The Met Gala, Or, Satin Wrinkles Like Crazy, People. Like CRAZY.

That’s right, folks — we no longer limit our fashion police posts to award shows. Red carpets of the world, beware!

Adele Dazeem

Kate: Hah, get it?

Erica: Yes. Yes, I do.  I don’t know for whom I feel more sorry, her or John Travolta, but either way, we are never going to give this up.

Kate: This is a bit too bridal for me, and her normally gorgeous hair looks stiff and weird. I feel like she is still recovering from the Oscars shakeup.

Erica: I am not a fan of this look. I am surprised you haven’t made anything of the lipstick.

Kate: It’s a little much against the light dress, light skin and dark dark hair, but it doesn’t offend me.

Allison Williams

Kate: Ok, she’s g-ooooor-geous, but it’s time to get her a new stylist. She keeps wearing the same dress!

Erica: Yeah, but it looks good on her. She’s so pretty.

Kate: And her hair needs to be down at all times. It’s too fabulous for up-dos, like a mini-Connie Britton!

Amy Adams

Erica: God, she is just gorgeousness.

Kate: I like this a lot better than her usual Oscar numbers, but the color is a smidge too light for her fair skin.

Erica: I don’t have the same thing you do about dresses the color of someone’s skin although I do prefer her in color. But she gets to look like Amy Adams, no matter what the color.

Anna Wintour

 

Kate: So I know she’s like, the queen of everything, but don’t we think Anna Wintour basically wears the same dress to every event?

Erica: Really? I thought this was unusual for her. Maybe it’s just unusual for the Anna Wintour that lives inside my head.

Kate: And hasn’t her hair not changed in decades? I mean…

Erica: That is correct. It’s her “thing.”

Anne Hathaway

Kate: Not sure what that facial expression is all about, but she looks lovely. I just do not love the structured crop top, at all.

Erica: No. It is not a good choice. I find I generally do not like her fashion choices. Which is not to say I don’t like her.

Beyoncé

Kate: This is a bejeweled bathrobe with a peplum. I’m done.

Erica: I actually . . . I mean, I don’t like it. But I’m kind of seeing the kind of look she’s aiming to pull off and I get it. And I appreciate it.

Kate: I most assuredly do not.

Blake Lively

Kate: I looooooooooooooooooove.

Erica: Holy moly, I have never seen her looking this good.

Kate: This dress is so perfect for her body – shape, material, color, everything. I’m not fond of the red earrings and red lips, or the hairdo, but the dress is stunning. Best dressed nominee!

Erica: I kind of do like the red, actually. But she’s not nominated for . . . Oh, you’re saying you are nominating her for Best Dressed of This Post. I getcha.

Charlize Theron

Kate: So it’s Charlize Theron, but…It’s not that flattering?

Erica: Well, I’m on the record as not really liking black-and-white evening wear, and this certainly isn’t an exception to that.

Kate: The tuxedo jacket over the shoulders is a little much, and the dress is nice, I just expect more from her I guess.

Claire Danes

Kate: Angela, your dress is wrinkled!

Erica: I swear I’ve seen this dress before. In Jessica McClintock. When I was prom dress shopping in 1999.

Kate: I do love her with blonde hair, though. So young and fresh looking.

Erica: I suppose. Her make-up’s a little off, though.

Diane Kruger

Kate: The fact that she was cast as Helen of Troy still bothers me every time I see her face.

Erica: What’s happening with her hair?

Kate: This is O-K. The two skirts thing is interesting, but the color makes her look washed out.

Erica: The two skirts thing would be interesting if the dress made more of it. As it is it’s too subtle to be interesting and instead just looks weird.

Dianna Agron

Kate: Oy.

Erica: Yeah, I got nothing. This is really terrible looking. Dianna, you’re such a pretty girl!

Kate: Not good Dianna, not good.

Dita Von Teese

Kate: Ok so I know she is generally a ridiculous human, but I wanted to include her because I actually LOVE this dress.

Erica: I in fact do not find her to be ridiculous. I find her to be mostly fabulous. And yeah, this dress is killer.

Kate: The mermaid bottom is exceptional and the whole gown is perfectly tailored – very elegant and professional. She is not messing around.

Erica: What’s crazy is, this dress isn’t even as nice as the one she wore the next day just for, like, walking around (and knowing full well she was going to be photographed walking around, but still.):

Emma Stone

Erica: Still wildly adore her. Still don’t like this.

Kate: I am not even 100% sure why, but I am obsessed with this look. I would normally abhor the braid, as you well know, and everyone was calling it a “Frozen braid” on social media the night of, but it works on her. And the two pinks and the skirt with the slit and the shoes..Just wow. Best dressed nominee!

Erica: Seriously? Kate, is that even you? I mean, I actually like the Frozen braid, but the dress? For real?

Kate: For real! I agree it’s weird for me to love it, but I do dangit!

Gisele

Kate: I’m bored by this.

Erica: I mean, she looks good. But yeah, there’s nothing else to say here.

Hailee Steinfeld

Kate: LOVE! How fun is that ballet pink bottom with those ballet pink shoes?!

