Sadie 2.5

I haven’t written in a while about Sadie’s stunningly adorable cuteness so I have probably missed a lot. You guys, she is basically (tied for) the cutest creature ever to exist on the planet Earth. IMHO.

So what’s she up to lately?

1. Being the cutest damn smishness in the world. We’ve started putting her in pigtails, in which she claims she looks like a bunny. She also loves putting on crowns and declaring herself a queen and/or a princess.
2. She declares herself to be a queen or a princess a lot.
3. Sometimes she claims to be a monster, or possibly that her name is monster. But also my name is monster. As far as I can tell, being a monster is not a bad thing in her mind.
4. She really loves looking in the mirror or taking selfies. Well, I guess they’re not selfies if I’m pressing the button, but she prefers to take pictures with the camera facing her.
5. She’s still doing the “attitude/hilarious” thing. And the “wait, wait” thing, which was originated by our cleaning lady.
6. Her default setting is still wild enthusiasm. What I like particularly is that she’ll pester you for something – “More milch (milk)? More? More milch? Milch? Milch in (the cup that she’s pointing to)? Milch more milch milch in?” and then when you actually do it, she’ll do her super-surprised big gasp of amazement and delight as if she can’t believe that you got her exactly what she’d been pestering you for and she’s so very pleased.
7. She also has started saying “thank you” and sometimes will blow kisses along with the thank you. And if asked, or if she feels you’re not responding
8. She enjoys being with her sister a lot, and, if she’s in the mood, she’ll be Zoe’s little copycat. Zoe will lead her in dance moves or other activities and it’s pretty great.
9. We went away with our new temple on a little weekend retreat at OSRUI (the URJ’s sleep away camp in the area) and Sadie had the best time of all best times. She played Gaga. She danced her little butt off, at the dance party, or whenever anyone sang and played guitar, or just whenever. She read the prayerbook during services (when she wasn’t dancing or marching through the aisles). Other children chased her and let her pull their hair and helped her do handstands and cartwheels (by which I mean they held body in the right position for her). Zoe played with her and paid her plenty of attention and colored with her and got her a flower from the vases that were out at every meal. She loved it.
10. She’s super into wearing dresses, especially princess dresses, and also she’s super into talking about her dresses. “Dress!” “Yes, you’re wearing a dress.” “Pretty dress!” “Yes, the dress is pretty.” “Cute!” “Yes, the dress is cute.” “Belle dress!” “Yes, it’s a Belle dress.” “Yellow!” “Yes, it’s yellow.” “I princess.” “You sure are.”
11. Many things are pretty, or cute. Just about anything she likes is pretty or cute. Including her butt and her belly.
12. We go to dance class and she is so naughty. All she wants to do is run around the room and smile at herself in the fully mirrored wall, which, as far as she is concerned, is the greatest thing ever. Half the time, she doesn’t want to do any of the things she’s supposed to do, which I find sort of embarrassing, but hey, she’s two.
13. We also used to go to gymnastics class, during which she was very moderately less naughty, if only because it’s a little freer. During the times she actually was supposed to be doing something specific, she only did it if she thought it was fun. If not, she shouted, “No like this!” and ran away. During the song where they sing hello to everyone around the circle, she marched through the circle, waving like a beauty queen at a parade.
14. We got a puppy. Winnie. She is slowly warming up to the puppy. She does not like that the puppy has stolen her sister’s attention, nor does she like it when the puppy tries to play with her as if she is a puppy. But she likes playing tug of war with the puppy, and occasionally she likes petting the puppy. She also very much likes telling the puppy “No.”
15. She does this thing when she’s eating, if she likes what she’s eating, where she makes this big shrug, and then you have to make it too, and then she puts her hands on her hips, and you have to do it, too, and then she makes this huge silly grin with her head cocked to the side. Same series of gestures, every time. Don’t know why. But it’s pretty cute.
16. In our tot/adult class, at the temple where she will go to preschool, she very much likes circle time and saying “Hooray” for everyone who is here today. We went to the preschool classrooms and playground last week and she declared everything “amazing”, which gives me high hopes for the actual beginning of preschool.
17. She loves her sister, but she does not love that her sister loves me. If she sees me and Zoe snuggling, she will bust right into the middle of us and push her sister out of the way.
18. She also doesn’t like it if other people are playing with her sister, and will occasionally push them out of the way and shout, “No! Hoey mine!” Hoey = Zoe.
19. Hadie = Sadie. And she talks about herself in third person a lot. She likes to narrate her activities. “Hadie running. Hadie barking. Hadie dancing. Hadie shake butt!”
20. Zoe taught her to use any stick-like thing as a martial arts weapon, having her hold it between two hands and thrust it out, saying, “Ha!” So she calls these sticks (back scratchers and the like) hahs. And then she starts singing “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan and it’s fantastic.
21. We have also started watching The Princess and the Frog. She calls Tiana “Teeny Ana” and we love it.
22. Whenever she’s even slightly moody, she says, “I’m tired.” It’s a sentence I’ve never heard from Zoe, so that’s exciting.
23. Now when she dances and shakes her little booty, she requests that we “smack butt.” So we do. Or at least I do. Because I am an A+ mom.
24. She dances and shakes her little booty a lot.
25. Her cousin Ari, who just turned three, came to visit. They were chasing each other on the playground. But if Ari ran in a direction she didn’t expect, even if he was wholly in view, she couldn’t find him. “Where Ari go? Where?” Big eyes, big hand gestures, as usual.
26. She really likes playing with matching cards. We don’t do a full-on version of the game yet, but we’ll put a few face down and then hold their matches up and she takes a great deal of joy in trying to find them.

Man, she’s cute. Full-time cute.

And if you’re curious about what Zoe is up to, she’s mostly researching and obsessing about pets we don’t have, like guinea pigs, hamsters, and, right now, rabbits. I had to edit out of this very post several pleas for rabbits that she had sprinkled in when I left it open one day. But listen – don’t get your kid a rabbit for Easter unless you’ve done your research and you’re prepared to take them on as a full-time pet. Zoe is really adamant about this.

Oscars 2019

Kate: I finally watched A Star Is Born, so I feel slightly more prepared for these here Oscars.

Erica: I have not watched, and will not watch, any iteration of that movie. I have, however, seen The Incredibles 2. So.

Kate: Why not? I mean it was definitely emotional but not as tough to watch as I had anticipated. And I am now obsessed with all the songs.

Erica: It’s the emotionalism. I just don’t want to sign up to feel that way. Also, I have not seen Bohemian Rhapsody and I wouldn’t describe myself as a huge Queen fan or anything, oh, and also, I have no rhythm, but even I know how to clap to We Will Rock You. A lot of the stars did not seem to have that down.

Kate: I thought that opening was awful.

 

Allison Janney

Kate: Very chic but I would probably absolutely hate it on anyone else.

Erica: It’s an example of something that I don’t know if I love but it’s very well executed and she looks excellent. She’s so tall.

Kate: I think that middle part should have just been enough material to be a faux belt, all that extra looks weird.

 

Amy Adams

Kate: Oh, very mermaidy. In a good way, I think.

Erica: It’s not bad but she looks very stiff. Like, more so than usual. Like she can’t quite stand right in it.

Kate: I like this more natural wavy hair on her (I know it’s not actually natural, but it has achieved the desired effect of appearing that way), but I do not think I would have gone with such a chunky necklace with the neckline and fabric of that gown.

Erica: Oh, I don’t mind the necklace. I think it looks nice.

 

Amy Poehler

Kate: Meh, frumpy.

Erica: I mean, okay, you’re making a point. You’re dressed like an asexual man because boys are allowed to, and she’s not wrong, although the boys got a little creative this year. Not interesting enough to cover, but interesting. But also, it’s not cut great, the ruffle blouse looks a little dumb, and the pants look like they are a different black than the jacket. And her hair looks as well-styled as mine right now.

Kate: I shouldn’t expect much wow factor from her but I feel like we haven’t seen her on the red carpet in a while so maybe a little somethin’ somethin’ would have been good.

Erica: Honestly, I feel bad critiquing her, because she’s such a force for good in the world, but, you know. She’s here. She should dress a little better.

 

Angela Bassett

Kate: It feels too done before.

Erica: She still looks pretty fab, though. I just maybe would have chosen a different lipstick color. And the hair is a little…I don’t mind that it’s stretching the bounds of believability, but I do think it interrupts the line of her dress.

Kate: She does make some great facial expressions.

 

Bette Midler

Erica: I didn’t see her on the red carpet so I can only evaluate her performance gown. Which I don’t not much like, but I suspect it’s supposed to marry an “I’m performing at the Oscars” look with the sensibility of Mary Poppins, in which case it probably works, and also, she looks pretty good for an old lady and her performance was, as ever, charming (though I prefer her winkingly naughty to sincerely balladic).

Kate: I don’t think she did the red carpet and I actually kind of enjoyed this as a gown that looks like a Vera Bradley purse pattern/a nod to Mary Poppins. And I did notice that her skin — face and neck/cleavage — looked remarkably young. Well done, Bette!

Erica: Her cleavage looks barely legal. Well done, Bette Midler’s bra!

 

Brie Larson

Kate: This is quite edgy for her and I think I like it. Dress and hair.

Erica: I feel like her nipples are chafing against that dress.

Kate: Oh, ew/ow. The more I look at it the more I like it.

 

Charlize Theron

Kate: Oh wow, I don’t think I’ve ever disliked something on her as much as I dislike this.

Erica: It feels like it’s ushering in some sort of new phase in her life. I don’t like it but it’s got a good color, it’s well made, and I guess she wants to signal something about her future.

Kate: I also do not like her hair color or style, and I am convinced she has worn that necklace before. I’m not sure why that’s a bad thing but I feel like it is.

Erica: Well, the necklace does not look right with the neckline of the dress, I will say that.

 

Constance Wu

Kate: Oh darn, I don’t like this as much as her SAGs or Globes dresses. Sad.

Erica: Oh, but I still like it. It’s lovely and light. I like her hair. I don’t love the asymmetrical sleeves. Which is not to say I don’t like the concept of asymmetrical sleeves. But these look sort of indecisive and unfinished, like they never could really commit to being asymmetrical.

Kate: It is the same yellow as Rachel Brosnahan’s Globes dress, though, so I guess that’s a thing.

Erica: It certainly seems to be. Now, as I was flipping through images to use in this post, I came across her Vanity Fair party outfit. And. Like. Damn, girl. Why you no just wear this?

Kate: Oh yea that is FIERCE.

Erica: There was probably a memo about no one but Glenn Close being allowed to wear caped gold on the red carpet.

Kate: Or maybe Meryl Streep also.

 

Emilia Clarke

Kate: This is pretty but not doing much for me. I don’t like her hair like that.

Erica: She is so much tinier than I ever remember she is.

Kate: I just think she is her best self when she is dressed as Khaleesi, and during the pre-show Ryan Seacrest of course asked her about the final episode and she said people would be shocked and I just don’t know if I can handle it.

Erica: I feel like her tininess doesn’t really work when she’s not in her Khaleesi garb. She looks insubstantial. The dress is okay. Not my thing. Nice color, but not great on her.

Kate: And then Jason Momoa posted pictures of them together at the show and I got sad all over again about Kahl (or as I like to say, Carl) Drogo.

 

Emma Stone

Kate: She looks like a burnt orange alien.

Erica: I think I’ve lost my expectation that I will like what she’s wearing. So, I didn’t, but I don’t really mind that I didn’t.

Kate: In Anthony Marantino voice: HATES IT!

 

Gemma Chan

Kate: Wow. On principle I think it’s an absurd item of clothing, but she looks lovely and daring and high fashion and couture and interesting. She is very statuesque.

Erica: I received a message about her before I even started watching. The thing is, she’s gorgeous. She looks amazing tonight. Her dress…I do not like her dress. But it doesn’t matter because it’s on her.

Kate: People were comparing her to Audrey Hepburn and while that usually infuriates me I kind of see it here.

 

Glenn Close

Kate: I think this is pretty standard for her. I like the gold (of course), but I think it’s a bit much material-wise, kind of like wrapping paper. But it doesn’t look bad.

Erica: I just hate the pocket flaps. Everything else looks great, and then those pocket flaps are just — what are they even doing there?

 

Helen Mirren

Kate: This is very regal and she looks more like a member of the British family than a celebrity on a red carpet but I don’t mind that one bit.

Erica: I like the way the dress is like, layers of translucent similar colors. It looks vibrant and lively and it has depth. I’m a fan.

 

Jennifer Hudson

Kate: Gorgeous. The length(s) is/are a bit odd, but she looks phenomenal.

Erica: It’s just done so well. It’s a little ‘80s for my taste but the dress is a flawless piece of craft and she looks terrific.

Kate: I understand what her performance dress is doing but I don’t like it one bit.

Erica: I appreciate what it’s doing, but I’d have made some different decisions to make it do that thing. Like, just have a full skirt. Why the cropped pants? And how do you create a glamorous-but-sort-of-like-a-judge look for the song from the movie about Ruth Bader Ginsburg without including some reference to her iconic dissent collar?

 

Jennifer Lopez

Kate: Quite literally a showstopper.

Erica: As is her intention. What is she doing here this year? (I’m not being snarky; I honestly don’t know. She wasn’t in The Incredibles 2, so…)

Kate: I think she just goes to everything now because people want to see her gorgeousness. The dress is a little much on the sparkle to be honest but she of course pulls it off and her insanely gorgeous hair and makeup are, as usual, insanely gorgeous.

Erica: Yeah, it’s too much for normal people. For her it makes sense.

 

Julia Roberts

Kate: Once. Again. Head. To. Toe. Per. Fec. Tion. I can’t even.

Erica: I gotta say, yeah. She looks stunning.

Kate: Best Dressed nominee!

Erica: I like how she looks gorgeous and sexy but also pretty comfortable and chill. This dress is everything and I want one in every color.

Kate: I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

 

Lady Gaga

Kate: I expected more from the Gags. She’s been doing this exact same kind of look for so long.

