Golden Globes 2017

Kate: I feel like it’s extra-special that the Golden Globes are on my birthday this year.

Erica: They did it just for you.

Kate: However, I haven’t seen nor do I have much interest in seeing a LOT of the nominated films. TV shows yes, films no. Who am I turning into?

Erica: America, basically. Look, they’re making really good TV now. And there are more and more ways to watch it, most of which involving your PJs and some good takeout. Meanwhile, they are not making as many really good movies, and sometimes you have to leave your house to see them.

Kate: Alas.

 

Amy Adams

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Kate: Love the hair sleekness and how it’s behind her ears/neck, very elegant on her.

Erica: Yes, from the neck up, I like it.

Kate: The dress is a little been-there-done-that, but I like that it’s darker and bolder than her usual choices.

Erica: I do not like the dress. I mean, it’s not the kind of thing I’d like anyway, but I don’t think the execution is fantastic. The neckline is weird and it’s too long. It’s not awful, but I don’t love it.

 

Amy Schumer

Kate: I finally really, really like her red carpet look. This dress is extremely flattering and looks, like, really comfortable, and I love her hair just relaxed and down like that. It ALMOST looks like she didn’t even get it done, which in this case I am OK with.

Erica: I didn’t record the telecast, and for reasons that are not at all clear to me, I’m not seeing pics of her on Getty Images. Or, like, anywhere. I’ve got a bunch of neck-up shots of her on stage with Goldie Hawn.

Kate: Yea, she apparently didn’t do the red carpet, but posted a heck of a lot of pictures on her Instagram, hence the one photo that does not look like the rest. The only thing I don’t like is the illusion material between her cleavage — it seems to be a trend tonight, and I am really not sure why.

Erica: So she’s too good for red carpet now? Yes, I see what you mean. I guess she was trying to eschew the big cleavage display other women were rocking, but I feel like in the battle between too much cleavage and weird illusion thingie, cleavage must win.

Kate: Agreed!

 

Anna Chlumsky

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Kate: Worst Dressed nominee. Yuck.

Erica: On a scale of Anna Chlumsky to Anna Chlumsky, this is a solid B. On a scale of normal human to Anna Chlumsky, this is a definite fail. So yes, still in the running for Worst Dressed. But also, pat on the back for picking a good color and a thing that sort of resembles a dress other people might wear?

Kate: Ok, the color is great, but I hate when she parts her hair down the middle and pulls it back like that, the hoop earrings are way too big and, seriously, hoop earrings on the red carpet? The shape is all wrong and the pops of black on the shoulder and feet are too too much. Really hate it.

Erica: Well, with her hair slicked back like that and her ears sticking out, the hoops are…I think they might be a cry for help.

 

Anna Kendrick

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Kate: I feel like this dress has been done so many times, and the color does absolutely nothing for her. That and the dark dark makeup against her pale pale skin are terrible, and the boob cups are awkward.

Erica: She also spent all her time on the red carpet looking like a 16-year-old being forced to go to her cousin’s bat mitzvah. On the plus side, I hear Pitch Perfect 3 has started filming!

Kate: Oh, heck yes.

 

Blake Lively

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Kate: I think this would be perfect without the pockets. She looks uncomfortable posing with her hands in them, but the rest of the dress is gorgeous.

Erica: I try to have an opinion about Blake Lively and I cannot come up with one. I don’t mean about her ensemble, which is not my taste but pretty glam and I like the matching bracelets, I mean her whole persona. It’s like my mind can’t rest on her long enough to form an opinion. I feel similarly about Jimmy Fallon, actually.

Kate: Is it because she’s so perfect? I just want her hair to be looser. It’s fabulous hair, let it shine!

 

Brie Larson

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Kate: Tiniest waist ever!

Erica: Yeah, she is itty-bitty. I think if you tried to kidnap her and hold her in your attic, she could just slip out under the door.

Kate: I absolutely love the dress, particularly on her. I don’t even mind the matchy-lipstick, but I do mind the hair down. In this case, I think it should have been (loosely) swept up away from her face to give that dress neckline all the attention it deserves. Best Dressed nominee?

Erica: I think she looks really beautiful. Even with the hair down. I think she looks like she’s playing dress-up in her glamorous aunt’s closet, but I mean that in a good way.