Erica: Yeah? I’m a little meh on it. I like the shoes, though.

Kate: She is becoming quite the gorgeous young woman – great hair and makeup – and I really love the optical illusion dresses like this create.

Erica: I guess that’s cool but I don’t really like it. But yes, she is gorgeous and her hair and makeup look fantastic.

Hayden Panettiere

Kate: Finally!

Erica: I think hair, make-up, and shape of the dress work on her. I do not much like the dress itself.

Kate: I’m not obsessed with the colors – tis a bit cotton candy-esque – but she finally looks like the cute actress-turned-singer she is instead of trying to be something she’s not. (I’m alluding to her Golden Globes look; bleh!)

Jessica Alba

Kate: Is she pregnant? Or is she trying to make herself look pregnant?

Erica: You thought pregnant? I thought too skinny.

Kate: Either way, I don’t love this. Frump city.

Karolina Kurkova

Kate: I don’t really know who this person is, but I wanted to include her because this is what I call a Met Gala gown – interesting structure and looks to be a work of art in and of itself.

Erica: I could be mistaken but I think she’s a Victoria’s Secret Angel. And, yes, this dress is the Platonic ideal of Met Gala gowns.

Kate Bosworth

 

Erica: Whoa.

Kate: Omg, she is so frighteningly skinny. I actually love this dress and how she accessorized it, and I don’t think anyone much bigger could pull this off, but Jesus H. Christ it almost hurts to look at her.

Erica: Holy shit. I mean, I don’t like all of the magazines that are all, “She’s got an eating disorder, says me, a tabloid writer, and an ‘unnamed source’, and a doctor who has never treated her or seen her in person or done anything other than look at this picture we provided,” but seriously? Seriously? This girl needs some medical attention, stat.

Kate Upton

Kate: Gah!

Erica: Well, this is pretty weird.

Kate: This could be the most unflattering thing I’ve ever seen on the red carpet.

Erica: Oddly enough, I can sort of see what she’s trying to do here. But yes, mega unflattering. And it’s hard to be unflattering to that face and that body.

Katie Holmes

Erica: Suri dressed her. I understand. I also have a fashion-forward daughter and that kind of stuff happens to me sometimes, too.

Kate: Everyone was comparing this dress to Belle’s, and I have to say a Belle costume would have looked a whole lot better than this. What a mess little Joey Potter has turned into, eh?

Erica: The thing is, she’s usually pretty polished. Here, her hair is all messy and her make-up is practically non-existent and the dress is . . . well . . . I mean, y’all can see it, I don’t need to explain. It’s just pretty weird coming from her.

Kendall Jenner

Kate: I continue to hate the Kardashian clan in all possible ways, but Kendall is a striking young woman.

Erica: She’s a pretty girl, for sure.

Kate: This is a lovely dress but she is almost too tall for it, and it should be worn by an Oscar-nominated actress instead of a teeny bopper.

Erica: Her waist is super tiny. I mean, I’m assuming it has help, but still.

Kim Kardashian

Kate: UGH.

Erica: Heehee.

Kate: I just hate them so much. But this dress looks terrible on her. Nice color but unflattering in the boob, hip and leg area, and the shoes with the slit make her legs look terrible.

Erica: The dress is just kinda weird. It looks more bathrobe-y even than Beyonce’s bathrobe. And she’s standing like, “Did you notice I have a slit? DID YOU?!”

Kirsten Dunst

Kate: Seriously, what has happened to this girl?

Erica: She has the Death Star on her dress.

Kate: I don’t think she was ever too good at the red carpet, but this is just weird.

Erica: I don’t know, man. I mean, if you want to wear the Death Star on your formal gown, where else CAN you do that than at the Met Gala? As far as I know, there are no formal events at ComicCon. My question is, what has happened to her acting career? Has she been in anything lately? Because, IIRC, she’s a damn good actress.

Kristen Stewart

Kate: Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly hate her more.

Erica: If I were writing an SNL skit to send up Kristen Stewart, this is what I’d dress the character in. Kristen Stewart is becoming unparody-able.

Kate: Just stop showing up to these things, you ill-mannered, poorly-dressed Negative Nancy!

Erica: I saw a thing recently, with .gifs of celebrities laughing, and you had to guess who they were. And 99% of them were totally obvious because that’s what those people look like and it wasn’t in any way a challenge at all. The one I didn’t get right away was her. I’d never seen her make that expression before!

Lake Bell

Erica: I am not a huge fan of hers, but then, I haven’t seen that thing she directed and/or wrote and I think starred in about the girl who makes movie trailers or something? Which actually looked pretty good.

Kate: This is a lovely dress, albeit too matchy-matchy with the red carpet, but she made that crazy face in, like, every photo that night. What’s up, Lake?

Erica: Pregnancy hormones.

Lea Michele

Kate: Without that weird extra material in the middle, this would be lovely.

Erica: She’s younger than me. I think she’s younger than you. Why does she keep dressing like she’s Joan Collins?

Kate: I do think she takes herself way too seriously these days, though.

Leighton Meester

Kate: This would be perfect if it were tailored better, especially at the waist.

