Kate: So at the end of our Golden Globes post when I said we’d be back for the Oscars, I totes forgot about the SAG Awards and the Grammys. Shame on me!
Erica: And I forgot to Tivo it. So I’m using photos to judge the outfits. Not as accurate, I’m afraid.
Kate: Let’s get right to it.
Kate: Pretty, very Amy, but hold on — is she pregnant? Were we right about that with the blue dress at the Golden Globes?
Erica: Now, I’m only looking at pictures; I missed the telecast. But I’m voting…Yes? Pregnant? Because normally she’s kinda boxy, so I can’t imagine that she’s just gaining weight in a round shape on her tummy.
Kate: If she’s not pregnant again, I feel extremely mean saying that, but it looks like a very pronounced bump (from the side) that she is purposely showing off. What are we supposed to think, Amy?!?
Erica: I honestly don’t think we’re being mean because she doesn’t look fat, she looks pregnant. And a quick Google search indicates that we’re not the only ones wondering. Either way, she looks great. Did the dress look midnight blue during the telecast? Because at first I thought it was black, and, black, this dress is lovely and more feminine and glam than her usual looks and I am in favor. In midnight blue, I am in majorly more favor.
Kate: Methinks midnight blue.
Kate: Well I guess she got rid of that baby weight, dayum Anna! …On second thought, she actually looks too skinny, way skinnier than usual. What happened, Anna?
Erica: I think her weight looks alright; I’m not loving the dress.
Kate: This is a dress I wouldn’t normally like, but it looks very good on her. Perhaps needed one more inch off the hem, though.
Erica: She kind of looks uncomfortable. That “What am I doing here?” look we sometimes see on stars who don’t know they’re stars.
Kate: I do wish she would change up the hair a little — another blowout for the red carpet? We can do better, Vada Sultenfuss.
Erica: Can I tell you, I have legit reasons for not changing my last name when I got married that having nothing to do with Anna Chlumsky, but I also have Anna Chlumsky-related reasons? Because in My Girl 2, when she’s trying to find her dead mom’s high school friends, she keeps running into walls because they got married and changed their last names. So, you know, if one of my high school friends dies and her daughter comes looking, I want her to be able to find me.
Kate: WAY better than the Golden Globes. Way. (Ignoring those scales on the sides.)
Erica: Are you also ignoring the color, the cut and the BELT? Which doesn’t even look like a belt; it looks like something you’d use to fasten the duffel bag you’re taking to sleepaway camp in 1992?
Kate: Ok I am ignoring the scales on the sides and also the belt. I like the color, and I love her hair that way.
Erica: Yeah, her hair looks nice.
Kate: Oh my gosh she looks so pretty.
Erica: Taystee? Holy moly she looks awesome.
Kate: Excellent choice for her, very elegant, I love the color and her hair and makeup and accessories. The dress was pulled a little too tight in the belly area, but otherwise perfect.
Erica: Gorgeous color, great shape, love the one-shoulder thing, and her hair and makeup are pure class.
Kate: So this looks like an extraordinarily well-made dress and nice and everything, but it’s overall just a little boring for me. I do not like the two-tonedness of it.
Erica: I really totally hate the two-toned thing. And these particular two tones? Dark blue and black? I mean, do I really need to explain what’s wrong with this? Look, people, you can mix neutrals, but you have to be careful. It’s almost never acceptable to mix two DARK neutrals, okay?
Kate: There also seems to be a kind of half-cape thing in the back, which I get is very Khaleesi, but I do not like it.
Erica: She should just dress like Khaleesi all the time. Khaleesi has style.
Kate: I have a Khaleesi bracelet!
Kate: No Emma. No.
Erica: I feel like, I get it. I get what this was supposed to be. It’s just…It’s not good.
Kate: I tried to get behind her Globes look, but I cannot with this. It takes “menswear” 70 steps too far. Worst dressed nominee.
Erica: I love her very much but I almost never like her red carpet looks.
Kate: Best dressed nominee. Amazingly chic and elegant. She is rocking her red carpet debut season.
Erica: She looks darling.
Kate: But I still need to see her movie, dangit.
Erica: Who is she again?
Kate: She plays Stephen Hawking’s wife in The Theory of Everything.
Kate: I like this green even more than I like Claire Danes’ green — yay green!
Erica: Yeah? I like neither green. Also, hello, boobs.
Kate: That necklace is very Covet IRL. (No one else knows what that means, but that’s ok.)
Erica: I need more people to know what that means. I need more closets to borrow from.
Kate: Hey loyal Fashion Police blog post readers — download Covet and let Erica and I borrow from your closets! Thanks in advance.