 

Carrie Underwood

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Kate: She is one of the only people in Hollywood (does singing count as “Hollywood”? Should I say “Celebrity World” instead?) who can pull off that color and look stunning, so I give her that.

Erica: Sure. I guess you can give her something.

Kate: I like the elegant straightness of the skirt of the dress, but I think the swirly-ruffly top is too much. Maybe ONE swirl-ruffle around the waist or shoulder would have been fine, but this way it’s too overwhelming. It’s like, interfering with her gorgeous face and hair!

Erica: It looks like someone tried to “modernize” that dress from the last scene of My Fair Lady (Zoe just got the Barbie of this) but then Tim Gunn said “Time’s up!” and they couldn’t finish it. They did not make it work.

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Chrissy Teigen

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Kate: I. Thought. We. Were. Done. With. The. Peplum.

Erica: Oddly enough, our opinions do not have any influence over actual celebrities.

Kate: But this would be so GLAM if the damn peplum weren’t there! The ruffling at the top makes her look top-heavy, and would make anyone look a little top-heavy, so perhaps she wanted the peplum to balance that out, but BLEH.

Erica: I don’t know, I think there’s a lot wrong with the dress besides the peplum. And the execution of the peplum. It looks like the boudoir of a Victorian courtesan past her prime.

 

Connie Britton

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Kate: Didn’t even know she was there until reviewing the photos this morning, but I’m hoping this looked better in action.

Erica: It couldn’t possibly have.

Kate: The hair is of course great, makeup is light and fine, COLOR of the gown is swell, but pattern/cut? Not so much.

Erica: That neckline is stupid and she keeps doing this! She keeps acting like she is not fabulous!

Kate: She is, though, she is!!!

 

Drew Barrymore

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Kate: Ian said she looks like the ceiling of the new World Trade Center PATH/subway station, and I think I agree, but I don’t know if that’s inappropriate to say, but I like it a lot. The dress and the station.

Erica: I don’t know what the new subway station looks like, but I could imagine. And I’m so pleased you like it! I like it a lot but I thought you would not! Plus she looks like she’s having a great time in it.

Kate: THIS dark lip I like, and I also like her hair all mussed up and a little darker like that. She looks a little nuts in the photo, but looked great when presenting.

 

Emma Stone

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Kate: This type of dress seems to be the theme of the night, no?

Erica: Is the theme of the night “dreamy”?

Kate: I like it. I don’t love it. The hair is meh, the necklace is SO UNNECESSARY, and I can’t help but focus on that ONE star to the left of her belly button. Was that intentional, you think?

Erica: I didn’t agree with you about the necklace until I thought about it and you are correct.

Kate: She also seemed very moody about the whole thing last night, which threw me off, as she is usually quite cheery.

Erica: Huh. Anna Kendrick is usually in a little better mood, too. I wonder if there was something specific they were grumpy about.

Kate: #DonaldTrump?

 

Evan Rachel Wood

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Kate: I kind of love this. I know everyone has done the whole women-wearing-tuxes on the red carpet thing a lot over the last few years, but she is ROCKING it. I love her makeup, and even her hair. I would never want MY hair to look like that, but it’s perfect for the overall thing. Great lines.

Erica: I hate the hair color. A lot. But she’s really bringing the whole menswear thing home in all other ways.

 

Gwendoline Christie

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Kate: Nicest I’ve ever seen her look.

Erica: I was so amazed when I saw this. I thought she looked so completely amazing. I hope she put this up on the facebook page she has that only friends and family can see, but then tagged all the people she knows from middle school, so that anyone who was friends with them could see, so she could be like, “In your stupid, non-glam faces, you meanies!”

Kate: The paleness of the dress shouldn’t look good against the paleness of her skin and hair, but it all works perfectly together. Love the makeup too.

Erica: Check it out, even this dude is like, “Damn, Gwendoline Christie! You fine!”

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Hailee Steinfeld

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Kate: This is reminiscent of Mila Kunis’s Oscar dress from a few years ago, but not as good. I think it’s the sleeves.

Erica: She kept posing like she was in a photo shoot instead of a step-and-repeat. That said, I think this look is a great example of how if your hair and makeup are perfect, your dress can be a little…Less so.

Kate: Agree on the perfect hair and makup. I overall feel good feelings toward her, though, because I love that catchy little song of hers.

Erica: Huh, that is a pretty cute song. She has a good voice. I don’t know why that’s surprising to me, given that I’m a Pitch Perfect superfan.

