Grammys 2014

Erica: So . . . I don’t know who any of these people are. I’m really trying to keep up with contemporary music, but . . . yeah.

Kate: Since I don’t even listen to the radio anymore I am often 3 months late on “new” songs, and barely have any idea who these people are myself. Doesn’t mean I can’t critique their fashion (or lack thereof) choices!

Erica: Also, my theme of the night will be, “No one got funky enough!”

Alicia Keys

Alicia Keys Grammys 2014

Erica: See, this is a little boring. I mean, I’m appreciating that this bright cobalt is apparently the color of the year, and that’s great, but . . . haven’t we seen this dress on Alicia Keys before? In black?

Kate: Yes this is her usual style, and I do love the color, but this looked very unflattering when I was watching on TV so the photo is misleading.

Erica: Her hair and make-up look very nice. Well, her make-up does. Her hair is a little too . . . structured? For my tastes, anyway.

Kate: The hair is a little too Danny Zuko for me.

Anna Faris

Anna Faris Grammys 2014

Erica: See, she looks beautiful . . . for the Oscars. The color looks great on her, her choices when it comes to accessories, hair and make-up are understated and strike the right note. But it’s the Grammys!

Kate: I like the dress itself but I actually think the color is a little drab, as is the color of her hair (too close to the color of her skin!), and up close her makeup looked awful. Like grey soot was around her eyes.

Erica: I mean, it’s not clear to me what she’s doing there in the first place. She’s a comedic actress, not a musician. But, being that she’s known for her goofball persona, couldn’t she have goofed it up a little here?

Kate: My thoughts exactly.

Anna Kendrick

Anna Kendrick 2014 Grammys

Erica: Well, this is definitely more Grammys-ish – but I don’t love it. The color is a little me and it doesn’t really fit her persona or body type.

Kate: Disagree, I love this! She looked pretty hot when she presented on stage, and I need those shoes. I do think it would have been just fine without the holes in the middle.

Erica: That, by the way, is what I wish my hair looked like every day.

Kate: Well, duh. It’s totes Tammy Taylor.

Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande Grammys 2014

Erica: It is not clear to me who this person is, although I did learn that she has an opinion on Justin Bieber, which I suppose tells me everything I need to know. But I think she looks adorable. I’m not a fan of the dark-on-top, light-on-the-bottom “reverse ombre” that seems popular this season, but overall I like it. It’s got a distinct personality and character and she seems to have a little attitude.

Kate: See this is a little too Jessica McClintock prom for me. The shape works, and I do like the pumps, but it’s just not working for me. People were raving about her “pony tail”, which drove me mad because it’s really a half-pony, which is WAY too casual for any event fancier than cleaning your house. In the 80s.

Ashanti

Ashanti Grammys 2014

Erica: On the one hand, this is doing all kinds of weird things to her hips and damn, it is short. On the other hand, Grammys! I like it.

Kate: Good grief I didn’t see this last night, it’s terribly unflattering on her. Cool pattern, though.

Beyonce 

Beyonce Grammys 2014

Erica: She is the queen of everything, isn’t she?

Kate: No, no she is not. The only thing about her that impresses me these days is her body – specifically her teeny-tiny waist in proportion to her massive (in a good way) butt and thighs, and nice-sized boobs.

Erica: Again, HATE the hair color situation. But other than that? This is how you do it.

Kate: The dress is fine, but I really don’t like her hair like that, nor do I like the dark red lipstick. She looks better in a pale lip.

Beyonce Grammys 2014 stage

Erica: No, wait, I made a mistake. THIS is how you do it.

Kate: Humping a chair, and then your husband, on stage, in a thong bodysuit, with wet hair, is how you do it? No. Dislike.

Erica: It was totally hot.

Colbie Caillat

Colbie Caillat Grammys 2014

Erica: This is so weird. The combo of the figure-skater bodice with that . . . shoulder thing? And the hair? Too weird.

Kate: I know, it almost worked as edgy and fun for the Grammys, and the color is fab, but that half-turtleneck is killing me. Top knot is too casual.

Erica: I think I’m abusing the ellipses in this post. I’m sorry, ellipses.

Cyndi Lauper

Cyndi Lauper Grammys 2014

Erica: Okay, one of two things is happening here. Either Cyndi Lauper is the only person who knows how to do the Grammys, or I am the oldest person ever.

Kate: Kate: I can get behind the top, even the cape portion, but the jewel thing is way too aggressive and I HATE the way the bottom of those pants hit those shoes! So unprofesh!

Giuliana Rancic

Giuliana Rancic Grammys 2014

Erica: This is a hard color to pull off. I don’t think her skin tone is quite right. But it’s not bad.