Erica: Yeah, I think you’re right about that. Astute fashion analysis.

Kate: Also, her makeup is very drab.

Erica: Oh, on that we disagree. I think it’s simple and natural-looking and nice.

Kate: Drab.

Lena Dunham

Kate: I can respect the attempt, but this is not a good look for her.

Erica: It sincerely is not.

Lily Aldridge

Kate: I don’t really know what Lily Aldridge is famous for, but I really love this dress so I wanted to include her.

Erica: Her name is really familiar to me. Although it might be that it was used for a romance novel heroine once. And if it hasn’t been, it ought to be.

Kate: She succeeded in the whole metallic thing where everyone else has failed, I think.

Erica: Yeah, the dress is pretty spectacular.

Lupita Nyong’o

Erica: This is kind of crazy-pants but I like it.

Kate: I do not enjoy this particular ensemble, but I do respect it from the standpoint of “This is the Met Gala and we can wear some really out-there things”. You know?

Erica: Yes, that is exactly how I feel about this ensemble, except that I do enjoy it, because I enjoy out-there things.

Margot Robbie

Kate: She started out so strong with her Oscars dress, but everything since has been a major disappointment. Is that a bathing suit underneath a mock turtleneck? Come on.

Erica: Who is she? Whatever, this is a weirdly shaped, weirdly fitted dress that is simply unattractive on any level.

Kate: She was in Wolf of Wall Street. And I can’t STAND ankle-length things on the red carpet.

Erica: Totes.

Marion Cotilliard

 

Kate: This is fun in an I’m-going-to-a-fancy-lunch-with-my-fancy-gal-pals way, but I do not think it’s appropriate for the Gala.

Erica: I don’t know, I think there’s enough out-there going on to make it interesting enough. I guess it could be schmancier but I’m digging it.

Michelle Williams

Kate: Too short, Ms. Lindley! I feel like you are about t0 shopping near the Met, not attend the Gala!

Erica: Yeah, this is more an after-party thing. Her hair looks pretty cute, though.

Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen

 

Kate: I’m not a fan of the huge coat dresses.

Erica: See, I could see it as part of the whole fashion-history-at-the-Met thing, because there are some late 19th century fashions that very much took the female silhouette with the enormous bustle in the back and the tiny waist and then put masculine styling in, like military epaulettes or business-suit fabrics, and that looked pretty awesome. But these dresses are not structured well enough to pull that off. Which is a shame because I like the concept.

Kate: Also, why are they always SO serious-looking now? Have a little fun every now and then, twinsies!

Naomi Watts

Erica: Blech.

Kate: Even though it’s Givenchy, I really don’t like this at all. The half-sheer skirt thing really bothers me.

Erica: I can’t remember a recent Givenchy creation I liked.

Olivia Munn

Kate: Lovely! I personally would never expose that much of my breasts at an event like this, but the color is great and she looks all young and tan and refreshed.

Erica: You don’t think she looks sort of like the girl who would play the X-rated version of her? I mean, I like the dress, but that’s the overall vibe I’m getting.

Posh Spice

Kate: She and Kate Bosworth should start an I’m Way Too Skinny support group.

Erica: So I’m playing this game called Covet on my iPad in which you dress up your electronic model in real fashions to compete in various themed fashion events. Recently one demanded that the model be dressed up to look like a re-uniting member of a girl-power ’90s band – because I guess they can’t just say, “Spice Girls”. So I made a perfect little Posh model – and I didn’t win! I was so mad!

Kate: Every time I read an interview with her I like her, but then every time I see her in a photo I don’t. She just tries too hard. This dress is nothing special, and she should have worn her hair up with it.

Erica: I like her a lot better with short hair.

Rachel McAdams

Erica: She’s in my Top 5 Prettiest People Ever.

Kate: Flawless. It’s just not fair.

Erica: I don’t even love the overall style. She’s just so pretty!

Kate: While the dress is extraordinarily elegant and perfect for her, it is a tad on the boring side for an event such as this. But do you know anyone with a more perfect blowout? I think not.

Rashida Jones

Kate: Awful! Looks like something Drew Barrymore would have worn 13 years ago. Makes her look so dowdy.

Erica: Aw, man, Rashida. You’re so much prettier than this.

Reese Witherspoon

Kate: This is a great color on Reese, but I do not like the shape on top at all. And I never like her hair like that – hello, Pleasantville!

Erica: Do you think she’s been re-watching some of her old movies and taking her styling ideas from them?

Rihanna

Erica: I kind of go, “Well, it’s Rihanna.” And at least she’s not carting around that creepy accessory on her arm.

Kate: This is gross. NO CROP TOPS ON THE RED CARPET, PEOPLE! (Except Emma Stone’s which is not really all that cropped and which I love unconditionally.)

Sarah Silverman

Kate: I think Sarah Silverman is actually quite gorgeous, but this dress is completely swallowing her. It’s not a great color, the skirt is too big, and her hair is too severely pulled back.

Erica: I kind of like how big it is. But if she did up her hair the way she should have, we might think she gives a shit. Hey, did I ever tell you her sister was the rabbi at the Brandeis Hillel when I was there?

