that makes me feel better, honestly, because I don’t have to worry that their losing actually affects them too negatively.

Marko and Tadd

Erica: Oh, thank the Lord. I thought we were going to go a whole episode without a single Very Special Issue or Dance from a Different Culture coming up.

Kate: This was the worst possible way to end the show. And the season. Tadd was pretty good but um hello Marko, where did your swag go? You totes had it in that hip-hop routine Lady GaGa sort of rejected, and you lost it here. They were completely off the whole time. Even my viewing companion who has no dance background whatsoever (but who insists he can do all the lifts on this show just fine) saw that.

Erica: In terms of swag: Joshua > Tadd > Marko. Fun but not memorable, and yes, Nigel, a girl is going to win. I just wish it could be both of them.

Kate: Ha ha, that was probably the best thing Nigel has said all season. “Neither of you is going to win! But swell job lads.”

Kate: I would not be totally shocked if America voted for Tadd, nor would I be that upset that he did because HE’S A B-BOY! A LOWLY UNEDUCATED B-BOY WHO COULDN’T HAVE POSSIBLY DONE ANY OTHER TYPE OF DANCE UNTIL THIS SHOW SAVED HIS TORTURED SOUL! But I still would LIKE for Sasha to win.

Erica: Well, too bad, because MELANIE WON! I’m kind of surprised. I loooooove Melanie (and Sasha) but I thought for sure Sasha would win. But they are both awesome. Really, they are all pretty incredible.


One thought on “SYTYCD – FINALE!

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