Kate: She is honestly one of my best dressed of the night. I love her hair like that and she wore the perfect earrings for that hairstyle and dress. She usually wears too-elaborate dresses for award shows when she is just the interviewer, whereas this is the right amount of I-should-not-be-in-the-spotlight fab.

Gloria Estefan

Gloria Estefan Grammys 2014

Erica: Oh, Gloria Estefan. You are so fabulous. This dress is decidedly not.

Kate: It would be without the sleeves, I think. But she has not aged badly!

Erica: I’m sorry, but the lace looks like something she got off an aging courtesan at a brothel gone to seed.

Kacey Musgraves

Kacey Musgraves Grammys 2014 arrivals

Erica: So I didn’t know who this person was. And then I put on the Spotify Grammy nominees playlist while I wrote this post and realized I did know who she was and I kind of like her. She’s a little young and child-like in her music but also cute and pleasant.

Kate: She is gorgeous. I dig the fabric of this dress, but I hate the silhouette.

Erica: This dress is an unfortunate choice. I like what she wore on stage and later to the after-party (Yes, the same outfit! On stage and to the after-party! It can be done!) in that it’s very silly and has  lots of personality and she’s young and pretty enough to pull it off.

Kate: Oh yes I kind of adore this and think she should have worn it on the red carpet, on stage and to the after-party. She seriously has a gorgeous face.

Kasey Musgraves Grammys 2014

Erica: Plus her shoes are all kinds of insane. In a good way.

Kasey Musgraves Grammys 2014 shoes

Katy Perry

Katy Perry Grammys 2014 arrivals

Erica: This is very silly. In not as good a way as Kacey Musgrave’s silliness.

Kate: Yup I hate it.

Erica: Her hair is also very structured. I guess it’s a thing this season. I don’t like it.

Kate: I am actually a big fan of the quinceanera bun, when done right. This is outrageously over-the-top. Like, I feel like it may fall off.

Erica: This is what she wore to the after-party.

Katy Perry Grammys 2014

Erica: I mean, I like the color on her. But that’s doing some super-weird things to her boobs and waistline.

Kate: This looks like an adult-size version of something on one of Zoe’s toys. Hate. And the bun is clearly fake hair as her hair was down and wavy after her performance and the remainder of the show, and then magically put back up in this bun for the after-party.

Erica: Tricksy!

Madonna

Madonna Grammys 2014

Erica: Madonna still does what she does best – attract attention.

Kate: She looks decrepit. Like I actually winced watching her on the pre-show and during her performance.

Erica: Do you suppose her other kids were pissed or grateful to be left out of this?

Kate: Decrepit.

Madonna Grammys 2014 stage

Erica: And if you’re going to wear something else for your performance, shouldn’t it be, like, actually different?

Kate: Not when you’re decrepit Madonna.

Erica: Whatever. She’s Madonna. Nothing will dim her star status.

Kate: Except maybe her newfound decrepitness.

Mary Lambert

Mary Lambert Grammys 2014

Erica: Pretty! Although – and now you’ll know I’m about 187 years old – I feel like the tattoo messes it all up. It’s not part of the elegant-glam look.

Kate: Completely agree. I like this a lot better than her VMA dress.

Erica: I feel like we can’t really do this post if we don’t comment on the mass wedding that took place during her song with Macklemore, though.

Kate: At first I thought it was really sweet, and then I thought it kind of made a spectacle of gay marriage. They have a good message, though, so I won’t get too up in arms about it.

Erica: I still don’t know how to feel about it. On the one hand, Yay, gay marriage! Yay, weddings! Aw, did you see those two girls crying as they kissed? That was so nice! On the other hand . . . something about it left a weird taste in my mouth. Maybe because mass weddings have cultish overtones?

Kate: Maybe because of the spectacle aspect.

Miranda Lambert (with Blake Shelton) 

Miranda Lambert Grammys 2014

Erica: I have lately come to like these two. I know it’s country for people who don’t really know country. But I am a person who doesn’t really know country. But they look like people going to two different events. They look very nice for those events, but different.

Kate: Ditto, I actually really like this dress. I do not like her hair and earrings, though, and I really like her performance look, probably better than this dress:

image001

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Grammys 2014

pErica: Okay, yes, I don’t know why she’s there, or why she continues to be famous at all, blah blah blah. But seriously? This is awful. And awful in a way that’s not usual to Paris Hilton.

Kate: I know, and people friggin’ loved this! Same hair as Alicia Keys, makeup fine whatever, dress? BLEH! YUCK!

Erica: This is what she wore to the after-party:

Paris Hilton Grammys 2014 afterparty

Erica: And it’s much more in keeping with her overall personal and for that alone I kind of like it.

P!nk

Pink Grammys 2014

Erica: First of all, your name is P!nk! You can’t wear red!

Kate: Oh see I like this.

