Emmys 2018

Erica: Welcome to the Emmys, where I learn that a) I watch A LOT of television, and b) I’m not watching nearly enough television.

Kate: Same and same. Blame it on Bravo.

 

Aidy Bryant

Erica: I wish it was full length, but it’s so rare I like formal wear for the more zaftig like me and I did like this quite a bit.

Kate: Yep I actually really love this, I think it’s a great style on her and I even like the sparkly cupcake princessy-ness of it. Just a bit overwhelmed by all the fake hair.

 

Alex Borstein

Erica: She won so I felt like we had to include her, especially because I think she’s fabulous. And she did a little strip tease to come up to the stage, which was funny, and then it was incredibly obvious that she was not, as she said, wearing a bra. But I like the dress.

Kate: Yes, I like that she pointed that out right away because she knew fashion police officers such as us would say something about it.

Erica: Also, the Art Deco earrings that so exactly matched the look of the dress and the hair and all were very special.

Kate: Yes, I don’t love this type of dress and it feels a bit dated — wasn’t this trendy a few years ago? — but it looks nice on her.

 

Alexis Bledel

Erica: Completely ridiculous and horrid, right?

Kate: In this photo, yes, but I saw only the top half during the broadcast and thought it was kind of ok if a little Easter egg-y. She just, you know, looks like Rory.

 

Allison Janney

Erica: I mean, it’s a lot, but I like that it’s a lot. She’s been liking dramatic sleeves, hasn’t she?

Kate: Oh my, yes it is a lot. I don’t love her new hair color.

 

Chrissy Teigen

Erica: Her style is not my thing, but it is a thing, a good thing, and she usually pulls it off rather well. In addition to being a delight of a human being.

Kate: Oh, no, this makes her head look ridiculously small, and it’s so so so so so so beauty pageant-y. And I don’t like the hair at all!

 

Claire Foy

Erica: I hate the length but other than that, I think she looks great.

Kate: Oh so I thought she looked absolutely gorgeous and very elegant during the broadcast but the look is falling flat in photos for sure.

 

Connie Britton

Erica: The woman is gorgeous but cannot dress. I am so confused by her.

Kate: Oh but the HAIR is the HAIR! The hair!!

 

Dakota Fanning

Erica: Lovely shade. What is she up to?

Kate: I think it’s actually quite a risky shade but indeed it looks lovely on her, despite having a belt. Hair is a little too messy for me, though, and earrings are a little too matchy-matchy. During the broadcast her makeup looked lovely.

 

Elisabeth Moss

Erica: I mean, I hate her hair color right now, but otherwise, refreshingly lovely.

Kate: When she presented an award I was stunned by this dress, kind of like a modern Jessica Rabbit thing. I don’t even mind the length. But it is definitely ruined by the hair.

 

Ellie Kemper

Kate: She is just the cutest thing. This isn’t going to, like, change the face of fashion, but I think it’s perfect for her in every way.

Erica: She looks a little slimmer than usual. I really love the dress. I actually think it is somewhat more innovative than it looks on first glance. The silhouette is very classically glam, the fabric is kind of cutesy, and the ruffles are just the right amount of imperfect.

 

Emilia Clarke

Kate: I want to dislike this dress, but I don’t. I find it interesting. I just don’t like those front hairs with those light streaks, or anything else about her hair for that matter.

Erica: I don’t really like the dress. She’s so pretty so it’s hard to make her look bad, but the dress looks kind of cheap and weird and doesn’t highlight her in the best way it could.

 

Felicity Huffman

Erica: I don’t have much to say about her outfit (the jacket could be better fitted), but her makeup is spot on.

 

Heidi Klum

Erica: I kind of love it. Very glam. I don’t know what has inspired her to stop dressing like an escapee from the Capital of Panem, but I’m glad.

Kate: Um, yes, this is what I always want from Heidi. Perfection.

 

Issa Rae

Erica: I thought I liked it when she was sitting down, so I looked up pictures, and now I don’t. I feel like the bodice doesn’t fit quite right, and I’m trying to embrace the skirt-over-pants thing, but the skirt’s too long and it doesn’t look proportionate.

Kate: Oh, I think I didn’t even realize these were pants. Ok, I get it, but yeah it needed some more work before being red carpet ready. Great makeup, though.