Kate: Neat-o!

Selena Gomez

Kate: Along with Kendall Jenner, why exactly is Selena Gomez at the Met Gala?

Erica: I got nothing.

Kate: I actually really like this dress (great color), but for me not Selena. Get outta there.

Erica: Yeah, this would be GREAT on you.

Shailene Woodley

Kate: This is totally weird and different and not like anything I’ve ever seen on the red carpet and I shouldn’t like it but…Something about it on her is working. Maybe it’s the hair?

Erica: This dress is wild and kind of awesome. But is she not wearing shoes? But also, she has a long second toe, like us! And, I’m really glad she did her hair like that, not because I like it, but because before this, I kind of thought she and Hailee Steinfeld were the same person.

Sarah Jessica Parker

 

Kate: Had to show the front and back of this one because I first saw it from the back and loved it – it’s so something Carrie Bradshaw would wear. I don’t love the huge signature at the bottom (was that really necessary, Oscar?), but from the back I thought it was really swell. Then she turned around.

Erica: Well, you can’t have just as wild a front when you’ve got that on the back.

Kate: It’s OK from the front, but the skirt is so wrinkled! And her hair is CRAZY! Maybe it would have been better without the black leaves on the top of the skirt?

Erica: Actually, I am a fan of the leaves. She looks kind of like a cupcake, but who doesn’t like cupcakes? This is one of my few exceptions to the black-and-white evening gown thing.

Taylor Swift

Erica: This is kind of a rare misstep for her.

Kate: I like that this is a bit of a nod to Audrey (reminds me of her famous Sabrina dress), but again with the wrinkly skirt! It’s not well tailored to Taylor.

Erica: She can do better than this. We’ve seen her do better than this. Taylor, I am not tearing you down. There is no special place in hell for me. I’m supporting you to be your best (dressed) self!

Zoe Saldana

Erica: Loathe.

Kate: I really don’t like that ENORMOUS thing – one might call it an oversized peplum? — in the middle of the skirt; if it didn’t have that, she’d look perfect.

Erica: Loathe.

Zooey Deschanel

Kate: So just because she just did a collection with Tommy Hilfiger, she had to wear him to this event, eh? That’s unfortunate because this is a boring dress and she of all people could have done something really fun for this type of event.

Erica: She’s done a collection with Tommy Hilfiger? Is she regretting having been fashionably interesting all her life and now she’s trying to take it back? Zooey, your job is to amuse us on the red carpet!

Kate: So best dressed? My top 3 are Blake Lively, Emma Stone and Hailee Steinfeld.

Erica: Huh. I go Blake or the Victoria’s Secret girl. Or Dita. I actively hated Emma Stone’s ensemble and didn’t care either way for Hailee’s.

Kate: So Blake! Worst dressed has to be Katie Holmes, right?

Erica: Sadly, I think yes.

 

Golden Globes 2013

Erica: I know y’all are excited about this.

Kate: It has been the highlight of my 2013 so far, besides Book of Mormon.

Erica: See, Oscars, here’s how you make a telecast people want to watch – seat all the stars at tables with their friends and then give them free booze!

Kate: I know, I wish they were all miked while sitting so I could hear little snippets of conversation.

Erica: So I don’t see how we can not start with the hosts. Here’s them on the red carpet.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

Erica: I do not approve of Amy Poehler’s “formal capris.” I will not. I cannot.

Kate: I was actually very excited about both of them, until I saw a) the length of Tina’s dress and b) her horrendous shoes. But I was very excited about a) Tina’s hair and b) Amy’s blazer, and I think both of them looked better than usual.

Erica: I love Tina Fey’s hair. The dress is kind of meh. I think Tina’s been doing well lately, but Amy Poehler definitely looks better than usual.

Kate: Again, I like the top. For Amy I would have chosen a longer necklace.

Erica: And here they are in their first hosting outfit:

Erica: See, these dresses look great. Tina’s is a little boring and pageant-y, but the color saves it and, did I mention, I really love her hair like that.

Kate: Me too, and I like these as much as the first two — not a ton, but enough. It also looks like Tina lost some weight, which she did not need to.

Erica: I think it might be just a tight dress. And maybe the pounds you lose when you used to be much fatter, were told  you had to diet to be on television, dieted, got on television, got wildly successful, and then had a hosting gig at the Golden Globes in a spangly dress. You know?

Kate: Plus, I enjoyed them hosting SIGNIFICANTLY more than Ricky Gervais.

Erica: And then they changed again. Or back, in Tina’s case.

Kate: Oh I barely noticed that change, don’t like Amy’s third dress. But throughout they night they were both dressing up as/making fun of celebrities at their tables, which I very much enjoyed.

Erica: Oh yeah. I especially liked when they were with J. Lo and George Clooney during their own category’s announcement. I hate Amy’s dress. I continue not to be impressed with Tina’s and it’s not like her hair looks bad and look, I get it, wearing your hair down all night is dangerous. It can fall flat. It can get all knotted and weird. So fine. Sweep it up. But I liked it better down.

Kate: I aspire to achieve that hair look every day.

Erica: And what about our ladies of Les Mis?