Erica: Second of all, it’s the Grammys and you’re P!nk! Funk it up a little!

Kate: True, but I think this fits her well. Better than her usual looks.

Queen Latifah

Queen Latifah Grammys 2014

Erica: You look very nice, Queen Latifah.

Kate: Loooooooooooooooooove. Lerve lerve lerve.

Erica: Like I would ever say anything bad about you. Do you want go out for a cup of coffee some time?

Kate: Sure she does!

Erica: With me, I mean.

Sara Bareilles

Sara Bareilles Grammys 2014

Erica: She’s a very beautiful woman normally. Right now, she looks like an anti-Semitic caricature. (I’m allowed to say that; I’m Jewish.) Also that dress is awful. I’m NOT fan of the mullet skirt or the fluffiness or the general unflatteringness of an actually fantastic body.

Kate: Yea this is a little much. Would it be cute without the tail thing? Like if it were just cocktail length?

Erica: Since I like her in general, I must give props to the red-orange heels with the white. I like that decision.

Kate: True.

Erica: She doesn’t look any better on stage, although she does get to sing with Carole King and I don’t.

Sara Bareilles Grammys 2014 stage

Kate: Oh I like this dress better than the white!

Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift 2014 Grammys

Erica: So I’m not a big Taylor Swift fan or anything. I can bop to some of her songs just fine, but I don’t (godforbid) actually like her or anything. And I hate her public persona. I mean, really, girl? Your first big hit is about how you’re so much better a girlfriend than that cheerleading slut and you’re going to call out TINA FEY and AMY POEHLER for not “supporting” other women? Because they gently teased you about your boyfriends? Come on. And I know that she’s usually held up as a better “role model” for her teen audience than all the trashy sluts who are also pop stars. But for my money, “prissy, judge-y hypocrite” is not really better than “trashy slut,” and I dislike the “trashy slut” persona of pop stars more for its inauthenticity and puerile appeal than the notion that pubescent girls and their post-pubescent role models should pretend never to have had a sexual feeling or thought in their lives. And now I’m going into a whole ‘mother blog post, when all I really mean to say is, much as I don’t love Taylor Swift (although I don’t heavily object to her music), I think she really has a handle on dressing herself.

Kate: Yes, I like this dress a lot, and I really like her pony tail and the darker hair (for her) in general. I think the makeup is fantastic. My issue with her is her overpresence in life. Grammys, she should be there. She’s nominated almost every year. Golden Globes and Oscars? No. If she’s invited, I should be invited.

Erica: I like what she wore on stage better, actually – but she always looks very pretty and well-put-together.

Taylor Swift Grammys 2014

Kate: Yes I adore the on-stage dress and hair, and am grateful she did a nice sit-down piano routine instead of her usual spectacle.

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The 85th Annual Academy Awards

Giuliana Rancic

Giuliana Rancic - Oscars 2013

Kate: Finally she understands what an interviewER as opposed to an interviewEE is supposed to look like at one of these things!

Erica: Yeah, you’re right. I almost didn’t recognize her and she looks just glam enough without looking like she’s upstaging anyone. That said, have we seen this dress before?

Kate: I think her hair looks appropriately short and bouncy, the black is great, and the dress is elegant yet understated. It probably could have been even more understated, but I’ll take it.

Jessica Chastain

Jessica Chastain - Oscars 2013

Kate: Ugh.

Erica: See, I don’t have the same problems that you do with close-to-skintone dresses. I think this is pretty glam.

Kate: I just wanted a LOT better than that blue monstrosity, and this is not a lot better. It is a beautiful dress, but I don’t like the color on her. It looks like something Amy Adams would wear, or probably has worn, and I feel like her hair always looks like that. She hasn’t even been around that long and I already need to see something new from her.

Erica: I will say, I think we’ve seen this dress before, maybe in black? I’m having deja vu.

Amy Adams

Amy Adams - Oscars 2013

Kate: Speak of the devil!

Erica: I do love it when they go full on glam.

Kate: I love this. I LOVE her hair like that. I’m feeling the top of this dress slightly more than the bottom, but I think it is a vast improvement from her last, like, 7 award show dresses. (Does it not look kind of like that pastel blue/green thing Kaley Cuoco wore that one time, though?)

Erica: Yeah, totes.

Reese Witherspoon

Reese Witherspoon - Oscars 2013

Kate: HOORAYYYYYY SHE STILL GOES TO THESE THINGS!

Erica: Great hair. Great make-up. Adorable person.

Kate: I think she looks adorable as always, and the color is fab, but that silhouette was probably not the best choice post-baby having.

Erica: I don’t think it’s the body, I think it’s the cut of the dress. It’s a little weird and bunchy.

Kate: Yeah, whatever, it’s Reese.

