Oscars 2018

Kate: Previously on Fashion Police: Everyone wore black to the Golden Globes to show solidarity for the #TimesUp and #MeToo movements, and just a few weeks later they wore white roses to the Grammys to signify similar solidarity. Tonight, those same celebrities…Do absolutely nothing differently with their outfits for any sort of political movement.

Erica: I think the best thing they did was take activists with them to the Globes, so that they/we had something substantive to talk about it. Everything else is just kind of silly.

 

Allison Janney

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Kate: This would be a pretty boring red dress without the extremely dramatic sleeves, but they are extremely dramatic, so I don’t know.

Erica: I’m into the dramatic sleeves and the neckline that makes her look fabulous.

Kate: I do not like the matchy-matchy-ness of the clutch, nor do I like the length of the necklace. It should have gone better with the neckline of the dress.

Erica: That is accurate. But honestly I usually don’t love her red carpet looks. I like this quite a bit.

 

Allison Williams

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Kate: Hmmm…I like that this is softer and more romantic/girly than some of the weird-a$$ sh!t she usually wears, and she doesn’t look as frighteningly skinny as usual, but something is still not working for me with her.

Erica: Is it the skin thing? That the dress and her skin are the same ivory?

Kate: Perhaps. I think I would like it if the skirt were either more or less full; it’s like it doesn’t quite know what kind of skirt it wants to be and that is throwing the whole look off.

Erica: I rather like it for the romantic girly-ness of it, although I think it would make an even better wedding dress.

Kate: I was thinking the same thing!

 

Ashley Judd

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Kate: I am commenting on her appearance in this photo and ONLY her appearance in this photo: I hate it.

Erica: Oh?

Kate: I’m saying that because I know she has been one of the more vocal #MeToo #TimesUp people and I am just not getting involved.

Erica: Okay. That is not necessarily what these posts are for. But I still am not feeling your hatred.

Kate: No hatred, I just don’t want my commentary on her looks to be mistaken for commentary on her recent activities. Anyway, her hair is too drastically parted, the work she’s had done on her face freaks me out, the earrings and necklace look terrible together, the silhouette of the dress — particularly where the waistline falls — is dreadful. The color is nice, but I hate it all together as one not-cohesive Look.

Erica: Okay. I feel that her hair always looks like that and it’s fine with me. From what I’m seeing, I rather like the silhouette and color of the dress. I think she looks nice enough.

 

Elisabeth Moss

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Kate: Oh, this is different. For her. I think I like it!

Erica: I do, too! It’s very Oscars glam!

Kate: I still don’t like her hair that color, and the style is a little…limp…as is the makeup, but the dress? The dress is lovely. (I know I usually flip out about belts, but this belt is doing exactly what it needs to be doing for this dress/Overall Look.)

Erica: I feel like the belt could be better but the existence of the belt is not offensive. And it’s all so much better than what she usually wears.

 

Emily Blunt

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Kate: Porcelain doll and not in a good way. I think only Cate Blanchett could wear something like this and get a pass from me; sorry, Emily.

Erica: I hate it, and I like porcelain doll looks.

Kate: It is a good Overall Look, though, in terms of how the hair and makeup go with the porcelain doll dress, I just don’t like it. Great earrings, though!

Erica: It makes her look permanently slumped. And the material around her neck and the white…flowers? They look really cheap. I’m annoyed because the kind of Look this is trying to be is the kind of Look I like, and yet, I do not like this.

 

Emma Stone

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Kate: Ugh. Hate it.

Erica: I mean, this would be fine for some other event. Some, like, dinner for the #TimesUp Hospitality Workers Appreciation or something. But you’re at the g-d Oscars. Bring it!

Kate: When they first showed her and started panning down I was hoping it was a full-on red tux/suit thing, but that pink sash and those black pants and all the satin-ness I just can’t even. It looks like a Halloween costume! A bad, wrinkly one! AND I LOVE HALLOWEEN!

Erica: Like, a bad costume for a bullfighter? Yeah.

Kate: Yeah. Great hair, though. Eyeshadow too red.

Erica: Hair is lovely but it’s just her normal hair.

 

Gal Gadot

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Kate: I feel like the long-sparkly-necklace-with-a-deep-V thing is a very Charlize Theron thing to do.

Erica: Until tonight, at which point it has become a very Gal Gadot thing to do.

Kate: And, I mean, I can’t even comment on the rest, for I am a mere lowly peasant mortal and Gal Gadot is the Goddess of Beauty herself, and I cower before her unbelievable perfectness. She’s TOO GOOD to even be a Best Dressed nominee.

Erica: For real. The dress should feel honored to have been chosen to grace her body. (Which is to say I don’t love it but I don’t care because it’s on her.)

Kate: Same.

 

Gina Rodriguez

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Kate: Although I’m confused as to why she’s here being that she’s mostly TV and this is THE OSCARS after all, she definitely stepped it up for the occasion. This is a very beautiful dress by itself and on her.

Erica: I think I have that dress on Covet.

Kate: The hair is a bit severe and the makeup a bit plain, but I suppose she wanted to give all attention to the dress, and rightfully so. And, again, a belt is not pissing me off, so I think I’m overall growing as a person.

Erica: The belt is kind of necessary to tie together the skirt. And she can really work a low neckline.

Kate: The skirt is actually reminding me of Audrey in Sabrina, which as you know is a very high compliment coming from me. And yet, something is holding me back from making this a Best Dressed nominee…

Erica: I think it’s quite beautiful but not especially interesting.

 

Greta Gerwig

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Kate: Oh, this is a surprising color. I like it a lot on her. I even like the jeweled detail throughout, and her makeup is great.

Erica: Yeah, I usually hate yellow on white girls but this color looks good on her and I’m into the makeup and hair. Her brows are gorgeous.

Kate: This is yellow, not orange?

Erica: I would also accept orange.

Kate: The only thing I don’t like is that the dress has spaghetti straps, which feel a little casual to me, but I don’t know what other type of strap or sleeve would make sense here.

Erica: I feel the top looks structured enough that it works. But also should I cut my hair?

Kate: Should I?

Erica: You could definitely pull off something short.

 

Helen Mirren

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Kate: I mean, WHO ELSE could wear just a plain blue/grey long-sleeved gown and look THIS GOOD? Damn!

Erica: It should be boring and yet it looks great.

Kate: I even like the matchy-matchy jewelry!

Erica: Never, you say! No, really, it looks good. She looks good.

Kate: The dress she wore to present the jet ski (you have to watch the telecast to get that) was quite a bit more over the top, and she still looked fabulous.

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Erica: I felt Jimmy Kimmel’s big mistake was telling everyone Helen Mirren didn’t come with the jet ski.

 

Jennifer Garner

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Kate: Oh my GOD, DAMN! YAS JENNIFER! This is freaking amazing!

Erica: That is quite a bold color. And her hair. Her hair. I’m so damn jealous of her hair.

Kate: She is so tan and her hair is so voluminous and her arms are so muscular and that dress is so BLUE and flowy I freakin’ LOVE it. I know this drapey type of look is kind of so 2-3 years ago, but…Best Dressed nominee!

Erica: Best hair. For sure.

Kate: Ooh, should we start awarding Best Hair and Best Makeup, too?

Erica: Maybe. But only if someone really deserves it.

 

Jennifer Lawrence

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Kate: Ooooooh.

Erica: She kind of looks like an Oscar.

Kate: Her hair looked very similar to this on WWHL last week, although maybe with a side part instead of middle (wow, I’m sick), and I loved it. It’s ALMOST a little Carrie Bradshaw, in a good way. This MAKEUP though is everything to me. Very dramatic but not too dramatic and a little reminiscent of Katniss Everdeen aka the girl on fire.

Erica: I think I’d prefer it with a side part but it’s pretty and sexy and she looks more confident than she has for a while.

Kate: The dress actually doesn’t do that much for me, especially in the hip area; I think the color/material/pattern would make for a better tight, cocktail-length, going-to-the-club type of dress, and in this format it’s just a little to heavy on the bottom. But the hair and makeup are doing MORE than enough for me. Wow.

 

Laura Dern

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Kate: White looks extremely lovely on her, but, and this is more a comment on the designer than the actress, I really don’t like the two different sleeves/straps, or the silhouette of the skirt. If it’s a column dress, make it a TRUE column, you know? This falls somewhere between column and modest A-line, at least the way she is wearing it/posing.

Erica: Oh, I like the two different sleeves. And also I super-love her hair. Almost as much as I like Jennifer Garner’s.

Kate: Oh, yes, fab hair.

 

Lupita Nyong’O

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Kate: Fantastic. Perfect play on her Black Panther character while still being elegant and Fashion. Although, I am biased toward all things related to the color gold. 🙂

Erica: I haven’t seen that yet. And likely I won’t for a while. I’m interested, but I have yet to see a single Marvel Universe movie. The dress is interesting and a beautiful example of the thing it is, but it is not my kind of thing.

Kate: Marvel movies are the only ones I see in theaters anymore. Oh, I don’t love the blue eyeliner, though.

Erica: Her skin is perfectly luminous. And I’m into the hair.

 

Margot Robbie

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Kate: Oh, yes. Yup. Mhm. Yes.

Erica: She’s so beautiful. Just so beautiful.

Kate: White seems to be the theme tonight (it was also the theme a couple years ago…), but no one looks as good in it as Margot does. Damn. PERFECT hair and makeup. Perfect dress silhouette for her perfect body. BEST DRESSED NOMINEE!

Erica: I find the dress really interesting. I’m not sure I feel that the interesting skirt necessarily speaks to the interesting beading on top, but she’s so incredibly gorgeous.

 

Mary J. Blige

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Kate: I love it a whole lot from the waist down, but that asymmetrical neckline is really throwing me off.

Erica: I think I don’t mind it but here’s the thing about her look tonight: I feel like most of the time, her clothing is drawing the attention, for good or bad. This is the first time I’ve noticed her actual face and she is quite lovely.

Kate: I do NOT like the purse at all; it looks like something you’d pick up at a cheap dye-to-match shoe store. Oh, her performance dress is a zillion times better. Should have just worn that on the carpet, MJB!

 

Meryl Streep

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Kate: Oh HELL YES MERYL! I LOVE THE RED! (Sorry Allison Janney, you just lost the whole red thing.)

Erica: She looks great. Just as easy and comfortable as she always does, but in red. And also you can see that she does have a body, with, like, a waist and everything, and it looks terrific.

Kate: Absolutely love it.

 

Nicole Kidman

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Kate: I actually gasped when I saw this. She might have just won Best Dressed right here right now.

Erica: She looks super-tiny but also amazing.

Kate: This blue is the bluest of all blues in the best possible way, and everything about the dress INCLUDING the oversized bow is just so FASHION and COUTURE. It looks so perfectly made. And I absolutely love her hair and makeup, as usual. Nicole really brought the fire with this one.

Erica: I have to say, I agree with everything you are saying. I love the structure, I love that it is both the thing it is and a reference to the thing it is, if that makes any sense, which it probably doesn’t, but I love it.

 

Octavia Spencer

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Kate: I’m not entirely convinced she hasn’t worn almost this exact thing before, but it’s very pretty, and I love the color.

Erica: Love the color. Don’t love the neckline.

 

Rita Moreno

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Erica: Apparently this was the same dress she wore to the Oscars in 1962. I feel it holds up. She looks fabulous.

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Kate: I read that too and it warmed my heart, almost as much as when they played a clip of “America”. ❤

Erica: When they do things like that, I feel they are kind of screwing themselves, because then I’m like, “Yeah, let’s watch West Side Story instead of this boring crap”.

 

Salma Hayek

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Kate: This is one of those things that Fashion People are going to love and I just won’t get.

Erica: I first saw it in the little black-and-white thing they did to open the ceremonies. I liked it then.

Kate: I do get that it would look absolutely ridiculous on almost anyone else, I just don’t like the almost-neon purple with all the ruffles and draped jewels, it’s too much. I also don’t like the piecey hair.

Erica: I don’t like the color but I kind of like the look. I mean, it’s a Look, and she’s committed. And I came of age in the mid-90s; piecey hair doesn’t bother me at all.

 

Sandra Bullock

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Kate: Oh well hello there Sandy, didn’t expect to see you here!

Erica: Her hair, as ever, looks beautiful, but I am less in love with the straight flat thing than I am in love with Jennifer Garner’s volume.

Kate: I love this. I feel like I always love everything she wears. I think she’s one of the most gorgeous people. This reminds me of something JLD would wear, another one of the most gorgeous people.

Erica: I think the dress looks sort of casually slinky in a very beautiful way. Kind of perfect for a glamorous vet like her. I don’t love the matte lipstick but I love the thick brows. Is that a thing right now? I like it. As you know.