Anne Hathaway

Kate: YES.

Erica: Meh.

Kate: How dare you?

Erica: I mean, she gave a lovely acceptance speech and is charmingly self-deprecating (Although she’s, like, this close to the line between “charming” and “Oh, can it, already.”).

Kate: Er, come on! She looks so Audrey with her hair like that! I guess I would like the dress better if it were one piece, but then it might look too bridal. I also can’t believe how much weight she lost to play Fantine and how she hasn’t gained it back yet. Make her some of your Bolognese!

Erica: Anne, I do not love that dress and I think it looks bridal anyway, but you can come over any time for some Bolognese. It would be my pleasure to host you. Just don’t sing any Fantine songs. You were wonderful but I just can’t take any more tears. And don’t make fun of being Princess of Genovia in my presence, please.

Amanda Seyfried

Kate: The problem here is two-fold: 1) That pin thing in the front, 2) her hair in front of her shoulders. The detail on that dress — Givenchy, might I add — needs to be seen in all its glory, and her (albeit lovely) hair is hiding it.

Erica: I totally hate it. I love her, I really do. I mean, how can you not love her when she makes faces like this on the red carpet:

Kate: I, in fact, do not love her, but would like to take this dress off her hands.

Erica: But I totally hate this dress. With the collar and the weird lace and it looks like a redneck in 1987 designed her dream wedding gown I’m sorry.

Kate: Again, how dare you! This is Givenchy!

Jennifer Lawrence

Erica: She also gave a charming acceptance speech.

Kate: Love it. Love her.

Erica: It’s like the dress is going, “Look, boobs!” It’s hard to see in this picture but the folds of fabric are just kind of like, “Hey, there are boobs here! No, really! Right here!” I am not so much enjoying that aspect of it.

Kate: Yes the boob part was weird but worked because of her torso length, I think. I really like the color, and for once I like the use of a belt on the red carpet. But just this once.

Erica: I don’t think it worked; I just think it’s ignorable. As is the belt. You know what I think it is though? Not so much her torso length but her general adorability.

Kate:

Lena Dunham

Erica: Um, wow. What is going on here?

Kate:  Wow as in bad wow, right?

Erica: She looks great. Her back doesn’t look all slouchy. The dress is a little glamorous and understated and not overtly hipster in any way. She . . . looks great. And, uh, congrats.

Kate: I disagree. I obviously adore her and Girls, but I think this was a horrible choice — it is ill fitting and a very poopy color, she’s done better than this on random nights out in Brooklyn.

Erica: Has she? Because I’ve never seen it.

Kate: And here she is with her girls:

Kate: I like Marney’s dress but not Shoshana’s.

Erica: Zosia Mamet managed to look like a human and Allison Williams is still too skinny.

Kate: Yes, still too skinny.

Erica: Oh, and the fourth one didn’t show up again. I’d think she was too good for awards shows or something, but, like, half the invited guests had the flu. This thing is seriously an epidemic, I guess.

Kate: Yea what’s up with that? Jennifer Lawrence has the flu and she was there! Step it up, celebs!

Erica: Dude, no, stay home. This flu is apparently a real whopper; even if you’ve had the flu shot you can get it and it’s ripping through the population.

Connie Britton

Erica: Hair down! Score one for us!

Kate: PER. FEC. TION.

Erica: And she’s smiling like she’s supposed to be there! Sort of.

Kate: Well she knew she wasn’t going to win but wanted go and party anyway.

Erica: You know, in just about every picture of her, she’s in this pose.

Kate: So?

Erica: Just sayin’. It’s better than her usual, “Oh, please don’t point that thing at me. What, really? Alright, fine, if you insist.” pose.

Hayden Panettiere

Erica: Also hair down! Score two for us!

Kate: Yes I really really really like her hair down, she sometimes has very weird updos.

Erica: She’s so pretty.

Kate: The whole look is actually very Sweet 16-esque, but I still like it. Might like it better without the fish/mermaid tail, whatever you call it.

Erica: I didn’t used to dislike the mermaid tail thing but I am rethinking that.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Erica: So I heard her say on the red carpet that she didn’t go big with the jewelry because the dress was already so much. But I think the dress actually needed, like, a gorgeous diamond necklace and fancier hair and make-up, because the dress was such a glamorous, lacy, complicated thing.

Kate: Disagree, a big necklace would have taken away from the detail of the dress. I love this, she was instantly a best dressed pick for me.

Erica: Alright.

Claire Danes

Erica: She just had a baby?

Kate: Yes!

Erica: I mean, can we consider her waist for a minute? I think it is actually smaller in circumference than her head. Especially with her hair like that.

Kate: Why is everyone’s hair so nice and down and blown out but with those perfect flippy parts? Why can’t my hair do that? I love this dress, by the way. Eye makeup a wee bit too dark though.

 

Erica: I wasn’t being complimentary about her waist. It’s scary. Even if her hair looks fabulous. And yes, I like the dress.

Jessica Chastain

Erica: Hate it.

Kate: Complete hatred.

Erica: Makes me worry about her boobs. Hate it.