Kerry Washington

Kerry Washington - Oscars 2013

Kate: You’re right, Er, she’s too skinny. Just before watching this I saw her in a Fantastic Four movie from a few years ago and she looks much better with, like, 10-20 more pounds on her.

Erica: She really does. Excuse me, show biz execs – stop telling your actresses to lose weight. Lollipops are not that sexy.

Kate: But I like this dress.

Erica: I neither like nor dislike it.

Kate: BUT…Again, I feel like I’ve seen it before? Maybe not on her? Am I going crazy here with all these dresses that seem familiar?

Erica: I don’t know, not with this one in particular, but a lot of these dresses are tripping my deja vu. You know what we need? We need to go back to the days when Cher was likely to show up in some completely crazy get-up by Bob Mackie. That’s what we need.

Amanda Seyfried

Amanda Seyfried - Oscars 2013


Kate: No.

Erica: I like it better than I liked her Globes dress.

Kate: This is upsetting me a great deal.

Erica: It looks like something Lisa Rinna would wear. Except there’s not enough cleavage.

Kate: (Veronica Mars pals!) First of all, she needs to always be wearing her hair down. Always. Half-up is the most up she should ever put it. Second of all, that mock-turtleneck thing? Come on! No one should wear that ever! If the top had been a halter, it would have been an entirely different story. I also don’t love the all-over bedazzling. I think I just don’t love McQueen, actually.

Erica: I usually love McQueen. Like, a lot. I do not love this. It looks like a very old Elie Saab or Badgley Mischka. (I also like them. But not this.) And totes agree on the hair. Hate the hair. Still love you, Amanda Seyfried!

Sally Field:

Sally Field - Oscars 2013

Erica: Lipstick!

Kate: Adorable. You know what? This is actually the more covered-up/adult version of what Rihanna wore to the Grammys, and I like this a whole lot better. Good older lady hairstyle too.

Erica: Yeah, the dress is beautiful and interesting and age-appropriate and not too dowdy, although honestly, it probably doesn’t need the sleeves.

Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence - Oscars 2013

Kate: I love. Do you love?

Erica: It’s just, you know, what’s she going to wear to her wedding now?

Kate: It’s a tad bridal I suppose, but it works on her. I think she has an extremely lovely face so I like her hair pulled back; great makeup; and I am surprised at myself for liking that backwards necklace thing but I do, I truly do.

Erica: I’m not so in love with the material but goodness knows she’s a tall drink of water and she can pull off some stunning shapes.

Kate: That bottom is really somethin’, huh? But I feel like you CAN and SHOULD do that at the Oscars, if nowhere else.

Erica: Go big or go home.

Zoe Saldana

Zoe Saldana - Oscars 2013

Kate: A BELT! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT BELTS?! DAMMIT ZOE!

Erica: This looks like three different dresses to me.

Kate: The thing is, this dress is actually phenomenal. I adore that color detail at the bottom and the top, but the belt RUINS it.

Erica: I do love the bottom. And I like the top. I just feel like the dress on top and the belted dress and the dress on the bottom are three different dresses. And two of them are lovely and one of them has a belt! Ladies, ladies, ladies. It is good to have something that defines your waistline. Absolutely. It is NOT GOOD to have something that looks like an actual belt on a formal gown! NOT GOOD!

Kate: I also wish my hair looked like that on a daily basis.

Erica: Yeah, she probably does, too.

Melissa McCarthy

Melissa McCarthy - Oscars 2013

Erica: I feel like I’ve seen this as a top before. Not as a dress.

Kate: All I am going to say, about the hair and the dress, is no. No no no no no no no.

Erica: I think I like it as a top. I think I’d wear it as a top. The jersey is a little informal for an Oscars dress and I can’t really see what she’s got on underneath but if it’s satin pants that’s horrible. And I’m not loving the hair but I get how it fits in with what she’s going for here.

Kate: Er, this is pretty bad.

Erica: I know, I know, it’s just . . . there is not a lot out there for a lady shaped like Melissa McCarthy.

Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron - Oscars 2013

Kate: A peplum. And a weird frosted pixie cut. And yet…It’s Charlize, so does it really matter?

Erica: Excuse me, Miss Calling-Me-Out-On-Things, but doesn’t this ALSO resemble Anne Hathaway‘s from the Golden Globes? (Except Anne’s didn’t have a peplum and Kerry’s did?)

Kate: Actually, this is pretty plain and boring, so I’ve decided I don’t like it. But not so much that I am, like, angry at her about it.

Erica: Yeah, and it’s also bridal. What is up?

Kate: I hope to God I do not go to any weddings where the bride has a peplum!

Jennifer Hudson

Jennifer Hudson - Oscars 2013


Kate: One of the only times I have been disappointed by a Jennifer Hudson dress.