Erica: I feel like that necklace is going to be the subject of Ocean’s 9.

Kate: Is there an Ocean’s 9? I like her performance dress so much better, and it is so similar to this one that I really don’t understand (even more so than usual) the purpose of wearing 2 different ones, ESPECIALLY since her and Bradley went on stage, like, FROM their seats in the audience???

Erica: Yes. Cosign to all this. Why?

 

Laura Dern

Erica: She looks very lovely and normal and fine. Fine is really good for her.

Kate: I love the Jennifer Aniston hair vibes she’s giving me, and I love the necklace, and I actually think the color of the gown is interesting, however the style reminds me of something Cinderella’s stepsisters wore.

 

Leslie Bibb

Kate: Ah, feel like I haven’t said this in a while, but…Dress color too close to skin color! Too close!

Erica: So I don’t have your problem with dresses that are close to the skin color in general, but damn she’s pale. No one’s skin should be the same color as this dress. Leslie, you need your vitamin D. Get some sun. Just a little. (I’m probably going to find out tomorrow that she, like, battled skin cancer or something and I’ll feel really bad.)

Kate: Other than that, the dress is very pretty. I hate the necklace with it, though, and her hair is too severe.

Erica: I don’t mind the necklace; it’s very flapper. I think her hair is also too dark, which highlights how very pale she is.

 

Maya Rudolph

Kate: I’m gonna go ahead and give this a Worst Dressed nominee right away.

Erica: I would if I didn’t think she was, like, courting that.

 

Melissa McCarthy

Kate: So I like that she is continuing to depart from her usual frumpy frock, but I think the cape with the long sleeves is a bit too much material and it’s doing weird things to her boobs.

Erica: I think this is conceptually really good but executed really boringly. And, yes, making her boobs look very blah. But I guess she needed something she could throw her presenting gear over.

Kate: I also really, really do not like the hairstyle at all.

Erica: It’s a little 1993.

 

Michelle Yeoh

Kate: Now that’s an Oscars dress! (It looked even more impressive during the telecast than in this photo, just FYI.)

Erica: To. Die. Just…What you dream of wearing when you think “I’m gonna be an actress when I grow up!”. It’s Elie Saab, who came to everyone’s attention with Halle Berry’s dress when she won, and he just designs these fantasy gowns. Love it.

Kate: Yes I think I love it as well.

Erica: Hair would look blah on a younger woman, but on her it’s showing off. And her bracelet is really cool and interesting and glam.

Kate: And I love how she made sure to show off the bracelet every possible second she was on stage presenting.

 

Octavia Spencer

Kate: I feel like this is what she always wears so I’m a bit bored by it. But she does look pretty.

Erica: New color for her. I approve the color.

Kate: Is it? I thought she always wore some form of navy or black or maybe even gray.

 

Queen Latifah

Erica: She is so very delightful but I don’t love the dress. It kind of makes her look pregnant. Which is not the main thing I don’t like about it, but it’s kind of true.

Kate: Ian pointed out that it kind of looks like electrical tape and I have to agree.

 

Rachel Weisz

Erica: I also received a message before I started watching about her. My messager was not a fan. Neither am I.

Kate: I didn’t see her on the red carpet and was absolutely horrified when they showed her in her seat in this red rubber monstrosity.

Erica: By the by, this same messager was a fan of Jason Momoa’s pink velvet suit. While I appreciate that the men are doing some different things, and I like that shade on him, I don’t love the suit. But he still looks a lot like Jason Momoa.

Kate: Carl Drogo!

 

Regina King

Kate: Oh this is gorgeous. I thought it was a pale pink color at first, but I also like it in white.

Erica: She looks absolutely perfect. I love the dress. It is very classically Hollywood glam, executed perfectly, and she looks just perfect.

Kate: I do think the slit is a bit high, but it doesn’t bother me on her the way it did on Angelina Jolie.

Erica: I think the slit is daring and perfect.

Kate: Hair and makeup and jewelry also perfect, just maybe would have done a different shoe, but…Best Dressed Nominee!

Erica: No argument here.

 

Sarah Paulson

Kate: Ok so I am sensing a theme tonight of pink poofy pinkness/poofy pink poofiness, and I am not the biggest fan of it.

Erica: This is a particularly bad iteration of it. I don’t even understand what’s supposed to be happening here. What is the goal of this dress? What does it want to evoke? Whatever it is, it does not.

Kate: When she presented I saw the interesting little straps around the waist and thought ok maybe this is kind of cool, but it just feels more runway than red carpet to me.

Erica: I wouldn’t like it on the runway, either. I object to it in its entirety.

 

Serena Williams

Erica: She looks stunning but the dress feels a little like it pulled its punches. It could have been more of a Look, but it chose to be a dress.

Kate: It feels very tacky Valentine-y.

Erica: Yeah. Whereas it could have gone in the direction of, like, Queen of Hearts and it would have been more interesting.

 

Tina Fey

Kate: Oh yay Tina! Gorgeous! Love! People are going to think this is boring but I absolutely love it.

Erica: It is a little boring but also gorgeous. I saw her standing with Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph and kind of wondered if she didn’t get the “don’t do the typical red carpet thing” memo. (Also, why didn’t they ask the three of them to host?)

Kate: I thought it was honestly fine and moved a little quicker without a host.

Erica: I don’t know; I felt it lost a little something. But it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to continue to do this without one.

Kate: What a color on her, seriously. Love!!

Erica: Yes, that color is perfection on her.

 

Kate: Allora (“well” in Italian), Best Dressed?

Erica: I am going to dream of Michelle Yeoh’s ensemble for a long time. But I would accept Julia Roberts if you are leaning in that direction. Or Regina King.

Kate: Tie between Julia Roberts and Regina King AND Michelle Yeoh! Worst?

Erica: Man, I am tied between Sarah Paulson and Rachel Weisz. Did we already give one to Rachel Weisz this season?

Kate: Yes, but not our fault she’s a repeat offender! Rachel Weisz it is. And that does it for us for 2019 award show season, folks! Until next time.

 

Grammys 2019

Well, people, this is late and it’s really all your fault. Absent my darling sister, I wanted to include you; I thought we could have a good time together. But I guess not. So here I will be, trying to figure out who at the Grammys I should give a damn about.

Cardi B

 

I have, in fact, heard of this person, and know that she is a BFD! I could not hum for you a lick of her work, nor quote a single lyric, but I know she is important.

As is this ensemble! I’d say we are witnessing a moment here. This dress will be mentioned in the same breath as J.Lo’s bathrobe, as Bjork’s swan, as that time Sharon Stone paired a poofy skirt with a tee shirt from the Gap. And I love it. I think it is the most fabulous and she’s wearing the hell out of it.

Now, she did change by the time she accepted her award for reasons that I’m sure make sense to somebody, and her award-accepting ensemble is also quite nice, but it is not the Moment that her red carpets ensemble is.

 

Lady Gaga

 

I know her, too! I can even sing some of her hit songs! I especially love singing “Bad Romance” in the voice that Zoe used to sing it when she was two! Zoe also enjoys me doing this, which is fun and probably won’t last long.

I cannot sing any part of the song(s?) for which she was actually nominated last night. And I’m not seeing the movie. I don’t sign myself up for entertainment experiences that are going to make me cry. Unless they’re made by Pixar. But anyway, on to the outfit, which is glam but a little boring for her and I don’t love the super dark roots with the super light blonde hair but also she apparently gave a fabulous acceptance speech about mental health so good on her.

 

Janelle Monae

You know, normally I really embrace her weird, but I’m not loving this. I think the problem is that I don’t get it. It’s still well-executed. I think it just doesn’t call to my mind a fantasy that engages me. I think it’s sort of supposed to evoke Grace Jones and the eighties, and that aesthetic is not my preferred aesthetic.

I think I enjoyed her performance ensemble more, although it was less weird.

 

Kacey Musgraves

I get the feeling that if I were paying any attention at all, I would enjoy Kacey Musgraves’s music. But also, I thought I knew who she was, but this is not at all the face I thought she had? Nor the age I thought she was? And the dress looks like it’s going to expose her bosoms any second now. Which might be a more appealing look if it had, say, the coyness of a Gil Elvgren pin-up, but because the waist is placed too low, and the overall color has that sort of dishwasher dinge about it, it just looks like your aunt got drunk and developed a plan to seduce the UPS delivery guy.

 

Chloe x Halle

I don’t know who these two are but they look adorable.

 

Bebe Rexha

I think she is more impressed with this dress than I am. Yes, there is a lot of floof, but otherwise it’s not that creative or different or interesting, which is fine, but she kept posing like this, which makes me think she thinks she’s having a fashion Moment, which she is not.

 

Camila Cabello

I do not really like the arrivals dress, primarily because it is not my thing, although it is a good example of the kind of thing it is and her ass, as she clearly realizes, looks fantastic.

I do really love the performance look.

 

Taylor Swift

Oh, Taylor. This is your “I’m a bad girl now not a good girl like I used to be but a bad girl because all these people have been so mean to me so I am THROUGH being a good girl I’m going to wear a slutty black dress that looks like it’s maybe see-through AND YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING TO STOP ME I dug my own grave mothafuckahs and I killed good girl Taylor and now I’m bad girl Taylor I hope you got the memo” look, isn’t it?

You’re going to be thirty this year, honey. You are too old for teenage rebellion. Calm down.

I mean, you look good, although in some pictures it looks like the person who did your lipstick was really, really trying hard to remember what human lips look like. But also, don’t be a child, okay?

 

Katy Perry

Katy Perry looks like cotton candy as designed by Dr. Seuss, which I’m sure was what she was going for, so good job, Katy Perry.

 

Toni Braxton

Is that seriously what Toni Braxton looks like right now? I mean, yes, the face has clearly had some assistance in continuing to look like that, but seriously? Damn, girl. Continue walking that fine, nearly naked self around town like you don’t have to give a fuck because you look good.

 

Heidi Klum

This is a return to whackadoo form for Heidi, who has been stunningly normal of late. But it is well-executed whackadoo, and she still looks like Heidi Fucking Klum, so that’s a plus.

(Have y’all noticed that when Kate’s not around, I curse a lot more? I’m sure she has.)

 

Anna Kendrick

This is a massive departure for Anna Kendrick and I’m not sure I’m in favor of it, although she wears it well. The dress accomplishes what it sets out to accomplish and her hair and make up and jewelry are understated enough but also in keeping with the overall look. I just don’t really like it.

 

Ella Mai

 

I don’t know who this is and I don’t know if she’s pregnant or what but I really kind of love the dress, how she wore it, and how confident she looks in it.

 

Jennifer Lopez

Is the hat some indication that she’s going to start thinking she’s British, like Madonna did for a little while? I don’t know. I like hats but I don’t know that this hat makes sense with this dress, which does look very nice on her, and her makeup is on point. But I just don’t know.

So that’s it, people. That’s all you get. You wouldn’t help me, so I just went with people I recognized and/or had interesting outfits. For the record, Cardi B was obviously the best-dressed person ever, for the whole season, and possibly for the whole decade. Of the people I covered, I liked Kacey Musgraves’s outfit the least.

SAGS 2019

Kate: Update: I have still not seen anything nominated this year. Except Black Panther.

Erica: I have yet to see movies from last year’s awards season. And the year before that…

Kate: Oh, same. I even *almost* didn’t want to watch this. Almost.

Erica: I almost didn’t. We got a puppy Saturday. She’s currently attired in a Grandma Lisa-purchased bandana which very attractively sets off her beautiful red-gold fur. If you’re curious.

 

Alison Brie

Kate: Do I even need to comment? I mean, seriously.

Erica: Okay, hear me out. She is an extremely pretty girl. And she’s pretty in a way that could be very bland. So she’s choosing very fashion-forward looks and I actually think they’re executed really well. Sure, a giant black bow studded in rhinestones that’s big enough that she could probably get some height with a good breeze doesn’t sound like a great idea, but I think it works here. I think the overall look works here.

Kate: I wholeheartedly disagree and think it doesn’t do her justice at all.

 

Amy Adams

Kate: Oh! Interesting.

Erica: I’m not a fan.

Kate: I’ve never really loved a peplum, as you know, but this is more daring than her usual so I like it. It might be even more interesting in a different color, though.

Erica: I feel like you are maybe succumbing to the general aura of loveliness that surrounds Amy Adams. This is not a good dress.

Kate: Oh. Great hair, makeup and jewelry.

 

Angela Bassett

Kate: Ok this 1000% looks like one of those tiny shirts that expand to regular size shirts out of that weird material that we always see at arts and crafts shows/festivals!

Erica: YES! It does. Oh my god so weird.

Kate: It’s really awful.

Erica: I like the very ‘70s hair and the fabulous makeup and she’s, like, ageless, but the dress. The dress. What even happened there?

Kate: Maybe Mom styled her?

 

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Kate: Oh, her face has gotten scarier since the Globes. Oh dear. The dress is very middle-aged beauty pageant, not in the best way, and the hair is too severe for the dress. And the face. Yikes!

Erica: I like the color? But, yeah, this is not great.

 

Constance Wu

Kate: Absolutely adorable and perfect. Love it.

Erica: She could not look better. I love the thing on her hip and the armband. But I wish…Sigh…I do wish it were, like, three inches longer.

Kate: Eh, yeah, the length/cut of the skirt may be a little off, but I don’t know, I really like it!

 

Elisabeth Moss

Kate: Elisabeth Moss clearly reads our posts and realized the error of her ways in dress length at award shows.

Erica: This is so much better than she usually does so I’m sorry to criticize. To start, this is the first time I thought her blonde hair looked good, and I think the makeup is nice, and I like the color.

Kate: But just because it’s the appropriate length doesn’t mean I love it. It is very bridal and I don’t love the black belt in the middle of an ivory gown, but the silhouette is very flattering for her.

Erica: Oh, the color is reading more buttery-yellow to me. I think the black belt is sitting in the wrong spot, or the end of the bodice is. And the fabric is a little cheap-looking.