Erica: I still think she has one of the prettiest smiles in the whole wide world.

 

Jessica Biel

Erica: So, a) what is she in?, and b) this is quite a dress. I think I mean that as a compliment. It’s somehow both feminine and modern and I like that. She also looks way young. Isn’t she older than me? By, like, a year?

Kate: She is in a show about some kind of murder, IDK, but this dress is f l a w L E S S, as is the whole entire look. She was one of the first people I saw on the red carpet, and I instantly thought “Best Dressed!”

 

Judith Light

Kate: Well, that’s quite the pose, and quite the color. I feel weird critiquing her because she’s old.

Erica: Fine, I’ll do it. I hate it. I hate that color on light-skinned women. I don’t like turtlenecks in general and it looks particularly weird with the cape. The sleeves are too long for the bracelets, and the skirt looks too loose when her legs are together and too tight when they’re apart. This is not a criticism of her as a human. Just her dress.

 

Kate McKinnon

Kate: This is cute and all but her opening number outfit was sooooo much better (thank goodness because the opening number was sooooo not good), and of course I cannot find a photo of the full thing now.

Erica: The jacket and pants and pumps look fantastic but also kinda casual? The Emmys strike me as the event at which no one has decided what level of formality they’re going for.

Kate: I just love the fit of the jacket and pants, and those PUMPS were my favorite part.

 

Keri Russell

Kate: Everyone is doing this front-and-back mini/maxi thing and I have to say I am NOT loving it. AM loving her smoky makeup, though.

Erica: Yes. Makeup, gorgeous. Dress? I don’t even understand. It’s more than just the mini/maxi thing, it’s the fact that it’s one leg each, with, like, the feathers? I don’t know. I don’t get it.

 

Kristen Bell

Kate: I saw a glambotcam thing of her on Instagram before watching the red carpet or Emmys itself, and I was like, DAMN. She looks insanely good!

Erica: I love her red carpet dress. I hate her opening number dress. (She looks good either way, because she’s an adorable magic pixie. Also I love “The Good Place.”)

Kate: Yes I’m glad she chose the white dress for the red carpet, even if it meant she changed into the fringey thing, like, immediately, but I didn’t HATE the fringey thing.

 

Laura Dern

Erica: Fascinating hair decision.

Kate: Oh. Fascinating…Everything decision?

Erica: Yeah, I didn’t see the whole thing during the arrivals special. This is really terrible.

 

Leslie Jones

Erica: I mean, what am I supposed to say? It is clearly the look she was going for.

Kate: I don’t mind the shape of this little lady tux for her, but I of course mind the color(s) — did she and Alexis want to together look like an Easter egg dye kit?

Erica: I think that’s a possible yes.

Kate: Aidy Bryant is the only one who successfully pulled off the pastels, it seems.

 

Mandy Moore

Erica: I just want long dresses to hit the floor, more or less. Not the ankle.

Kate: Yep, saw this from waist up at first and loved it — especially the hair and makeup — but everything south of the waist is upsetting.

 

Maya Rudolph

Erica: So she had one not terrific dress on the red carpet, and then an even more terrible – and like, really terrible – look for the stage. What is up with that?

 

Michelle Dockery

Kate: Oh I kind of find this interesting? Am I ok?

Erica: You know, I did not at all expect you to like this. I think you are broadening your horizons. And the truth is, it’s a lot of things that could go wrong very quickly, but didn’t. Craftsmanship matters.

Kate: Yeah. Somehow, it works.

 

Millie Bobby Brown

Erica: Oh my goodness it’s insane but she is young and she should have a good time.

Kate: Well yeah the shape is insane but I feel like daring and interesting enough that I’m not mad at it. L O V E  THOSE S H O E S.

 

Padma Lakshmi

Kate: DAYUM GIRL. DAYUM.

Erica: I mean, she already looks like Padma Lakshmi. So that was a pretty big bonus. But then she dressed the Padma Lakshmi of her to perfection.

Kate: How does someone always look THAT good?

Erica: By the way, the blue ribbon is for supporting the ACLU. In case you’re curious.

 

Penelope Cruz

Erica: She always goes fairy princess, doesn’t she?

Kate: Do you mean…Feather princess?

Erica: A swan princess. I mean, she’s still gorgeous and if that’s what she wants to do, then she should do it.

Kate: I don’t like her obviously very fake high pony.

