Grammys 2014

Erica: So . . . I don’t know who any of these people are. I’m really trying to keep up with contemporary music, but . . . yeah.

Kate: Since I don’t even listen to the radio anymore I am often 3 months late on “new” songs, and barely have any idea who these people are myself. Doesn’t mean I can’t critique their fashion (or lack thereof) choices!

Erica: Also, my theme of the night will be, “No one got funky enough!”

Alicia Keys

Alicia Keys Grammys 2014

Erica: See, this is a little boring. I mean, I’m appreciating that this bright cobalt is apparently the color of the year, and that’s great, but . . . haven’t we seen this dress on Alicia Keys before? In black?

Kate: Yes this is her usual style, and I do love the color, but this looked very unflattering when I was watching on TV so the photo is misleading.

Erica: Her hair and make-up look very nice. Well, her make-up does. Her hair is a little too . . . structured? For my tastes, anyway.

Kate: The hair is a little too Danny Zuko for me.

Anna Faris

Anna Faris Grammys 2014

Erica: See, she looks beautiful . . . for the Oscars. The color looks great on her, her choices when it comes to accessories, hair and make-up are understated and strike the right note. But it’s the Grammys!

Kate: I like the dress itself but I actually think the color is a little drab, as is the color of her hair (too close to the color of her skin!), and up close her makeup looked awful. Like grey soot was around her eyes.

Erica: I mean, it’s not clear to me what she’s doing there in the first place. She’s a comedic actress, not a musician. But, being that she’s known for her goofball persona, couldn’t she have goofed it up a little here?

Kate: My thoughts exactly.

Anna Kendrick

Anna Kendrick 2014 Grammys

Erica: Well, this is definitely more Grammys-ish – but I don’t love it. The color is a little me and it doesn’t really fit her persona or body type.

Kate: Disagree, I love this! She looked pretty hot when she presented on stage, and I need those shoes. I do think it would have been just fine without the holes in the middle.

Erica: That, by the way, is what I wish my hair looked like every day.

Kate: Well, duh. It’s totes Tammy Taylor.

Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande Grammys 2014

Erica: It is not clear to me who this person is, although I did learn that she has an opinion on Justin Bieber, which I suppose tells me everything I need to know. But I think she looks adorable. I’m not a fan of the dark-on-top, light-on-the-bottom “reverse ombre” that seems popular this season, but overall I like it. It’s got a distinct personality and character and she seems to have a little attitude.

Kate: See this is a little too Jessica McClintock prom for me. The shape works, and I do like the pumps, but it’s just not working for me. People were raving about her “pony tail”, which drove me mad because it’s really a half-pony, which is WAY too casual for any event fancier than cleaning your house. In the 80s.

Ashanti

Ashanti Grammys 2014

Erica: On the one hand, this is doing all kinds of weird things to her hips and damn, it is short. On the other hand, Grammys! I like it.

Kate: Good grief I didn’t see this last night, it’s terribly unflattering on her. Cool pattern, though.

Beyonce 

Beyonce Grammys 2014

Erica: She is the queen of everything, isn’t she?

Kate: No, no she is not. The only thing about her that impresses me these days is her body – specifically her teeny-tiny waist in proportion to her massive (in a good way) butt and thighs, and nice-sized boobs.

Erica: Again, HATE the hair color situation. But other than that? This is how you do it.

Kate: The dress is fine, but I really don’t like her hair like that, nor do I like the dark red lipstick. She looks better in a pale lip.

Beyonce Grammys 2014 stage

Erica: No, wait, I made a mistake. THIS is how you do it.

Kate: Humping a chair, and then your husband, on stage, in a thong bodysuit, with wet hair, is how you do it? No. Dislike.

Erica: It was totally hot.

Colbie Caillat

Colbie Caillat Grammys 2014

Erica: This is so weird. The combo of the figure-skater bodice with that . . . shoulder thing? And the hair? Too weird.

Kate: I know, it almost worked as edgy and fun for the Grammys, and the color is fab, but that half-turtleneck is killing me. Top knot is too casual.