Kate: Oh, yes, the thicker the better. And as gorgeous as her hair is down and straight and shiny, up and a little less structured might have worked better with this dress. Excellent makeup, as always.

 

Saoirse Ronan

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Kate: This is kind of a combination of every other baby pink dress that has been worn by a celebrity on the Oscars red carpet.

Erica: It’s like an homage, though. It’s an homage to Gwyneth Paltrow’s look when she won for Shakespeare in Love (which we now have to, like, give huge side-eye to because she was sexually harassed by Harvey Weinstein to be in that movie, right?) and it’s an homage to Marilyn Monroe’s Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend look. I approve.

Kate: I like it, kind of, but mostly I like how much effort she put into the Overall Look with the hair and makeup and shoes (LOVE the shoes!) going all so perfectly together, even though it’s not my usual preferred Look.

Erica: It’s one of mine so I give it an enthusiastic thumbs up.

 

Taraji P. Henson

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Kate: This is so Taraji I just cannot even.

Erica: It is the apotheosis of her look. I like it because I like her.

Kate: I like it, too, especially the very sleek bob (been thinking about doing that to my hair…!), and even the lipstick, but those sleeves I just cannot. They’re not even sleeves, they are upper-arm bracelets with dangly pieces of fabric down to the floor that are not attached to any other part of the dress, which begs the question: WHY?

Erica: No, here’s what begs the question WHY?: She’s starring in a remake of What Women Want, only it’s going to be What Men Want, and she’s going to hear men’s thoughts. Why is this happening? Who wanted to remake this movie? Who doesn’t already know what men want? Who exists in a universe in which what men want ISN’T broadcast 24/7 over every conceivable medium?

Kate: Oh, I kind of loved that movie, mostly because it so perfectly represented the perfectly silly type of romantic comedy from that era. A golden era, if you will.

 

Tiffany Haddish

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Erica: I’m including her because I find her amusing and her look on the red carpet, she claims, is to honor the people of Eritrea, where her father is from, and a) I now know how to pronounce Eritrea, and b) I’m into the look. It’s like a not-real-person ensemble, like the formal gown for a character in a fantasy movie, and I’m into it.oscars 18 tiffany haddish on stage.jpg

Kate: It is very princessy, but it’s not what she wore to present, which I don’t understand. I like what she wore to present a lot, though, especially how perfectly the necklace went with the neckline (maybe it was part of the dress?), and that she even looked good in it with Uggs instead of heels.

Erica: When she presented, she had changed into a white formal number that she has worn before, and joked on SNL about how she loves wearing it, so I find that amusing, too. I don’t know how much of her persona is real, but it’s a charming persona.

 

Viola Davis

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Kate: She and Allison Janney both decided to bring the same clutch in different dye-to-match colors. I hate this dress more than possibly anything.

Erica: This is the third dress I saw, and I will say, if this is the low bar, the ladies have done well for themselves this evening.

Kate: This color shouldn’t be seen anywhere outside the Barbie universe, and I would say this about any woman of any age or race wearing this color. It REALLY sucks!

Erica: The material is very weird and making a very strange effect on the TV screen. And I did assume when I saw the dress and not the person — which is a problem right there, that the dress is just SO MUCH — that it was a much younger person wearing it.

Kate: Yes, the hairstyle and big shiny hoops are way too young for her. And the dress is also not tailored very well to her body in the strap and boob area, right? Is that just me?

Erica: It is not just you. Somewhat disappointing ensemble. I also don’t love the hair style. I feel like it’s the thing I try to prevent my hair from doing — flattening on the top and frizzing on the bottom. If it looks good on anyone, it’s teenagers, but it’s not my favorite look on anyone.

 

Wendi McLendon-Covey

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Kate: I’m including her because I feel like we never do or she’s never at these things and I LOVE this dress, ESPECIALLY on her!

Erica: I have no idea who this person is.

Kate: Yes you do, look it up. She was in Bridesmaids and other things. This is a beautiful silhouette in a beautiful color that is actually pretty hard to pull off, but everything she did with her hair and makeup and jewelry make it work.

Erica: Oh, yes, I do know who this person is, and yes, she looks gorgeous. Good job, Wendi McLendon-Covey!

 

Whoopi Goldberg

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Kate: I like that it’s not a blue or black smock/potato sack, which I feel like is what she usually wears, but it is quite insane-looking nonetheless.

Erica: Whoopi is an EGOT?

Kate: She’s, like, one of the most known EGOTs. (So is Audrey!)

Erica: The dress is made by Christian Siriano so I want to love it but I do not. At all. Her daughter looks pretty, though.

 

Zendaya

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Kate: This is kind of giving me Gone with the Wind vibes, no?

Erica: She is so tall. So incredibly tall.

Kate: I wouldn’t normally like it, and I don’t totally like it, but for once I actually GET why this is Fashion and it does look very well-made and beautiful on her, if a little baggy.

Erica: I like it because I like flowy things and because she strikes me as delightful.

Kate: I also don’t normally like top knots that are that tight/high up, but it works on her, and great makeup.

Erica: I would like crazier hair but it’s fine with me. I thought she looked very nice. So, Worst Dressed?

Kate: Emma Stone? Viola Davis?

Erica: Yes. Signing on for Emma. And Best Dressed? I don’t know if this is because I’m grading on a curve, but I’m into Nicole Kidman’s look.

Kate: 100% for sure yes, although Margot Robbie and Jennifer Garner are VERY close second and third for me.

Erica: And Sandy.

Kate: And that does it for the 2017-2018 award show season, folks! See you after the Met Gala, maybe!

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Grammys 2018

Kate: Tonight we are not bringing activists with us or wearing all black but we are wearing white roses. Because…

Erica: #metoo and Time’s Up. I don’t know. Look, Time’s Up is a good organization (I think). It’s a good cause (for sure). And if wearing white roses does something to help, then great. White roses. I still think activists on the red carpet, from whom you never move an inch so that everyone who covers the red carpet has to at least mention their name, was a better idea.

Kate: Right. Anyway, this is the award show where neither Erica nor I know many of the guests anymore, therefore, this post will only cover people with names we recognize. Sorry, relatively-new artists!

Erica: Wow, that’s going to limit us. A lot.

 

Anna Kendrick

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Kate: Well damn! I love it. It’s a fun and interesting new way to wear these suits everyone’s been playing out; I like the sexy fitted camisole underneath. The only thing I would have changed is the shoes — the soft pink color throws off the rest of the vixen vibe. But would black shoes have been TOO obvious?

Erica: I’m actually going to applaud the color of the shoes specifically because they are not obvious. I don’t know what is happening to me right now. I want to hate this. I want to hate the shape of the jacket and the shape of the pants and the fact that the sexy camisole is, like, actually underwear. But I kind of love it. I think she looks great.

Kate: Because she does look great. Also very much love the hair.

 

Ashanti

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Kate: I feel like I maybe said this last year, but, she’s here because…She’s still making music? This very poofy dress is very fun, though, and I like her hair short like that.

Erica: She has been famous since I was the right age to care who she was (not that I did even then, #lifelongnerd) and yet I have no mental image of her. She slips right out of my memory every year. That said, the dress would be super fun if I couldn’t see her nipples through it. Also, where’s your white rose, lady?

Kate: Oooh.

 

Beyonce

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Kate: I fear saying anything about her because of getting attacked by her fans.

Erica: We’ll probably survive.

Kate: She didn’t do the red carpet and showed up next to Jay-Z about halfway through the show, so I only caught glimpses of the outfit, at first. The dress itself is…Interesting…But I am anti-hat and sunglasses while indoors at night in NYC. It’s just too much of a statement.

Erica: I can’t see it super-well but the glasses-hat-sunglasses is a little weird. Also, Jay-Z is looking old.

Kate: And those earrings look like they weigh 100 pounds. That can’t be good for her earlobes.

 

Cardi B

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Kate: I had no idea that this is what she looks like. She has a very pretty face, and a very Gaga-esque dress on, which I love. Very…Misunderstood angel? Or some such?

Erica: This is insane and I applaud it. Also, I only know who Cardi B is because over the last month, I’ve been seeing posts in my Facebook feed that say things like, “Cardi B has now sold more records than the Beatles!” and I have gone, “Who?”

Kate: I don’t like the piecey-ness of the hairdo, but I get how it goes with the overall thing.

 

Chrissy Teigen

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Kate: Oh, I forgot she’s pregnant again.

Erica: Me, too. I thought she had trouble getting pregnant?

Kate: I don’t love the length of this or the drapey sleeves, but for once I do not mind the belt because of the baby bump. The two work well together.

Erica: I don’t love this, but I just don’t love it. It’s not my thing. What is my thing is that she and her husband, whatshisname, donated $200,000 to Time’s Up on behalf of all the U.S. gymnasts who have been abused by their doctor. That’s pretty good.

Kate: John Legend. Yes, very good. Those shoes look new levels of uncomfortable, and I don’t like the red clutch with the silver sparkly dress.

 

Cyndi Lauper

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Kate: I mean, what ELSE would she wear?

Erica: Look, you do you, Cyndi Lauper. You’ve never shown any inclination to be less than 100% who you are, and you shouldn’t stop now.

 

Eve

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Kate: I feel like this is something she would have worn, and possibly did wear, to this exact award show when her music was popular, but I’m not sure what to do with it in 2018.

Erica: Do I know who this person is? Her face looks familiar. Does she possibly have cheetah paw print tattoos on her chest? Anyway, yeah, either this is dated, or we’re old now and the stuff that was popular when we were young is having a revival.

Kate: She does! And the similar-but-different sparkly pantsuit she wore to present an award was MUCH better.

 

Hailee Steinfeld

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Kate: Yup. This is what you should look like at the Grammys when you are this age and this gorgeous. Do I like the bright turquoise eye shadow? No, not by itself, but it works with the loose wavy dark hair and tight bright white dress and above-the-knee shiny purple boots. Props to her stylist.

Erica: I really love the hair. I would like the boots to be a slimmer fit under such a slim dress. But I appreciate them.

Kate: Move over, Dorit Kemsley, THIS is how you do purple boots!

Erica: Ugh, I hate Dorit. Even if Dorit wore purple boots to perfection, I would still prefer Hailee Steinfeld wearing them because I prefer Hailee Steinfeld existing in my consciousness.

 

Heidi Klum

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Kate: I did NOT recognize her when she came onto the red carpet to talk to Giuliana. Took me SEVERAL minutes. Maybe it’s the darker, longer hair?

Erica: Yeah, I’m not loving the hair. I mean, I think she could go darker, but I hate that way-dark-roots look.

Kate: Also, it looks like she kept one of her Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show costumes and threw some sheer material over it. She obviously looks phenomenal, but it’s not my type of thing.

Erica: It’s kind of my type of thing, at least for the Grammys. It’s, like, her level of weirdness matched the level of expected weirdness and kind of found a mellow spot.

 

Janelle Monae

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Kate: Standard.

Erica: Oh, really? I like this. I like this very, very much. It might be my favorite so far. I wish her hair was not blonde but I’m into the look. Maybe because it’s making me think of Ferdinand.

Kate: Standard for Janelle Monae, I mean. She always wears some combination of black and white, so I like that this has pops of color, and she often wears a pantsuit, but so does everyone else these days. Like Anna Kendrick’s, I like how this is different with the wider leg, and when she introduced Kesha the camera zoomed in on her very-cool makeup.

 

Jenny McCarthy

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Kate: I thought this was Katy Perry, at first.

Erica: Ugh. Vaccinate your kids. I know, I know, evil Big Pharma and Western Medicine, but once upon a time, losing at least one of your kids to a childhood disease was, like, an everyday occurence and now it’s fairly rare in countries with access to vaccines and also Jenny McCarthy is a former co-host of an MTV dating show and not a doctor.

Kate: Ummm, I have no opinion on this issue. Honestly, this is very kooky, but somehow it works. Not Best Dressed works, but, works.

Erica: I will give her no credit. The top looks weirdly baggy.

 

Katie Holmes

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Kate: I am stumped as to why she is here looking fresh off the set of The Great Gatsby.

Erica: Well, just the hair. The dress is sort of sad 1950s.

Kate: I don’t love her hair short and slicked like that, the dress is ok, and I hate the shoes so much. You can’t tell from this photo, but those heels are so thick they look ridiculous.

Erica: I don’t like the dress. At all. The whole thing is like she’s trying to unpretty herself.

 

Kelly Clarkson

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Kate: I guess this black-and-gold concept is her thing, now? There’s too much going on here. We don’t need all these instances of gold — maybe just 2 of the 4 — and we certainly don’t need the fringe.

Erica: You know what? I would like this if it were for the Met Gala. For the Grammys, it’s a little too regal.

Kate: Fair.

 

Kesha

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Kate: This feels like a wasted opportunity to me.

Erica: This just feels kind of ugly to me.