 

Rachel Brosnahan

Erica: Kate, have you watched “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”?

Kate: No but it won everything last night so maybe I should. This looks like a less-fabulous version of Padma’s dress. During the show I thought this looked pretty great, but in the photo/after seeing Padma, mmmmmnotsomuch.

Erica: You should. It’s terrific and she’s amazing. Anyway, I think this dress probably looked better in person than it did on TV. I don’t love the waist, but otherwise, it looks quite beautifully made. Flowy and structural at the same time. And red on a girl with dark hair and pale skin is A+.

 

Regina King

Erica: As we have established, this color dress is only acceptable on darker-skinned ladies.

Kate: Yes and I actually love this on her, the structure of the top looks really cool with the back.

 

Sandra Oh

Erica: Zoe and I want to know what is up with her hair.

Kate: I think that’s what she usually does with her hair?

Erica: It seemed to have calmed down between the red carpet and the stage show. The dress is okay. I like the color.

Kate: It’s not my favorite.

Erica: She’s pretty funny. I don’t think I fully understood that. Or maybe I forgot.

Kate: She was one of the best characters on Grey’s — yes I still watch that and I will until the day I die.

 

Scarlett Johansson

Kate: Fierce. Duh.

Erica: Yeah, she looks amazing. I feel like this is a really great dress. The sculptural take on glamorous silhouette, with an almost beachy casualness – I like it. I feel like most of the ladies are bringing it tonight. Or that at least there’s less boring than usual.

Kate: It looks quite tricky to, like, keep in place throughout the night, but, yeah. Fierce.

 

Taraji P. Henson

Erica: I do not like this at all. I do not like anything about it. I do not like the pattern. I do not like the dress-mullet bottom, and I do not like the high neck and long sleeves. I must say, given how much I hate the dress, that I do not think she looks terrible. So.

Kate: See, it’s the mini/maxi thing again! Definitely not my favorite look on her; the pattern is making me dizzy.

 

Thandie Newton

Kate: Probably my favorite other than Jessica Biel. I think this is absolute perfection. My only thing is it looks better with the drapey thing behind her than actually draped over her shoulder, but, wow. Wow wow wow.  

Erica: Ooh I love it. The drapey thing is so dramatic and the color is so beautiful and so much fun.

Kate: I also think she could have gone with a SLIGHTLY more understated earring, but overall really freakin’ love this.

Erica: I’m cool with the earrings. She’s in my top 10 — maybe top five — for prettiest person in the universe (not counting people to whom I am blood related).

Kate: Also, it’s pronounced “Tandy” not “Thandy”, which I learned last night.

 

Tiffany Haddish

Erica: I don’t care; I love it. It’s the kind of thing I would have dreamed of wearing when I was eight.

Kate: Everyone on the interwebs was making fun of her for looking like that giant rainbow thing we used to play with at camp or in elementary school and I obviously see the similarities but…I don’t hate it. It looks well made and flowy and pretty and comfortable.

Erica: Yes! It does look like the parachutes you play with as a tot! And that’s what I love about it! And I love how much she loves it.

 

Tina Fey

Kate: She’s back to not doing great at these things. It’s kind of a lesser version of Mandy Moore’s dress, no?

Erica: That’s pretty bad. I don’t know. Is it really in the same category? But it’s terrible. The belt, the lace, the weird shimmeryness — all terrible.

 

Tracee Ellis Ross

Kate: Need I even make the Pepto-Bismol / Bubble Yum references, or are we good here?

Erica: There is a stunning woman under all of that nonsense, I swear.

Kate: So, best dressed is obviously Jessica Biel and Thandie Newton, yes?

Erica: I actually want to give it to Jessica Biel. Thandie looks gorgeous but I’m so impressed by the creativity of Jessica Biel’s dress.

Kate: Totally fair. And worst dressed?

Erica: Laura Dern? I mean, she’s a great actress and an institution and obviously she does not have to give a blank, but that’s a terrible look.

Kate: Ok, see y’all after the Golden Globes!

SYTYCD Season 15 Finale

Erica: So this is it. The end of the crazy quick and, IMHO, uninspiring half-season.

Kate: Almost didn’t even care about watching this. (Almost.)

Erica: It was a lot of repeated dances and a couple of special performances. We are noting the existence of the special dances but not reviewing them.