Erica: I think I’m abusing the ellipses in this post. I’m sorry, ellipses.

Cyndi Lauper

Cyndi Lauper Grammys 2014

Erica: Okay, one of two things is happening here. Either Cyndi Lauper is the only person who knows how to do the Grammys, or I am the oldest person ever.

Kate: Kate: I can get behind the top, even the cape portion, but the jewel thing is way too aggressive and I HATE the way the bottom of those pants hit those shoes! So unprofesh!

Giuliana Rancic

Giuliana Rancic Grammys 2014

Erica: This is a hard color to pull off. I don’t think her skin tone is quite right. But it’s not bad.

Kate: She is honestly one of my best dressed of the night. I love her hair like that and she wore the perfect earrings for that hairstyle and dress. She usually wears too-elaborate dresses for award shows when she is just the interviewer, whereas this is the right amount of I-should-not-be-in-the-spotlight fab.

Gloria Estefan

Gloria Estefan Grammys 2014

Erica: Oh, Gloria Estefan. You are so fabulous. This dress is decidedly not.

Kate: It would be without the sleeves, I think. But she has not aged badly!

Erica: I’m sorry, but the lace looks like something she got off an aging courtesan at a brothel gone to seed.

Kacey Musgraves

Kacey Musgraves Grammys 2014 arrivals

Erica: So I didn’t know who this person was. And then I put on the Spotify Grammy nominees playlist while I wrote this post and realized I did know who she was and I kind of like her. She’s a little young and child-like in her music but also cute and pleasant.

Kate: She is gorgeous. I dig the fabric of this dress, but I hate the silhouette.

Erica: This dress is an unfortunate choice. I like what she wore on stage and later to the after-party (Yes, the same outfit! On stage and to the after-party! It can be done!) in that it’s very silly and has  lots of personality and she’s young and pretty enough to pull it off.

Kate: Oh yes I kind of adore this and think she should have worn it on the red carpet, on stage and to the after-party. She seriously has a gorgeous face.

Kasey Musgraves Grammys 2014

Erica: Plus her shoes are all kinds of insane. In a good way.

Kasey Musgraves Grammys 2014 shoes

Katy Perry

Katy Perry Grammys 2014 arrivals

Erica: This is very silly. In not as good a way as Kacey Musgrave’s silliness.

Kate: Yup I hate it.

Erica: Her hair is also very structured. I guess it’s a thing this season. I don’t like it.

Kate: I am actually a big fan of the quinceanera bun, when done right. This is outrageously over-the-top. Like, I feel like it may fall off.

Erica: This is what she wore to the after-party.

Katy Perry Grammys 2014

Erica: I mean, I like the color on her. But that’s doing some super-weird things to her boobs and waistline.

Kate: This looks like an adult-size version of something on one of Zoe’s toys. Hate. And the bun is clearly fake hair as her hair was down and wavy after her performance and the remainder of the show, and then magically put back up in this bun for the after-party.

Erica: Tricksy!

Madonna

Madonna Grammys 2014

Erica: Madonna still does what she does best – attract attention.

Kate: She looks decrepit. Like I actually winced watching her on the pre-show and during her performance.

Erica: Do you suppose her other kids were pissed or grateful to be left out of this?

Kate: Decrepit.

Madonna Grammys 2014 stage

Erica: And if you’re going to wear something else for your performance, shouldn’t it be, like, actually different?

Kate: Not when you’re decrepit Madonna.

Erica: Whatever. She’s Madonna. Nothing will dim her star status.

Kate: Except maybe her newfound decrepitness.

Mary Lambert

Mary Lambert Grammys 2014

Erica: Pretty! Although – and now you’ll know I’m about 187 years old – I feel like the tattoo messes it all up. It’s not part of the elegant-glam look.

Kate: Completely agree. I like this a lot better than her VMA dress.

Erica: I feel like we can’t really do this post if we don’t comment on the mass wedding that took place during her song with Macklemore, though.

Kate: At first I thought it was really sweet, and then I thought it kind of made a spectacle of gay marriage. They have a good message, though, so I won’t get too up in arms about it.