Kate: She is back on the scene with an amazing song this year, and she went through some serious struggles over the last few years, so her first red carpet moment after all that should have had more pizazz, more elegance mixed with her quirky personality, but this is just a blue suit with a silky white button-down and long wavy hair. Wasted opportunity.

Erica: I kind of hate the suit. I like her performance outfit better. PS, now both my kids are in love with her old songs.

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Kate: But her performance outfit was just a white suit over the same silky button-down! All of the other women on stage had much more interesting all-white outfits. (I remember Zoe liking her when she was Ke$ha, perhaps because of the Glee episode dedicated to her?)

Erica: Yeah, and we have a bunch of her songs on Just Dance. Sadie likes them.

 

Lady Gaga

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Kate: I love it — it’s a mix of her old wackiness and more recent red carpet elegance. Very much love the dramatic eye makeup.

Erica: Yeah, she’s got the whackadoo-but-done-well thing down.

Kate: The only thing I don’t like is the hair, which looks like French braid pigtails a la Little House on the Prairie.

Erica: Well, it’s an added bit of whackadoo.

Kate: Her performance dress (again, why wear a different one on the red carpet if you are just going to change in 5 minutes?) is even more Gaga, an enormous pink number that on anyone else I would hate.

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Erica: I guess I understand why she wouldn’t want to debut her big performance look on the carpet, because for Lady Gaga, the costuming is so much a part of the performance that it would take something away from the moment she appears on stage. But then why do the red carpet at all? Why not just show up at the back of the theater in your PJs and get dressed backstage? This is why I’m not a celebrity.

 

Lana Del Rey

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Kate: Now this is my type of dress, but probably not a Grammys type of dress. It also probably doesn’t need the necklace. It’s very lovely and light and fluttery. I maybe would have done an updo, though.

Erica: I quite like the dress. I’m fine with it at the Grammys. The hair thing is also weird and cool and I like it although it looks a little like maybe she got it at Claire’s, although I’m sure it’s more expensive than it looks. My thing is, is that what she always looked like? I feel like I have a very different picture of her in my head.

 

Lisa Loeb

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Kate: Well who knew she was still around, eh? Her skin looks amazing, but not as amazing as her arms. I want those arms.

Erica: I definitely didn’t know she was still around and I definitely didn’t know she was still doing things that could win a person Grammys but I am so happy to see her and I think she looks great! Her hair looks adorable like that. She invented that glasses trend the first time around and can still rock it now, and the dress maybe could use a better hem but looks great on her tiny, rock-hard little body!

Kate:The casualness of the hair and glasses is kind of in juxtaposition with the fanciness of the gown (which I like very much), but somehow, it…Works. And I kind of love it!

Erica: Yeah, I’m with you. Love!

 

Lorde

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Kate: She’s looking very Anne Hathaway with that red lip and equally red dress. I like her hair like that.

Erica: Did you know Anne Hathaway was also the name of Shakespeare’s (possibly estranged) wife? Do you suppose her parents knew that when they gave her that name?

Kate: Oh, dear.

Erica: I like her hair but I don’t like the dress. I think it makes her boobs look weird and the bottom looks cheaply put together.

 

Miley Cyrus

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Kate: I…Don’t know what to do with this.

Erica: I mean, I like the dress. I think it’s very pretty. It’s a weird dress for her to be wearing, but on another person, and/or on another occasion, I think it’d be one of my favorites.

Kate: Do you mean her performance dress?

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Erica: Ah, yes. Yes, I do. Sorry, I couldn’t actually watch, so I’m just looking at pictures. So I like the red/pink flowy dress. I wish she had done something more with it — or been about thirty years older while wearing it — but it’s a pretty dress. 

Kate: It’s ok, a little much, but it doesn’t at all go with plain-Jane hair or makeup. Everything about her red carpet ensemble says “I don’t want to be here”, and, if that’s the case, Ms. Attitude, then…Don’t. Be here.

Erica: Now that I am looking at the red carpet look, I am thinking about my distinction between Wearing a Dress (or Outfit) and Creating a Look. The Grammys is an event where, if you’re on the border, you should choose Look. And her red carpet ensemble created the opportunity for a Look, which she did not commit to. So, yes, it then comes across as not wanting to be there. Even if she did have the biggest white rose.  

Kate: But she sang with Elton John! Isn’t that a reason to want to be there? (Why did she of all people get to do that, by the way?)

 

Pink

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Kate: She couldn’t have worn a more Pink dress if she tried. It’s not my favorite but it’s the right thing for her to wear.

Erica: I mean, it’s insane. But that’s fine.

 

Reba McEntire

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Kate: I know some ladies like wearing these types of dresses because they create the illusion of a slimmer waistline, but this one is freakishly slim. Otherwise, fine.

Erica: I think it’s boring and makes her boobs look droopy. Did you see that she’s, like, Colonel Sanders now or something? Is that a real thing or some nonsense on my Facebook feed I didn’t investigate hard enough to realize it was a joke?

Kate: This is why I don’t go on Facebook anymore.

 

Rihanna

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Kate: Ok, I’ll start with something positive: I like her hair.

Erica: Her hair does look amazing.

Kate: Everyone in the entertainment world will be falling all over themselves about how great this shiny brown raincoat dress and matching boots are and I will never understand why, but I suppose that’s why I’m not the head of a fashion magazine or anything.

Erica: I don’t mind it. I’m not seeing a good picture of it but from what I’m seeing, it’s interesting and a little outlandish but still well-made and well-fitted and everything. I kind of like her performance outfit better, although it is boring and obvious. It just makes her look amazing. Was Rihanna always so va-va-voom curvy?

grammys 18 rihanna performance.jpg

Kate: Her hair also looked good during her performance, but the dress was a little too middle-school-dance-recital for me. No, she is looking curvier than usual.

Erica: Well, I like it.

 

Rita Ora

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Kate: Hmmm, she is usually a little wilder than this. It’s pretty, but you can’t even see the fun sparkly accents in the photo that you could see during the pre-show.

Erica: I have heard her name a million times and it’s still not clear to me who she is. I actually like the idea of the outfit, and the white rose looks good on it, but what’s with the weird gaping at the top? And I hate the hair color situation.

Kate: She is a singer? She always has weird hair color situations.

 

Sarah Silverman

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Kate: What. The. Actual. F*ck.

Erica: She’s going to the Grammys dressed as 1986 Madonna!

Kate: What the f*ck!!!!

Erica: You saw her last week. She was, like, poised and proper-looking. It made her nuts. She had to brat out.

Kate: Worst Dressed. Not even worth a discussion.

Erica: Okay, who for Best? If we’re going with “Outfits I would definitely wear if I had all the money and no f*cks to give,” I’d go with Lana Del Rey, but I can be persuaded to favor someone else.

Kate: How about Lisa Loeb because now we’re both old?

Erica: Yes! Embrace the aging! See you for the BIG shindig!

Kate: She means the Oscars, people! March 4! Tune in here March 5 for our very qualified opinions on all the fashion and political statements, since apparently these go hand in hand now!

SAGs 2018

Erica: So no black this time.

Kate: Everyone will judge me for saying this, but, thank god.

Erica: I mean, not no black. But not, like, on-purpose all-black. My thing is, you were right; the more important part was bringing activists with them. Did they do that this time?

Kate: No, they did not.

Erica: By the way, I didn’t realize this, but the guys were all in black for the Golden Globes, too. You just couldn’t tell, because they were in tuxes.

Kate: People were very into the sparkle at the SAGs. I like it.

 

Alison Brie

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Kate: Again, I feel like she is just too skinny, it’s freaking me out.

Erica: She is very skinny but I also just adore her face. And I think she’s very talented.

Kate: I hate every possible thing about this dress so very much. I get how it could be some kind of nod to her 80s-era TV show but the cutouts are ill placed and do not match the rest of the dress, the slit is too high and the shoes are all wrong. I haven’t even seen everyone yet, but, Worst Dressed nominee!

Erica: Yeah, this is definitely supposed to look like the TV show she is on, which is not a good aesthetic choice IMHO. Oh, wait, we’ve dedicated years of our lives to this blog. My O is not H at all. It’s a bad dress.

 

Allison Janney

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Erica: Her makeup looks perfect.

Kate: Does it? Is she very tan?

Erica: I hate the dress, of course.

Kate: Of course. It looks extremely uncomfortable.

 

Allison Williams

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Erica: I’m not loving the structure, but the beading is very pretty. You hate the hair, right?

Kate: I hate all of it — hair too dark and in a very strange ‘do, lips too dark, eye makeup too dark, skin too pale for makeup and dress, dress too structured — it’s scaring me.

 

Brie Larson

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Kate: Curtains.

Erica: I am trying to come up with a way to say something nice about this dress. I am failing.

Kate: Sparkly curtains. Why is she frowning?

Erica: She doesn’t like the dress, either. She’s going to fire her stylist when she gets home. Her hair and makeup look pretty.

Kate: Yes, they do.

 

Connie Britton

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Erica: Okay, so she wore her hair down.

Kate: This is classic Connie Britton! Just what I needed. Love.

Erica: The dress is…Just…I can’t. I literally can’t even.

Kate: Wait, what? Why? I like it!

Erica: Really? Maybe it looks better on the red carpet, but when I saw it on stage, I just hated it.

Kate: See? What should they dress for, the telecast or the photos? It’s all so unclear.

Erica: No, wait a second, I’ve seen pics and I still hate it. She’s too young to dress like my grandma.

Kate: Oh, which of our grandmas had this dress? 🙂

Erica: Grandma Edith would have ROCKED this.

Dakota Fanning

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Kate: It’s very weird that she is a grown-up now. This dress is actually quite lovely, although too close to the color of her skin (and you know how I feel about THAT), and she’s almost too tall for it. Ya know?

Erica: I do not have your problem with the skin color issue. I think the dress is just a little too prom-y for her but she looks lovely.

 

Elisabeth Moss

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Kate: That damn length again!

Erica: We can’t talk her out of it. And the skirt’s shape and slit make it almost look like a jumpsuit in some pics and it’s not very flattering to her figure and I hate it.

Kate: Agree about the jumpsuit thing. And, she still wore black. I do like it better than most of her usual red carpet choices, but…Meh.

Erica: I don’t like it at all.

 

Felicity Huffman

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Erica: Her makeup is even better than Allison Janney’s.

Kate: Um her everything is even better than everyone’s…Everything! I absolutely adore this dress, and I’m not even bothered by the necklace and the long earrings. It all looks so fantastic, I want it.

Erica: If she and William H. Macy break up, it will break me in half. I will never believe in love again.

 

Frances McDormand

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Erica: I like the…Color?

Kate: No, you don’t.

Erica: I accept that assessment.

Kate: It bothers me that she’s wearing some crazy-@ss dress, nice jewelry, but absolutely no makeup. Her hair is crazy but crazy hair is “in”, so all she needed was a touch of foundation and she would have looked acceptable.

 

Gabrielle Carteris

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Erica: I didn’t realize who this was she was at first. If you don’t know, it’s Andrea from Beverly Hills 90210. And she looks amazing.

Kate: I thought it was Lizzie McGuire’s mom. Her boobs are NOT fitting into that dress. Good color, though.

Erica: She could be Lizzie McGuire’s mom, too. And where we know her from would let people know exactly how old each of us is.

Kate: She’s not, though.

Erica: Well, then, never mind. We’re both 25. I kind of enjoy her extreme cleavage, although not the cut-out under it. And I enjoy the cape situation.

 

Geena Davis & Susan Sarandon

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Kate: Since they appeared on the carpet together (I guess they squashed the beef?), let’s critique them together.

Erica: Or maybe we are making up the beef in our head. Still, this is very unorthodox. (Deep sigh.) Okay, I’m ready. Let’s do this.

Kate: Geena’s dress looked like a very nice dark green on the telecast but here it looks black, and I think it looked better in the very nice dark green. Either way, it’s pretty, but the amount of work she’s had done on her face scares me.

Erica: Oh, yeah, I’m seeing black, and dark green would be nice. I pretty much like the dress. It’s her usual thing, but it’s her usual thing done well.

Kate: Susan is wearing cat-eye shades on the red carpet, so I love that, but it’s probably because she was high. I like that she ditched her usual pantsuit for a sparkly (!) blue number, which looks quite nice on her. I didn’t realize how tiny she was, but I guess everyone is tiny next to Geena.

Erica: The trouble with sparkles is they are hard to tailor, and her dress looked a bit long to me and awkward in the skirt, but it could be that I’m looking for things to critique. The dress is a nice color and shape and it looked good on her.

 

Gina Rodriguez

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Kate: I hate that top black bra part oh so very much. It makes the dress look unfinished. Although I don’t think I would like it without that, either.

Erica: Whereas I would have liked it very much without that black bra thing. BTW, I couldn’t get a pic of her without her costar Yael Grobglas from “Jane the Virgin”. Kate, have you seen it? It is bonkers and I love it.