Kate: Bad hair part/slicking, bad lipstick, bad top of dress, bad color of dress, all so bad.

Erica: The waist sits funny, too, like it’s a little too high – or a little too low – and it maybe wants to become a peplum or something. But I think the color is lovely on her and she’s beautiful and has the hair I wish I had and also, congrats.

Kate: You are wrong a lot right now.

Julianne Moore

Erica: So, first of all, I forgot Game Change happened this year. That seems like forever ago.

Kate: I saw it!

Erica: Second of all, Julianne Moore, 50 is the new 30 or something. You don’t have to dress like you’re over the hill yet. You’re gorgeous.

Kate: Yea, don’t like the dress at all, and I find it odd that she hasn’t changed her hair back from the Sarah Palin style.

Jodie Foster

Erica: See, this is what I mean. Jodie Foster is 50, and she’s dressing like she’s still a glamorous movie star. Maybe it’s because she’s . . . single.

Kate: Or maybe it’s because she’s bat-sh!t crazy, as evidenced by her speech which I could not understand why everyone was crying about it.

Erica: Well, she seemed to be announcing her . . . retirement? Along with not-coming-out-but-she’s-gay-but-she’s-not-coming-out-because-fame-is-hard? Also, she, like everyone else in the room, was piss-ass drunk at this point.

Kate: Can we also focus on that hair? And how grossed out her kids were by her speech?

Erica: The kids just seemed to be, you know, embarrassed, because they’re her kids, and whatnot. The haircut makes her forehead look enormous. She should rethink that. But you know what? Watching the clips, I realized I haven’t seen nearly enough Jodie Foster movies. A lot of them looked good.

Emily Blunt

Kate:Minus the earings, perfection!

Erica: Is she blondish now?

Kate: It appears that way, but I really like it. She has such a perfect face.

Erica: I do not like the stomach cut-outs. I don’t care how good your stomach is, I don’t like them. They’re weird.

Kate: This dress would kind of suck without them, though.

Erica: IMH(ha!)O, it sucks with them.

Naomi Watts

Erica: I did not like this, Kate, did you?

Kate: I did, with exceptions: I think this color looks better on someone with a hair color like, say, mine, and I think it is a fairly blatant copy of that Hilary Swank Oscar dress. But I do like it in general.

Erica: I am not a fan of the nun-in-the-front, party-in-the-back dress. And yeah, her coloring and the dress’s are not good for each other.

Kate: And I am not a fan of that folding-the-hair-under thing, ew.

Amy Adams

Erica: I felt bored by this at first and have since decided it is dreamy and lovely.

Kate: I hate it.

Erica: Because it matches her skin tone?

Kate: Yes, and it is too tight. She still has not learned how to wear Spanx. And the hair would be acceptable if it were not KRIMPED.

Erica: It’s . . . not? Also, for what does she need to wear Spanx?

Kate: To make everything very smooth lines! I didn’t like how it hugged her.

Erica: But here is what I don’t get. If you’re going to wear a dress like that – and she’s hardly the only offender; practically all of the ladies do this – why bother wearing six-inch stilettos with platforms such that you can hardly walk up and down the stairs when your dress is going to cover them up anyway? Don’t you look more ridiculous when you need a team of people to help you move than when you look, perhaps, an inch or two shorter?

Kate: Every single female needed a team of people to help them get down those stairs. It was kind of pathetic.

Lucy Liu

Kate: This looks like Forever 21‘s version of what Audrey wore in Sabrina; ergo, I HATE it. And that stupid braid.

Erica: I really like it. It ought to look like she’s somebody’s grandmother’s couch, but the clean lines and lack of adornment make it really lovely and unusual and I like her hair. Also she and Connie Britton appear to be close friends.

Kate: No, it sucks. And is way too big for a) the Globes and b) someone who is not even nominated.

Julianne Hough

Erica: I did not like her in Rock of Ages. I thought she was the worst part. But this dress is . . . memorable. And I mean that in a good way.

Kate: I surprised myself by really liking this dress, until the showed the entire thing and I hated the bottom. If it were more of a column style and the sparkley things faded out toward the bottom it would have been perfect. I even like the hair.

Erica: See, I thought it would have been too expected and safe it was more of a column.

Kate: I don’t, however, like that she gets to attend everything just because of who her boyfriend is.

Giuliana Rancic

Erica: I still do not understand who this person is.

Kate: She’s an E! host, duh!

Erica: And I loathe this dress.

Kate: Yea, she makes Jessica Chastain look like a fashion icon. Worst dressed by a landslide.

Emmys 2012

Erica: Check this out! It’s an Erica/Kate conversation about Emmys fashions! And yes, btw, I’m going with Emmys and not Emmies. I don’t know. The latter looks wrong to me.

Kate: Emmys is correct; even iPhone autocorrect recognizes it. Same with Tonys. (Right?)

Erica: Right. Except iPhone autocorrect didn’t recognize “kale” and thought I wanted some “black male panzanella.” So I don’t always trust iPhone autocorrect. Anyway, let’s go!

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Erica: I think she looks great!