Kate: It was the only way.

 

Cat Deeley’s Ensemble

Erica: Fine. Not my thing, but fine. Certainly one of the better ones of this season. I feel like, once upon a time, she wore more formal things for the finale, no?

Kate: I didn’t watch the super-early days, so I don’t know. This dress was fine, but I hated her hair. That semi-wet/slicked-back-or-to-the-side look is really not my thing.

Erica: The hair to me was good in theory but in real life looked greasy and stringy.

Kate: This is how my hair has been looking lately no matter what I do and it’s REALLY starting to bother me. Just, you know, as an aside.

Erica: Hudge looked good again. It’s good to have something going for you.

Kate: Yup, liked her makeup a lot, actually. Hate to say it, but I did.

Erica: Cat announced that Mandy Moore won an Emmy for this show and I panicked, thinking Kate and I missed the telecast, but of course we didn’t. Choreographers don’t get to have awards during the actual telecast.

Kate: Nope, just the Creative Arts Emmys were the other night. Actual Emmys are the Monday 17th!

 

Group Routine (Top 10): Jazz, choreo by Mandy Moore

“Top of the World” by Greek Fire

Erica: So this was a Macy’s ad. Everyone in the audience had Macy’s star t-shirts on, and five of the dancers were holding sparkly diamond cutouts that, when put together, theoretically formed a Macy’s star. And the dancers were all dressed like the back-to-school Macy’s catalog. At the end, a whole bunch of balloons were thrown on stage. So.

Kate: Yeah, this felt so corny to me, not just because of the stars, but because of the actual routine, but if that’s how this show is staying afloat, a Macy’s sponsorship, then…OK? I don’t know. I DON’T KNOW.

Erica: The dancing was fun and fine and exactly what one might expect from a Macy’s ad. I was also reminded how Jay Jay and Darius were robbed. After this episode I’m thinking that, though Jay Jay was my early favorite, Darius might be better.

Kate: They are both so talented. I was happy to see them again.

 

Jensen & Jay Jay: Tahitian, choreo by Tiana Nonosina Liufau
“Lugahiva” by Te Vaka

Erica: The first dance was Hudge’s choice and it was a solid one. This was pretty good then and it was pretty good this time, too. I don’t know why, but I feel like Jensen’s hips looked better in this dance than they do in her Latin dances.

Kate: I don’t know, I felt that she was pretty low-energy in this. I know the competition aspect is essentially over but, like, come on Jens. Give us a little somethin’.

 

Genessy & Lex (Season 14): Contemporary, choreo by Mandy & Elizabeth
“Be Brave” by My Brightest Diamond

Erica: Genessy chose her contemporary with Lex, which is unsurprising. It continues not to be my favorite routine, but they performed it well.

Kate: Agree.

 

Hannahlei & Cole: Cha-Cha, choreo by Sasha Farber & Emma Slater
“Sing It Back” by Moloko

Erica: Mary’s choice was a samba with Hannahlei and Cole that I have to confess I didn’t even remember. I looked back and I liked it the first time. This time was pretty good, too, although that last trick with her weaving between his legs still looked labored. I also feel like, Mary was really selling the sexiness of this routine, but I didn’t fully buy it. They’re not connected enough and there’s not those sort of slow, slinky movements.

Kate: I KNOW! Mary was like, “This was the sexiest Cha-Cha ever”, and I was like, wha?

 

Genessy & Slavik: Hip-Hop, choreo by Luther Brown
“Round & Round” by Fabolous

Erica: I don’t like when the final four choose routines like this. He chose it because it was in his own style, and he got good feedback the first time he did it. It shows me that he doesn’t really value the growth and challenge of being in this competition. I realize that this is a very “Get off my lawn!” sentiment, though.

Kate: No, you’re right, and I didn’t think he even did all that great in this, his own style, the first time around or this time around. He’s always too LOOSE.

Erica: I have to say, I think they did better this time around, which becomes a theme of the night. One might suppose it’s because they’ve got this extra week of rehearsals, but I think that it has more to do with the competition being over. I think people in general and creative types in general don’t do their best work under competitive conditions.

Kate: But that is the heart of this show!

Erica: Cat then introduced a blooper reel that was not really that funny or blooper-y, so, cool. Then we got a special tap performance from this season’s Evan, and last year’s winner, Lex.