Erica: You know, I don’t think it’s a bad dress. I just don’t like it. If that makes any sense.

Kate: It’s just too mermaid-y, and not in a good way, and I really don’t like that super-long hair with thick bangs.

Erica: I am not a fan of the hair. And the shoes are not right although they are fabulous by themselves. Hey, are you watching her in “Smash”?

Kate: No, but the season 2 (is it 2?) trailers are tempting me.

Erica: Yes, it’s 2, and it’s shaping up to be much better than 1, I think. Time will tell.

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Catherine Zeta Jones - Oscars 2013

Kate: I used to think she could mostly do no wrong, but now I think she a) has gotten too much work done on her otherwise beautiful face and b) is WAY too old to be wearing that kind of dress!

Erica: This is giving me some serious deja vu.

Kate: Can you see that crazy toning bronzer stuff on her crazy toned arms? Yuck.

Erica: Are we absolutely certain we’ve never seen Catherine Zeta-Jones in this exact dress?

Kate: She usually goes for open neck/thinish straps, but not in this gross color. She kicked booty in the Chicago performance, though, which equally confused and excited me.

Helen Hunt

Helen Hunt - Oscars 2013

Kate: She actually admitted on camera that she was wearing a dress from H&M. That said, it looks like her necklace was from Claire’s.

Erica: Yeah, the material totally looks H&M. Satin is not something you want to mess around with.

Kate: And it’s WRINKLED! Nice color, though.

Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway - Oscars 2013

Kate. *Takes a deep breath*

Erica: Hah.

Kate: Here’s the thing. From the neck up, and I’m including the necklace, she looks undeniably gorgeous. Very Audrey. I love how her short hair is growing out/how she is styling it, and her makeup is flawless. But everything below the neck is…

Erica: We should take a minute to give props to super, super cute short hair and great make-up.

Kate: I just did! It’s just such a 90s cut, and the necklace looks terrible with that neckline, and there are pointy nipple things, and the back is really awkwardly cut, and it’s pale pink! She has the same coloring as me you say I should only wear jewel tones, not pastels, so Anne needs to follow that advice as well, in my humble opinion.

Erica: See, once again, I do not have the problem with the close-to-skintone dresses like you do. That said, this is not a good dress. It is very ’90s and I don’t even know where one gets a necklace like that any more and with the nipples and the shape and the . . . yeah. She looked better at the after party.

Anne Hathaway - Oscars after party 2013

Kate: She got the necklace at Tiffany’s. And yes that dress is way better, perhaps it is the Valentino she was originally supposed to go with? Her performance dress was also way better.

Erica: I mean, the shape isn’t great, and seriously, Anne, bra! But the fabric looks nicer and it’s more interesting and not dated. And I love the color. AND “Damn, I’m proud of myself!” looks good on her!

Kate: I don’t think I’ve been this happy about a win since…Ever.

Naomi Watts

Naomi Watts - Oscars 2013

Kate: Well, it’s a lovely sparkly number, but it would have worked so much better if the top had gone one way or the other. Strapless sweetheart neck? Grand. Cap-sleeve boatneck? Not as good but she is slender enough to pull it off. One side strapless sweetheart and the other cap-sleeve boatneck? Ew.

Erica: This is another one where I feel like the dress accomplished very well what it intended to accomplish. It looks like a very good example of the kind of dress it is. I just hate it.

Kate: The more I look at it the more I like it, so I want to stop looking at it.

Erica: I also don’t understand why you change from that one to this one:

Naomi Watts - Oscars after party 2013

Kate: Ew, that’s tacky.

Erica: They are thematically so similar, it’s like, why bother? Are nominees just not allowed to wear the same dress to the awards and to the party? Is this constructed somehow to be significantly more comfortable? I don’t get it.

Kate: Maybe it’s like a wedding ceremony vs. reception dress kind of thing?

Octavia Spencer

Octavia Spencer - Oscars 2013

Kate: On anyone else, no. On her, I guess.

Erica: It is also very bridal.

Kate: It’s a weird color and a little much, but I don’t completely hate it.

Erica: Honestly, it’s not my favorite I’ve seen on her. She can do better. But are we, as a country, having some sort of wedding moment? I feel like there’s been bridal all over the place this awards season. And every movie that’s coming out is post-apocalyptic. I think we are collectively going through something very deep.

Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston - Oscars 2013

Kate: She looks pretty unhappy about being there, no?

Erica: I’m enjoying this face. It’s the face that says, “Where am I again? The Goldberg Bar Mitzvah?”

Kate: I like red on her but this is slightly extravagant for someone who has never and will never be nominated, right? #Alwaysapresenterneveranominee

Erica: I dunno, the skirt is pretty extravagantly huge but otherwise it’s got clean lines and simple, modern appeal, so I think it’s pretty appropriate.