Kate: I LOVE! Such a great color and I’m so pleased she won for Veep for two reasons: 1) It’s a grown-up comedy about politics that I actually know and like and understand, and 2) HBO never wins for comedies. But when they zoomed in on her during the acceptance speech I noted that her earrings didn’t match and her makeup looked not quite finished.

Erica: Her hair and make up could be a little more oomphy. But she looks fantastic! I’m so proud of her!

Connie Britton

Erica: On the other hand . . .

Kate: I know, this really upset me, but it’s no SO bad from the waist down.

Erica: I mean, let’s discuss. Connie Britton has the greatest head of hair in recorded history. I checked. So why is it up?

Kate: I really am not sure.

Erica: And the shape is so blah! Connie Britton, you are a hottie! Dress like it!

Kate: But the color actually works because of her hair color, no?

Erica: I guess.

Kate: PS So excited for her new show Nashville October 10!!!!

Erica: Yeah, me too. On to the women of “Mad Men”! Starting with, naturally . . .

Christina Hendricks

Erica: Hair? Perfect. Make-up? Great. Dress?

Kate: PERFECT MINUS THE BELT! What is with everyone and belts on the red carpet?

Erica: Yeah, that’s my problem. I mean, my real problem is that it looks like an actual belt. I hate that on a formal gown.

Kate: And I love her hair all grown out like that, and the earrings, and that facial expression. She knew she won this one.

Erica: She wins at life, man.

Elizabeth Moss

Kate: Gah!

Erica: Why is she blonde?

Kate: Gaaaaaaaahhh!!!

Erica: No, I mean, why is she blonde?

Kate: Why did the seamstress not finish the bottom half of this dress?

Erica: Yeah, but why is she blonde?

January Jones

Erica: First, I love whatever this gesture is. This is a caption-worthy photo right here.

Kate: Do I even need to say anything here?

Erica: Here’s the thing about January Jones. She seems to always dress like she’s trying to convince everyone that she is NOT Betty Draper and a lot of the time she looks ridiculous. And miserable. But here, I don’t know, maybe it’s the smile, but I think I really love this dress.

Kate: Here’s the thing about January Jones, she looks terrible here and should try dress shapes other than tight as hell on top and stupidly poofy on the bottom.

Erica: I don’t know; she’s very experimental and I sort of like this one.

Kate: If experimental means continuously wearing the same stupid thing.

Kiernan Shipka

Erica: OMG she looks adorable.

Kate: Yes, perfect!!

Erica: Now what about the girls of “Girls”? Jemima Kirke (the wacky Jenna) was mysteriously absent (or mysteriously if you haven’t, you know, Googled her or anything) but how did the rest of them do?

Lena Dunham

Erica: You know what? I’m grading her on a curve. A curve made up of all of her other fashion choices ever, including what she dresses her character in for “Girls”. And on that curve? Solid B+.

Kate: I was actually expecting a lot more from Lena because she uglies herself up so much for the show and she is actually a good-looking human being, but I think she truly just doesn’t give a hoot.

Erica: See, the thing is, she’s a perfectly fine-looking person . . . for a person. Not so much for a Hollywood actress. And she appears determined at all times to demonstrate that she’s not even TRYING to be pretty like everyone else. She’s doing like, the opposite of what January Jones does.

Kate: Ergo, I adore her.

Zosia Mamet

Erica: I mean, I love her. She’s adorable on the show and I really want to see more from her character and more from her as an actress. She’s a person who, if I know she’s in a movie, I’ll see it, just for her.

Kate: I can’t decide who’s funnier, her or Marni, but this was a total fail for her red carpet debut. And she has the wrong shape/size head/ears for her hair so severely slicked back like that, as do most people.

Erica: Seriously, ladies of the entertainment industry. Hair is pretty. Especially your hair. Show it off.

Allison Williams

Erica: She is way skinnier than I thought she was. Or she lost weight. She should not do that.

Kate: She does look like she lost weight, but I absolutely love this dress, except for that stupid peplum thing that is literally haunting me everywhere I go.

Erica: Literally? Really?

Kate: They are everywhere!!!

Erica: The thing about the peplum is that it’s supposed to create hips on bodies that don’t have them. And some bodies really don’t. But some bodies have just dieted theirs into oblivion. Allison.

Kate: They are an eye sore.

Erica: So who else do we want to talk about?

Kate: How about . . .

Kerry Washington

Erica: Really? I feel like this is not very exciting from her.

Kate: No but I like it/would wear it, but I do agree with what my fashion-conscious boyfriend said during a football game commercial when I was permitted to see all the dresses: She’s too skinny.

Erica: Yeah, she’s lost a little weight, too, and not in a good way. But honestly, she’s hardly the worst offender there. Allison. Also, Kate, I don’t like that dress for you.

Kate: Fine, I’ll text her back and tell her to cancel sending it to me.

Kaley Cuoco

Erica: So I feel like I frequently enjoy her outfits at awards shows, and this is no exception. But what is up with her face? It’s not like I normally know what she looks like, because I don’t watch the show she’s on (or, actually, know what it is), but I feel like that’s not normally what her face looks like.

Kate: This is one of the three very blonde ladies who woe bright-ass yellow, and this is the worst one. I mean, ew!