Kate: Yes, that was odd, because Nigel said he specially requested it to be in the style of a specific person, and I was like, wha?

 

Jensen & Jay Jay: Hip-Hop, choreo by Hef & Randi
“Cookin” by Fat Joe, Remy Ma & French Montana ft. RySoValid

Erica: Jensen chose this number, which I respect, and she killed it because nothing was at stake and she could just enjoy herself. At the end, they pulled Mandy Moore’s Emmy out of the oven and the crowd went wild.

Kate: That was cute, as was this routine the first time and this time, and she was much more high-energy here than in her first routine, so that’s good.

Erica: I am a little sad that we don’t get to see their African Jazz number but maybe she just didn’t want to work that hard. That dance was crazy.

Kate: Yeah, I was kind of hoping she’d pick that one.

Erica: Then we got an encore of an Academy performance that I don’t really know what it was but it was good. Then an ad for the tour.

Kate: I loved the tour the one time I went. I would go again if it was, like, just Robert dancing. And maybe tWitch.

 

Magda & Darius: Jazz, choreo by Mandy Moore
“Fever” by Peggy Lee

Erica: This was tWitch’s pick. I liked it fine the first time; I continued to like it fine this time. Again, I thought they were better now, when they didn’t have to worry about anything.

Kate: Disagree! Everyone way too chill about the dancing!

 

Hannahlei & Marko (Season 8): Contemporary, choreo by Robert Roldan (Season 7)
“Welcome Home” by Joy Williams

Erica: This was Hannahlei’s pick, and I’d have liked to see her in her Travis Wall Broadway again, but this was quite beautiful.

Kate: Yup probably my favorite of hers but possibly because of the song.

Erica: Then there was some more review-of-the-season footage. I don’t know what the point of it is.

Kate: They’re always like, “OMG this was the best season so much happened yay we’re the best”, and I’m like, wha?

 

Genessy & Slavik: Jazz, choreo by Ray Leeper
“House Work (Extended Mix)” by Jax Jones ft. Mike Dunn & MNEK

Erica: This was tWitch’s other pick, which was surprising to me because he was pretty critical of it the first time. So was I; I thought they were not sharp enough. I’d still love to see more sharpness, but it was better, and at least they looked like they were enjoying themselves.

Kate: Again, not impressed by Slavik whatsoever, even in “his” genre.

 

Group Routine (Girls): Hip-Hop, choreo by Luther Brown
“Bump” by Trish

Erica: They brought back this fairly fabulous group routine and added the other two girls to the mix about halfway through. It was great, again.

Kate: Yup yup yup, loved the addition of the other girls.

Erica: Then we got a song and routine from the world’s first international pop group? Which has been put together by someone connected to this show? I am confused about who these people are and why, but they’re cute.

Kate: What does it mean to be the world’s first international pop group? No one else has that title? They all looked so young, but were good dancers. I don’t know.

 

Jensen & Hannahlei: Heels, choreo by Brian Friedman
“Dem Beats” by Todrick feat. RuPaul

Erica: Hudge chose this number next, which makes sense to me, because I feel this number is all style and little substance, much like her.

Kate: Wow, burn! I actually liked it better this time.

Erica: Then Cat and Vanessa joked about performing this together at the wrap party, which, I sincerely hope they did.

Kate: Oh, yes, let’s see some wrap party footage.

Erica: There was some footage of the top four saying what it would mean to them to win. No one gave an interesting answer.

Group Routine (Boys): Hip-Hop, choreo by Luther Brown

“Juice” by Yo Gotti

Erica: This continues to be a fabulous routine, and was made even more fabulous by tWitch coming in halfway through and showing these boys how it’s done. Then Nigel walked on at the tail end, and you know what, he knew he couldn’t do much, and he enjoyed what little he did, and I thought it was cute. I know I rag on him, but, you know, he does love dance, which is why he does this show, and I’m glad he took advantage of the opportunity to have a good time.

Kate: Oh, this was the most adorable. tWitch really makes it look so effortless and really does show these boys how it’s done, and Nigel just looked so happy to be up there. I think we should incorporate judges dancing more, didn’t Mary used to do that every now and then?

Erica: You know, he once choreographed a terrific boys’ group routine, back in Season Four, which might have been my favorite season. Check it out. It’s got tWitch!