Kate: It takes very specifically shaped and sized boobs to pull off those pointy cup things. (Very technical fashion term.) I love the dress, and I adore her hair.
Erica: Again, is this reading as black or as midnight blue on the telecast? In black? Elegant and lovely. In midnight blue? ALL THE GOLD STARS, JOANNE FROGGATT. And I’m sorry I don’t watch your show anymore. You’re fabulous; the whole crew is fabulous. I just could not handle the emotion.
Kate: It sometimes looked black and sometimes looked very dark grey and also sometimes looked midnight blue, so I am really not sure. I may be a bit biased toward her red carpet looks now because I know Brad Goreski styles her.
Erica: Who in the what now?
Erica: I love that “I’m Julia Roberts; I do not have to give a f*ck!” look. It gives her a very special glow.
Kate: THIS is how you do “menswear”, Emma Stone! Take notes!
Erica: To be fair, I think Emma Stone’s dress was going for something completely different. I feel I should mention Julia’s hair, because it looks fabu, but there’s some breaking news for you: “Julia Roberts’ Hair: Fabulous!”
Kate: Fab fab fab fab color. You know I love that royal blue, especially on us dark-haired ladies.
Erica: My computer screen doesn’t even know how to handle that color. It’s pixel-shocked! (That is a compliment. I love the color.)
Kate: Hairstyle is a little too casual for me, and I don’t know how I feel about the skirt in and of itself, but it works for her. Also great makeup.
Erica: I can’t see anything but that color. Good job there.
Erica: It is a classic green for the redheaded ladies. And it’s a classic for a reason.
Kate: I do not so much love the actual dress itself, but she overall looks very good.
Erica: I think the dress is very pretty but could use some structuring in the bodice area. But she looks fantastic.
Kate: Oooh she’s giving me a little Elaine Benes here!
Erica: Yeah? Because the hair?
Kate: Yes, I love that she did her hair curly. I very much like this dress, but her makeup is a tad lackluster. And it takes a lot for me to say that because I love her so much.
Erica: I like the hair. I like the dress. I agree with the makeup, but this is another event where I feel like we’re seeing a lot of too much makeup and a lot of not enough make-up. Maybe it’s just the sun? Or lack of sun? Whatever the weather is doing to the lighting in LA?
Kate: Or all these HD cameras and HD TVs picking up what people’s faces actually really look like?
Erica: I kind of like this?
Kate: This is something we have come to expect from Julie Bowen, so it’s fine, but I like how she made her hair a little edgier than usual. No?
Erica: I think this is a lot better than we usually get from her, in that it doesn’t look ill-fitting or like something a crazy person would wear and it’s not a dreadful color. And yeah, I like her hair. But I know she’s messing with me. I know she’s setting me up, giving me a false sense of security so she can really wham me over the head with whatever she’s got cooked up next.
Kate: Leaps and bounds better than her STUPID Golden Globes dress, but still not all that impressive.
Erica: Is she sporting a bump?
Kate: Yes, she is confirmed pregnant. It’s a great color, obviously one that I like, but it has weird stringy things around the sleeve area, and that half-up hairdo is how I wear my hair to work when it’s dirty or just weirdly wavy. It doesn’t look bad, it just doesn’t look red carpet-y.
Erica: I do love the color, and I love the lace, and since she is pregnant, I love the shape, but if she were not, then that front ruffle would be a little bit of a problem. But you’re right, it doesn’t look red carpet-y. If you got rid of the mesh inset and shortened the whole thing to the knee, it’d make a lovely summer frock. You could even keep the sleeve ties then. But as a red carpet gown, it is not great.
Kate: So I get this look for her, like I get it, but it’s not properly tailored. I see actual wrinkles and gaping in the material that shouldn’t be there.
Erica: Even if it were properly tailored, it would be very pageant-y. Although I guess that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Kate: Interestingly enough, I like her hair? Am I losing it?
Erica: Yes. Yes, I think you might be.
Kate: I accept that.
Erica: This makes her look very boxy.
Kate: I am not feeling this at all. Why are these celebrities so into squishing their boobs into submission with these dresses?
Erica: I think she has a weird relationship with her boobs. They never look right in the red carpet gowns she chooses.
Erica: I love love love the dress. I am not big on the gothy makeup or the messy hair.
Kate: A bit too sexy though with the boobs? How old is she IRL?
Erica: I just checked; she’ll be eighteen soon. I think this is perfectly appropriate for an almost-eighteen-year-old.
Kate: So Meryl.
Erica: Continuing to not give a f*ck.