Adele

Adele - Oscars 2013

Kate: A goddess angel saint sent from above to gift us with beautiful music.

Erica: She’s so pretty. Her hair and make-up are spectacular.

Kate: Black is always good on her, this is a great silhouette, and I am really happy that her hair is half-up instead of all up like usual.

Erica: She’d probably think it was weird if I asked her to come sing me to sleep at night, right? That’d be weird?

Kate: I wish. This actually had a beautiful pattern under the sparkle which you can’t see in this photo, and then she got all choked up accepting the award and said “…And my man I love you baby”. Has a more perfect human ever existed? The answer you’re looking for is no.

Sandra Bullock

Sandra Bullock - Oscars 2013

Kate: I am officially going to sound crazy, but this too looks familiar! Like something she’s worn before, right?

Erica: I think it’s something Gwyneth Paltrow wore before but I’m not sure.

Kate: Either way it’s gorgeous and so is she, as always.

Erica: Deja vu all over the place.

Salma Hayek

Salma Hayek

Kate: What’s worse than a mock-turtleneck, you ask? A bejeweled turtleneck.

Erica: Idk, I’m not nearly as offended as  you are by this. I don’t love it but I think it’s fine. I like how, no matter what Salma Hayek is wearing, she’s got to remind us that she’s got boobs. We know, Salma. We know. They are very nice.

Kate: This might be worst dressed for me. Gross hair too.

Erica: I will admit, I do not love the hair.

Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart - Oscars 2013

Kate: I stand corrected. Hei. Nous.

Erica: And somehow also familiar?

Kate: What is she even DOING here?!

Erica: Idk. I’m counting down the days until I can safely forget who she is.

Kate: And that does it for Award Show Season 2013, folks! …Now what am I going to do? 😦

Golden Globes 2013

Erica: I know y’all are excited about this.

Kate: It has been the highlight of my 2013 so far, besides Book of Mormon.

Erica: See, Oscars, here’s how you make a telecast people want to watch – seat all the stars at tables with their friends and then give them free booze!

Kate: I know, I wish they were all miked while sitting so I could hear little snippets of conversation.

Erica: So I don’t see how we can not start with the hosts. Here’s them on the red carpet.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler - Golden Globes 2013 - ArrivalsErica: I do not approve of Amy Poehler’s “formal capris.” I will not. I cannot.

Kate: I was actually very excited about both of them, until I saw a) the length of Tina’s dress and b) her horrendous shoes. But I was very excited about a) Tina’s hair and b) Amy’s blazer, and I think both of them looked better than usual.

Erica: I love Tina Fey’s hair. The dress is kind of meh. I think Tina’s been doing well lately, but Amy Poehler definitely looks better than usual.

Kate: Again, I like the top. For Amy I would have chosen a longer necklace.

Erica: And here they are in their first hosting outfit:

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler 1 - Golden Globes 2013Erica: See, these dresses look great. Tina’s is a little boring and pageant-y, but the color saves it and, did I mention, I really love her hair like that.

Kate: Me too, and I like these as much as the first two — not a ton, but enough. It also looks like Tina lost some weight, which she did not need to.

Erica: I think it might be just a tight dress. And maybe the pounds you lose when you used to be much fatter, were told  you had to diet to be on television, dieted, got on television, got wildly successful, and then had a hosting gig at the Golden Globes in a spangly dress. You know?

Kate: Plus, I enjoyed them hosting SIGNIFICANTLY more than Ricky Gervais.

Erica: And then they changed again. Or back, in Tina’s case.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler 2 - Golden Globes 2013

Kate: Oh I barely noticed that change, don’t like Amy’s third dress. But throughout they night they were both dressing up as/making fun of celebrities at their tables, which I very much enjoyed.

Erica: Oh yeah. I especially liked when they were with J. Lo and George Clooney during their own category’s announcement. I hate Amy’s dress. I continue not to be impressed with Tina’s and it’s not like her hair looks bad and look, I get it, wearing your hair down all night is dangerous. It can fall flat. It can get all knotted and weird. So fine. Sweep it up. But I liked it better down.

Kate: I aspire to achieve that hair look every day.

Erica: And what about our ladies of Les Mis?

Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway - Golden Globes 2013

Kate: YES.

Erica: Meh.

Kate: How dare you?

Erica: I mean, she gave a lovely acceptance speech and is charmingly self-deprecating (Although she’s, like, this close to the line between “charming” and “Oh, can it, already.”).

Kate: Er, come on! She looks so Audrey with her hair like that! I guess I would like the dress better if it were one piece, but then it might look too bridal. I also can’t believe how much weight she lost to play Fantine and how she hasn’t gained it back yet. Make her some of your Bolognese!