Kate: Oh, super-cute.

Erica: Then we got some footage of contestant tWitch and it was cute, although honestly they could have showed more of his really great moments on the show.

Kate: Oh, the audition footage was actually the most adorable thing, and I forgot how good that “Mercy” routine was.

 

Magda & Darius: Contemporary, choreo by Travis Wall
“Glass Heart Concerto” by Blondie & Philip Glass

Erica: Mary’s pick was this contemporary, which is and was fab. I think they were even more passionate this time around, although there were still a couple of labored moments.

Kate: Agree, lifts were not perfect but overall emotion was. Maybe that’s because they, like, lost?

 

Jay Jay & Lauren (Season 7): Jazz, choreo by Mandy Moore
“Runaway Baby” by Bruno Mars

Erica: Nigel brought back this super-fun jazz routine and also reminded us that we apparently don’t like jazz.

Kate: I mean, I don’t like it as much as, say, hip-hop or contemporary, but I don’t hate it.

Erica: I also — I’m sorry, Kate — I like this song.

Kate: Why are you sorry, because I used to hate Bruno Mars? I think that has subsided, and this song is quite catchy indeed.

Erica: And Slavik is out. Okay, then. A girl is going to win.

Kate: YAS! THANK YOU, AMERICA! Or, the America that still votes for this show.

 

Group Routine (All): Hip-Hop, choreo by Luther Brown
“Yummy” by Gwen Stefani ft. Pharrell

Erica: Another group routine by Luther Brown, which, yeah, he did some fabulous group routines, including this one, but I’m also wondering what happened to NappyTabs. They were at auditions; why don’t we have a big group routine from them?

Kate: Yep I liked this, and excellent question.

 

Darius & Taylor (Season 14): Contemporary, choreo by Travis Wall
“It Takes A Lot To Know A Man” by Damien Rice

Erica: Nigel, obviously, chose the Big Message piece so he can pat himself on the back again for, after 15 years of helming a dance competition, letting someone admit they’re gay on live TV. He also says “acceptance” is the greatest thing humanity can possibly achieve. I can’t roll my eyes hard enough.

Kate: I think you are a weeeee bit hard on him. This was a great routine then and now.

Erica: It was a really good routine, performed beautifully, but I have two caveats: 1) I know the show is dedicated to boy-girl pairings, but wouldn’t it make more sense if the Taylor character here was played by a male dancer? For story purposes? 2) If Darius is in three of your favorite pair dances, SHOULDN’T HE BE IN THE FINAL FOUR?

Kate: Yes, he should, but the judges didn’t choose the final four, America did. Or, the America that still votes for this show.

Erica: And then it was time to announce the winner. It was not Genessy. Apparently Hannahlei and Jensen were close, but…It’s Hannahlei! I am surprised and it is not my preference but it is fine. Fine.

Kate: Oh, I wanted it to be Jensen, but…Ok! Fine! I know we said this with the season with the kids, but, I think we are finally, finally done with this show. A sad day, but an inevitable one.

 

SYTYCD Season 15 – Top 4 Perform

Erica: So, this was not the finale. This was the pre-finale. Just for the record.

Kate: How do they get a pre-finale episode, especially when we’re now running into Monday Night Football season, but only a top 10 and a few one-hour audition episodes?

Erica: I can’t believe that the top four includes three girls and one boy, given that, on this season, unlike any other, I thought the boys overall were better than the girls, and given that THEY CUT THE TWO BEST BOYS. But whatever. Whatever. Let’s carry on.

Kate: I know, I’m still so mad that Slavik is there.

Erica: Also for the record, there was no opening group routine this week, just an opening video about how all four of them have been in this competition.

 

Cat Deeley’s Ensemble

Erica: Lord, that dress looked like a Muppet at a rave. Do raves still exist? Did they ever?

Kate: I think so. I got itchy just looking at it.

Erica: Perfect hair, though. Straight-ish but with a little volume on the top. I mean, it is difficult to mess up the gorgeousness that is Cat Deeley’s hair.

Kate: See I loved the hair at first but then it was so obvious to me how much of it was fake and that kind of ruined the magic for me.