Kate: I have not watched it and am currently overwhelmed by all the shows I need to watch (and rewatch) right now.

 

Goldie Hawn

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Kate: While this color is universally gross, she actually looks nice and age-appropriate and comfortable.

Erica: You don’t like this color? I like this color fine and I think she looks lovely.

Kate: Sky/powder blue? So 90s, and not the 90s that is always in the process of making a comeback.

 

Greta Gerwig

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Kate: Hmmm…I only saw this from the waist up on the telecast, and I liked it (including the hair, makeup and jewelry, because it all suits her and her “thing” well), but now I feel like it’s too much. Perhaps if the waist were nipped in and the skirt flared out a little/had something different going on? Different pattern? Different material? Maybe I just like the top as…A top?

Erica: Yeah, I don’t like it. At all. On any level. Still want to see Lady Bird, though.

 

Halle Berry

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Erica: Lovely. Special. Very revealing but Jesus Christmas, I’d reveal that if I had it, too.

Kate: During the pre-show she kept like, fluffing out the sheer black overlay of the skirt, but in a way that said, “Here, I’m here, wearing a dress, happy?” It was very not-Halle. For the second award show in a row this year, I don’t like her hair, but, yes, everything else, Jesus Christmas.

 

Kate Hudson

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Erica: Okay, I’ve come up with a few plausible explanations of this look: 1) She really wanted her mom to be the shining, sexy star tonight, so she deliberately made herself look insane; 2) She really hates her mom and wanted everyone to say, “Sure, Goldie looks good, but what did she do to her daughter that her daughter would appear in public dressed that way?”; 3) She has a young daughter who is going through a deep Little House on the Prairie phase and she allowed that daughter to dress her; 4) As the creator of an athletics line, she has to have a perfect-looking body at all times, but when she woke up Sunday morning she discovered a tiny little flab of fat on her upper arm and she could not wear her usual lovely, slinky, fashion-forward gown, and the only one she could find to cover up her imperfection was this.

Kate: 5) Rhett Butler vomited chocolate-chip cotton candy all over one of Scarlett O’Hara’s dresses. I. Can. NOT. !!!

 

Kristen Bell

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Erica: Her red carpet look, pictured here, is gorgeous and special and I love it. (Okay, it’s a little long on her, but I still love it.)

Kate: Yes I like it a lot, the color is perfect for her.

Erica: Of course she always looks lovely. She’s the most adorable person.

Kate: Great teeth, great smile. Her first presenting dress is even better — ooh la la!

Erica: See, I prefer the red carpet look, partially because black bores me. But she continues to be adorable.  

Kate: But the deep sparkly (!) v makes it not-boring. Her second presenting dress is pretty, too, but, indeed, kind of boring. Except for the pink collar. More sparkle!

Erica: I just don’t understand why women have to change their outfits for these things every 15 minutes. Do angels get their wings every time you redo your hair? Aren’t these looks labor-intensive? Explain.

Kate: Kristen, we’re waiting!

 

Laura Dern

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Kate: Belt!

Erica: Oof, I am not liking this, belt or no belt.

Kate: The material and neckline of the dress is lovely, but, BELT, and length. And her hair looks like it’s almost completely out of its ponytail holder, which drives me nuts.

Erica: It doesn’t look like a finished dress. It looks like an idea for a dress that they haven’t finished making yet.

 

Laura Linney

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Erica: I appreciate that not everyone wants to look super-duper sexy all the time, but this is fundamentalist Mormon levels of modesty.

Kate: But that soft pink color and sparkly (!) feather design are kind of in contrast to that. Freaky. I think she looks alarmingly like Ginny Weasley all grown up.

Erica: Interesting assessment. I can see that. She looks lovely — like, her hair, her makeup, she’s generally pretty glowy. But it’s weird.

 

Leslie Mann

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Erica: It’s a little figure-skater-y.

Kate: I think she looks kind of fab. See? Everyone’s in sparkles.

Erica: Yeah. It’s fine. It’s just not my favorite.

 

Lupita Nyong’O

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Kate: Oh, yes. Yes yes yes.

Erica: Were her arms always that ferocious?

Kate: This is very, very beautiful. I think it would look great on just about any of these red carpet ladies, too.

Erica: I do like it. It’s the right amount and shape of feathers. The sparkle is lovely. The shape looks amazing on her. The hair and makeup and jewelry are perfectly restrained. Just lovely.

Kate: And when she presented the final award with sparkly-curtain-wearing Brie Larson, she wore these adorable cat-eye glasses (regular, not sun, like Sarandon) that looked like they were made to go with that dress. Hey, maybe they were! Ahh, to be rich and famous and have people make things for you.

 

Mandy Moore

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Erica: I like her hair lighter/redder.

Kate: Is it redder? Both her hair and makeup are flawless right now.

Erica: No, I’m saying, I like her hair when it is lighter and redder than it is right now. But that’s a personal preference.

Kate: Oh, no, this is fantastic.

Erica: The dress read a little flat on stage.

Kate: It’s flat in photos, but when she walked on the carpet in the pre-show? Damn. Perfection.

 

Margot Robbie

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Erica: This is very different for her, I think.

Kate: Yea, softer, and I like it a lot. I don’t want to like the feathers (perhaps they are a bit too high?) but without them the dress would be boring. Perfect hair and makeup, of course. Always. Hard not to when you have a perfect face.

Erica: The feather placement is very strange. Very strange. But I like the softness. And yes, the face, it’s a keeper.

Kate: Best Dressed nominee!

 

Marisa Tomei

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Erica: Her hair is still ridiculously fabulous.

Kate: So is her skin! Holy sh!t. Goals.

Erica: I’d like her dress better if it wasn’t weirdly short.

Kate: Ya but mostly I only see her perfect hair and face and the fact that she is 53. 53! (The perfect hair and skin was more evident during the telecast than in this photo.)

 

Mary J. Blige

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Erica: Well, I’ll give her this. It’s very interesting. I think I actually like it.

Kate: Yes interesting to look at. Like a piece of art. Not my favorite dress.

 

Maya Rudolph

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Erica: No.

Kate: Curtains.

Erica: Why? Explain yourself.

Kate: Curtains.

 

Millie Bobby Brown

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Erica: Her sparkly eye makeup is cute and very age-appropriate.

Kate: Very, and it matches her dress, and her hair is very Sporty Spice, in a good way. And she is wearing Converses. She is freakin’ adorable.

 

Molly Shannon

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Erica: I just want to hike it up a bit. Like, it needs to be three inches higher.

Kate: Why? Then it would look silly. Her boobs aren’t falling out or anything. I think she looks great. I don’t know if we’ve ever even had her in one of these posts, but I am surprised by how good she looked.

 

Nicole Kidman

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Erica: I mean, I hate the dress, a lot. It reminds me of the terrible dress I had to wear in a play in summer camp when I was a teenager. But her hair and makeup are amazing.

Kate: The dress is a bad color, but the back is cool and the shape is such that only she could wear it. To me her hair feels TOO blonde and her makeup TOO perfect, like something is just off. AND I THOUGHT WE WERE DONE WITH THESE LOW SIDE BUN THINGS?!

Erica: Oh, I love the makeup. But I will always prefer her — and everyone on the planet — as a redhead.

 

Olivia Munn

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Kate: A similar idea to Mary J. Blige’s dress, no?

Erica: Yes, but more conservative. I think Mary J.’s was more intriguing.

Kate: She is very gorgeous but this is overall not working for me. I would like her hair pulled back off her face a little.

Erica: She has such nice cheekbones, it’s good to show them off. I feel like the dress was flattering to her but not particularly beautiful or special.

 

Reese Witherspoon

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Erica: The color is very nice.

Kate: Oh I love the whole thing, I think it’s such a refreshing change from her usual very-fitted frock. The earrings are a little matchy-matchy, but the makeup is peachy and lovely and the hair is soft and excellent.

Erica: My only thing is the chevron-ness. I think I would have loved it if not for that. But I do like the softness and the shape and the color.

 

Rita Moreno

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Erica: That dress looks like she’s reminding us that she was Anita in West Side Story.

Kate: Yes. Perfection. (For her.)

Erica: I mean, like we would ever say anything bad about Rita Moreno. She could wear something Heidi Klum’s stylist rejected as being too weird, and we’d be all, “Rita looks amazing!” But, yes. She looks good.

 

Saoirse Ronan

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Erica: I’m sorry, I like her, but this is not a good look. The dress is so weird and confusing. And her hair…You often criticize hair for not looking any better than yours does on an average work day. But your average-work-day hair is ten times better than my average-day hair. And her hair doesn’t look any better than MINE on an average day.

Kate: Oh, see I think the the dress is a little, like, as if Game of Thrones were happening in 2018, but in a way that I kind of like. Agree about the hair. Lovely makeup and earrings, though.

 

Sarah Silverman

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Erica: Belt!

Kate: I don’t expect much from her, TBH. I actually like the dress (minus belt), though; very Audrey.

Erica: Yes. I think that’s why the belt is so frustrating to me in this instance.

Kate: Ok, so, Best Dressed?

Erica: For my money, Lupita. I felt the dress was alchemy.

Kate: OH yea, I’m cool with that. Worst Dressed?

Erica: Kate Hudson. Insanity. On a puzzling evening, a stand-out weirdness.

Kate: Lots of possibilities, but sure I’ll go with Kate. See you after the Grammys, folks!

Golden Globes 2018

Erica: First things first: Yesterday was Kate’s Big Birthday. She is an Old now. Welcome to the club; we hope you enjoy your new 9 p.m. bedtime.

Kate: By “Big” and “Old” she means 30. I just don’t really FEEL 30, and I WISH I could fall asleep at 9 p.m. I wish.

Erica: And on to the…Well, I don’t really know what to do with the Golden Globes outfits this year. They’re all wearing black. Which, like, solidarity, sister, yay! But also, boring. But also, we are and always have been part of the problem, judging these women on how well they perform a very specific brand of femininity. On the other hand, it’s not like they’re wearing sackcloths now. They’re wearing the same superglam gowns and diamonds mined by poor children that they’ve always worn. Just, you know, black dresses.

Kate: I’m not going to comment on the movement itself, I am just super-bored by all the black dresses, and that’s coming from someone who loves wearing black, particularly black dresses.

Erica: But, many of them brought the fire tonight. Obviously the queen was Oprah, our next president. But we also had Debra Messing holding E!’s feet to the fire, and Natalie Portman pointing out the very masculine Best Director roster and Amy Poehler pwning Seth Meyers during his monologue. (Pwning, right? Am I internetting right?) So, umm…

Kate: I just had to Google “pwning”, so maybe I DO feel 30, and I also had to rewatch those 3 bits because I didn’t notice them during the telecast. Good for those ladies. Also, I am embarrassed that I didn’t know ahead of time about the everyone-wearing-black thing. Also also, I don’t understand why this movement meant no one could talk about the designers they were wearing IN ADDITION to the “Me Too” and Time’s Up” stuff. Did dozens and dozens of designers and stylists and seamstresses and other workers not spend a sh!tload of time on these black ensembles?! DO THEY NOT DESERVE CREDIT?!

Erica: Oh, and by the by, I know I have never seen any of the movies, etc., for any awards show, but this year, I’ve never even heard of most of these movies. But that’s cool.

Kate: Samesies.

Erica: Alright, well, dresses.

 

Alexis Bledel

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Kate: Even though everyone is doing these pants things, this feels dated to me. Like, didn’t Emma Stone kind of already wear this?

Erica: Oh, that is very similar. Although I like Alexis Bledel’s better. Well, maybe. I like the leafy thing she has better than the sparkles Emma Stone has, but also, I don’t love Alexis Bledel’s toreador belt. Or maybe I do. I am confused because I hate jumpsuits and I hate black-and-white formal wear but I like leafy things and not-boring things. But that belt looks like she’s going to trip on it.

Kate: But is it TOO much white for the everyone-wear-black thing? WHERE IS THE LINE, HOLLYWOOD?

Erica: I don’t know. Maybe she gets a pass because she was in A Handmaid’s Tale, that feminist-y blockbuster based on the feminist urtext by Margaret Atwood, and her character was significantly developed from the book in that she became a lesbian and was severely punished for it? I don’t know if I can give the lipstick a pass, though.

 

Alicia Vikander

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Erica: I saw she’s going to be Lara Croft in the reboot of the Lara Croft: Tomb Raider franchise, which is interesting to me because I’m old enough to remember that when Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, the video game, came out, everyone made a lot of noise about Lara Croft’s unrealistic body proportions, and then they cast Angelina Jolie in the movie and everyone was like, “Oh, okay, unrealistic body proportions except for Angelina Jolie.” Alicia Vikander doesn’t exactly have those proportions, but I’ve also heard rumors that millennials don’t like big boobs, or something.