Kate: I just love that I worry about wearing my (new) glasses to a friend’s party at her apartment, and Meryl wears her glasses to red carpet events, like, all the time.
Erica: She is a boss b*tch. She does not have to give a f*ck. Hey, look here!
Erica: TWO boss b*tches who do not give a f*ck! One with great acting chops, the other with great hair, both with that golden glow that career security and not giving a f*ck lends to one’s skin!
Kate: When I saw that they were sitting at the same table, I was like, “Yup”.
Erica: Midnight or black?
Kate: Definitely midnight, this one. Boring, wrinkly. I need something else from her hair; I’m over the deep side part.
Erica: Whatever, she’s pretty and she looks fine. And if it’s midnight, I’m in favor. I love midnight, and I REALLY love midnight on the fair-haired.
Erica: You know what? I like it. It’s girly and it’s silly and it’s fun and it’s not boring.
Kate: The dress is OK, but something about it just isn’t doing it for me. What’s really throwing me off is the fact that a) her hair is the same color as her face, and b) that hair looks like it was braided when it was wet the night before and the braids were taken out just before she got out of the limo.
Erica: Okay, I do not like the hair. She looks much better as a brunette and those eyes and cat-like face are better shown off in an updo.
Kate: Fun! Not my personal style, but super fun on her. She’s so tan.
Erica: Ooh cute. I really, really like it. Like Keira Knightley’s, you could cut it off at the knees and have a fun summer dress, but unlike Keira Knightley’s, it still looks red carpet-y in its current incarnation. And I love the pop of red lip!
Kate: Ian loves her.
Erica: I approve of him more and more every day.
Kate: Ooooh I love a bouncy Reese ponytail.
Erica: It does look cute. The blush is a bit much.
Kate: I loved her Golden Globes dress so much and I don’t understand why no one else did, and I love this just as much. I SEE YOU, REESE! I SEE YOU!
Erica: I feel like you and she would get along really well.
Kate: I don’t know why we’re not besties yet.
Kate: This is a fun sparkly young dress that I don’t hate, but her face frightens me. It was more obvious on the pre-show than in this picture, but her face is soooo heavily made up and her eyes so bugged out of her head to the point where it looked like she was about to pop a blood vessel.
Erica: I like the dress. I like the layers of translucent black over a nude underskirt. and it’s tailored well, at least as far as I can see. I’ll have to take your word for it on the makeup. In pics it looks good.
Erica: It’s not that I wish this dress were a different color. I just wish the carpet were a different color. But then it wouldn’t be a red carpet.
Kate: I am finally off the I-hate-Sofia-Vergara bandwagon. I’m not sure why or when it happened, but I am. I think she looks very lovely. Also I would like to borrow that dress, if only she would tell me how that left boob stayed covered and supported.
Erica: There is some serious support in that bodice. That is structured out the wazoo. Yes, she does look very nice tonight.
Kate: I do, however, prefer her hair bouncy and voluminous instead of pin-straight, and I feel like she wears the same earrings to every red carpet event. That is all!
Erica: Oh, dear.
Kate: Mmmm, nope. Not good. Crochet = inappropriate for red carpet. Yellow crochet = inappropriate for everything.
Erica: I mean, she deserves every acting award and accolade she gets. And her bod is something fierce. But this dress. This dress. Well, at least it’s not boring.
Kate: Beautiful dress, but not for her.
Erica: Yeah? I feel it’s a little young for her, but not too young. And I love bright white on dark skin.
Kate: I think it’s too bright, I didn’t consider the age-appropriateness of it. I do not like her hair that way, and she looked extraordinarily unhappy to be there.
Erica: Her hair I am not overly fond of. But she did? I saw a nice quote from her acceptance speech?
Kate: She looked unhappy to be on the red carpet, then she won, so I’m sure she felt better. So, best dressed?
Erica: I don’t know. I think my personal fave is Rashida, although that doesn’t mean she’s the best, it just means she’s the most appealing to me. If Joanne Froggatt’s dress is midnight and not black, then for sure her. If it’s black, she’s still a top contender. Although maybe the total preciousness of Felicity Jones should be considered? Or Danielle Brooks for being so on point and exactly what you should look like while walking the red carpet?
Kate: I was thinking Felicity Jones, but shoot let’s give it to Taystee! YAY TAYSTEE GIRL! Worst dressed?
Erica: Man. I don’t want to do this. I don’t. I love her acting and I think she deserves a ton of recognition. But Uzo. I mean. That dress is just awful. It’s just awful.
Kate: Uzo’s dress is not good, but it doesn’t offend me like Emma Stone’s, so I’m giving it to her. Ok people, catch us after the Grammys!