Erica: And because I haven’t had a good feminist rant yet this season, I’ll take the opportunity to note that in the sequence in which each dancer is announced, the outfits were as follows: Hannahlei in a sparkly bathing suit; Genessy in a one-piece that consisted of sparkles over her boobs, bikini bottoms, a flap of material over her butt and otherwise just sheer mesh; Jensen in an almost-modest LBD with a high slit and spaghetti straps and vertical sparkly stripes. All three had a pound and a half of make-up on their faces. And Slavik? Slavik was in a gray tee shirt and black sweatpants with no visible makeup. (I mean, it’s TV, so I’m sure there was some makeup, but his face looked like his regular face.) What is my point? I have none. I’m just sitting here, observing.

Kate: I am sure Slavik had on boy dancer stage makeup.

Erica: The outfits are their solo outfits, as it turns out, which doesn’t really diminish my point. Which I do not have. I gotta say, Hudge actually looked acceptable on this episode. And Cat pointed out how tWitch’s lost voice made him sound all kinds of sexy, which, yes.

Kate: Yep, enjoyed that.

Erica: Cat mentioned again that Fox will be doing a live Rent, and I gotta say, I loved that musical hard as a teenager, but I’m not sure it’s aged well. Poverty seems a little less romantic now, you know?

Kate: I don’t understand why we keep doing the live musicals on TV; haven’t all of them been pretty bad?

Erica: Honestly, I’ve missed most of them.  

 

Genessy & Slavik: Hip-Hop, choreo by Luther Brown

“Poke it Out” by Playboi Carti & Nicki Minaj

Erica: NOT SHARP ENOUGH!

Kate: NO, BUT…I actually liked Slavik in this. It was the first time that I was, like, oh, yes, I do think you can dance. Sort of.

Erica: I also thought — and I don’t know if this is a choreography problem or a them problem — that they were dancing too close to each other, so they couldn’t make their moves big enough without smacking each other in the face.

Kate: I did not notice that.

 

Jensen & Hannahlei: Heels, choreo by Brian Friedman

“Dem Beats” by Todrick feat. RuPaul

Erica: “Heels” is apparently a combination of jazz, contemporary and burlesque. Sure.

Kate: Oh I was CERTAIN that was a typo. WHAT?!

Erica: I’m going to go ahead and guess, based on the track and the style and everything else, that this is actually a dance style that comes from RuPaul’s Drag Race/the drag world. I don’t see why it’s different from, like, jazz, but what do I know?

Kate: I thought it was a little hip-hop-y, too.

Erica: I thought that the dance didn’t really demand much from them. They made a big deal of dancing in heels, but, dancing in heels is not beyond either of these girls’ abilities, especially Jensen, who is a ballroom dancer and therefore always dances in heels. Jensen looked better technically to me; Hannahlei looked like she was doing better in terms of attitude and stage presence.

Kate: I disagree, I thought Jensen completely outshone Hannahlei in every possible way. Like, actual size difference aside, Hannahlei looked like a little sister copying her big sister or even mom who’s, like, a super-professional dancer.

Erica: Hudge was more incoherent than usual. I think she was blinded by Brian Friedman’s rhinestones.

 

Genessy & Jonathan (Season 5): Samba, choreo by Elena Samodanova

“Watch Out for This (Bumaye)” by Major Lazer feat. Busy Signal, the Flexican, & FS Green)

Erica: Is she chewing gum? Is that supposed to be cute?

Kate: She was just making all the horrible facial expressions in this, I think.

Erica: All of her moves look unfinished to me. She looks like she’s always thinking of the next step.

Kate: She is not a very good dancer! She’s just not! No, I do not think she can dance!

 

Slavik & Melanie (Season 8): Contemporary, choreo by Travis Wall

“Gun” by Mas Ysa

Erica: Oh, we loved Melanie. She remains adorable. And I think she’s ideally suited to Travis Wall choreography. But we’re not talking about her because she already won. We’re talking about Slavik. Who I thought was remarkably good in this piece.

Kate: Ohhh we SO loved Melanie. Indeed she is suited to Travis, but not to Slavik, who is not a great dancer/is just OK. (And, man, we have been doing this for a LONG time.)

Erica: I agree with the judges that this piece was more about acting than dancing, which was fine with me, at least some of the time.

Kate: See I don’t think he pulled off the more-acting-than-dancing thing.