Kate: She’s in Pitch Perfect?!

Erica: Did you not see Pitch Perfect 2? That needs to be corrected. Come over, Zoe and I will watch with you.

Kate: I did but don’t think I paid enough attention, obviously.

 

Heidi Klum

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Kate: Finally, she doesn’t look like an absolute NUTTER on the red carpet!

Erica: I mean, again, on a scale of Heidi Klum, it’s a solid A minus. On a scale of regular people I still don’t like it.

Kate: I don’t think it’s all that great, but hey, it’s NOT crazy!

 

Janelle Monae

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Erica: This is crazy. In so many wonderful perfect ways.

Kate: Ok so I really like it, it’s like a modern pop art version of a dress that could have been in (the original) Sabrina.

Erica: To me, this is how you do crazy. You execute it perfectly. The silhouette is perfect. Your hair and makeup are perfect. And then you walk around like you are the happiest human in the world to have the opportunity to be this delightful.

Kate: Yea! Not a Best Dressed nominee, but extremely pleasing to look at.

 

Jessica Biel

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Kate: Hot damn!

Erica: This is a woman who didn’t bother with any mesh inserts.

Kate: Rightfully so. I absolutely adore this. I love her hair, makeup, and earrings, and top of the dress. The skirt is a bit wacky, but the overall LOOK is WOW.

Erica: I thought this would be too wacky for you. I like it, because it’s not boring.

Kate: Just the skirt. Everything else, wow.

 

Jessica Chastain

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Kate: Oh, this is so terrible.

Erica: Yeah? I think it’s all right. Major boobs — another one not bothering with mesh inserts — but all right.

Kate: Hair is OK but a little too severe, makeup is fine, hate the necklace, hate the dress shape, hate the dress color and pattern and everything else. Is it supposed to be like shifted off her shoulders like that, and also suffocating her boobs like that?

Erica: Okay, I do hate the necklace, and I want 95% of people to wear their hair looser. Like, in the world. But I don’t think it’s terrible.

Kate: I do.

 

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

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Kate: I mean, fab as always.

Erica: The same kind of fab.

Kate: It’s a BIT more interesting than what she usually wears, while still in that black-and-white, form-fitting safe zone, complete with loose waves and nice makeup. JLD stays killin’ it.

Erica: I do love the hair.

 

Kerry Washington

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Kate: No.

Erica: I don’t fully understand how you wake up every morning in, like, your PJs and your hair all mussed and no makeup on, and you look like Kerry Washington, and then you decide to f it all up.

Kate: Awful length. Awful color. Awful pattern. Awful sleeves. Awful dark purple lip. ONLY thing I like is her hair.

Erica: Even on a scale of Kerry Washington, this is no better than a D. You know, I once read a romance novel in which the heroine was using makeup and clothes and such to look hideous, because she worked in a bar and didn’t want the kind of attention (read: assault) that could come with being as gorgeous as she was. Maybe Kerry Washington is similarly trying to hide from abusive men.

Kate: No, she thinks this looks good. She looked in the mirror and thought, “Yes”. And therein lies the problem.

Erica: You don’t know. You don’t know her life.

Kate: Someone told her it looks good, and that someone should be fired.

 

Kristen Bell

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Kate: I continue to think she is extremely perfect looking.

Erica: She is. I don’t love this look. I feel like maybe she looked over at Evan Rachel Wood and went, “Dammit! That’s what I should have done!”

Kate: No, she would look terrible in that. I love how she always rocks the short blond hairdos, her makeup is always natural-ish yet stunning, and she pulls off the deep V-necks very well. This cut might be way too boxy on someone else, but on her it works great.

Erica: Meh. Not in love.

Kate: I will say that I thought it was a pants thing when I first saw it, and I may have liked it better as pants, but it’s still great.

 

Kristen Wiig

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Kate: So you know what? I actually like her hair shorter like this. And her makeup looks great.

Erica: I thought for sure she was someone else when I saw her. Just like I thought Annette Bening was Elizabeth Warren for a second and then started dreaming about the movie of Elizabeth Warren.

Kate: I don’t hate the dress, but I think it could be better with just a few more alterations. Like chopping off those sleeves. I am anti-sleeve, I think.

Kate’s Work Friend Michael: It looks like a tea doily.

Erica: I would go with a lower neck.