Erica: Anne, I do not love that dress and I think it looks bridal anyway, but you can come over any time for some Bolognese. It would be my pleasure to host you. Just don’t sing any Fantine songs. You were wonderful but I just can’t take any more tears. And don’t make fun of being Princess of Genovia in my presence, please.

Amanda Seyfried

Amanda Seyfried - Golden Globes 2013

Kate: The problem here is two-fold: 1) That pin thing in the front, 2) her hair in front of her shoulders. The detail on that dress — Givenchy, might I add — needs to be seen in all its glory, and her (albeit lovely) hair is hiding it.

Erica: I totally hate it. I love her, I really do. I mean, how can you not love her when she makes faces like this on the red carpet:

Amanda Seyfried - Golden Globes 2013 - face

Kate: I, in fact, do not love her, but would like to take this dress off her hands.

Erica: But I totally hate this dress. With the collar and the weird lace and it looks like a redneck in 1987 designed her dream wedding gown I’m sorry.

Kate: Again, how dare you! This is Givenchy!

Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: She also gave a charming acceptance speech.

Kate: Love it. Love her.

Erica: It’s like the dress is going, “Look, boobs!” It’s hard to see in this picture but the folds of fabric are just kind of like, “Hey, there are boobs here! No, really! Right here!” I am not so much enjoying that aspect of it.

Kate: Yes the boob part was weird but worked because of her torso length, I think. I really like the color, and for once I like the use of a belt on the red carpet. But just this once.

Erica: I don’t think it worked; I just think it’s ignorable. As is the belt. You know what I think it is though? Not so much her torso length but her general adorability.

Kate:

Lena Dunham

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Erica: Um, wow. What is going on here?

Kate:  Wow as in bad wow, right?

Erica: She looks great. Her back doesn’t look all slouchy. The dress is a little glamorous and understated and not overtly hipster in any way. She . . . looks great. And, uh, congrats.

Kate: I disagree. I obviously adore her and Girls, but I think this was a horrible choice — it is ill fitting and a very poopy color, she’s done better than this on random nights out in Brooklyn.

Erica: Has she? Because I’ve never seen it.

Kate: And here she is with her girls:

Lena Dunham and Girls - Golden Globes 2013

Kate: I like Marney’s dress but not Shoshana’s.

Erica: Zosia Mamet managed to look like a human and Allison Williams is still too skinny.

Kate: Yes, still too skinny.

Erica: Oh, and the fourth one didn’t show up again. I’d think she was too good for awards shows or something, but, like, half the invited guests had the flu. This thing is seriously an epidemic, I guess.

Kate: Yea what’s up with that? Jennifer Lawrence has the flu and she was there! Step it up, celebs!

Erica: Dude, no, stay home. This flu is apparently a real whopper; even if you’ve had the flu shot you can get it and it’s ripping through the population.

Connie Britton

Connie Britton - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: Hair down! Score one for us!

Kate: PER. FEC. TION.

Erica: And she’s smiling like she’s supposed to be there! Sort of.

Kate: Well she knew she wasn’t going to win but wanted go and party anyway.

Erica: You know, in just about every picture of her, she’s in this pose.

Kate: So?

Erica: Just sayin’. It’s better than her usual, “Oh, please don’t point that thing at me. What, really? Alright, fine, if you insist.” pose.

Hayden Panettiere

Hayden Panettiere - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: Also hair down! Score two for us!

Kate: Yes I really really really like her hair down, she sometimes has very weird updos.

Erica: She’s so pretty.

Kate: The whole look is actually very Sweet 16-esque, but I still like it. Might like it better without the fish/mermaid tail, whatever you call it.

Erica: I didn’t used to dislike the mermaid tail thing but I am rethinking that.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: So I heard her say on the red carpet that she didn’t go big with the jewelry because the dress was already so much. But I think the dress actually needed, like, a gorgeous diamond necklace and fancier hair and make-up, because the dress was such a glamorous, lacy, complicated thing.

Kate: Disagree, a big necklace would have taken away from the detail of the dress. I love this, she was instantly a best dressed pick for me.

Erica: Alright.

Claire Danes

Claire Danes - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: She just had a baby?

Kate: Yes!

Erica: I mean, can we consider her waist for a minute? I think it is actually smaller in circumference than her head. Especially with her hair like that.

Kate: Why is everyone’s hair so nice and down and blown out but with those perfect flippy parts? Why can’t my hair do that? I love this dress, by the way. Eye makeup a wee bit too dark though.

 

Erica: I wasn’t being complimentary about her waist. It’s scary. Even if her hair looks fabulous. And yes, I like the dress.

Jessica Chastain

Jessica Chastain - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: Hate it.

Kate: Complete hatred.

Erica: Makes me worry about her boobs. Hate it.