Kate: I don’t know about all that, but when they said they were worried that the everyone-wearing-black thing would look too funeral (I looked it up), this is what they were talking about. I get how this could work on a runway, but on a lovely young girl on the red carpet of a major awards show? Notsomuch.

Erica: I guess I get how this could potentially work on a runway. Because on a runway you wouldn’t have done — or not done — your hair as if you were going to a funeral.

 

Alison Brie

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Erica: Alison Brie is nominated for her role in Netflix’s GLOW, which is about female wrestlers in the ‘80s. I’ve heard good things. Also feminist-y things. And she seems like a good egg. If you haven’t seen Sleeping with Other People, you should.

Kate: I just remember her as stupid Pete Campbell’s wife on Mad Men. She has gotten a bit too skinny for my taste.

Erica: Oh, I’ve been binging Community as my cooking/laundry/etc. show. I like her lots. Now, the outfit…I mean, she looks lovely but I hate pants/skirts. But maybe I hate pants/skirts because I’m married to a too-narrow definition of femininity.

Kate: It’s a huge Thing on the red carpet these days, and I don’t usually like it but I actually don’t mind this one, and the shoes look absolutely fab. So does the necklace. I do not like her hair at all. I have severe Bangs Issues from my childhood.

 

Allison Janney

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Kate: I actually really love this.

Erica: Yeah? I’m not a fan.

Kate: I love how she broke up the black without having too much not-black, and her hair looks simple yet lovely, as does her makeup.

Erica: I guess the dress is just not my thing. Yes, hair and makeup look good. And Allison Janney, you are and always will be my thing. It’s not just about The West Wing for me. I’ve loved you since 10 Things I Hate About You.

Kate: Yup, I’m doing it: BEST DRESSED NOMINEE! *Cue Erica’s shocked face*

Erica: I am, indeed, making a shocked face.

 

Amy Poehler

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Erica: I don’t even need to get into her feminist cred, right? She’s Amy Poehler. She Amy Poehlers about town, Amy Poehlering. She “called out” Seth Meyers for mansplaining their bit (which was of course part of the bit; I’m not trying to shade Seth Meyers here). She created Leslie Knope. And this. She is the very model of a modern female superstar. She rocks.

Kate: I don’t know if it was ALL part of the bit, though? It felt very awkward to me. Also, I can’t find a picture of her without this other lady in it, and her dress makes Amy’s dress look navy blue, not black. No?

Erica: She brought with her Saru Jayaraman, founder of Restaurant Opportunities Centers United, which is promoting fair wages for restaurant employees. Which may seem at first only tangentially related to Time’s Up, the specific organization with which actresses are aligning themselves by wearing all black tonight, but if we want to talk about an industry where sexual harassment and assault are RAMPANT, and the women being mistreated have very little recourse because they wouldn’t be waitresses if they didn’t need the money, hello, then let’s talk restaurants. So you go, Saru Jayaraman.

Kate: She still makes Amy’s dress look navy blue. It is pretty, though.

Erica: Okay, clothes. She looks fine. Could have used more makeup, I guess. But also she’s Amy Poehler and I’m not.

 

Angelina Jolie

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Kate: One wonders why she has chosen to show up to one of these things for the first time in years, but my first reaction to seeing her face on my screen was “Well damn, she still looks good.” Puffy 50s bathrobe sleeves aside.

Erica: Yeah, her face is gorgeous and her dress says “I’m ready for the Norma Desmond phase of my career now.” I don’t know what that’s about.

Kate: Mostly I just love the makeup.

 

Caitriona Balfe

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Erica: So, I have not seen Outlander, of which she is the star, because I have not read Outlander, because it is very long and I understand there are upsetting things in it and I’m trying to keep my life 100% happy puppies and falling in love, preferably in the Cotswolds. But I am inclined to like her because she is one of the 300 signers of Time’s Up and I support the idea of Outlander even if I have not participated in it. Oh, and, also, apparently news that she is engaged was broken by her wearing her new sparkly bauble on the carpet tonight. But however. This dress looks to me like she still wanted to look “interesting” even if she did have to wear black and it is awful.

Kate: I had never heard of this person or that show before writing this post, and I do not like her dress one bit. The bodice, length, upper-arm ruffle bracelet things and jeweled straps all make me want to scream.

 

Catherine Zeta-Jones

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Kate: We had not seen her in such a long while but damn, she still looks great.

Erica: She does, she does. I miss her, I think. I would see a thing she was in. You know. If you’re listening, Hollywood.

Kate: She looks better in this lingerie-turned-dress than most ladies half her age would, and I love her subtle pop of (another dark) color with the green earrings. Really, really fab.

 

Christina Hendricks

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Kate: This is very similar to her Mad Men co-star Alison’s dress, no?

Erica: Very. Different necklines but otherwise quite the same.

Kate: She looks fantastic, as usual, but I think the pants are a bit too cropped and not tapered enough for the shoe/overall look.

Erica: I’m still not a fan of this concept.

 

Claire Foy

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Kate: Dammit, I keep thinking they make her look terrible on The Crown and that she is actually fabulous in real life, but this doesn’t prove that theory. The black pantsuit thing has been so done and these pants are way too baggy. Come to think of it, so is the jacket. And her hair is too slicked back.

Erica: The slicked hair would look fine if the jacket fit properly. But what is that on her wrist? It’s a badge of some kind but I can’t make it out. I assume it’s in support of something. Is it just a Time’s Up badge? Or is there a British equivalent of Time’s Up? Or is it something else entirely?

Kate: One wonders.

 

Dakota Johnson

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Kate: I hate this oh so much. That BELT? Where did she get it, Charlotte Russe?

Erica: I keep forgetting who she is. I mean, I know who she is when I see her face, I just forget that that’s her name.

Kate: And the back is so beauty pageant gone wrong. And does she always have to wear her hair like that? Hate hate hate. Worst Dressed nominee!

Erica: Her commitment to the low pony is astounding. Alas, I cannot give much feminist cred to the person who plays Anabella Swansteele. I mean, I know it’s not really her fault. An actress has got to act, and all. But still.

 

Debra Messing

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Kate: This is also very terrible. The cat eye is too catty, the hair is too red (it has a nice wave to it, though) and the dress-pants thing is terrible. Very unflattering around the hip area. Another Worst Dressed nominee.

Erica: Well, I hate the outfit and the eye makeup is a bit much but I love the hair (don’t mind the too-redness) and I love the “Hey, E!, how come you don’t pay your female cast as much as your male cast?” red carpet moment.

 

Elisabeth Moss

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Kate: This is very pilgrim-y, in a bad way, and you know how I feel about that length on the red carpet! Elisabeth! Hey, did you know that she’s a scientologist? I didn’t until last night.

Erica: I think it’s one of those things I hear and forget about her regularly. Man, that’s weird. How’s she making TV about weird-@ss cults and then being in a weird-@ss cult and not noticing? And how do you show up to the Globes in an outfit Serena Joy might wear to something way less formal than the Globes if, in addition to wanting to model some retrograde, prim, uber-Christy form of Christianity, she also wanted to not be fabulous anymore?

 

Emilia Clarke

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Kate: So, it’s kind of true what they say: She looks best as Daenerys. She looks weird when she is not Daenerys. She is also making a weird face here. And she recently chopped off all her hair, so it’s in that weird-growing-back phase. The dress and necklace are nice, though; I actually like the very structured strapless V + bow. You probably don’t, though?

Erica: Oh, no, I don’t mind it. The only thing I don’t like about her look here is the hair.

 

Emma Stone

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Kate: Another one I can’t find a photo of alone on the red carpet, what’s going on people?

Erica: I think it’s your sources; Emma was there. With Billie Jean King, who I believe she plays in that movie she’s in with Steve Carell? And who also does activism stuff.

Kate: Anyway, this is boring and ugly, and when they zoomed in on her face several times during the show I thought her makeup looked absolutely dreadful — eyeshadow too green, lipstick too purple.

Erica: Oh, in pictures in the sunlight I think it looks nice. The makeup, I mean. I don’t know what’s going on with the bottom of her dress.

Kate: So for me, that begs the age-old question: Should celebrities dress for these things for the PHOTOS, for the LIVE TELECAST, for the IN-PERSON-ness, or what? Clearly they all require different levels of hair, makeup and dress.

 

Emma Watson

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Kate: And…yet…another…person…WITHOUT A SOLO PHOTO ON THE RED CARPET! Is this part of the “movement”?!

Erica: Yeah. She showed up with Marai Larasi, executive director of Imkaan, a UK-based organization dedicated to ending violence against black, minority, and/or refugee women and girls. She also co-chairs the End Violence Against Women Coalition. Apparently Michelle Williams had the idea of actresses bringing activists to highlight the activists’ work, and look, it’s working. Good job, actresses, and good job, activists.

Kate: So I think THAT does more than wearing black because then we Google who their guests are and consequently know more about their organizations. I just want some solo shots, too. Anyway, this is not boring but it is ugly, and I hate hate hate her hair. Bangs should never be that short. And does she always wear that shade of lipstick, or what?

Erica: It is an ugly ensemble, and the bangs are weird. And yet, she is still lovely.

 

Gal Gadot

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Kate: She is truly on another level of beauty, but I feel like I only ever see her with her hair like this when it is more than gorgeous enough to be down and loose and wavy, and the mini-jacket over the tight dress makes me feel like she’s going to an expensive restaurant for a lunch meeting rather than the Globes.

Erica: I don’t mind the hair. I don’t much like the outfit. But she is so damn beautiful.

Kate: But…Has red lipstick ever looked better on anyone? Nope.

Erica: Has humanity ever looked better on anyone? Nope.

Kate: Nope.

 

Geena Davis

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Kate: What was going on with her and Susan Sarandon when they were presenting? Did they beef after Thelma & Louise?

Erica: Yeah, that was weird. There’s a concept in improv that Tina Fey has made well known called “Yes, and,” that’s basically about, your performing partner is your partner and you should build the performance together instead of being in opposition. Susan Sarandon seemed like she was kind of in opposition to Geena Davis. I don’t know if it was the lines as written or Susan Sarandon’s delivery. Or maybe I’m just mad at Susan Sarandon still. Maybe Geena is, too.

Kate: I actually like Geena’s dress a lot better than most of the others tonight, but I feel like that lacey neckline has been done a LOT and I don’t like the lace + fringe + sparkle — pick ONE. Or maybe two. Not all three!

Erica: I feel like she, specifically, has done this before. I would say go lace and sparkle, Geena. The fringe is not good.

 

Greta Gerwig

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Kate: A pretty yet safe, therefore boring, choice; it’s not doing all that much for me in either direction (positive or negative). The chunky gold necklace breaks up the black nicely, though; I just don’t like her hair.

Erica: I only put her in because I really want to see Lady Bird.

Kate: Samesies.

 

Halle Berry

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Kate: She is obviously one of the most gorgeous people to have ever lived, but this is so inappropriately short for the Golden Globes I just cannot even.

Erica: It’s a very strangely structured dress for her body type, too, because she’s got a sort of athletic build which makes the shape of it look like something you’d wear if you were a warrior in a Xena: Warrior Princess-y movie, but in black lace.

Kate: Her hair is also — don’t kill me for saying this — too young for her. It would look better in a slick medium-height pony.

Erica: I won’t because by “too young” you mean that hairstyle is best suited to people who have yet to be given legal permission to drink. She’s still so beautiful, though.

 

Issa Rae

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Kate: That leg slit is very Angelina Jolie, so I am automatically skeptical of it. I think I would like this without the sleeve decoration and cape, and necklace, but I also think the shoes are too delicate for the dress/person.

Erica: OMG you’re right I forgot about that dress. Her smile might be the best smile in show biz, though.

 

Jennifer Aniston

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Kate: There are some people who probably didn’t love the all-black thing on a fashion level and some who were like “YESSSSSSSSSSSS!” and I think Jennifer Aniston was part of the latter group. She probably would have worn this anyway.

Erica: Totes. They had the meeting and she was like, “Okay, so, normal day for me? Great.”

Kate: Exactly! Hair is a weeeee bit too messy, otherwise gorgeous.

Erica: Hair also looks a little too light. Was there a weird thing with her and Carol Burnett at the podium? I’m seeing headlines but no video.

Kate: It was just awkward. Everything everyone said all night was awkward.

 

Jessica Biel

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Kate: Her arms are everything I want in my life.

Erica: They are impressive.

Kate: I think I would like this more without that swoopy sash across the front, but then would it be too boring? I very, very much do not like her hair.

Erica: It would be somewhat more boring but still better, I think.

 

Jessica Chastain

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Kate: Um, wow. Wow wow wow. She is sort of hit or miss at these things but I think she chose perfectly — not too much black, sparkle on fleek, hair and makeup perfection. Best Dressed nominee!