Kate: But with no sleeves and her slender frame and shorter hair the higher neck may work, no?

 

Kristin Cavallari

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Kate: Super not sure why she is there, but she looks damn good. Similar to Amy Schumer’s dress, though, I don’t like the illusion material between the boobies. If you’re letting them out, let them OUT for goodness sake!

Erica: Pretending I don’t know who she is.

Kate: On second thought, it kind of looks like the boobies are too big for the dress, like the material is barely holding her up and in.

Erica: She looks like Red Carpet Barbie.

 

Louise Roe

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Erica: This is extra, this-site-only content. Kate didn’t want to include her because she’s a fashion TV reporter type person who maybe used to be on an MTV reality show. Had I known that before falling in love with her dress, I might have excluded her, too. But I really f-ing love this dress.

 

Maisie Williams

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Kate: Wait, I love this dress. It’s so elegant and simple, unlike her usual quirky choices. Though I suppose the quirkiness is in the hair there.

Erica: I think it’s just the right amount of elegance, and then the quirk from the hair and accessories. Good job, Maisie.

 

Mandy Moore

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Kate: Effing fantastic. I thought “Best Dressed nominee!” the very SECOND I laid eyes on her.

Erica: I think she looks extremely skinny but very lovely. I love the cape.

Kate: The soft waves tucked behind the ears, the earrings, the natural-ish makeup, the cut of the dress, I even like the cape, and I feel like I have been kind of anti-cape. I did, however, think this dress was black on the red carpet, but now it looks navy blue, but it honestly doesn’t matter. So so fab.

Erica: I think I’d like it a lot less if it were black.

 

Meryl Streep

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Kate: It’s a perfectly Meryl dress, but I kind of wish she hadn’t rocked the glasses this time. I know she doesn’t give one F, but yea.

Erica: One thing we can say about Meryl is, no one is talking about her dress this morning.

Kate: That’s like, her theme in life. I also love/hate how she NEVER does the red carpet and I ALWAYS have to DIG through the interwebs for anything resembling a full-length dress photo. Damn you, Meryl!

 

Michelle Williams

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Kate: I get why the black bow necklace is there, but I think I’d like the dress better without it. She overall looks lovely, though. Understated.

Erica: No I think it’s key. I’d like a very slightly redder lip. Like, not full-on red, but a lovely, pouty tint.

 

Natalie Portman

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Kate: I did not know she was pregnant until I saw her in this dress, and I knew right away because why would anyone wear this type of dress if they WEREN’T pregnant?

Erica: Well, perhaps if one had recently starred in a Jackie O biopic.

Kate: I think it looks lovely if not a bit boring, but I LOVE that her hair and makeup are very retro, like she’s still in character for Jackie kinda. She’s so damn gorgeous.

Erica: Yeah. I guess she loved the role a lot.

 

Nicole Kidman

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Kate: Ugh, this makes me so upset.

Erica: Has she been in anything lately? Because I recall she used to be pretty good.

Kate: Looks like she was in that nominated movie Lion, and is now doing that Big Little Lies thing on HBO. It would honestly be perfectly nice enough without those sleeve THINGS. And if she hadn’t just done something completely terrible (and artificial) to her face. She looks a hot damn mess.

Erica: I feel sorry for actresses of a certain age with regard to their faces. It’s a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t situation. I will not extend my sympathy to those sleeves, however. Or the fact of the sleeves + sequins + feathers. Pick one. And don’t pick the sleeves.

 

Priyanka Chopra

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Kate: I was v impressed with her throughout last year’s award show season, but am not so thrilled with this. The color is great on her and the dress is nice, but she doesn’t need the necklace, and I am fairly against the super-dark lip.

Erica: The dark lip is fine except that it, as well as the rest of the look, is a little boring.

Kate: If anyone COULD pull off the super-dark lip, it’d be her, I just don’t love it.

Erica: Also, hello, boobs. Lot of boobs this year. There’s a joke somewhere to be made about Golden Globes, but I’m too much of a lady to make it.

 

Reese Witherspoon

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Kate: Omg wow, fab fab fab. Best dressed nominee.

Erica: Yeah? I think, boring. Gorgeous, but boring.

Kate: I mean yes this is kind of what she always wears, but wow. So fab. I don’t even mind the dress-same-color-as-hair thing here. Wow!

 

Sarah Jessica Parker

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Kate: I could not hate this Little-House-On-The-Prairie hairdo more if I tried. And I don’t want to try.