Kate: Maybe off-white, then? Is that not the same thing as ivory? And agree x2.

 

Emily Blunt

Kate: Ok so it’s very Judy Jetson and maybe even a little Rihanna (don’t ask me why, that’s just the vibe I get), and also Futuristic Barbie, all of which should mean I don’t like it, but I really do. She pulls off that color perfectly, and I love everything about the hair, makeup and jewelry with it. (Note: The color looked a lot brighter/nicer on the telecast; in this photo it is a little muted.)

Erica: I felt that the hair needed to be something else with those shoulders but I am willing to be talked out of this feeling.

Kate: Ok yes don’t think that. The dress is Couture and High Fashion and Interesting in all the right ways. Best Dressed nominee!

Erica: I feel like she is very Couture. Increasingly so. I don’t know if she’s got a new stylist, or just a new attitude as she becomes A-list, but it’s working for her.

 

Emma Stone

Kate: This is way too business-meeting-into-client-dinner for me.

Erica: I don’t like it. I don’t like anything about it.

Kate: The pants should be tailored to show the shoes! I bet they’re fab!

Erica: I guess that would be one, very small, step in the right direction.

Kate: LOL, step! Punny!

 

Keri Russell

Kate: Oh, she has redeemed herself from the Globes in terms of hair. And dress. I kind of love this.

Erica: The hair is gorgeous. The dress, I didn’t think was all that special, but up closer, I quite like the bodice.

 

Lady Gaga

Kate: It’s very Madonna “Like A Virgin” (which I’m sure she loves/was kind of going for) but not very well-executed. And I HATE that dark lip, especially with that bright white.

Erica: I actually like the makeup, for her. If you’re not Lady Gaga, and you’re not dedicated to the art of the Costume, it would look stupid, but I feel it works for her.

Kate: If the gown and lip were both in another color and I think I’d like it pretty much a lot.

Erica: I quite like the gown. I think it’s dreamy.

 

Laverne Cox

Kate: Ooh, very Greek goddess. Love.

Erica: 100% perfection in all ways. I particularly love the hair and the gold thing going across the chest.

Kate: I would like to borrow it, please, Laverne!

Erica: For real. It’s so good.

Lupita Nyong’O

Kate: This is the first time I haven’t really liked something from her on the red carpet. She looks…Drab? And also upset and tired?

Erica: I don’t like the hair. I’m sorry if that means I’m racist.

Kate: I really don’t get the whole look.

Erica: I don’t love seeing her in black, because she wears color so well and I love color, but I do kind of like the top of the dress. I just don’t understand the bottom or the why of any of it.

Kate: No, the top looks like an unfinished tuxedo jacket; the bottom could be interesting with a different top/bodice.

 

Mandy Moore

Kate: I feel like she’s better than this. The structure reminds me A LOT of Jessica McClintock prom dresses.

Erica: Maybe from your prom years. But also I do not like it because it’s kind of boring. I don’t like the hair, either. Makeup is good.

Kate: Yeah, she’s one of those people who should wear their hair down as much as possible because she has (seemingly) naturally pretty soft waves, like Connie Britton.

 

Margot Robbie

Kate: Wow.

Erica: She is a stunning woman.

Kate: How is she so hot? Just…How?

Erica: It’s just her DNA. She’s an actual flame in human form.

Kate: Hair, makeup, dress, everything perfection. Best Dressed nominee!

Erica: I don’t know, man. I feel like God made her the hottie she is and the dress she’s wearing is, like, fine, but not really special.

Kate: Oh I like it a lot, but it’s very Kate.

 

Megan Mullally

Kate: I don’t mind this red carpet dress but I like her first hosting dress a whole lot better. (I also had no idea she was hosting, or that the SAGs even had a host?)

Erica: I do not like either dress, although I like the hosting one better. But she’s fairly fabulous and I’m happy to see her hosting. I like her hair and makeup.

Kate: Agree.

Erica: Oh, and then there’s a third dress. Eh, I think the first hosting dress is better.

Melissa McCarthy

Kate: Ok, so I love this. It’s finally the right departure from what she usually wears!

Erica: Yeah? I like it but I don’t love it. I think I want the sleeves to be pulled in a little bit.

Kate: It’s just so much better than the usual black or dark purple/blue drapey thing.

Erica: I do love the makeup and hair.

 

Patricia Clarkson

Kate: I feel like this is the perfect combination of a Greek goddess costume and a mother-of-the-bride wedding dress. I love it, for some reason.

Erica: I am more in mind of a figure skater’s costume that one made over to be an awards show dress. Which I do not necessarily mean as a bad thing.

 

Rachel Brosnahan

Kate: I loved her Globes look so much, and I want to love this too, but I can’t get into the color of the dress or the weird bodice with all the seams — they all just hit her torso in weird places

Erica: I think it’s very close to being a good dress. I think the color would be good if it had a bit more sheen and the banding would be better if it were more subtle and didn’t have bows. And the length is too short. But it’s almost there and she’s so lovely.

Kate: I do like the hair, makeup and earrings, though.

Erica: Yes on the first two, not thrilled with the earrings.

 

Rachel Weisz

Kate: Absolutely hate it. It’s two or three dresses in one and I don’t like either/any of them.

Erica: Whereas for me, this is a concept I wouldn’t mind if it weren’t executed so dreadfully. I could see really loving the drawing of this dress, with the heavier, more structured dress opening to reveal a flowing skirt. And a belt for structure would be fine in this context. But the heavy velvet, the strange metal belt, and the uninspiring color of the underskirt do not combine into an inspiring dress.

 

Robin Wright

Kate: Wow. Her body is insane. (Her hair and face are kind of scary, though.)

Erica: Yeah. She’s definitely keeping up with her kickboxing or whatever the hell keeps her looking like that.

Kate: And the dress is just OK but definitely enhanced by her insane body.

Erica: I think the dress is a little…meant to show off that body without much sophistication? I don’t mean to pull a “you’re too old for that” but I feel like she’s too good for that? Like, she’s not some twenty-two-year old cocktail waitress hanging off the arm of her her way older, thrice-divorced, coked-up producer boyfriend. She’s a great actress who’s been in critically acclaimed and beloved movies. She could do better.

 

Samira Wiley

Kate: I’m not totally sure why she’s here this year but I very much enjoy this dress.

Erica: She’s in The Handmaid’s Tale. And yes, this is fabulous and delightful.

 

Sandra Oh

Kate: Ok I’m trying really hard to see and understand and critique the dress, but I’m too distracted by those bangs. The dress looks like it might be kind of lovely, especially the color, but the bangs are taking up all my attention.

Erica: The bangs are very terrible.

Kate: Short, curly, bangs. I can’t.

Erica: The dress is stunning, IMHO, which is why those bangs — which I definitely rocked in 1995 when I could not get the hang of a hair dryer and a round brush, and then decided to grow out my bangs because they were so terrible — are such a shame.

 

Sophia Bush

Kate: I used to think she was one of the most beautiful people. Why is everyone dressed up like Gothic Fairy Barbie tonight!?

Erica: She’s still very lovely but that dress is not as fabulous as she deserves.

Kate: Hate it. Worst Dressed nominee, along with Alison Brie.

Erica: My nominee for best dressed is Laverne Cox. Thoughts?

Kate: Oh I could go for that.

Erica: I feel like there are a lot of contenders for worst. Emma Stone? Angela Bassett? Rachel Weisz?

Kate: Alison Brie!

Erica: No! I will defend Alison Brie! I am picking Rachel Weisz, because in addition to the bad dress, her hair and makeup were a little sloppy.

Kate: Fine fine fine. See you after the Grammys, folks!

Golden Globes 2019

Kate: I am only going to know the TV show aspect of this year’s Golden Globes; I really do not see any non-comic book movies anymore.

Erica: It’s okay; TV is the new movies.

Kate: True. But that doesn’t mean I can’t judge everyone on the red carpet from the comfort of my own couch (and sweatpants)!

Erica: I am accompanied by a special assistant tonight, by the way. Will keep you posted if she has any opinions.

Zoe: I am just judging style.

Kate: And away we go!

 

Alison Brie

Kate: Ok, so it’s definitely Different. I’ll give her that. I do not think I like the sequined-bra-as-part-of-the-dress thing, though. I know it’s the dress and not actually her bra, I just don’t think I like it. Maybe if the sequined bra were extended throughout the entire bodice with the sheer overlay?

Erica: I actually do think I like it. I feel like she is a person who goes for “looks” over “dresses”, and I appreciate that about her as a person, and I enjoy this as a look. It’s a little bit like a snarky twist on classic glam, but well executed.

Kate: Ok, but I don’t think it needs the black ribbon thing in the back.

Erica: Oh, I like it.

Zoe: I like the dress design, but the ribbon is unnecessary and the waist is unnaturally bunchy. Go back and look at it. Once you see you can’t unsee. But…LOVE THE HAIR.

Kate: Agree, Zo!

 

Amber Heard

Kate: Oh I thought she was so pretty in Aquaman but this is a big ol’ mess.

Erica: I thought I knew what she looked like but apparently I was wrong? (I have not seen Aquaman.)

Kate: Her hair is insane, her makeup doesn’t do her face justice, and the gown just does not fit her, or possibly anyone. Meh!

Erica: I think I understand what her hair was supposed to be doing, but it looks super-messy, and the skirt of the dress — I mean, beyond my black-and-white formalwear thing, it’s super-wrinkly and messy looking.

 

Amy Adams

Kate: I feel like she is always nominated for something that I have absolutely no intention of seeing/watching.

Erica: She’s definitely become this sort of critical darling, you know? I guess she didn’t want the America’s sweetheart career she could have had.

Kate: This is a very nice color on her, one we don’t see too often on the red carpet/in formal wear, right? I like it on her but am worried the overall look is just a bit too casual.

Erica: Yeah, it’s an unusual color, and I like it. (It’s not coming across well in photos; it looked like it had more green in it on the telecast.) But the fabric is a little too blah and the overall dress isn’t special or interesting. Her hair, as always, is pure perfection.

Zoe: Pretty hair! I despise that color, though. Especially on her. I hate the style as well. So I despise the entire dress.

Kate: Yikes.

 

Anne Hathaway

Kate: Oh, I didn’t expect to see her here! Have we not seen her in awhile?

Erica: She was in Ocean’s 8. We just watched it. It was pretty much fun. I don’t know if that’s why she’s here. Jason loves her.

Kate: I don’t love the animal print on her or on the red carpet but she looks great.

Erica: I don’t love animal print, period the end.

Zoe: Oh, that’s Princess Mia! I want to burn the top, but the rest looks good.

Kate: Zoe you are HARSH and I love it.

 

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Kate: The geometry of her face is bothering me, but my goodness she is still very gorgeous.

Erica: So I’ve seen her face on posters advertising a movie or series that may or may not be on a Facebook streaming service? Is that a thing?

Kate: I have no idea, comic book movies only. That shade of green is lovely on her, but dresses with crazy one-shouldered structures like that are not my favorite.

Erica: I feel she’s pulling it off. As she is pulling off a face that eerily resembles the one she had 20 years ago.

 

Charlize Theron

Kate: Oh wow. Super-gorgeous.

Erica: I mean, she is. Always.

Kate: There’s nothing too new or interesting about this dress or overall look, but it is absolutely perfect on her and extremely elegant.

Erica: I don’t love it. Black and white. Weird bow. But, jeez, she’s so beautiful.

Zoe: Love the dress, the hair’s okay, but she is one of the best moms out in Hollywood.

Kate: Ha, what?!

 

Claire Foy

Kate: Ok so I still love her a lot, and I love her makeup and jewelry here, but I do not like the dress. Looks like a very fancy nightgown.

Erica: It’s a similar color to Rachel Brosnahan’s (see below), but she’s not pulling it off quite as beautifully, despite the similar coloring. I think her makeup might be arguing with the dress color. Plus it’s not fitted enough in the shoulders or boobs; I think that’s what’s giving it the more nightgown look. Which, I like the fancy nightgown look, but it has to be executed perfectly.

Zoe: She just failed to copy Rachel. That’s it.

Kate: Agree on the very dark makeup arguing with the very light dress color.

 

Connie Britton

Kate: YAS!

Erica: The hair! The hair is perfect as the hair should have always been and should always be!

Kate: She always looks nuts at award shows/never plays up her true natural beauty, right? And finally she looks like this! Yayyyy!!

Erica: I love the color on her.

Zoe: The hair is gorgeous and I love the light blue quilted dress.

Erica: Have you watched Dirty John? I don’t know if I should. I did enjoy how they made it a thing with Vicki Gunvalson of RHOC, like, “Hey, doesn’t this remind you of your life, and how you stupidly went out with that evil guy forever?”

Kate: I thought that was a bit of a reach, TBH. I have not watched but am thrilled she was nominated because, hair!

 

Constance Wu

(The following is an exact transcript of the reactions Zoe and Erica had to seeing Constance Wu on the red carpet.)

Erica: Oh, yes, Constance Wu.

Zoe: Oh, no, Constance Wu.

Kate: No I have not seen or read Crazy Rich Asians yet; I will, am just busy watching comic book movies and reading 12-year-old reading-level books.

Erica: You’re going to love Crazy Rich Asians, the book and the movie. I know I’ve said this to you before, but it’s basically Real Housewives of Singapore, if Real Housewives had plots.

Kate: Without the bright orange bow this would be a very very naked dress, so I think it needs it, but I don’t think I like the overall thing. I appreciate its uniqueness, though.

Erica: I love it. I love the nakedness and the orange bow and her gorgeous glowing skin and everything about it.

Kate: I mean, I don’t hate it.

 

Debra Messing

Kate: It’s just too much of everything. Too much sparkle, too much fringe, too much dress, too much bad makeup. Isn’t she, like, pretty and smart and talented? Why does she always get award shows wrong?

Erica: She’s a Brandeis alum. They don’t really teach us about proper red carpet fashion there.