Kate: Bad hair part/slicking, bad lipstick, bad top of dress, bad color of dress, all so bad.

Erica: The waist sits funny, too, like it’s a little too high – or a little too low – and it maybe wants to become a peplum or something. But I think the color is lovely on her and she’s beautiful and has the hair I wish I had and also, congrats.

Kate: You are wrong a lot right now.

Julianne Moore

Julianne Moore - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: So, first of all, I forgot Game Change happened this year. That seems like forever ago.

Kate: I saw it!

Erica: Second of all, Julianne Moore, 50 is the new 30 or something. You don’t have to dress like you’re over the hill yet. You’re gorgeous.

Kate: Yea, don’t like the dress at all, and I find it odd that she hasn’t changed her hair back from the Sarah Palin style.

Jodie Foster

Jodie Foster - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: See, this is what I mean. Jodie Foster is 50, and she’s dressing like she’s still a glamorous movie star. Maybe it’s because she’s . . . single.

Kate: Or maybe it’s because she’s bat-sh!t crazy, as evidenced by her speech which I could not understand why everyone was crying about it.

Erica: Well, she seemed to be announcing her . . . retirement? Along with not-coming-out-but-she’s-gay-but-she’s-not-coming-out-because-fame-is-hard? Also, she, like everyone else in the room, was piss-ass drunk at this point.

Kate: Can we also focus on that hair? And how grossed out her kids were by her speech?

Erica: The kids just seemed to be, you know, embarrassed, because they’re her kids, and whatnot. The haircut makes her forehead look enormous. She should rethink that. But you know what? Watching the clips, I realized I haven’t seen nearly enough Jodie Foster movies. A lot of them looked good.

Emily Blunt

Emily Blunt - Golden Globes 2013

Kate:Minus the earings, perfection!

Erica: Is she blondish now?

Kate: It appears that way, but I really like it. She has such a perfect face.

Erica: I do not like the stomach cut-outs. I don’t care how good your stomach is, I don’t like them. They’re weird.

Kate: This dress would kind of suck without them, though.

Erica: IMH(ha!)O, it sucks with them.

Naomi Watts

Naomi Watts - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: I did not like this, Kate, did you?

Kate: I did, with exceptions: I think this color looks better on someone with a hair color like, say, mine, and I think it is a fairly blatant copy of that Hilary Swank Oscar dress. But I do like it in general.

Erica: I am not a fan of the nun-in-the-front, party-in-the-back dress. And yeah, her coloring and the dress’s are not good for each other.

Kate: And I am not a fan of that folding-the-hair-under thing, ew.

Amy Adams

Amy Adams - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: I felt bored by this at first and have since decided it is dreamy and lovely.

Kate: I hate it.

Erica: Because it matches her skin tone?

Kate: Yes, and it is too tight. She still has not learned how to wear Spanx. And the hair would be acceptable if it were not KRIMPED.

Erica: It’s . . . not? Also, for what does she need to wear Spanx?

Kate: To make everything very smooth lines! I didn’t like how it hugged her.

Erica: But here is what I don’t get. If you’re going to wear a dress like that – and she’s hardly the only offender; practically all of the ladies do this – why bother wearing six-inch stilettos with platforms such that you can hardly walk up and down the stairs when your dress is going to cover them up anyway? Don’t you look more ridiculous when you need a team of people to help you move than when you look, perhaps, an inch or two shorter?

Kate: Every single female needed a team of people to help them get down those stairs. It was kind of pathetic.

Lucy Liu

Lucy Liu - Golden Globes 2013

Kate: This looks like Forever 21‘s version of what Audrey wore in Sabrina; ergo, I HATE it. And that stupid braid.

Erica: I really like it. It ought to look like she’s somebody’s grandmother’s couch, but the clean lines and lack of adornment make it really lovely and unusual and I like her hair. Also she and Connie Britton appear to be close friends.

Kate: No, it sucks. And is way too big for a) the Globes and b) someone who is not even nominated.

Julianne Hough

Julianne Hough - Golden Globes 2013 1

Erica: I did not like her in Rock of Ages. I thought she was the worst part. But this dress is . . . memorable. And I mean that in a good way.

Kate: I surprised myself by really liking this dress, until the showed the entire thing and I hated the bottom. If it were more of a column style and the sparkley things faded out toward the bottom it would have been perfect. I even like the hair.

Erica: See, I thought it would have been too expected and safe it was more of a column.

Kate: I don’t, however, like that she gets to attend everything just because of who her boyfriend is.

Giuliana Rancic

Giuliana Rancic - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: I still do not understand who this person is.

Kate: She’s an E! host, duh!

Erica: And I loathe this dress.

Kate: Yea, she makes Jessica Chastain look like a fashion icon. Worst dressed by a landslide.