Erica: I still don’t know how to feel about it. On the one hand, Yay, gay marriage! Yay, weddings! Aw, did you see those two girls crying as they kissed? That was so nice! On the other hand . . . something about it left a weird taste in my mouth. Maybe because mass weddings have cultish overtones?

Kate: Maybe because of the spectacle aspect.

Miranda Lambert (with Blake Shelton) 

Miranda Lambert Grammys 2014

Erica: I have lately come to like these two. I know it’s country for people who don’t really know country. But I am a person who doesn’t really know country. But they look like people going to two different events. They look very nice for those events, but different.

Kate: Ditto, I actually really like this dress. I do not like her hair and earrings, though, and I really like her performance look, probably better than this dress:

image001

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Grammys 2014

pErica: Okay, yes, I don’t know why she’s there, or why she continues to be famous at all, blah blah blah. But seriously? This is awful. And awful in a way that’s not usual to Paris Hilton.

Kate: I know, and people friggin’ loved this! Same hair as Alicia Keys, makeup fine whatever, dress? BLEH! YUCK!

Erica: This is what she wore to the after-party:

Paris Hilton Grammys 2014 afterparty

Erica: And it’s much more in keeping with her overall personal and for that alone I kind of like it.

P!nk

Pink Grammys 2014

Erica: First of all, your name is P!nk! You can’t wear red!

Kate: Oh see I like this.

Erica: Second of all, it’s the Grammys and you’re P!nk! Funk it up a little!

Kate: True, but I think this fits her well. Better than her usual looks.

Queen Latifah

Queen Latifah Grammys 2014

Erica: You look very nice, Queen Latifah.

Kate: Loooooooooooooooooove. Lerve lerve lerve.

Erica: Like I would ever say anything bad about you. Do you want go out for a cup of coffee some time?

Kate: Sure she does!

Erica: With me, I mean.

Sara Bareilles

Sara Bareilles Grammys 2014

Erica: She’s a very beautiful woman normally. Right now, she looks like an anti-Semitic caricature. (I’m allowed to say that; I’m Jewish.) Also that dress is awful. I’m NOT fan of the mullet skirt or the fluffiness or the general unflatteringness of an actually fantastic body.

Kate: Yea this is a little much. Would it be cute without the tail thing? Like if it were just cocktail length?

Erica: Since I like her in general, I must give props to the red-orange heels with the white. I like that decision.

Kate: True.

Erica: She doesn’t look any better on stage, although she does get to sing with Carole King and I don’t.

Sara Bareilles Grammys 2014 stage

Kate: Oh I like this dress better than the white!

Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift 2014 Grammys

Erica: So I’m not a big Taylor Swift fan or anything. I can bop to some of her songs just fine, but I don’t (godforbid) actually like her or anything. And I hate her public persona. I mean, really, girl? Your first big hit is about how you’re so much better a girlfriend than that cheerleading slut and you’re going to call out TINA FEY and AMY POEHLER for not “supporting” other women? Because they gently teased you about your boyfriends? Come on. And I know that she’s usually held up as a better “role model” for her teen audience than all the trashy sluts who are also pop stars. But for my money, “prissy, judge-y hypocrite” is not really better than “trashy slut,” and I dislike the “trashy slut” persona of pop stars more for its inauthenticity and puerile appeal than the notion that pubescent girls and their post-pubescent role models should pretend never to have had a sexual feeling or thought in their lives. And now I’m going into a whole ‘mother blog post, when all I really mean to say is, much as I don’t love Taylor Swift (although I don’t heavily object to her music), I think she really has a handle on dressing herself.

Kate: Yes, I like this dress a lot, and I really like her pony tail and the darker hair (for her) in general. I think the makeup is fantastic. My issue with her is her overpresence in life. Grammys, she should be there. She’s nominated almost every year. Golden Globes and Oscars? No. If she’s invited, I should be invited.

Erica: I like what she wore on stage better, actually – but she always looks very pretty and well-put-together.

Taylor Swift Grammys 2014

Kate: Yes I adore the on-stage dress and hair, and am grateful she did a nice sit-down piano routine instead of her usual spectacle.

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