 

Elisabeth Moss

Kate: Oh but it’s so short! Doesn’t she always have problems with dress length at these things?

Erica: Always! I like this better than I like it when she goes tea length but why is this happening? And why is her hair in a weird ponytail?

Kate: I mean, I think I like it other than that? Even the hair and makeup and jewelry?

Erica: I would like it if it were a gown. (It looked more navy in the telecast, which I liked.) Or if we were not at the Golden Globes. But it’s not working for me as is.

Zoe: She is under arrest for breaking the rules of Golden Globes fashion by wearing a miniskirt! What does she think she’s doing?!

Kate: Sing it sister! Um, niece!

 

Emily Blunt

Kate: Uuuuugh I do NOT like this hair! At all! It’s so…Dated!

Erica: Aw, man, I do like this hair. I guess I am dated.

Kate: The dress is quite something, though. I can’t help but feel uncomfortable and itchy just looking at it, but it is impressive.

Erica: She’s definitely coming into her A-List status.

Zoe: I just love it!

 

Emma Stone

Kate: Oh I don’t know, I just feel like we have seen her in this before, no? I’m bored.

Erica: What was that one stunningly gorgeous dress she wore? With the stars? She really can’t top that.

Kate: The Golden Globes 2017 one?

Erica: Yeah, that’s the one. This is sort of frumpy. Her makeup is lovely, though. You know, she shouted out an apology for playing a non-white person in the movie Aloha, and I have to say, directing ire at actors for taking roles they’re offered, especially actors who are not already, say, Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts (and yeah, I think you do need that level of success to feel secure as an actor in Hollywood), rather than directing ire at the casting directors, directors, producers, and studio, is misplaced.

 

Gina Rodriguez

Kate: Oh I think I like this.

Erica: It is a lot like what she usually wears. I like it.

Kate: I don’t totally love the neckline or the cutouts, but the rest of it is very lovely. Would have gone with a low loose bun or pony here instead of all down and wavy — show off those dresses and those jewels, ladies!

Erica: Have you seen Jane the Virgin, Kate? It is delicious.

Kate: If it’s not based on a comic book, then nope.

 

Halle Berry

Kate: The long low pony is giving me lots of J.Lo vibez, in a good way.

Erica: Oh, I thought you’d feel like it was too low-maintenance.

Kate: No I like. I’m not sure how I feel about the dress. I go back and forth, possibly because I don’t think it should be in that color, but her body is so goddamn incredible I hardly notice the dress.

Erica: I mean, she’s one of those people who, you know, the dress should be honored to be on her. I like the dress, though. I think it does a good job of showcasing her.

 

Isla Fisher

Kate: How. Did. She. Get. That. Hair.

Erica: She and Amy Adams go to the same hairdresser.

Kate: No, hers is way better. It’s just always so perfect!

Erica: It is, it is. It is what I wish my hair looked like.

Kate: I could take or leave the dress.

Erica: I think it’s nice enough but not anything to rave about.

 

Janelle Monae

Erica: She is to me the epitome of crazy done right and tonight is no exception.

Kate: I think she has fantastic makeup all of the time, but I do not understand this Look.

Zoe: Um…

 

Jessica Chastain

Kate: Oh I am very into the high pony on her. Very into it.

Erica: I like the hair, yes.

Kate: But the dress is way, way too old for her and has too many things happening on it. Do not like.

Erica: Yeah, that is three dresses on one body and it’s too much. Any one of those dresses, or maybe even a combo of two of them, would be okay, but altogether it’s overwhelming.

 

Julia Roberts

Kate: Oh, my god. Everyone bow down. Actually, everyone go home. There is no point to anything anymore after this effing PERFECTION. PERFECTION! JULIA!

Erica: For real?

Kate: BEST DRESSED!

Erica: I…Think you might be biased? Or you are seeing something I am not? I mean, she looks great. But I do not love the ensemble at all.

Kate: Blasphemy!

 

Julianne Moore

Kate: Hair, makeup and jewels = beautiful, nailed it, 0 critique from me. Dress, on the other hand…

Erica: Yes. She is eternally gorgeous.

Kate: It looks unfinished, no? Like they left too much material on the not-sure-if-it’s-a-peplum-or-not thing? If they’d just stopped at the waist and continued into that same skirt it’d be perfect.

Erica: I think it’s just a bad dress. Nothing about its concept or execution really works.

 

Kaley Cuoco

Kate: I honestly don’t have any positive feelings toward her as a person/I never understand why she is always at these things without ever having really accomplished anything, but I have to admit I really like this whole look here. Hair, makeup, dress — material, colors, silhouette, pockets…All. Of. It. Want it for myself.

Zoe: I adore the whole look. Perfect score!

Kate: Thank you Zo!

Erica: It is amazing that being on a mediocre but long-running sitcom gets you an invite every year. I am on the record as not loving black-and-white formal wear. This isn’t an exception to that for me.

 

Kate Mara

Kate: Absolutely hate everything about her hair.

Erica: Yes.

Kate: The dress could be ok — the right elements are there, especially the color(s) — but it’s just not doing it for me.

Erica: No. She dresses like she’s rebelling against Hollywood, which, for f’s sake, Kate, if you don’t want to be in Hollywood, don’t be. Isla Fisher will be happy to take your jobs for you.

 

Keri Russell

Kate: I think she is still just so gorgeous.

Erica: I wish she’d wear her hair curly, like on Felicity. It’s pretty like that.

Kate: I do like the sparkle but the heavy material, especially around the shoulders, kind of drowns her petite little frame. So I don’t like that.

Erica: I absolutely agree. If the fabric were lighter, I’d really like this.

Zoe: It feels baggy, not really thought out. But I do love the sparkles! She’s wearing a sparkly sack.

Kate: Sparkly sack indeed. I also don’t like whatever is going on with her hair — there’s no part and it’s kind of slicked back but kind of not?

 

Kristen Bell

Kate: Ugh she looks so good in pink, and also in everything.

Erica: YOU GUYS YOU GUYS YOU GUYS HULU IS REVIVING VERONICA MARS I MIGHT HAVE A HEART ATTACK BEFORE I GET TO SEE IT SO JUST COME TO MY GRAVESTONE WITH AN IPAD AND SHOW IT TO ME OKAY? Thanks.

Kate: I still have not seen the movie! Feel like I sound like a broken record here but once again I would have done something different with the hair. She’s so pretty.

Erica: She’s so pretty. The dress is so pretty on her. And she is so pretty. She could have been more sculpted in her hair.

Zoe: I just love it and think it’s the best it could be.

Kate: Hooray for Kristen Bell!

 

Lady Gaga

Kate: Why have I still not seen A Star Is Born? The previews almost made me cry so maybe I’m just not emotionally ready?

Erica: I can’t see that movie. Did you know the dog is really Brad Cooper’s dog?

Kate: Crap maybe I really can’t see it. I appreciate that this is a Very Lady Gaga Look and what we can expect from someone such as herself, but that doesn’t mean I like it. I hate that periwinkle color — on the dress and in her hair — but I do like the necklace quite a bit. Am now having mixed feelings about this Look.

Zoe: I hate it. I mean, you can go nuts and look not hideous. I love the color and the necklace, but I hate it.

Erica: I like the color on the dress but not the hair. It’s making her hair look like it’s thinning, and it’s aging her. I actually think the dress is not bad — on the general scale of her nuttiness — but I think for a master class in how to go nuts and look beautiful, one should look to Janelle Monae.

Zoe: This dress makes me want to Gag-a. (Bleh!)

Kate: Oh, good pun.

 

Lucy Liu

Kate: I think someone very statuesque like Cate Blanchett or Nicole Kidman could pull this off perfectly; on little Lucy Liu it’s kind of swallowing her. Maybe the dress by itself without the sheer overlay thing would have been better?

Erica: I don’t like anything about it. I mean, except the woman wearing it, of course. I feel like the sheer overlay is trying to distract us from the ugliness of the Matisse-like sequin situation. Also, is that a sliver of midriff? I do not approve. (Of midriffs at formal events in general. Not of her particular midriff.)

Kate: I also do not like the lighter hair color on her.

Zoe: I absolutely despise her dress with every fiber in my being. And the overlay. I would prefer them burned so no one will have to wear that monstrosity of an outfit. But I love the hair and makeup. They look awesome!

 

Lupita Nyong’O

Kate: I think the dress is stunning but her hair is throwing me off. The earrings are sort of helping.

Erica: She’s just so pretty. So, so, so pretty. Like, that face. It’s just an unbelievably pretty face. I don’t know how I feel about her dress. It’s fine, I think. The hair is confusing to me, probably because I am not nearly woke enough. But I just want to stare at her beautiful face.

Zoe: I like the dress but I hate her hair.

 

Melissa McCarthy

Kate: The stars feel a bit tacky to me but without them it would be way too much purple, probably. The whole thing is very Professor McGonagall.

Erica: Oh, that’s another movie I really want to see and probably never will. I think I would like the stars if this were a different event.

Zoe: Ew. Just ew.

 

Michelle Yeoh

Erica: This is the mom from Crazy Rich Asians. The color is so fabulous and I didn’t realize the ring from the movie was her own ring! Cool!

Kate: It is a beautiful ring, but this color does not look as nice on her as it does on CZJ and the fabric/pattern at the bottom is a little too under-the-sea for me.

 

Nicole Kidman

Kate: Nope. Looks like a red rubber suit. Like a darker version of what Britney Spears wore in the Oops! I Did It Again music video.

Erica: It’s not my thing. It would never be my thing. I suppose it’s a well-executed version of the thing it is.

Kate: Hate the black ribbon in the hair too.

 

Octavia Spencer

Kate: Adorable.

Erica: Yeah. She has a specific silhouette, but it works on her. I even am okay that it’s not a full-length gown.

 

Penelope Cruz

Kate: Hmmm, I don’t love when she wears her hair up because it’s usually so voluminous and lovely, and it looks like she’s wearing a very little backpack at the very top of her back, but she’s so beautiful it’s hard to really care about those things.

Erica: I support all of this. The dress is a little much for me but she’s gorgeous.

Kate: I really think the dress could do without the velvet straps/backpack, but the rest of it is actually quite magical and makes her look like Nyx. And her makeup is always so damn perfect.

Erica: I saw a Buzzfeed listicle about celebrities people can’t tell apart and she was on it with Salma Hayek as her alleged doppelgänger, which…They are both gorgeous, but pretty distinct from each other.

Zoe: I hate the hair but I love how the dress has kind of an intergalactic feel.

 

Rachel Brosnahan

Kate: Now that I am officially a fan of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, I am officially a fan of Rachel, and I think she is absolutely gorgeous. Her makeup is always so damn perfect on that show and it was perfect at the Globes as well, you just can’t really tell that from this photo.

Erica: Oh, I’m so excited you like the show! It’s so good!

Zoe: I like when it’s on! It’s funny!

Kate: I am impressed that such a fair-skinned lady can pull off such a yellow dress (again, can’t really tell that from this photo but it looked great during the telecast), and I probably wouldn’t like it on anyone else. The skirt is the most perfect A-line ever and I think she has an essentially perfect body.

Erica: Yes, I think this more mustardy color (as opposed to a more sunny or chartreuse-y yellow) can be worn by the dark-haired and fair-skinned among us. She looks just dreamy. I wonder if she borrowed a stylist from the show.

Kate: Man, I am gushing over her. The only thing I would have done differently here is a softer, looser hairstyle, maybe with some of that lovely bouncy wave her character is known for.

Zoe: Simply perfect. Just perfect.

 

Rachel Weisz

Kate: It’s not terrible but it is terribly ruffly, and I do not like the choker.

Erica: No. It is terrible.

Kate: Hair and makeup are great, though.

Erica: I think her hair and makeup are good and she is beautiful but the dress is a big no for me.

Zoe: She looks like she got attacked by five flocks of seagulls and scraped all the feathers off for her dress.

Kate: Zing!

 

Regina King

Kate: OoOoOoh I love this sparkly rosé dress situation, it looks fantastic on her. Tailored perfectly.

Erica: Yeah, for real. It’s such perfection because it’s the perfect combination of girly, but also fitted, but also sparkly.

Kate: I like her hair but I think a slightly deconstructed low bun could have worked too. She might be my best dressed behind Julia Roberts right now!

Erica: Ooh, that’s big. I am a fan of the hair. I see what you’re saying but I think I prefer what she actually did. I’m also feeling like I’ve seen, like, shots of the movie she’s in, and it looks pretty good.

Zoe: Perfect hair, dress, and makeup. A 10 out of 10.

 

Rosamund Pike

Kate: Oh dear. I need a minute to think about this.

Erica: I do not. I had an immediate negative visceral reaction. It’s like pretty girls find their prettiness too boring and need to mess it up somehow.

Kate: Ok, it’s definitely Interesting. And Daring. And New and Different. So there’s that.

Erica: There is that. And I try to like those things. But I do not like this dress.

Kate: The dress would probably not work on its own without the sparkly cropped jacket hanging over her shoulders, and I don’t want to like that, but I think I do? I just don’t like how the bottom of the skirt looks like what southern belles wore under their giant skirts in the 1800s, what were those called again?

Erica: Petticoats?

Kate: Yes! And does she always wear her hair like that? Great makeup. She is very beautiful.

Erica: The makeup, I will say, is spot-on and gorgeous.

Zoe: I kind of like the dress. I just kind of like the whole look.

Kate: This does not surprise me.

 

Sandra Oh

Kate: Really hard for me to see her as anything but Cristina Yang.

Erica: I am going to go ahead and assume that Cristina Yang is her Grey’s character. I mainly think of her in Sideways. But I love her and I love the red carpet look.

Kate: I need to actually sit down and watch that movie sometime. Her first look is very Marilyn Monroe/Copacabana, and not in a bad way…Except the hair. Do not like the hair.

Erica: Oh, I do.

Zoe: The red carpet dress reminds me of Swan Lake.