Erica: I don’t hate the theory of the hair, as I know you do. But the execution is bad.

Kate: I also hate how wrinkly this dress material is, and I feel like has been making that mistake a lot lately on the red carpet. Does she just not REALLY care anymore, do you think?

Erica: I think she cares more about being unusual than she does about proper execution.

Kate: As a self-proclaimed fashionista, I feel that she should absolutely care about proper execution.

 

Sienna Miller

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Kate: This reminds me so much like one of the Nicole Miller bridal gowns I almost wanted to buy, and I think that’s the only reason I’m including it here. The pearl necklace and the black bow in her hair (can’t see it here but could see it clearly when she presented an award) make her look like a deranged school girl.

Erica: The pearl necklace looks fake and everything you tried on in Nicole Miller looked better than this. And I made you try on a lot of things. I really liked that ‘20s-ish number. Not for a wedding, just for a dress.

 

Sofia Vergara

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Kate: So, now we know why she should stick to mermaid bottoms and loose flowy waves. This looks insane.

Erica: Well, whenever she veers away from the tried and true, she gets very ‘80s. I suppose even her tried-and-true is a little ‘80s, but not in a bad way.

Kate: The earrings are way too much with the dress beading, and the shoulder openings/neckline are just confusing. Honestly, I think she didn’t wear her hair down in loose flowy waves because she was worried about it getting snagged on that intense beading.

Erica: Legit worry.

 

Sophie Turner

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Kate: Um, wow.

Erica: For real.

Kate: I wouldn’t normally like this actual dress, but the overall THING with her hair and makeup and general bad-ass-don’t-F-with-me ‘tude, I kind of love it.

Erica: Yes, the dress as an object, I do not like. But on her, with her height and accessories and attitude? C’est magnifique! I hope for so many good things for you in 2017, Sansa!

 

Thandie Newton

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Kate: The flamy sparkly bottom kind of throws me off, but without it it’d be a boring white dress.

Erica: The dress as a whole object makes no sense to me.

Kate: I really like her hair, makeup, and that necklace thing, though. A lot.

Erica: The necklace thing is really cool. Really, really cool. Also, I like her name and I think she’s in my top 10 prettiest people.

 

Viola Davis

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Kate: Quite similar to Maisie Williams, no?

Erica: No. They’re just both yellow.

Kate: This shade of yellow is great on her but the sequin-ness of it kind of messes it up. I also still need her to find a new makeup artist, I don’t think whoever it is does a great job of highlighting her best features.

Erica: I think she’s, like, way more invested in her art, you know? I think she just wears what is appropriate to wear on a red carpet but isn’t super invested in it.

Kate: Blue eyeshadow is never appropriate to wear on a red carpet.

 

Winona Ryder

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Kate: Quite terrible.

Erica: Oh, I don’t know. I’d say it’s fairly run-of-the-mill.

Kate: She looks scary and weird and like if you talked to her she’d freak you right the heck out, like a subway creature. Same wrinkly material problem as SJP.

Erica: No, no, she looks like she’d freak out. She looks terrified in every picture of her. Honey, I know it’s been a while, but the red carpet will not eat you.

 

Final Decision

Erica: So my Best Dressed is either Janelle Monae or Gwendoline Christie. Or Drew Barrymore. So many ladies brought it this year.

Kate: Oh no, we must go with Mandy Moore.

Erica: We must? Well, alright. I did like it. But I liked so many people!

Kate: It’s a good problem to have.

Erica: So many ladies brought the crazy, too, but most of them were not on our list of people we know/write about. I kind of want to give Worst Dressed to Carrie Underwood. But I might be carrying some sort of anti-Carrie Underwood thing around because I only just a few weeks ago heard her Monday Night Football intro song thing and I was horrified. Like, viscerally horrified.

Kate: No way, she is not Worst Dressed by far! What about SJP?

Erica: Yeah, that’s pretty bad, too. Sofia Vergara was bad, but, like, expected bad. And I don’t want to give it to Anna Chlumsky because she looked better than she usually does at these things, but on the other hand, should we really grade on a curve? And do I actually hate her look more than I hate SJP’s? I might. Oh, and there’s also Nicole Kidman to consider.

Kate: Oh, ok, Nicole then. Definitely Nicole.

Erica: I feel good about this decision.

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