Erica: Really? I like it. And I think Julianne Moore’s is the worst one. (I know she’s not blonde but she also chose bright yellow.) Why does such a beautiful woman dress like that?

Kate: Yes, Julianne Moore looked terrible as well. That was way too much for the Emmys.

Erica: Hey, what about the lovely ladies of “Modern Family”?

Sophia Vergara

Kate: She is a mermaid, and not in a good way.

Erica: She’s wearing a cool color this time instead of a warm one. That’s change, right?

Kate: Why doesn’t she try wearing her hair up for once?

Erica: Geez, we are difficult to please.

Kate: Well this is exactly why they attend these things!

Julie Bowen

Erica: I really like Julie Bowen. I think she’s one of the prettiest people, in a very quiet way, like you could almost mistake her for a regular person until you look at her again, but I am frequently critical of her fashion choices. I take it all back. This is by far the worst thing she’s ever worn.

Kate: Second blondie wearing yellow (or is this neon green?), and I hate this one as well.

Erica: No, wait, I’m sorry, it’s not the dress. It’s the hair. What’s up with your hair, Julie Bowen?

Kate: It looks 10 times worse than mine when I don’t do it/put anything into it, and that’s pretty bad.

Kate: Okay, who else?

Mindy Kaling

Erica: I’m sure there’s a dress that could be slightly more flattering on her and I wish she’d ease up on make-up just a touch – like, back when Jane was a) in existence, and b) good, they used to do a monthly Make-under, and I’d kind of like to see that done to Mindy here, but, you know, I think she’s just terrific and overall she looks lovely.

Kate: I LOOOOVEEE! The goddessy shape is my favorite and the color is super swell, I just could do without the gold belt and that gothic lipstick color. Jeez Mindy. (Er you need to give me her book still!)

Erica: Kate, I took it out of the library, so I don’t know what to tell you.

Kate: Ugh, damn the man.

Ginnifer Goodwin

Erica: I really love her. I don’t know why she’s making that face. But I love her. And I sort of love this dress. It’s not that it looks amazing on her, and I’m always hesitant about belted things, and in this case, the color on the belt is a mismatch, but the dress is really interesting and unusual and the color is great and I think I like it.

Kate: Yes that is quite a face, and I sort of love it too, which is surprising to me.

Erica: Those shoes, though. Those shoes freak me out.

Kate: See, I like the shoes and how they peak out from the dress but still sort of blend into it. (What is wrong with me?)

Erica: No, look closer! They are the orange version of the ones Rihanna wore that don’t actually cover the toes!

Kate: I know, I still like it, so I will check myself into a mental institution shortly after this post.

Melissa McCarthy

Erica: She looks pretty good.

Kate: I don’t love the hair but it is a nice change from the same 3 dresses she wore all spring award show season.

Erica: I kind of hate that her purse and ring clash, and there are a whole lot of textures going on in the dress, but the shape is good and I’d say it’s a win for her.

Kate: Oh I didn’t even notice, but her ring matches her nails no?

Erica: Yeah. I like the ring. Just not with the purse.

Kate: And I’M tough to please?
Hayden Panettiere

Kate: I actually sort of love this dress, it’s very different, but I hate that she keeps doing that horrible thing with her hair. Down and mussy would have been perfect-o.

Erica: I absolutely adore this dress, and agree with you about the hair. She’s another one with simply fabulous locks that should always be visible. Although in this dress you could also do some pretty braids and twists and things.

Kate: No, braids are bad.

Claire Danes

Kate: Third blondie wearing yellow and this is my favorite one, although it looked much better live during the show than it does in this photo. You’re going to say you don’t like the bagginess of it, aren’t you?

Erica: Yeah, I am. Although to be fair, I didn’t watch the telecast, so maybe you’re right. Also her make-up is washing her out.

Kate: No then it’s definitely the photo because she looked great during the show.

Tina Fey

Kate: Um excuse me I love this!!<

Erica: This is sexy! I like that Tina Fey is finally embracing that she’s a good-looking person.

Kate: Totes!

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi

Erica: Ellen looks . . . I mean, I don’t like her hair like that but otherwise she looks fine. She likes to do the suity thing and it’s fine.

Kate: Yea, you can’t say anything bad about Ellen.

Erica: But Portia appears to be wearing a beige macrame jumpsuit. I just do not know what the hell anymore because seriously.

Kate: Blends in with her skintone and hair, which you know I love (no). Also, those are pants? . . .

Erica: Yes! It’s just . . . Quick, let’s look at something else.

Zooey Deschanel

Erica: Ah, that’s better. Like a lovely sorbet for the eyes.

Kate: Her face and hair are adorable as usual but the top of that dress does very strange things to her chest.

Erica: Yeah . . . but it’s so dreamy! It’s not her usual style. It’s not obviously retro or quirky or costume-y. But it still suits her.

Kate: And I actually like the lack of jewelry with hair up and a strapless dress, very natural.

Erica: Jewelry would make that dress look weirdly trashy, I think. Ethereal air sprites don’t wear jewelry.

Kate: And on that note, we bid you adieu.