Same-Sex Marriage Will Totes Ruin “Traditional” Marriage

To the extent that “traditional” means fuck-all.

Look, feminism is already working on destroying same-sex marriage, and basically in the same way same-sex marriage will – by fucking with “traditional” gender roles. To the extent that “traditional” means “some amalgam of what we think was happening in the 1950s and what we think was happening in the late Victorian era.” Which are two different eras. And which are not exactly what we think they are.

And you know what? Freud fucked up traditional marriage. So did changes in child labor laws. So did the mother-fucking Industrial Revolution, which is only, like, less than two hundred years old, but still serves as the point at which what we think of as “traditional marriage” (man works outside the home for a pay check, woman is dependent on him financially but runs the home and the child care, which is defined as “not working”) started! The idea that you should primarily marry someone you love BLEW TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE TO HELL! And Islam, Christianity, and Judaism, in their times, all put different spins on the “traditional” forms of marriage that immediately preceded them, in different ways, at different times. Restrictions on polygamy ruined “traditional” marriage.

And you know what? Maybe fifty years down the line, we’ll decide that as long as two people of the same sex can get married, why not more than two people of any arrangement of genitalia?

And you know what else?

I don’t give a damn.

I mean, it’s never going to be, you know, you can marry a child or a horse or a toaster. Because children and horses and toasters can’t give consent. But I really don’t care if the state legalizes polygamy.

Here’s what I would do if I got to be dictator of the United States. I would abolish “marriage” as a concept on the state level. “Marriage,” the institution in which two (or more) people pledge to love and be faithful to one another for all eternity, to form a family unit within their community, and to grow old together, blah blah blah – this is not the state’s business, interest or concern. You can still do it, through your religious institution or in some other ceremony, for yourselves, with your community, whatever. But the state will not care.

The state will only care about two things: who is financially responsible for each other? And, who is financially responsible for the children connected to you?

So the state will have household units. Any number of consenting adults with any relationship to each other can enter into one with each other, and what it will mean to be in one of these units is, “We are financially responsible for each other,” and “We are responsible for any children either produced by the women in this household or adopted by this household.” The tax code will reflect that household units, and not individuals, are the primary economic units in the country. It will be incredibly difficult to get out of a household unit once you’re in, so obviously, enter into a household unit only with people you don’t mind being stuck with forever and ever and ever.

And that’s it. That’s my plan. Household units. Wovsaniker 2016!


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