Kate: Her second look (which begs the age-old question, why wear something different on the red carpet if you’re just going to change immediately?) is better — red looks fabulous on her — including the hair. And I love a deep V.

Erica: So many questions. I do like the second look.

Sadie: Red! Mama? Mama? Red!  

Erica: And then there’s a third look. Honestly, isn’t it exhausting?

Kate: The third look is my favorite, especially the back, which I of course cannot find a picture of. Again, I would like this for myself.

 

Saoirse Ronan

Kate: Oh, absolutely stunning. Really looks like it was made for her. Love it love it love it.

Erica: Talk about a naked dress. I don’t know that the picture is doing justice to how naked this dress is. I also don’t know that I love it.

 

Taraji P. Henson

Kate: I don’t know; the very straight long hair feels too casual for me in contrast with the very sparkly necklace and glamorous velvet(?) gown.

Erica: I feel like she has such an extreme relationship to her boobs. Either she covers them up to her chin, or they are all out there. No?

Kate: Sure?

Erica: I feel like it’s a bit of a boring choice for her. Like, it’s nice. It’s fine. It’s glam. It’s just not particularly innovative, and I feel she’s usually more interesting than this.

Zoe: I love the makeup and hair. They are clashy with the dress and jewelry. The dress is plain. Just plain. They could have done much better.

 

Thandie Newton

Kate: The dress is pretty but not thrilling, and I would have liked to see her hair away from her face a bit. Er, I know you don’t like the cutouts.

Erica: She is one of my top ten prettiest humans, but I hate her hair this way. Probably because it’s not letting me see her face. And yes, I do not like the cutouts.

Zoe: It’s very 70s, with the hair, and the sparkly jumpsuit style of the dress.

Kate: You’re right. Ok, so, best dressed? Obviously Julia?

Erica: No? I think I’m going Regina King.

Kate: Blasphemy! Would give it to both. Worst dressed? Amber Heard?

Erica: I will accept that happily.

Kate: Well ok then. Next up: The SAG Awards on Jan. 27!

Emmys 2018

Erica: Welcome to the Emmys, where I learn that a) I watch A LOT of television, and b) I’m not watching nearly enough television.

Kate: Same and same. Blame it on Bravo.

 

Aidy Bryant

Erica: I wish it was full length, but it’s so rare I like formal wear for the more zaftig like me and I did like this quite a bit.

Kate: Yep I actually really love this, I think it’s a great style on her and I even like the sparkly cupcake princessy-ness of it. Just a bit overwhelmed by all the fake hair.

 

Alex Borstein

Erica: She won so I felt like we had to include her, especially because I think she’s fabulous. And she did a little strip tease to come up to the stage, which was funny, and then it was incredibly obvious that she was not, as she said, wearing a bra. But I like the dress.

Kate: Yes, I like that she pointed that out right away because she knew fashion police officers such as us would say something about it.

Erica: Also, the Art Deco earrings that so exactly matched the look of the dress and the hair and all were very special.

Kate: Yes, I don’t love this type of dress and it feels a bit dated — wasn’t this trendy a few years ago? — but it looks nice on her.

 

Alexis Bledel

Erica: Completely ridiculous and horrid, right?

Kate: In this photo, yes, but I saw only the top half during the broadcast and thought it was kind of ok if a little Easter egg-y. She just, you know, looks like Rory.

 

Allison Janney

Erica: I mean, it’s a lot, but I like that it’s a lot. She’s been liking dramatic sleeves, hasn’t she?

Kate: Oh my, yes it is a lot. I don’t love her new hair color.

 

Chrissy Teigen

Erica: Her style is not my thing, but it is a thing, a good thing, and she usually pulls it off rather well. In addition to being a delight of a human being.

Kate: Oh, no, this makes her head look ridiculously small, and it’s so so so so so so beauty pageant-y. And I don’t like the hair at all!

 

Claire Foy

Erica: I hate the length but other than that, I think she looks great.

Kate: Oh so I thought she looked absolutely gorgeous and very elegant during the broadcast but the look is falling flat in photos for sure.

 

Connie Britton

Erica: The woman is gorgeous but cannot dress. I am so confused by her.

Kate: Oh but the HAIR is the HAIR! The hair!!

 

Dakota Fanning

Erica: Lovely shade. What is she up to?

Kate: I think it’s actually quite a risky shade but indeed it looks lovely on her, despite having a belt. Hair is a little too messy for me, though, and earrings are a little too matchy-matchy. During the broadcast her makeup looked lovely.

 

Elisabeth Moss

Erica: I mean, I hate her hair color right now, but otherwise, refreshingly lovely.

Kate: When she presented an award I was stunned by this dress, kind of like a modern Jessica Rabbit thing. I don’t even mind the length. But it is definitely ruined by the hair.

 

Ellie Kemper

Kate: She is just the cutest thing. This isn’t going to, like, change the face of fashion, but I think it’s perfect for her in every way.

Erica: She looks a little slimmer than usual. I really love the dress. I actually think it is somewhat more innovative than it looks on first glance. The silhouette is very classically glam, the fabric is kind of cutesy, and the ruffles are just the right amount of imperfect.

 

Emilia Clarke

Kate: I want to dislike this dress, but I don’t. I find it interesting. I just don’t like those front hairs with those light streaks, or anything else about her hair for that matter.

Erica: I don’t really like the dress. She’s so pretty so it’s hard to make her look bad, but the dress looks kind of cheap and weird and doesn’t highlight her in the best way it could.

 

Felicity Huffman

Erica: I don’t have much to say about her outfit (the jacket could be better fitted), but her makeup is spot on.

 

Heidi Klum

Erica: I kind of love it. Very glam. I don’t know what has inspired her to stop dressing like an escapee from the Capital of Panem, but I’m glad.

Kate: Um, yes, this is what I always want from Heidi. Perfection.

 

Issa Rae

Erica: I thought I liked it when she was sitting down, so I looked up pictures, and now I don’t. I feel like the bodice doesn’t fit quite right, and I’m trying to embrace the skirt-over-pants thing, but the skirt’s too long and it doesn’t look proportionate.

Kate: Oh, I think I didn’t even realize these were pants. Ok, I get it, but yeah it needed some more work before being red carpet ready. Great makeup, though.

Erica: I still think she has one of the prettiest smiles in the whole wide world.

 

Jessica Biel

Erica: So, a) what is she in?, and b) this is quite a dress. I think I mean that as a compliment. It’s somehow both feminine and modern and I like that. She also looks way young. Isn’t she older than me? By, like, a year?

Kate: She is in a show about some kind of murder, IDK, but this dress is f l a w L E S S, as is the whole entire look. She was one of the first people I saw on the red carpet, and I instantly thought “Best Dressed!”

 

Judith Light

Kate: Well, that’s quite the pose, and quite the color. I feel weird critiquing her because she’s old.

Erica: Fine, I’ll do it. I hate it. I hate that color on light-skinned women. I don’t like turtlenecks in general and it looks particularly weird with the cape. The sleeves are too long for the bracelets, and the skirt looks too loose when her legs are together and too tight when they’re apart. This is not a criticism of her as a human. Just her dress.

 

Kate McKinnon

Kate: This is cute and all but her opening number outfit was sooooo much better (thank goodness because the opening number was sooooo not good), and of course I cannot find a photo of the full thing now.

Erica: The jacket and pants and pumps look fantastic but also kinda casual? The Emmys strike me as the event at which no one has decided what level of formality they’re going for.

Kate: I just love the fit of the jacket and pants, and those PUMPS were my favorite part.

 

Keri Russell

Kate: Everyone is doing this front-and-back mini/maxi thing and I have to say I am NOT loving it. AM loving her smoky makeup, though.

Erica: Yes. Makeup, gorgeous. Dress? I don’t even understand. It’s more than just the mini/maxi thing, it’s the fact that it’s one leg each, with, like, the feathers? I don’t know. I don’t get it.

 

Kristen Bell

Kate: I saw a glambotcam thing of her on Instagram before watching the red carpet or Emmys itself, and I was like, DAMN. She looks insanely good!

Erica: I love her red carpet dress. I hate her opening number dress. (She looks good either way, because she’s an adorable magic pixie. Also I love “The Good Place.”)

Kate: Yes I’m glad she chose the white dress for the red carpet, even if it meant she changed into the fringey thing, like, immediately, but I didn’t HATE the fringey thing.

 

Laura Dern

Erica: Fascinating hair decision.

Kate: Oh. Fascinating…Everything decision?

Erica: Yeah, I didn’t see the whole thing during the arrivals special. This is really terrible.

 

Leslie Jones

Erica: I mean, what am I supposed to say? It is clearly the look she was going for.

Kate: I don’t mind the shape of this little lady tux for her, but I of course mind the color(s) — did she and Alexis want to together look like an Easter egg dye kit?

Erica: I think that’s a possible yes.

Kate: Aidy Bryant is the only one who successfully pulled off the pastels, it seems.

 

Mandy Moore

Erica: I just want long dresses to hit the floor, more or less. Not the ankle.

Kate: Yep, saw this from waist up at first and loved it — especially the hair and makeup — but everything south of the waist is upsetting.

 

Maya Rudolph

Erica: So she had one not terrific dress on the red carpet, and then an even more terrible – and like, really terrible – look for the stage. What is up with that?

 

Michelle Dockery

Kate: Oh I kind of find this interesting? Am I ok?

Erica: You know, I did not at all expect you to like this. I think you are broadening your horizons. And the truth is, it’s a lot of things that could go wrong very quickly, but didn’t. Craftsmanship matters.

Kate: Yeah. Somehow, it works.

 

Millie Bobby Brown

Erica: Oh my goodness it’s insane but she is young and she should have a good time.

Kate: Well yeah the shape is insane but I feel like daring and interesting enough that I’m not mad at it. L O V E  THOSE S H O E S.

 

Padma Lakshmi

Kate: DAYUM GIRL. DAYUM.

Erica: I mean, she already looks like Padma Lakshmi. So that was a pretty big bonus. But then she dressed the Padma Lakshmi of her to perfection.

Kate: How does someone always look THAT good?

Erica: By the way, the blue ribbon is for supporting the ACLU. In case you’re curious.

 

Penelope Cruz

Erica: She always goes fairy princess, doesn’t she?

Kate: Do you mean…Feather princess?

Erica: A swan princess. I mean, she’s still gorgeous and if that’s what she wants to do, then she should do it.

Kate: I don’t like her obviously very fake high pony.

 

Rachel Brosnahan

Erica: Kate, have you watched “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”?

Kate: No but it won everything last night so maybe I should. This looks like a less-fabulous version of Padma’s dress. During the show I thought this looked pretty great, but in the photo/after seeing Padma, mmmmmnotsomuch.

Erica: You should. It’s terrific and she’s amazing. Anyway, I think this dress probably looked better in person than it did on TV. I don’t love the waist, but otherwise, it looks quite beautifully made. Flowy and structural at the same time. And red on a girl with dark hair and pale skin is A+.

 

Regina King

Erica: As we have established, this color dress is only acceptable on darker-skinned ladies.

Kate: Yes and I actually love this on her, the structure of the top looks really cool with the back.

 

Sandra Oh

Erica: Zoe and I want to know what is up with her hair.

Kate: I think that’s what she usually does with her hair?

Erica: It seemed to have calmed down between the red carpet and the stage show. The dress is okay. I like the color.

Kate: It’s not my favorite.

Erica: She’s pretty funny. I don’t think I fully understood that. Or maybe I forgot.

Kate: She was one of the best characters on Grey’s — yes I still watch that and I will until the day I die.

 

Scarlett Johansson

Kate: Fierce. Duh.

Erica: Yeah, she looks amazing. I feel like this is a really great dress. The sculptural take on glamorous silhouette, with an almost beachy casualness – I like it. I feel like most of the ladies are bringing it tonight. Or that at least there’s less boring than usual.

Kate: It looks quite tricky to, like, keep in place throughout the night, but, yeah. Fierce.

 

Taraji P. Henson

Erica: I do not like this at all. I do not like anything about it. I do not like the pattern. I do not like the dress-mullet bottom, and I do not like the high neck and long sleeves. I must say, given how much I hate the dress, that I do not think she looks terrible. So.

Kate: See, it’s the mini/maxi thing again! Definitely not my favorite look on her; the pattern is making me dizzy.

 

Thandie Newton

Kate: Probably my favorite other than Jessica Biel. I think this is absolute perfection. My only thing is it looks better with the drapey thing behind her than actually draped over her shoulder, but, wow. Wow wow wow.  

Erica: Ooh I love it. The drapey thing is so dramatic and the color is so beautiful and so much fun.

Kate: I also think she could have gone with a SLIGHTLY more understated earring, but overall really freakin’ love this.

Erica: I’m cool with the earrings. She’s in my top 10 — maybe top five — for prettiest person in the universe (not counting people to whom I am blood related).

Kate: Also, it’s pronounced “Tandy” not “Thandy”, which I learned last night.

 

Tiffany Haddish

Erica: I don’t care; I love it. It’s the kind of thing I would have dreamed of wearing when I was eight.

Kate: Everyone on the interwebs was making fun of her for looking like that giant rainbow thing we used to play with at camp or in elementary school and I obviously see the similarities but…I don’t hate it. It looks well made and flowy and pretty and comfortable.

Erica: Yes! It does look like the parachutes you play with as a tot! And that’s what I love about it! And I love how much she loves it.

 

Tina Fey

Kate: She’s back to not doing great at these things. It’s kind of a lesser version of Mandy Moore’s dress, no?

Erica: That’s pretty bad. I don’t know. Is it really in the same category? But it’s terrible. The belt, the lace, the weird shimmeryness — all terrible.

 

Tracee Ellis Ross

Kate: Need I even make the Pepto-Bismol / Bubble Yum references, or are we good here?

Erica: There is a stunning woman under all of that nonsense, I swear.

Kate: So, best dressed is obviously Jessica Biel and Thandie Newton, yes?