Erica: So…Okay. It’s fine. Hair is perfect. I am not super in love with the dress. I feel like the shape of the top is very Speedo-in-sequins. But. I mean. It’s fine.

Kate: What!? Crazy talk.

 

Kate Hudson

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Kate: This is…interesting…but…I don’t think I like it? I definitely don’t like the necklace, it’s not necessary. Let the neckline speak for itself. And I don’t like her new very short hair and I’m not sure why she did that to herself. There’s also a headband in there somewhere; completely unnecessary.

Erica: This is a big no from me. I get that we’re making a stand against sexaul discrimination, but that dress looks like it didn’t all make it out of Harvey Weinstein’s hotel room. I’m sorry. That joke is wildly inappropriate. And yet I can’t stop myself from making it. I don’t mind the hair, though.

 

Kelly Clarkson

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Kate: Yikes.

Erica: That sleeve is pretty weird.

Kate: This is just too much dress, and the gold details are poorly done, like it was put together during a 1-hour mini-competition on Project Runway.

Erica: Actually, the construction looks pretty good, at least in the picture I’m looking at. The concept is just weird.

 

Kerry Washington

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Kate: I usually don’t like her red carpet looks at all, but I really loved this when I saw it on the show. It moved beautifully and had the perfect fit, and her hair was perfectly tousled. In this photo, I hate the shoes with it. A lot.

Erica: First, she is looking way skinny. Second, the dress is much nicer and more normal-human than she usually wears. Third, I hate the shoes so much. But you know what? I hate them as much as I normally hate her red carpet fashion, and they are just a teeny-tiny portion of it.

 

Laura Dern

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Kate: This is interesting, to say the least, and I think I like it. I definitely like the loose wavy hair, but I’m not sure it goes with this dress, ya know?

Erica: The dress is not my thing but it’s a very well-done version of the thing it is, although it does kind of illustrate that wearing all-black is not, like, prohibitive of looking like a regular red carpet walker. I think the hair is fine because I think every person has to decide: are they Wearing a Dress or Committing to a Look? You can do either one, but you have to do one or the other. The loose waves with this dress means she’s Wearing a Dress, not Committing to a Look.

 

Maggie Gyllenhaal

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Kate: You can’t even really tell that this has sparkles, asymmetrical fringe AND pants unless you look really closely. I hate it. So many people did this look for the everyone-wear-black party, and I really don’t like it.

Erica: I kind of think everyone should have gone with a black men’s suit so that it would look like a thing. Now these weird-length jumpsuits are almost their own thing and they are not a good thing.

 

Margot Robbie

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Kate: So I think this is TOO much not-black, and I don’t even like the not-black parts anyway. From the waist up, it’s lovely; everything else is poo.

Erica: Oh, I’m not into the shoulder-pad look.

 

Mariah Carey

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Kate: Common was so terrified of her during their award presentation, which is so funny; he obviously watched Mariah’s World and knew not to mess. This is actually a pretty safe choice for her; I don’t love the strap across the chest, but without it it’d be a very boring strapless black mermaid-style dress, so fine.

Erica: Yeah, I think it looks nice and the major problem with strap is that it’s too high above her boobs and it looks a little awkward. It should be thicker and/or lower. But overall it looks nice.

 

Meryl Streep

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Kate: I am pretty sure she wears this to literally every single award show.

Erica: Yeah, that’s just her dress. She has it in the closet for Wearing to Award Shows. Then she puts it back. Now, she’s with Ai-Jen Poo, director of the National Domestic Workers Alliance and she’s also a MacArthur Genius. Poo led the passage of the Domestic Workers Bill of Rights in New York State, so that’s pretty cool.

Kate: But…Her last name is Poo. (See? Not feeling 30.)

 

Michelle Williams

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Kate: I feel like this SHOULD have looked good, but it didn’t. Something is off and I just can’t put my finger on it.

Erica: I am not sure what should have looked good. I don’t like it. Also she looks crazy pale. I mean, I’m a pale woman myself, and I’m not saying she should fry herself or anything but, man. Pale.

Kate: I do think that neckline with that hair required some more interesting jewelry, though.

Erica: She’s with Tarana Burke, the woman who is often uncredited with having started #MeToo, and she is currently the director of Girls for Gender Equity, a NYC organization that aims to help communities “remove barriers and create opportunities for girls and women to live self-determined lives.” So. Another awesome woman getting well-deserved publicity for her important work.

Kate: Woo!

 

Natalie Portman

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Kate: Her face is one of the most lovely, but this is just another velvet pilgrim dress. Do not like.

Erica: Yeah, I do like that she called out the phallocentric director nominees and also that she is beautiful and smart, but this dress is very “I’m going to a funeral at the Ren Faire.”  

 

Nicole Kidman

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Kate: I like this much better in this photo than I did during the show, except for the back. The only lace needed is at the very top of the sleeves, more than that and it’s just too much.

Erica: Oh, I like the back. I feel like she’d been getting so weird lately and this is finally something I could have pictured the old Nicole in.

Kate: Hair and makeup great, though, as usual.

 

Octavia Spencer

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Kate: This is very, very pretty and looks lovely on her, especially with the hair and makeup, but, again, this length! Not appropriate! Even if we are all wearing black and there are only so many black evening gowns in the world!

Erica: See, I usually hate this length, but I think she looks good in it. Is it because she is larger? Does this length look good on larger ladies? Should I be wearing this length? I shudder. Then I laugh because I am a stay-at-home mom with a 16-month-old kid. I wear yoga pants.

Kate: I’m not saying she doesn’t look good in it, I’m saying it doesn’t look good at this event. It’s not appropriate!

 

Oprah

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Kate: Honestly? Probably one of the best dresses of the night. I also love the voluminous hair and sparkly glasses — why do some people look so good in glasses, even when dressed up at award shows?

Erica: Yeah, she looks absolutely amazing. And she knows it, too. That dress is perfection, her hair is fantastic, and her skin is flawless. She’s gotta have a hideously aging portrait of herself in her attic. Or maybe not. Maybe she’s truly living her best life and it’s just showing in her complexion.

 

Penelope Cruz

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Kate: Um, gorgeous. This is how you do everyone-is-wearing-black but still stand out. Love it love it love it, Best Dressed nominee! I don’t even NEED to comment on the hair and makeup. Because DUH.

Erica: I feel like I’ve seen this dress before but also it looks amazing.

Kate: …Yes, because everyone is wearing some version of it.

 

Reese Witherspoon

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Kate: Another person who I feel like this is what they would have worn anyway, everyone-wear-black or not. It’s very pretty and looks well made and suits her body well, but I did not like her hair or makeup. A simple dress like that deserves more interesting hair, and honestly during the telecast it looked like she wasn’t wearing enough makeup. I don’t feel good saying that, but it’s the truth.

Erica: Well, but I think she’s trying to be more in the spirit of the thing? Yes, dress is red carpet appropriate, but I’m not making a big deal of performing my femininity here; I’m just showing up to a formal work function? Plus am I crazy or is she one of the major drivers of Time’s Up? Anyway, I think she looks fine.

Kate: She is. Being passionate about a movement does not mean you shouldn’t look as nice as possible.

 

Roseanne Barr

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Kate: Um, wow? She looks really good? I’m kind of, like, blown away by how good she looks.

Erica: She really does.

Kate: It’s a perfect dress for her, and I really like her hair coloring and makeup. I also had no idea they were reviving Roseanne — are there no new ideas anymore? It’s just the Century of Revivals of TV Shows and Movies?

Erica: Yes. But also. I have to link to my friend Jenny Trout’s column about her. Because I thought I was in favor of Roseanne but maybe I’m not.

 

Salma Hayek

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Kate: Oh god, this looked so very uncomfortable that when I saw her on stage it made me start to itch. So tight! So neoprene! Like a wetsuit with a skirt!

Erica: I have claustrophobia issues. This dress makes me feel like I can’t breathe.

Kate: I also hate the hair. It looks like she did nothing to it after waking up with it in a messy bun on top of her head all night. Why is this somewhat-wet-hair look coming back?

Erica: See, in some pictures it looks good and in others it looks a little bedraggled.

Kate: I do like the necklace, though. A lot.

 

Saoirse Ronan

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Kate: This is not my style at all but I think it really works on her, personality and physique-wise. The jewelry is fantastic, too.

Erica: Yeah, it’s not my thing but it’s a perfect example of the thing it is.

Kate: Also, how Jessica Chastain pronounced her name when she won cannot be right: Sher-sha?! SHER-SHA?!

Erica: Yeah, that’s it. Saoirse Ronan did a whole bit about it on SNL.

Kate: Oh, whoops. Sorry, Jessica.

 

Sarah Jessica Parker

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Kate: I normally love her, so it hurts to do this, but…Completely inappropriate length, too much going on in the dress and her hair color looks cheap. Good shoes, though; probably from her line.

Erica: I feel like we love her but also bag on her red carpet looks a lot. And this is the opposite of Saoirse or Laura Dern, in that it is my thing, or would be, if it were done better. If the top were a little higher so it didn’t actively make her boobs droop. If the netting at the sleeves didn’t look so cheap. If the skirt were pressed. If her hair and makeup were better and she threw on a necklace. And so on.

Kate: I feel like we love her because we see her as Carrie Bradshaw (not that Carrie was a loveable person, she actually kind of sucked), so our love for SatC clouds our judgment of SJP the person.

 

Sarah Paulson

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Kate: In terms of making the everyone-wear-black thing more interesting and fun for me to look at, this is one of my favorites. I do not like her hair at all, though; too blunt.

Erica: Yeah, it’s not bad. It would be nice if something had happened to her hair. It very much looks like she ran some distracted fingers through it while it was still half wet on the way out the door.

Kate: That is what I meant by the somewhat-wet-hair trend coming back. Do not like.

 

Shailene Woodley

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Kate: What we have here is a sparkly plaid turtleneck with a poofy skirt AND A BELT. Worst Dressed, no doubt about it.

Erica: I don’t even understand. Maybe, like, there were two dress bags, and one was for the 87-year-old grandma you were supposed to take, and one was for the talented young star you are, and then the grandma couldn’t come so you grabbed a dress bag and boarded a plane and only when you arrived at home, mere minutes before you had to hit the carpet, did you discover you had the wrong dress? Because then I’d understand.

 

Susan Sarandon

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Kate: I actually liked that her hair was in a pony during the show, but it doesn’t look so good from the front, and this is another ill-fitting pantsuit. Ladies, just because we are all wearing some form of black does not mean we all have to look bad! Black usually looks nice! Come on!

Erica: Pantsuits can even look great! But not when you borrow the one your somewhat portly nephew wore for his bar mitzvah. But honestly, Susan, I can’t even look at you anymore. Sorrynotsorry. I’ll look at your guest instead, one Rosa Clemente, who doesn’t seem to have a specific organization right now — she is described on her website as “an Afro-Latinx political commentator, community organizer, independent journalist, and 2008 Green Party Vice-Presidential candidate” — but came as Susan Sarandon’s guest to raise awareness about how truly, truly terrible things are in Puerto Rico, a problem she’s documenting through her PR on the Map program. (And listen, I don’t mean to be a jerk about this, but if you want to help Puerto Rico with something other than getting Rosa Clemente’s cameras on the ground to document their misery, donate to the AFT’s Operation Agua. They need water.) They also talked up Time’s Up’s legal defense fund for women who can’t afford to prosecute their harassers.

 

Viola Davis

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Kate: One of the more boring black dress choices, and she tried to spice it up with the necklace — which is too sparkly and has too many layers — and hair. I almost think it would have been better with the hair and dress as is, and no necklace? Or a more delicate one? IDK anymore.

Erica: Oh, I disagree. I like the hair; I like the necklace. I’m fine with all of it.

Kate: So, with Worst Dressed obviously being Shailene Woodley (despite a ton more than usual to choose from), who does Best Dressed go to?

Erica: Oprah. I think hands down.

Kate: I’m good with that. We will see YOU at the SAGs, people! (I wish we would actually see people AT the SAGs, but alas, we’ll be here, on our couches, and in WordPress.)

Emmys 2017

Kate: Well, this snuck up on us now didn’t it?!

Erica: Everything in my life is sneaking up on me. I feel like I am being hit by a never-ending series of steam trains.

Kate: It’s because we are usually done with SYTYCD at this point, but Fox is messing with our minds/schedules.

Erica: Sure. Let’s blame Fox. I didn’t watch the Emmys. I will, as soon as I have thirty seconds, watch Stephen Colbert’s opening monologue, because he’s wonderful. But I’m just looking at pictures.

Kate: I actually feel a bit out of it this year in terms of Emmy nominees, but not in terms of the fashion. I am always into the fashion. And with that…

 

Anna Chlumsky

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Kate: Oooooh! She is normally quite the mess at these things, but I love this dress. Sparkly/chrome-y mermaid-chic.