 

Hannahlei & Slavik: African Jazz, choreo by Sean Cheesman

“When Rivers Cry (Moon Drums Mix)” by Somi feat. Common

Erica: Sean Cheesman has definitely become a favorite choreographer of mine, but damn, his pants in the rehearsal footage? Like, we need to talk, Sean Cheesman.

Kate: I did not pay attention to the rehearsal footage in this episode.

Erica: I thought the choreography was cool as sh!t and they performed it adequately. Like, I’m sure we’ve seen dancers that could have done that better, but they didn’t embarrass themselves or anything.

Kate: She did great in this. I continue to not be impressed by him.

 

Jensen & Genessy: Broadway, choreo by Travis Wall

“Maybe This Time” by Liza Minnelli

Erica: The song, the costumes, the Travis — this is so much Erica catnip. I do wish Jensen’s hair had been styled better.

Kate: Oh my god I hated this SO much.

Erica: I thought it was cute but that Travis’s other Broadway number was better.

Kate: They both looked awkward and terrified and not sexy and confident as I would think they would want to be in this kind of routine. Honestly felt like it was one of the worst I’ve seen in SYTYCD history.

 

Hannahlei & Fik-Shun (Season 10): Hip-Hop, choreo by Randi & Hef

“Move Something” by DJ Quik & Problem

Erica: I’m, like, 90% sure Fik-shun has already had a routine about moving. I’m also somewhat disappointed that, given the jokes that were made during the rehearsal footage, they didn’t have Hannahlei inside one of the boxes at the beginning of the routine. I mean, if you’re going to have props and an on-the-nose song, you might as well go all the way to cheese.

Kate: I think you’re right but I don’t have time to find a clip of it right now. I almost forgot how much I loved him — he’s so great, so energetic, so…What’s the word? GOOD AT DANCING. That’s three words, but, yeah.

Erica: I thought she did very well. Her cheerleader past probably serves her well in this kind of cheerful, fun hip-hop. She even had some moves that I think I’ve seen cheerleaders do.

Kate: I was mostly focused on him but yes she did well.

 

Jensen & Robert (Season 7): Contemporary, choreo by Mandy Moore

“Can’t Help Falling In Love” by Kina Grannis (from the Crazy Rich Asians soundtrack)

Erica: Kate, have you read Crazy Rich Asians yet?

Kate: No, I’m reading another Ken Follett book so I won’t be done until 2019.

Erica: You should go read it right now. It’ll take you, like, an hour. It’s super fun. It’s like Real Housewives of Singapore, with a plot.

Kate: Maybe in 2019.

Erica: This was the best she’s ever done. By far. This was the first time I thought I would be happy to see her win. But really. It’s because of Robert. Robert makes everyone shine. Some of those lifts were just heartbreakingly lovely. And the choreography was gorgeous. But really, Robert was gorgeous and he made Jensen more gorgeous and it was great.

Kate: This made my heart simultaneously ache and soar. I love Robert so, so very much. He was amazing in this and he made her even more amazing. I think she should/is going to win.  

Erica: Also, holy moly, she’s her mom’s mini-me.

 

Genessy & Hannahlei: Contemporary, choreo by Talia Favia

“Numbers” by Daughter

Erica: Good. Right? They did well? I wish their waist cinchers matched because it came across like they just couldn’t find the same two, but the dancing was very good.

Kate: Yes, good, right, they did well. Their outfits were more, like, outfits, than costumes. Ya know?

Erica: Yes. I am not a fan of the formal short, but, if a formal short we’re an appropriate item, these would be things you’d wear on occasions that called for formal shorts. It speaks a lot about the dance that I’m more focused on the frankly boring outfits.

 

Jensen & Slavik: Cha-Cha, choreo by Oksana Platero

“Boom” by Tiesto & Sevenn ft. Gucci Mane

Erica: I think Slavik was very lucky to be dancing with Jensen for this number. Ballroom dancing is meant to show off the girl, so he didn’t have to do much. Mary assures us that the little he did, he didn’t do particularly well.

Kate: I for the life of me cannot remember this routine. Maybe I accidentally fast-forwarded through it? I imagine she was great and he kind of sucked, though.

Erica: That is correct! I liked Jensen in this and at this point, I’d be happy to see her win. But we know how America feels about competent women.

Kate: Oh see I think she will win because she’s the cute blonde girl and America is America after all.

Erica: Maybe her blondeness will save her. We’ll find out next week!

Kate: We sure will!