Erica: I actually want to give it to Jessica Biel. Thandie looks gorgeous but I’m so impressed by the creativity of Jessica Biel’s dress.

Kate: Totally fair. And worst dressed?

Erica: Laura Dern? I mean, she’s a great actress and an institution and obviously she does not have to give a blank, but that’s a terrible look.

Kate: Ok, see y’all after the Golden Globes!

SYTYCD Season 15 Finale

Erica: So this is it. The end of the crazy quick and, IMHO, uninspiring half-season.

Kate: Almost didn’t even care about watching this. (Almost.)

Erica: It was a lot of repeated dances and a couple of special performances. We are noting the existence of the special dances but not reviewing them.

Kate: It was the only way.

 

Cat Deeley’s Ensemble

Erica: Fine. Not my thing, but fine. Certainly one of the better ones of this season. I feel like, once upon a time, she wore more formal things for the finale, no?

Kate: I didn’t watch the super-early days, so I don’t know. This dress was fine, but I hated her hair. That semi-wet/slicked-back-or-to-the-side look is really not my thing.

Erica: The hair to me was good in theory but in real life looked greasy and stringy.

Kate: This is how my hair has been looking lately no matter what I do and it’s REALLY starting to bother me. Just, you know, as an aside.

Erica: Hudge looked good again. It’s good to have something going for you.

Kate: Yup, liked her makeup a lot, actually. Hate to say it, but I did.

Erica: Cat announced that Mandy Moore won an Emmy for this show and I panicked, thinking Kate and I missed the telecast, but of course we didn’t. Choreographers don’t get to have awards during the actual telecast.

Kate: Nope, just the Creative Arts Emmys were the other night. Actual Emmys are the Monday 17th!

 

Group Routine (Top 10): Jazz, choreo by Mandy Moore

“Top of the World” by Greek Fire

Erica: So this was a Macy’s ad. Everyone in the audience had Macy’s star t-shirts on, and five of the dancers were holding sparkly diamond cutouts that, when put together, theoretically formed a Macy’s star. And the dancers were all dressed like the back-to-school Macy’s catalog. At the end, a whole bunch of balloons were thrown on stage. So.

Kate: Yeah, this felt so corny to me, not just because of the stars, but because of the actual routine, but if that’s how this show is staying afloat, a Macy’s sponsorship, then…OK? I don’t know. I DON’T KNOW.

Erica: The dancing was fun and fine and exactly what one might expect from a Macy’s ad. I was also reminded how Jay Jay and Darius were robbed. After this episode I’m thinking that, though Jay Jay was my early favorite, Darius might be better.

Kate: They are both so talented. I was happy to see them again.

 

Jensen & Jay Jay: Tahitian, choreo by Tiana Nonosina Liufau
“Lugahiva” by Te Vaka

Erica: The first dance was Hudge’s choice and it was a solid one. This was pretty good then and it was pretty good this time, too. I don’t know why, but I feel like Jensen’s hips looked better in this dance than they do in her Latin dances.

Kate: I don’t know, I felt that she was pretty low-energy in this. I know the competition aspect is essentially over but, like, come on Jens. Give us a little somethin’.

 

Genessy & Lex (Season 14): Contemporary, choreo by Mandy & Elizabeth
“Be Brave” by My Brightest Diamond

Erica: Genessy chose her contemporary with Lex, which is unsurprising. It continues not to be my favorite routine, but they performed it well.

Kate: Agree.

 

Hannahlei & Cole: Cha-Cha, choreo by Sasha Farber & Emma Slater
“Sing It Back” by Moloko

Erica: Mary’s choice was a samba with Hannahlei and Cole that I have to confess I didn’t even remember. I looked back and I liked it the first time. This time was pretty good, too, although that last trick with her weaving between his legs still looked labored. I also feel like, Mary was really selling the sexiness of this routine, but I didn’t fully buy it. They’re not connected enough and there’s not those sort of slow, slinky movements.

Kate: I KNOW! Mary was like, “This was the sexiest Cha-Cha ever”, and I was like, wha?

 

Genessy & Slavik: Hip-Hop, choreo by Luther Brown
“Round & Round” by Fabolous

Erica: I don’t like when the final four choose routines like this. He chose it because it was in his own style, and he got good feedback the first time he did it. It shows me that he doesn’t really value the growth and challenge of being in this competition. I realize that this is a very “Get off my lawn!” sentiment, though.

Kate: No, you’re right, and I didn’t think he even did all that great in this, his own style, the first time around or this time around. He’s always too LOOSE.

Erica: I have to say, I think they did better this time around, which becomes a theme of the night. One might suppose it’s because they’ve got this extra week of rehearsals, but I think that it has more to do with the competition being over. I think people in general and creative types in general don’t do their best work under competitive conditions.

Kate: But that is the heart of this show!

Erica: Cat then introduced a blooper reel that was not really that funny or blooper-y, so, cool. Then we got a special tap performance from this season’s Evan, and last year’s winner, Lex.

Kate: Yes, that was odd, because Nigel said he specially requested it to be in the style of a specific person, and I was like, wha?

 

Jensen & Jay Jay: Hip-Hop, choreo by Hef & Randi
“Cookin” by Fat Joe, Remy Ma & French Montana ft. RySoValid

Erica: Jensen chose this number, which I respect, and she killed it because nothing was at stake and she could just enjoy herself. At the end, they pulled Mandy Moore’s Emmy out of the oven and the crowd went wild.

Kate: That was cute, as was this routine the first time and this time, and she was much more high-energy here than in her first routine, so that’s good.

Erica: I am a little sad that we don’t get to see their African Jazz number but maybe she just didn’t want to work that hard. That dance was crazy.

Kate: Yeah, I was kind of hoping she’d pick that one.

Erica: Then we got an encore of an Academy performance that I don’t really know what it was but it was good. Then an ad for the tour.

Kate: I loved the tour the one time I went. I would go again if it was, like, just Robert dancing. And maybe tWitch.

 

Magda & Darius: Jazz, choreo by Mandy Moore
“Fever” by Peggy Lee

Erica: This was tWitch’s pick. I liked it fine the first time; I continued to like it fine this time. Again, I thought they were better now, when they didn’t have to worry about anything.

Kate: Disagree! Everyone way too chill about the dancing!

 

Hannahlei & Marko (Season 8): Contemporary, choreo by Robert Roldan (Season 7)
“Welcome Home” by Joy Williams

Erica: This was Hannahlei’s pick, and I’d have liked to see her in her Travis Wall Broadway again, but this was quite beautiful.

Kate: Yup probably my favorite of hers but possibly because of the song.

Erica: Then there was some more review-of-the-season footage. I don’t know what the point of it is.

Kate: They’re always like, “OMG this was the best season so much happened yay we’re the best”, and I’m like, wha?

 

Genessy & Slavik: Jazz, choreo by Ray Leeper
“House Work (Extended Mix)” by Jax Jones ft. Mike Dunn & MNEK

Erica: This was tWitch’s other pick, which was surprising to me because he was pretty critical of it the first time. So was I; I thought they were not sharp enough. I’d still love to see more sharpness, but it was better, and at least they looked like they were enjoying themselves.

Kate: Again, not impressed by Slavik whatsoever, even in “his” genre.

 

Group Routine (Girls): Hip-Hop, choreo by Luther Brown
“Bump” by Trish

Erica: They brought back this fairly fabulous group routine and added the other two girls to the mix about halfway through. It was great, again.

Kate: Yup yup yup, loved the addition of the other girls.

Erica: Then we got a song and routine from the world’s first international pop group? Which has been put together by someone connected to this show? I am confused about who these people are and why, but they’re cute.

Kate: What does it mean to be the world’s first international pop group? No one else has that title? They all looked so young, but were good dancers. I don’t know.

 

Jensen & Hannahlei: Heels, choreo by Brian Friedman
“Dem Beats” by Todrick feat. RuPaul

Erica: Hudge chose this number next, which makes sense to me, because I feel this number is all style and little substance, much like her.

Kate: Wow, burn! I actually liked it better this time.

Erica: Then Cat and Vanessa joked about performing this together at the wrap party, which, I sincerely hope they did.

Kate: Oh, yes, let’s see some wrap party footage.

Erica: There was some footage of the top four saying what it would mean to them to win. No one gave an interesting answer.

Group Routine (Boys): Hip-Hop, choreo by Luther Brown

“Juice” by Yo Gotti

Erica: This continues to be a fabulous routine, and was made even more fabulous by tWitch coming in halfway through and showing these boys how it’s done. Then Nigel walked on at the tail end, and you know what, he knew he couldn’t do much, and he enjoyed what little he did, and I thought it was cute. I know I rag on him, but, you know, he does love dance, which is why he does this show, and I’m glad he took advantage of the opportunity to have a good time.

Kate: Oh, this was the most adorable. tWitch really makes it look so effortless and really does show these boys how it’s done, and Nigel just looked so happy to be up there. I think we should incorporate judges dancing more, didn’t Mary used to do that every now and then?

Erica: You know, he once choreographed a terrific boys’ group routine, back in Season Four, which might have been my favorite season. Check it out. It’s got tWitch!

Kate: Oh, super-cute.

Erica: Then we got some footage of contestant tWitch and it was cute, although honestly they could have showed more of his really great moments on the show.

Kate: Oh, the audition footage was actually the most adorable thing, and I forgot how good that “Mercy” routine was.

 

Magda & Darius: Contemporary, choreo by Travis Wall
“Glass Heart Concerto” by Blondie & Philip Glass

Erica: Mary’s pick was this contemporary, which is and was fab. I think they were even more passionate this time around, although there were still a couple of labored moments.

Kate: Agree, lifts were not perfect but overall emotion was. Maybe that’s because they, like, lost?

 

Jay Jay & Lauren (Season 7): Jazz, choreo by Mandy Moore
“Runaway Baby” by Bruno Mars

Erica: Nigel brought back this super-fun jazz routine and also reminded us that we apparently don’t like jazz.

Kate: I mean, I don’t like it as much as, say, hip-hop or contemporary, but I don’t hate it.

Erica: I also — I’m sorry, Kate — I like this song.

Kate: Why are you sorry, because I used to hate Bruno Mars? I think that has subsided, and this song is quite catchy indeed.

Erica: And Slavik is out. Okay, then. A girl is going to win.

Kate: YAS! THANK YOU, AMERICA! Or, the America that still votes for this show.

 

Group Routine (All): Hip-Hop, choreo by Luther Brown
“Yummy” by Gwen Stefani ft. Pharrell

Erica: Another group routine by Luther Brown, which, yeah, he did some fabulous group routines, including this one, but I’m also wondering what happened to NappyTabs. They were at auditions; why don’t we have a big group routine from them?

Kate: Yep I liked this, and excellent question.

 

Darius & Taylor (Season 14): Contemporary, choreo by Travis Wall
“It Takes A Lot To Know A Man” by Damien Rice

Erica: Nigel, obviously, chose the Big Message piece so he can pat himself on the back again for, after 15 years of helming a dance competition, letting someone admit they’re gay on live TV. He also says “acceptance” is the greatest thing humanity can possibly achieve. I can’t roll my eyes hard enough.

Kate: I think you are a weeeee bit hard on him. This was a great routine then and now.

Erica: It was a really good routine, performed beautifully, but I have two caveats: 1) I know the show is dedicated to boy-girl pairings, but wouldn’t it make more sense if the Taylor character here was played by a male dancer? For story purposes? 2) If Darius is in three of your favorite pair dances, SHOULDN’T HE BE IN THE FINAL FOUR?

Kate: Yes, he should, but the judges didn’t choose the final four, America did. Or, the America that still votes for this show.

Erica: And then it was time to announce the winner. It was not Genessy. Apparently Hannahlei and Jensen were close, but…It’s Hannahlei! I am surprised and it is not my preference but it is fine. Fine.

Kate: Oh, I wanted it to be Jensen, but…Ok! Fine! I know we said this with the season with the kids, but, I think we are finally, finally done with this show. A sad day, but an inevitable one.

 

SYTYCD Season 15 – Top 4 Perform

Erica: So, this was not the finale. This was the pre-finale. Just for the record.

Kate: How do they get a pre-finale episode, especially when we’re now running into Monday Night Football season, but only a top 10 and a few one-hour audition episodes?

Erica: I can’t believe that the top four includes three girls and one boy, given that, on this season, unlike any other, I thought the boys overall were better than the girls, and given that THEY CUT THE TWO BEST BOYS. But whatever. Whatever. Let’s carry on.

Kate: I know, I’m still so mad that Slavik is there.

Erica: Also for the record, there was no opening group routine this week, just an opening video about how all four of them have been in this competition.

 

Cat Deeley’s Ensemble

Erica: Lord, that dress looked like a Muppet at a rave. Do raves still exist? Did they ever?

Kate: I think so. I got itchy just looking at it.

Erica: Perfect hair, though. Straight-ish but with a little volume on the top. I mean, it is difficult to mess up the gorgeousness that is Cat Deeley’s hair.

Kate: See I loved the hair at first but then it was so obvious to me how much of it was fake and that kind of ruined the magic for me.

Erica: And because I haven’t had a good feminist rant yet this season, I’ll take the opportunity to note that in the sequence in which each dancer is announced, the outfits were as follows: Hannahlei in a sparkly bathing suit; Genessy in a one-piece that consisted of sparkles over her boobs, bikini bottoms, a flap of material over her butt and otherwise just sheer mesh; Jensen in an almost-modest LBD with a high slit and spaghetti straps and vertical sparkly stripes. All three had a pound and a half of make-up on their faces. And Slavik? Slavik was in a gray tee shirt and black sweatpants with no visible makeup. (I mean, it’s TV, so I’m sure there was some makeup, but his face looked like his regular face.) What is my point? I have none. I’m just sitting here, observing.

Kate: I am sure Slavik had on boy dancer stage makeup.

Erica: The outfits are their solo outfits, as it turns out, which doesn’t really diminish my point. Which I do not have. I gotta say, Hudge actually looked acceptable on this episode. And Cat pointed out how tWitch’s lost voice made him sound all kinds of sexy, which, yes.