Erica: Holy moly. She looks good! I can’t believe she looks this good!

Kate: If the dress had been all the same color/material as the top or all the same color/material as the skirt, it would not have worked. Together, it works.

Erica: I mean, this is not my number one thing, although I would have actually preferred a more smooth transition from top to bottom, but I just can’t believe that she’s shown up looking like a normal, pretty celebrity and not like an insane human with no concept of what human bodies look like or what is visually appealing.

Kate: I would have done a more interesting hairstyle than just slicked-back-straight (which really looks like half-up in this photo), but overall I’m really happy with this.

 

Anna Faris

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Kate: I am so, so sad about her and Chris Pratt.

Erica: I know. Love is dead. It doesn’t exist. I knew it when Amy Poehler and Will Arnett broke up. But now I really know it.

Kate: I can tell she doesn’t even want to be here because she is sad as well, probably sadder than I am. (Also, she didn’t do the red carpet.)

Erica: She looks very beautiful. Very tiny. But very beautiful.

Kate: I do like this dress, though; that shade of pinky-purple, even with the red-ish sparkle, works well against her fair skin and hair. That being said, I don’t love the hair with the dress.

Erica: Well, the hair feels a little phoned in. But the color, which I usually prefer on brunettes, looks terrific. Plus she gets to stand next to Allison Janney so that’s a pretty good day.

 

Ariel Winter

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Kate: Oh my god, she’s naked. Why is she naked?

Erica: She usually goes pretty sexual. That’s a lot of leg.

Kate: She’s so pretty but this is really freaking me out. Those slits are way too high!

Erica: And these were not subtle, you-only-see-them-when-I-move slits. These were the kind of slits that were more present than the skirt.

 

Claire Foy

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Kate: Is that…Queen Elizabeth?! I almost didn’t recognize her!

Erica: Did you watch that show? Can we have many conversations about it? Can we talk about how both Prince Phillip and not-King-Edward whine A LOT about things that are the obvious and natural consequences of decisions they themselves made wholeheartedly?

Kate: Yes I like that show a lot. Season 2 is coming semi-soon! But I don’t like this pantsuit with the half-cape thing and silver knot. Not at all. She is pretty, this is not.

Erica: I hate all of the things happening on this outfit. All of them. I like the person in the outfit. But I hate the outfit.

 

Debra Messing

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Kate: So, Will & Grace is coming back. How about that?

Erica: I feel like maybe we are reaching peak revival time and should step back now. Hey, did you know Debra Messing is a Brandeis alum?

Kate: I did not! Her hair looks fantastic. But her eye makeup is too dark and something about her overall makeup on her face is off, and I really do not like the dress whatsoever. It looks like rubber, AND YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BELTS.

Erica: The dress material is dreadful and overwhelming. The shape would be fine in another material. The hair is her hair which is great hair. But discussing anything about the look other than that fabric is very “But other than that, how did you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln?”

 

Elisabeth Moss

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Kate: The color of that dress with the color of her hair and her skin is just not good.

Erica: I don’t know that I mind that so much. I mean, it’s not perfect, but I’m not terribly upset about it.

Kate: I also don’t like the length at all — it looks like it was supposed to be floor-length (in which case it would have been boring) and they literally just chopped it. Shoes are too matchy-matchy.

Erica: It looks way too young for her. And I mean that in a very non-bitchy way, because I think the very last day this look would be appropriate would be your Sweet 16.

 

Ellie Kemper

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Kate: Ugh, I still have not finished the latest season of Kimmy Schmidt! Who/what am I turning into?

Erica: It was good but not great.

Kate: I love this, though. It’s a modern, bedazzled version of a kimono, but not in a bad way. It looks great on her — the color, the sparkle, even the slightly mussy updo. I especially love the pink earrings; they really pop against the blueness dress in the most perfect way. (This picture doesn’t do it justice; it looked phenomenal during the preshow.)

Erica: I like it but I don’t love it. I think the sheerness is too sheer such that the difference between the skirt and the bodice is too stark, and then the sheerness on the bottom looks weird with shoes. I think there should be more glittery stuff on the bottom to mask the shoes. I do, however, like the colorful beading and the overall color and silhouette on her.

Kate: I swear, it’s just a bad photo that is not doing it justice.

 

Emmy Rossum

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Kate: Perfection, as usual. Looking a little Anne Hathaway-esque, no?

Erica: For me, this is a little boring. Beautiful, but boring. Her eye makeup game is perfection, though.

 

Evan Rachel Wood

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Kate: Has she ever NOT worn a tuxedo-like thing on the red carpet?

Erica: I think it’s her thing now. I have to say, this might be my favorite iteration.

Kate: I think it’s her thing always, which is ok, because she looks good in them. I love the color of this one, and her hair is in the perfect updo with perfect makeup. A tuxedo-like thing is almost never going to make it onto my Best Dressed list, though. Call me old-fashioned, but it’s the truth.

Erica: You are a little old-fashioned. I’m quite impressed with this look.

 

Gina Rodriguez

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Kate: She looks pretty, but this is just too beauty pageant-y. Just too.

Erica: I have been told I should watch her show. I really hate this dress but I’m sure her show is good.

 

Heidi Klum

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Kate: Ok so it’s NOT crazy like the Big Bird outfit or the lavender monstrosity, and I like her hair like that, but this dress is very I’m-at-a-private-dinner-at-a-super-fabulous-resort-in-Mexico. And it’s good for that, but the Emmys are not a private dinner at a fancy resort in Mexico.

Erica: Yeah, I would say, I’m into the hair but the dress is…If even I think there’s too much boob, there’s too much boob.

Kate: I am also NOT into the enormous bangles covering half her arms and the hoop earrings down to her shoulders. Tacky.

Erica: Oh, I kind of am into them. For a fancy resort in Mexico.

Kate: Which this is not!

 

Jane Krakowski

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Kate: Va-va-voom!

Erica: I mean, the dress, yes, but also that bob looks perfection.

Kate: This is very wonderful and very much a LOOK with the straight sleek angled bob and and deep V and blackness of the dress. AND BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, I know there is a little belt buckle there, but I think it is part of the dress and not an additional piece and therefore (mostly) acceptable. I would probably like the dress better without it, though.

Erica: Yeah, I understand the belt buckle thing but I wish it were not red. And I am not persuaded that it is necessary at all.

Kate: Also, when I was looking at E!’s red carpet coverage on their site, they had spelled her last name “Krasowski” at first, and I felt superior. Still kind of do.

 

Jessica Biel

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Kate: Oh my, she is very teeny-tiny. I have always admired her for having the perfect body in terms of muscle tone and proportion, but she is a little on the skinny side for me right now. Lurve the dress, but it only works on her newly skinnier frame, I think. I also feel like the Fashion Police (the real ones, not us) will absolutely hate it because it looks “unfinished” or “too drapey” or “like 2 dresses slapped together”.

Erica: Oh I love so much this look. They would not be wrong about the two dresses, but I love the drape and I love the hair and I love the makeup and I love the softness.

Kate: Always great makeup with her. Hair is a bit poofy up top — this dress calls for something sleeker, I think — but overall a soft, lovely look.

Erica: I like it. I like the poofy. She looks like she’s the dream version of somebody’s crush object in a movie.

 

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

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Kate: Julia you sexy little sneak, not doing the red carpet even though you KNEW you would be on stage because you KNEW you would win AGAIN!

Erica: Good on her. For winning, I mean. She really is the best. J is doing a whole re-watching of all of the Seinfelds (God bless you, Hulu, for the good work you do) and I don’t watch all of them but damn, she is wonderful.

Kate: While this is obviously part of her standard look, I like the pops of color with the golden embroidery and turquoise earrings, and I like that she did her hair a little looser/wilder than usual. She can just never do any wrong for me.

Erica: Yeah, this is one of my favorite iterations of her usual. I really love the gold embroidery.

 

Julie Bowen

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Kate: I had no idea this was Julie Bowen at first. What has happened to her? Is she okay?

Erica: Her face does not look okay.

Kate: This dress — the color and the gigantic ruffle — is completely swallowing her. I hate it.

Erica: I mean, for her, it’s not bad. She’s definitely done worse.

 

Kate McKinnon

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Kate: Has she worn this before? Or something very similar? All they had to do was show the bottom of the dress and I had a feeling it was her.

Erica: I…There is something familiar here, yes. But I’m not sure it was her?

Kate: Regardless, she looks great. She has found what works on her and is sticking to it. Her hair looks very elegant; makeup and jewelry are perfectly understated. Best Dressed nominee?

Erica: Oh, I don’t know. She looks good but uninteresting.

 

Kiernan Shipka

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Kate: Mad Men is OVER, what is she still doing here?

Erica: I mean, I hope she has a good reason to be here.

Kate: Sorry, that came out angrier than I intended. Oh, she was in Feud, so that’s why. This is very princessy and cute. I don’t like her hair.

Erica: This is strangely young for her. It looks like something she would have worn to one of her first Emmys. I don’t much like it but I don’t hate it.

 

Laverne Cox

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Kate: Ian and I were not impressed with the last season of OITNB, thus we have not watched the newest one, but that will not stop me from reviewing the show’s stars’ fashion. This is fabulous as usual from Laverne.

Erica: I did not like this season. I knew it was going to be hard for me to like a season that did not have Poussey. But also, what OITNB was good at was taking these characters who would be so easy to dismiss as nothing more than jailbirds and making them real people. This past season, they mostly made them jokes. It was a betrayal of the premise.

Kate: Yikes. The only thing I don’t really like/don’t think goes with the rest of the dress is the straps.

Erica: Oh, yeah, because they are ruffly and the dress has the geometric thing going. It’s too bad because the silhouette looks stunning on her and, for my personal taste, I’d rather that the dress go with the sleeves than that the sleeves go with the dress. I also don’t love the deep-roots hair look but I have obviously lost that fashion battle.

 

Lea Michele

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Kate: Ugh, I just said during Debra Messing’s critique that I hate belts, and then my fave Brad Goreski had to go and style Lea with a belt. Dammit, Brad!

Erica: Dammit, Brad! It’s a bad use of belt, too.

Kate: I like the rest of the dress, though, even though it’s a print (kind of). Good color. She still takes herself too seriously.

Erica: I like the color a lot, and I like the color on her. I do not like the hair. And also, isn’t Glee off the air? What is she still doing here?

Kate: Brad keeps styling her, so she keeps showing up to these events.

 

Leslie Jones

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Kate: With her build I probably would have gone with something a little simpler and sleeker. This just has way too much going on with the sparkle and the sheer and the slit and the long earrings.

Erica: I feel like it’s just bordering on an ice dancer dress. Although that could be fixed by just taking the sheer panel off the top. And, again, I think the super sheer skirt with the shoes just looks weird. But I like the femininity for her.

 

Mandy Moore

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Kate: Nope. Nope, nope nope.

Erica: Oooh I hate this so much in its entirety except maybe the pop of pink lip.

Kate: She is either super-amazing or super-awful on the red carpet, there is no in between with her. I hate this so much. It’s the top of a Jessica McClintock prom dress circa 2005 with the skirt of an unfinished ballet costume over the underskirt of a Gone with the Wind Halloween costume.

Erica: I hate this dress. A lot.

Kate: Just nope. Worst Dressed nominee.

 

Michelle Pfeiffer

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Kate: Stephanie Zinone coming out of the woodwork here, eh? Why is she there all of a sudden?

Erica: Isn’t she married to someone? Like, a business side guy?

Kate: Oh, she was in The Wizard of Lies about Madoff. Well, she looks quite nice, a little bit like Kelly Ripa but softer/less scary-skinny. I really like what she’s doing with her hair.

Erica: I don’t like the dress, though. Tea length. Long sleeve. High neck. Weird waist. Not for me.

Kate: Not for YOU, for Stephanie Zinone!

 

Nicole Kidman

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Kate: This feels a bit too Oscars for me, even with the shorter length. She looks absolutely stunning in red, I just don’t think it fits the occasion, especially next to her Big Little Lies co-star Reese Witherspoon, who is wearing a short dark turquoise blazer-dress.

Erica: I like it.

Kate: I also don’t like the silver things dangling from the neck — designer, you could have done the gown without them. (They looked worse during the preshow than in this photo.)

Erica: Maybe it’s because of those stupid f-ing parrots at last year’s SAG Awards, but this, I think looks so good on her and so lovely.

Kate: Perfect hair and makeup and jewelry. I don’t even mind that the lipstick matches the dress so perfectly.

 

Priyanka Chopra

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Kate: I get that this is super high-fashion and couture and all that jazz, and I even kind of like it (on her), but I can’t help but sweat just looking at her. How is she not overheating?

Erica: No, I hate it a lot.