Kate: Yep, enjoyed that.

Erica: Cat mentioned again that Fox will be doing a live Rent, and I gotta say, I loved that musical hard as a teenager, but I’m not sure it’s aged well. Poverty seems a little less romantic now, you know?

Kate: I don’t understand why we keep doing the live musicals on TV; haven’t all of them been pretty bad?

Erica: Honestly, I’ve missed most of them.  

 

Genessy & Slavik: Hip-Hop, choreo by Luther Brown

“Poke it Out” by Playboi Carti & Nicki Minaj

Erica: NOT SHARP ENOUGH!

Kate: NO, BUT…I actually liked Slavik in this. It was the first time that I was, like, oh, yes, I do think you can dance. Sort of.

Erica: I also thought — and I don’t know if this is a choreography problem or a them problem — that they were dancing too close to each other, so they couldn’t make their moves big enough without smacking each other in the face.

Kate: I did not notice that.

 

Jensen & Hannahlei: Heels, choreo by Brian Friedman

“Dem Beats” by Todrick feat. RuPaul

Erica: “Heels” is apparently a combination of jazz, contemporary and burlesque. Sure.

Kate: Oh I was CERTAIN that was a typo. WHAT?!

Erica: I’m going to go ahead and guess, based on the track and the style and everything else, that this is actually a dance style that comes from RuPaul’s Drag Race/the drag world. I don’t see why it’s different from, like, jazz, but what do I know?

Kate: I thought it was a little hip-hop-y, too.

Erica: I thought that the dance didn’t really demand much from them. They made a big deal of dancing in heels, but, dancing in heels is not beyond either of these girls’ abilities, especially Jensen, who is a ballroom dancer and therefore always dances in heels. Jensen looked better technically to me; Hannahlei looked like she was doing better in terms of attitude and stage presence.

Kate: I disagree, I thought Jensen completely outshone Hannahlei in every possible way. Like, actual size difference aside, Hannahlei looked like a little sister copying her big sister or even mom who’s, like, a super-professional dancer.

Erica: Hudge was more incoherent than usual. I think she was blinded by Brian Friedman’s rhinestones.

 

Genessy & Jonathan (Season 5): Samba, choreo by Elena Samodanova

“Watch Out for This (Bumaye)” by Major Lazer feat. Busy Signal, the Flexican, & FS Green)

Erica: Is she chewing gum? Is that supposed to be cute?

Kate: She was just making all the horrible facial expressions in this, I think.

Erica: All of her moves look unfinished to me. She looks like she’s always thinking of the next step.

Kate: She is not a very good dancer! She’s just not! No, I do not think she can dance!

 

Slavik & Melanie (Season 8): Contemporary, choreo by Travis Wall

“Gun” by Mas Ysa

Erica: Oh, we loved Melanie. She remains adorable. And I think she’s ideally suited to Travis Wall choreography. But we’re not talking about her because she already won. We’re talking about Slavik. Who I thought was remarkably good in this piece.

Kate: Ohhh we SO loved Melanie. Indeed she is suited to Travis, but not to Slavik, who is not a great dancer/is just OK. (And, man, we have been doing this for a LONG time.)

Erica: I agree with the judges that this piece was more about acting than dancing, which was fine with me, at least some of the time.

Kate: See I don’t think he pulled off the more-acting-than-dancing thing.

 

Hannahlei & Slavik: African Jazz, choreo by Sean Cheesman

“When Rivers Cry (Moon Drums Mix)” by Somi feat. Common

Erica: Sean Cheesman has definitely become a favorite choreographer of mine, but damn, his pants in the rehearsal footage? Like, we need to talk, Sean Cheesman.

Kate: I did not pay attention to the rehearsal footage in this episode.

Erica: I thought the choreography was cool as sh!t and they performed it adequately. Like, I’m sure we’ve seen dancers that could have done that better, but they didn’t embarrass themselves or anything.

Kate: She did great in this. I continue to not be impressed by him.

 

Jensen & Genessy: Broadway, choreo by Travis Wall

“Maybe This Time” by Liza Minnelli

Erica: The song, the costumes, the Travis — this is so much Erica catnip. I do wish Jensen’s hair had been styled better.

Kate: Oh my god I hated this SO much.

Erica: I thought it was cute but that Travis’s other Broadway number was better.

Kate: They both looked awkward and terrified and not sexy and confident as I would think they would want to be in this kind of routine. Honestly felt like it was one of the worst I’ve seen in SYTYCD history.

 

Hannahlei & Fik-Shun (Season 10): Hip-Hop, choreo by Randi & Hef

“Move Something” by DJ Quik & Problem

Erica: I’m, like, 90% sure Fik-shun has already had a routine about moving. I’m also somewhat disappointed that, given the jokes that were made during the rehearsal footage, they didn’t have Hannahlei inside one of the boxes at the beginning of the routine. I mean, if you’re going to have props and an on-the-nose song, you might as well go all the way to cheese.

Kate: I think you’re right but I don’t have time to find a clip of it right now. I almost forgot how much I loved him — he’s so great, so energetic, so…What’s the word? GOOD AT DANCING. That’s three words, but, yeah.

Erica: I thought she did very well. Her cheerleader past probably serves her well in this kind of cheerful, fun hip-hop. She even had some moves that I think I’ve seen cheerleaders do.

Kate: I was mostly focused on him but yes she did well.

 

Jensen & Robert (Season 7): Contemporary, choreo by Mandy Moore

“Can’t Help Falling In Love” by Kina Grannis (from the Crazy Rich Asians soundtrack)

Erica: Kate, have you read Crazy Rich Asians yet?

Kate: No, I’m reading another Ken Follett book so I won’t be done until 2019.

Erica: You should go read it right now. It’ll take you, like, an hour. It’s super fun. It’s like Real Housewives of Singapore, with a plot.

Kate: Maybe in 2019.

Erica: This was the best she’s ever done. By far. This was the first time I thought I would be happy to see her win. But really. It’s because of Robert. Robert makes everyone shine. Some of those lifts were just heartbreakingly lovely. And the choreography was gorgeous. But really, Robert was gorgeous and he made Jensen more gorgeous and it was great.

Kate: This made my heart simultaneously ache and soar. I love Robert so, so very much. He was amazing in this and he made her even more amazing. I think she should/is going to win.  

Erica: Also, holy moly, she’s her mom’s mini-me.

 

Genessy & Hannahlei: Contemporary, choreo by Talia Favia

“Numbers” by Daughter

Erica: Good. Right? They did well? I wish their waist cinchers matched because it came across like they just couldn’t find the same two, but the dancing was very good.

Kate: Yes, good, right, they did well. Their outfits were more, like, outfits, than costumes. Ya know?

Erica: Yes. I am not a fan of the formal short, but, if a formal short we’re an appropriate item, these would be things you’d wear on occasions that called for formal shorts. It speaks a lot about the dance that I’m more focused on the frankly boring outfits.

 

Jensen & Slavik: Cha-Cha, choreo by Oksana Platero

“Boom” by Tiesto & Sevenn ft. Gucci Mane

Erica: I think Slavik was very lucky to be dancing with Jensen for this number. Ballroom dancing is meant to show off the girl, so he didn’t have to do much. Mary assures us that the little he did, he didn’t do particularly well.

Kate: I for the life of me cannot remember this routine. Maybe I accidentally fast-forwarded through it? I imagine she was great and he kind of sucked, though.

Erica: That is correct! I liked Jensen in this and at this point, I’d be happy to see her win. But we know how America feels about competent women.

Kate: Oh see I think she will win because she’s the cute blonde girl and America is America after all.

Erica: Maybe her blondeness will save her. We’ll find out next week!

Kate: We sure will!

 

SYTYCD Season 15 – Top 6 Perform

Cat Deeley’s Ensemble

Kate: This dress needs 2 less sleeves, one less turtleneck and one less obnoxiously large bow on the shoulder, then it’d be fine. Although the combination of velvet AND sequins is a little aggressive.

Erica: The bow is, to me, the most egregious thing. I don’t much like the dress, but it’s also just not my sort of thing.

Kate: Love the hair — silky smooth — and makeup, though.

Erica: Fully agree. Perfect. Also, it must be said; neither Hudge nor Mary look like a crazy person styled them tonight.

Kate: Ehhh…

 

Group Routine: Contemporary, choreo by Mia Michaels

“Spring 1” by Max Richter, Andre de Ridder, Konzerthaus Kammerorchester Berlin & Daniel Hope

Kate: Oh, kind of lovely, no?

Erica: I really enjoyed the choreography and I thought the performance was better than they have been. Also I kind of want a skirt like the girls were wearing. For, um, Sadie. And not for myself. At all.

Kate: I liked the mix of a classical/ballet-type song with contemporary Mia Michaels-type dancing.

Erica: I was surprised Nigel approved of the boys dancing all girly.

Kate: Also, this is the top 6 already? Does that mean next week is the finale since it’s the top 4?

Erica: Yeah, it sounds like it. That’s what happens when you start with just ten dancers.

 

Jensen & Kiki (Season 14) Cha-Cha, choreo by Jenna Johnson (Season 10)

“Bailar (Radio Edit)” by Deorro ft. Elvis Crespo

Kate: Ok so I think when we talk about her and Jay Jay having trouble with the connections, it’s actually her, because I noticed it here too, which is weird because isn’t ballroom her thing?

Erica: Yeah. It is. It did feel like the two of them were in different dances.

Kate: They said in the thing before the dance that she was sick this week, and I feel like I could kind of tell; she was not going full out, which is something I said about one of her performances last week I think.

 

Genessy & Lex (Season 14): Contemporary, choreo by Mandy & Elizabeth

“Be Brave” by My Brightest Diamond

Kate: Why was she crying in the thing before the dance?

Erica: Because it’s a struggle, y’all.

Kate: Well, even though I’m not totally in love with her, she did great in this, but who wouldn’t with Lex as their partner?

Erica: No no we hate Lex. I didn’t love the conceptual on-the-nose-ness of this piece, but I thought she danced it very well.

Kate: We do? Don’t remember that. I just feel like I finally was able to see her range of movement here, you know?

Erica: Yeah. We definitely saw her legs like we had not seen them before. I will say, Nigel kind of said without saying that it was good she wasn’t dragging around Slavik anymore.

 

Slavik & Jaja (Season 12): Hip-Hop, choreo by Comfort Fedoke (Season 4)

“Beggin & Pleadin” by Brandy

Kate: Still not that impressed with him. Like, at all.

Erica: I hate to say it, but…I didn’t like this choreography. Man. I love Comfort. But I thought this was not an interesting piece. And I’m all for dancing a style that doesn’t match the music, but it did not work here.

Kate: I thought it was ok, but it was a pretty odd Brandy song that I had never heard before. Also, isn’t hip-hop his genre? I didn’t find him to be sharp or down low enough at all.

Erica: The judges were pretty harsh. Although Nigel did also make reference to the not-at-all-happening showmance.

 

Hannahlei & Marko (Season 8): choreo by Robert Roldan (Season 7)

“Welcome Home” by Joy Williams

Kate: Marko! Robert!! And a Joy Williams song (she’s one half of the now nonexistent duo, The Civil Wars)!!! Oh, be still my heart; it’s too much. TOO MUCH!

Erica: The piece was quite lovely. Not going to change the world of dance, but pretty and danced well.

Kate: They weren’t  t o t a l l y in sync but this was beautiful and she did great, especially with all the lifts and tricks.

Erica: Yeah, I was impressed with her. There were moments of very honest connection that I thought worked really well.

 

Jay Jay & Lauren (Season 7): Jazz, choreo by Mandy Moore

“Runaway Baby” by Bruno Mars

Kate: Oh, I thought all the routines would be choreographed by former contestants, which would have been cool. Also, really, Mandy Moore? This show doesn’t respond well to jazz?

Erica: Hey, that would have been cool. Maybe there’s some statistic she has access to that indicates voters don’t vote for jazz? I have to imagine that people who work on this show have access to and obsess over stats we don’t know about.

Kate: Oh, I hadn’t thought about that; probably. Lauren is also another one of my favorites; I think her and Robert’s season was my all-time favorite. The golden era of dance, if you will.

Erica: Hah! But yeah, they were good.

Kate: And although she’s one of my favorites, I feel like she did her job as an all-star and really let him shine in this routine; his jazz sass and attitude were pretty on point. (Lots of dance puns in that sentence.)

Erica: He has something that no other dancer has this season — he makes it look easy. I thought he was fab in this as he has been in just about everything. And of course I was delighted to see Lauren again. She’s great.

 

Darius & Taylor (Season 14): Contemporary, choreo by Travis Wall

“It Takes A Lot To Know A Man” by Damien Rice

Kate: Wait, didn’t we love Taylor?

Erica: Yes. We loved Koine a skootch more, but we loved Taylor next best last season.

Kate: Um, I know this is a Big Message piece, but may I just say that the eye makeup on him here was just gorgeous?

Erica: Here’s my thing — they let Travis say that he’s gay. Out loud. It’s…Like…Progress.

Kate: Hooray for progress! They danced a little awkwardly together and I don’t know if that was intended because of the choreography or what; but other than that, this was great and he was great. He has a lot of range, I think.

Erica: Oh, I thought they were perfection together. I think any awkwardness was intentional. He was spectacular and this piece was spectacular. You and I often don’t love Big Message pieces, but I think the thing is that a lot of the time the dancing suffers in service of The Message. In this piece, the dancing was brilliant, and The Message and the dancing were enhanced by each other. And he was so good. I’m so glad we didn’t lose him last week.

Kate: Aaaand there’s Nigel’s awful commentary. I cannot even. And stupid Hudge is “legit shook”.

Erica: Nigel, there have been gay boys on your show for 15 seasons and this is the first time one of them was allowed to admit it. Don’t pull a muscle patting yourself on the back, there.

 

Jensen & Jay Jay: Tahitian, choreo by Tiana Nonosina Liufau

“Lugahiva” by Te Vaka

Kate: Well, this was new. And WOW costumes.

Erica: This is because of the popularity of Moana. Kate, I forget, did you manage to watch this with the girls at some point? It’s so good.

Kate: I have still never seen it, but Ian plays the songs for me frequently. And I think Nigel said that this lady choreographed Moana, so, duh. But how does one choreograph an animated movie? Anyway, they were only slightly better on their connections here but individually they both danced this great; him a tad bit better, though.

Erica: I think it was nice for these two that this dance wasn’t super-dependent on connections. I thought they were individually very good and her hips were excellent.

 

Genessy & Slavik: Salsa, choreo by Jonathan & Oksana

“Machika” by J Balvin, Jeon & Anitta

Kate: Their silly little romance thing is just too…Silly…For me to believe this was a “sexy salsa” routine as indicated in the pre-dance thing.

Erica: Yeah, weirdly, the parts that they were supposed to be really rolling their pelvises together or whatever looked the worst.

Kate: Their lifts and tricks were also super-awkward throughout, very labored. Didn’t really like this, so I’m back to not liking her, and I still don’t like him or their silly little romance.

Erica: I thought she was better than him in this. But not great.

 

Hannahlei & Darius: Argentine Tango, choreo by Leonardo & Miriam

“Tanguango” by Ryota Komatsu

Kate: It sucks/is interesting that these are the only 2 left in the competition not with their original partners, no?

Erica: I suppose, but also, again, the small numbers made that inevitable.

Kate: Also, the way the 2 choreographers were dancing in the pre-dance thing made me want to watch THEM do some Argentine Tango!

Erica: Oof. I forgot to pay attention to that.

Kate: Also, they NAILED this. That beginning lift? Damn. All the lifts? Damn damn damn. (Except that one at the end when they kind of bumped heads, oops.) Really amazed. What a great night they both had!

Erica: I thought they danced it very well but didn’t sell the sexy. I also have to give props to the choreographers, who put in some really cool moves, which the pair of them pulled off.

Kate: “The pair of them” is a very Nigel-esque phrase. And, um, awkward AF when he asked Fox if they can have a top 20 again. I just don’t see it for you, Nigel.

Erica: Aw, poor Nigel.

Kate: Jensen is safe. Yay/duh.

 

Group Routine (Boys): Lyrical Hip-Hop, choreo by Christopher Scott

“Violence Broken” by No Mono

Kate: Hmm, not my favorite concept, but Jay Jay and Darius so clearly outshine Slavik.

Erica: I didn’t mind the concept. Christopher Scott loves his props but I thought these worked okay. And I thought Darius was the best in this one.

Kate: This really was just a weird routine.

Erica: Well. Yes. It was. I thought it was interesting but did not shine. I liked Luther Brown’s boys’ piece last week.

Kate: Slavik is safe. Are. You. Kidding. ???

Erica: I’m telling you, the power of the heterosexuality is working for him right now. I am super-enjoying, too, that the girls had to come out for results with their hair wrapped up because they were in the middle of prepping for their next routine. This show is usually pretty good about not showing its bones like that, but I enjoy when they do.

 

Group Routine (Girls): Hip-Hop, choreo by Luther Brown

“Bump” by Trish

Kate: SO much more fun/interesting than the boys’ routine.

Erica: I’m telling you, we need Luther Brown on the group routines more.

Kate: I actually really enjoyed this routine and I actually think that Genessy was best of the 3, followed by Hannahlei then Jensen, but I still love Jensen. I would very much like to learn this routine, Luther.

Erica: I liked Hannahlei the best in this one but I thought it was mostly that it was a fun routine.

Kate: Hannahlei is safe, which is good, as is Jensen, which is not good. America, I am once again not at all thrilled with you. Jay Jay and Darius are way more talented than most of those people in the top 4. UGH!

Erica: I have no objection to the girls, as I didn’t have a huge attachment to any of them, but once Slavik was safe I knew America had not been healed. No matter how many times tWitch wishes Luther Brown “mazel tov”. So our top 4 are Hannahlei, Jensen, Genessy and Slavik. Wait, so, first of all, for the first time ever, they have chosen not to do an even number of boys and girls, and also, Jay Jay and Darius are the best on the show? WTF? I call racism.

Kate: Ugh, until next week, I guess.

 

SYTYCD Top 8

Erica: I want y’all to know that I’m using my precious the-baby-is-asleep-and-I’m-not time to do this recap instead of reading China Rich Girlfriend, the second in the Crazy Rich Asians trilogy. So I hope someone is reading it. Kate, have we talked Crazy Rich Asians? Have you read it?

Kate: No and no, but the movie looks funny.

Erica: You should read the books; you would love them.

 

Cat Deeley’s Ensemble

Erica: This is such an extreme improvement from last week that I have to assume it’s a different stylist. I am very much charmed by the oversized scalloped edges on the halter neckline.

Kate: Yes she looks great. Love a high pony on a tall blonde.

Erica: So very much dancing tonight. Each couple dances twice, then each dancer does a solo (which we won’t cover unless something exciting happens, which it won’t), then there’s a girls’ routine and a boys’ routine. So that’s cool.

Kate: Ugh, solos.

Erica: Also I still hate Hudge but I like her hair tonight. I can be nice.

Kate: Yes, her hairstyle on this particular episode is the most redeeming thing about her. Ever.

 

Group Routine: Contemporary, choreo by Christopher Scott

“Runaway” by Nathan Lanier

Erica: This was a very high concept piece. The four boys were on platforms in black outfits and stretchy cords attaching them by the shoulders to their platforms. They struggled against these cords until their ladies came on the platforms dressed as pantsless doctors. Eventually all the boys except the straight guy got out and then he was left on stage alone and panicked. It was extremely bizarre.

Kate: The cords distracted me from the dancing at first. I love this version of this song.

Erica: I thought the flailing was a little sloppy at times. But it was a routine that was mostly about the choreography, not the dancing. IMHO.

Kate: And the props.

 

Jensen & Jay Jay: Smooth Jazz, choreo by Sean Cheesman

“I Got You (I Feel Good)” by Jessie J

Erica: She has really good hair. Like, not so much in this costuming (although it’s fine), but in general. That’s not a dance comment but I felt it needed to be said.

Kate: Yes, she does. I do not like this version of this song. Also, there is a difference between “Jazz” and “Smooth Jazz” in dance as well as in music? Odd…

Erica: Am I just being a b!tch? I felt like a lot of the lifts were super-awkward and labored. Because of the tempo of the song, you can’t really use momentum to throw your partner around; you have to look smooth like honey, and they didn’t.

Kate: No you are not you are being correct, they are still severely lacking in connections when it comes to lifts and turns and I do not understand why because they are good everywhere else. She also seemed very unsure and held back throughout this entire routine.

Erica: I did really like the choreography.

 

Genessy & Slavik: Contemporary, choreo by Mandy Moore

“Fall For You” by Leela James

Erica: Ugh they are trying to showmance these two and I am not interested.

Kate: Did she say “He is definitely one of my soulmates?” WTF does that mean?

Erica: I don’t have anything to criticize about their dancing except that I didn’t fall in love with them and I wanted to fall in love with them. The dance was supposed to be about the moment they decide to say “I love you,” so I wanted to have that little sigh, that heart-gasm™ (Sonali Dev), and I didn’t. Maybe because I was already annoyed by the showmance stuff.

Kate: I did like them in this routine better than I have in any other routines so far, but, yea, don’t care about their showmance.

 

Magda & Darius: Hip-Hop, choreo by Phoenix & Pharside

“Killa” by Disto

Erica: Between the weird bulkiness of their wolf-ish costumes, the lighting and the camera angles, I couldn’t really tell whether they’re doing this well or not. I suspect not.

Kate: I really, really hated the costumes; at first I thought it had something to do with The Wizard of Oz and she was the cowardly lion. However, she was actually better at hip-hop than he was, I think.

Erica: Also holy sh*t is Hudge the most useless human. “Wolf! There it is!”, she crowed, as if she somehow managed to have an original thought instead of having her only comment be a joke that would have felt dated when I was a freshman in high school.

 

Hannahlei & Cole: Broadway, choreo by Travis Wall

“Get Happy” by Judy Garland

Erica: Okay. I don’t like him. But they were adorable in this piece. And this piece was adorable. Travis Wall really is kind of a gift to dance.

Kate: I don’t get why everyone loved this so much. This is possibly because I wasn’t paying much attention to it. Oops.

Erica: Go back and pay attention because it was the first routine of this season I’m going to remember. I mean, I already like Broadway, but honestly, this was good.

 

Genessy & Slavik: Jazz, choreo by Ray Leeper

“House Work (Extended Mix)” by Jax Jones ft. Mike Dunn & MNEK

Erica: This is exactly what I do when I clean my house. I felt that they were not nearly in sync enough or sharp enough.

Kate: Yea, they are back to boring me. I don’t think she’s really that good of a dancer.

Erica: I must give tWitch all the props for being actually critical. And Nigel none of the props for pushing the showmance so awkwardly and annoyingly.

Kate: I hate it.

 

Magda & Darius: Contemporary, choreo by Jaci Royal

“Undertow” by Ane Braun

Erica: This is not about the dancers at all. I have many questions about Jaci Royal. Like, why is your name spelled like that when you pronounce it “Jackie”? And, what about “story about a bad relationship using an on-the-nose prop” is NOT a “typical contemporary routine”?

Kate: Oh I kind of loved this.

Erica: The coolest part of this routine was the way they slipped around on the floor. The thing I liked least about this routine was when they got too close on her when she was holding her hands out ahead of her, so that instead of it looking like she was finally free, it looked like she was a zombie with ginormous hands.

Kate: I thought they danced it beautifully!

Erica: No disagreements there. I didn’t like the camera work. Ooh, Nigel dinged the choreographer. That almost never happens. And Mary and tWitch argued with him, and everyone was, like, cohesive and basing their arguments on dance rather than screeching. And Hudge is silent.

Kate: That’s because “cohesive” is not in her vocabulary. Literally.

 

Jensen & Jay Jay: Hip-Hop, choreo by Hef & Randi

“Cookin” by Fat Joe, Remy Ma & French Montana ft. RySoValid

Erica: Have we seen these choreographers before?

Kate: Not that I can recall.

Erica: I was worried that this routine would be too prop-heavy — they were cooks and there was a kitchen counter on stage, and at the beginning they played with pans and stuff — but they left that behind pretty quickly and did what I thought was a pretty cute routine that they performed really well. They weren’t always perfectly in sync but they had good chemistry and performance, and really, overall, I thought they did really well.

Kate: Oh, I freakin’ loved this. They both had the perfect sass for this routine, and they finally didn’t look completely terrified of touching/lifting each other (although the tumbling was a bit bumpy). Loved it!

Erica: Did I miss something? Why did Mary give a shout-out to Aretha Franklin? And then Nigel pitched his next reality show idea: Jensen’s dancing Mormon family.

Kate: Honestly, wouldn’t be surprised if I saw that on Lifetime.

 

Hannahlei & Cole: Cha-Cha, choreo by Sasha Farber & Emma Slater

“Sing It Back” by Moloko

Erica: I hate to say it, but he was really good in this. She was pretty good, too. And the choreography was pretty great. My only complaint is the lighting in the beginning, which was too much. And that it’s forcing me to compliment Cole.

Kate: Her solo was also really great, I think. I am now starting to dislike him as much as you do, though, so get back on that train with me.

Erica: Actually, when they showed that trick that impressed Mary again, I see that it was a little labored. But still. Great dance. I still hate his personality.

 

Group Routine (Girls): Contemporary, choreo by Talia Favia

“Wanderlust” by Empara Mi

Erica: Not in sync. Not enough in sync. It seems to be a running theme this week.

Kate: Oh, not in sync at ALL. But Jensen really stood out from the rest as someone who actually knows what she’s doing.

Erica: This piece had a bit of a performance-arty feel to it that I didn’t love. But the bit where they were all running in place while holding hands was cool.

Kate: Agree.

Erica: And the girls’ results were announced at this point, which honestly makes sense. Jensen was safe. I agree with America on this issue. Magda, who was in danger last week, was once again in the bottom. Genessy was also in the bottom, so Hannahlei was safe. And after tonight, there’s no way she would be sent home, so that’s fine.

 

Group Routine (Boys): Hip-hop, choreo by Luther Brown

“Juice” by Yo Gotti

Erica: So, first, the stuff that’s not on the dancers — this is further evidence to me that Luther Brown does not find the standard boy-girl pairing inspiring. I thought this routine was great. Fun without being cartoony, with terrific costuming and lighting, and a good marriage between music and moves.

Kate: Kind of like a sophisticated version of that Magic Mike “It’s Raining Men” routine. 🙂

Erica: Now the dancing — individually, I thought they were all good. Jay Jay continues to stand out for me, and (ugh) Cole was pretty good, if a little too performative. But, again, not in sync enough, and not sharp enough.

Kate: How can a dancer be “too performative”?

Erica: He was mugging too much. It was distracting. And it frequently feels to me like he doesn’t try to feel the emotions in a piece; he just tried to show them. Not that this piece is a showcase for that. Just something I feel in general.

Kate: Ok.

Erica: And on to the results. Jay Jay was safe because he’s the bestest. Cole was in danger, but after tonight there’s no way they’ll send him home. He had a good night. Slavik was safe, so does that mean Darius is out? I have to say, I wasn’t into Darius much, but his solo tonight, I thought, showed he proved to be here, even if he did insist on wearing velvet pants during it.

Kate: I like him better than Slavik and Cole, though.

Erica: Oh, wow. They went with the voters to clear bottom two, so Cole and Magda are gone. I thought the girls’ could have gone either way but I really thought Cole’s performances tonight would save him.

Kate: Oh darn, I was starting to like Magda. But you hated Cole, so that’s ok, right?

Erica: Yes, that’s ok. See you next week, folks!