Kate: Her hair and makeup and jewelry are always fabulous, so no complaints there. Just…So sweaty.

Erica: Hate it. Hate feathers. Hate high necks and long sleeves and weird, not-working-together-at-all bling on the collar and sleeve with the bling all over. Hate.

 

Rashida Jones

emmys 17 rashida jones.jpg

Kate: Wow. Very, very beautiful.

Erica: I love the color and cut of it. I wish there was not that weird space between her boobs and her midriff.

Kate: That’s because you hate cutouts, but I think it works here. I really am not into bangs, but I know it’s her thing, and I like them a lot better with this slightly shorter haircut. The dress reminds me of something Mila Kunis wore many years ago, and the whole look is very softer-side-of-Cleopatra. Best Dressed nominee!

Erica: Yes. I knew there was someone with a similar dress. I support the bangs on her; I’m assuming there’s something awful about her forehead.

Kate: In the episodes of The Office that she’s on, when her bangs are pushed back away from her face, it really does look odd.

 

Reese Witherspoon

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Kate: I just watched Sweet Home Alabama for the 785th time, and she was just on Watch What Happens Live promoting her new movie Home Again, and I just never stop loving her. She’s so darling.

Erica: Oh, yeah, we watched her on that. She and Candice Bergen both obviously thought that Andy Cohen was an idiot.

Kate: THEY DID NOT AND HE IS NOT! I’m not super into this look, especially since her hair extensions don’t look well done, but I like that she did something out of her comfort zone and far from her usual red carpet look. It just doesn’t look that good.

Erica: I like the color a lot and I think it’s cut well and fits great. It’s just kinda weird. I’m not super into it. Love her, though.

 

Regina King

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Kate: Wow, I kind of love this? Not her hair, at least not in this photo, but the dress is great. Even though it’s a print! See, I’m growing as a person.

Erica: I like the dress but why is everyone doing that thing with their hair? The slick on top, sort of half wavy on the bottom thing? I don’t like it.

Kate: Nor do I.

 

Sarah Hyland

emmys 17 sarah hyland.jpg

Kate: This is perhaps the most awkwardly placed and shaped cutout I have ever seen. Do you hate it extra much?

Erica: Yes. I hate it as much as I hate all the cutouts, plus this one is extra weird.

Kate: I also hate the leaf print, the color(s) and whatever odd makeup/surgical things she has done to her face. And I am disappointed to learn that Brad Goreski styled her as well. Maybe he’s not actually my favorite?

Erica: Yeah, she’s WAY too young to make you wonder who did her work.

 

Sarah Paulson

emmys 17 sarah paulson.jpg

Kate: I find this to be as daring and high-fashion and couture as Priyanka Chopra’s dress, and I think it looks equally hot and sweaty in there.

Erica: Hate. Hate. Hate it all. Hate it so much. Worst Dressed nominee.

Kate: I don’t like the length, but I like the short low pony and I LOVE the makeup. Love.

Erica: Hate.

 

Shailene Woodley

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Kate: I honestly could start to like this dress if I tried, even though I don’t like velvet, but I can’t because the awful hair and makeup are way too distracting.

Erica: Her hair is really distractingly awful. The dress, I feel, is fine. Not good. Just fine.

Kate: I do not think she is aging well. I KNOW SHE IS STILL YOUNG, I just mean, I don’t think she is looking better as she gets past each birthday, as many normal human beings do. I think she is looking worse and worse.

Erica: I feel like maybe it’s that she doesn’t wear makeup well. And she wears her hair stupidly.

 

Sofia Vergara

emmys 17 sofia vergara.jpg

Kate: My dislike for her decreased recently after watching Hot Pursuit (another reason I continue to love Reese Witherspoon) — it was actually, like, laugh-out-loud funny. It’s not hard to make me laugh out loud, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Erica: Huh. I did not have any urge to watch it but that is quite an endorsement.

Kate: I mean, it’s silly, but who cares? Anyway, this dress is very Sofia — like, she maybe has worn this exact thing before in many different colors — but the hair is not. I do not like the bangs at all, but I like that she went for a high pony. The earrings are too heavy and dark for the rest of the look.

Erica: I feel like this dress is her thing and it’s a good example of her thing. I do like the hair but I do not like the earrings.

Kate: I also think a paler, nuder lip would have gone better with the bright white gown. More elegant.

 

Susan Sarandon

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Kate: I mean, she looks like her. Dressed-up her. She almost always wears this dress in navy blue or black, right?

Erica: I’m mad at her right now. I mean, she looks fine. But I’m mad.

Kate: Care to elaborate?

Erica: She was a never Hillary person who was all, “Well, if the revolution comes as a result of Trump winning this election, then great! Bring on the revolution.” And that’s all I want to say about that.

 

Uzo Aduba

emmys 17 uzo aduba.jpg

Kate: This looks quite bad.

Erica: The dress is not good. I don’t like whatever is happening at her waist.

Kate: I don’t like the white, I don’t like the silver vertical stripes, I don’t like that it’s 2 pieces, I don’t like any of it at all.

Erica: I like her hair like that.

 

Vanessa Bayer

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Kate: Her hair and makeup and jewelry all look great, and I suppose the silhouette of the gown is ok, but, again, I hate the print. A lot. It looks like curtains. In a really old, ugly house.

Erica: I think it looks like what the teacher chaperone wears to the prom. Well, the young, single teacher. Who is hoping the recently divorced head of the English department notices her.

 

Viola Davis

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Kate: Oooh I LOVE that color!!!

Erica: Yes! And it is only good for women of her hue.

Kate: The dress silhouette is a safe choice and also her usual taste, but I feel like we have not really seen this color on the carpet ever before, and I’m all for it.

Erica: She has a thing and she does it well. In this case, very, very well.

Kate: Alas, Best Dressed?

Erica: God, I don’t know. Even the people I liked weren’t that interesting. Except Evan Rachel Wood, but I respect your No-Non-Dresses-on-the-Best-Dressed rule. Maybe Jessica Biel? Who do you want to give it to?

Kate: You know what, let’s give it to Evan Rachel Wood! (I said a tuxedo-like thing is ALMOST never going to make it onto my Best Dressed list. This moment is almost never.) Worst?

Erica: SARAH PAULSON I HATE IT SO MUCH I HATE IT.

Kate: Oh, no, I don’t hate it as much as you do. Shailene Woodley?

Erica: I don’t hate that nearly as much as I hate Sarah Paulson’s. Priyanka Chopra or Mandy Moore?

Kate: OH yes, Mandy! See you at the Globes, folks!

Emmys 2015

Kate: Fashion Police on E! is back, and SO ARE WE with the 67th annual Primetime Emmy Awards!

Erica: Yeah, we’re back from the not-even-a-week-long hiatus we took between SYTYCD and this.

Kate: I’m curious as to why E! didn’t ask us to replace Kelly Osbourne and Kathy Griffin.

Erica: Please. We are way too classy.

Kate: Well put your mittens around your kittens and AWAY we GO!

Allison Janney
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Erica: I love Allison Janney so very much. And I love this dress.
Erica: It reminded me of an Alice Temperley collection I loved a while back, but, you know, shiny, and formal. And I thought it was just the right mix of classy and sexy for this occasion/person.
Kate: It’s pretty sexy for an older gal, but I think she looks great.

Amy Poehler

Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Solid basic black choice, but what has she done to her hair?

Erica: I kind of like it.

Kate: I want to like it, but it’s throwing me off. I think I have to sit with it for a little while.

Erica: That’s okay. I understand. Change is hard.

Kate: I do not have to sit with those crazy rubbery bracelets, though; they suck. But, she’s Amy Poehler, and Parks & Rec was such an amazing treat for the world, and she looks like she does not give one f*ck, as usual, so WHATEVER! Yay Amy!

Erica: I feel like, as with most of the people this time around, the ensemble is fine. Not exciting, not beautiful, but not dreadful either. Fine. Also, yes, Parks & Rec <3, and also yes, not giving a f*ck, yay!

Amy Schumer

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Ok, I love this color. A lot. I want to emphasize that.

Erica: Yes. The dress itself is fine and the color is lovely.

Kate: However. I HATE the hair, and think the eye makeup is way too dark. I’ve been watching a lot of her show and she always pokes fun at herself for not being that pretty/skinny/whatever, but she actually is, especially with very light (in terms of colors and amount) makeup, like with a nice peachy lip gloss to play up her fair skin and light hair, and with her hair in very loose tousled ringlets. This is on the opposite side of the tousled spectrum. Like I’m wondering if she actually meant for her hair to look like that.

Erica: Yeah, I thought maybe the hair was going to be part of a bit of some kind. And then when she and Amy Poehler went up to present the first award and did that little beautification thing in front of the stage, I thought, “Oh, they’re going to fix it!” But. No. Not so much.

Kate: The neckline of the dress isn’t the most flattering either — a necklace may have helped — but, again, absolutely love the color and love her very much.

Anna Chlumsky

Generated by  IJG JPEG Library

Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Oh, she wanted to wear a DNA diagram on her dress.

Erica: See, I first saw this when she was in the audience and I kind of liked it. I thought it was romantic and fetching. Then I saw a picture of her from the front and realized that no, it was not at all fetching. But I did love her enthusiasm every time a Veep person won.

Kate: By enthusiasm you mean crazy intense faces? I pretty much hate this. Her hair looks nuts.

Erica: I don’t mind the concept of the hair, which I know you do, but it looked pretty frazzled.

Ariel Winter

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Luurrrvvveeeeeee.

Erica: Yeah? I mean, she looks very nice. But I don’t know that I LURVE.

Kate: Absolutely perfect shade of red, perfect silhouette, perfect hair, perfect perfect perfect. She is one class act.

Erica: It’s a good color for her. I’m not into the waistline and I’m not into the purse/rings and I don’t know. It’s not wowing me.

Aubrey Plaza

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: LOVE THE DRESS. LOVE.

Erica: Like the dress. Like. She looks sexy and a little chill and it’s a good look for her.

Kate: Also love the angled bob in theory, but in practice it looks a little casual for that dress/this event. A sleek bun like Ellie Kemper’s (see below) may have worked better. Really love the dress, and PERFECT shoes.

Erica: The hair is not quite as sleek as it needs to be and the make-up could be a little stronger. I do appreciate that she didn’t overdo the jewelry.

Kate: Honestly this would already be a best dressed nominee if not for the hair.

Cat Deeley

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Cat! It’s our Cat! Hi Cat!

Erica: Do you think if we met her in person we’d just start talking to her like we know her and she’d freak out and call the police?

Kate: Yes to the first part, but she’d love us too much to call the police. Um, she’s pregnant? That explains all those weird dresses on SYTYCD!

Erica: You know, I thought it was just light hitting the dress weird, but you could be right. That makes me happy. Cat Deeley should definitely be replicating.

Kate: I am right, pregnancy confirmed. Her hair is absolutely perfectly Cat Deeley-esque, and I think the gold is great on her. A zillion times better than anything she wore all season long.

Erica: Seriously. And we almost never see a side part on her on the show, which I like quite a bit.

Christina Hendricks

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Kate: Ok so she was on Watch What Happens Live fairly recently and looked way too skinny to me, but this is the Christina I know and love. VA-VA-VOOM!

Erica: I get the feeling her weight fluctuates a lot. She looks fantastic but I do not love the dress.

Kate: I love her hair like that so very much, and I think very few people other than her could pull off that dress. The crazy patterns and textures accentuate and flatter every inch of her body.

Erica: I do love her hair. The dress — I just want to chop off the sleeves. That’s all.

Claire Danes

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Oh no Angela, this is all wrong. All of it — hair style, hair color, dress color, neckline, silhouette, sequins, chains — ALL WRONG!

Erica: Everything she wears on the red carpet looks like a sack hanging off a skeleton. Claire, either eat a sandwich or dress your skinny frame in a flattering way, please.

Kate: Worst dressed nominee.

Erica: I was going to say, I don’t know that it’s that bad, but tonight was pretty boring in terms of fashion, so yeah, probably.

Danielle Brooks

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Kate: That neckline with that hair is a little too harsh on her, but the dress itself is a lot of fun.

Erica: Yeah, the hair could be some other way, but I like the dress and I like how much she appears to love it.

Dascha Polanco

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Oh no.

Erica: Oh. I love her work on the show, though. But no. She looks like a person made famous by being rejected by some horrible old music star on a VH1 reality show.

Kate: She always looks a hot mess on the red carpet, let’s get her a stylist shall we? Brad, are you free to take on another client?

Erica: She needs help. She’s a lovely and talented person but she dresses like…Well, I’m too much of a lady to say what she dresses like.

Elisabeth Moss

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Oh, so that’s where Amy Poehler’s hair color went.

Erica: She’s been doing that hair for a while now. We do not like, Elisabeth Moss. We like you, but not blond hair on you.

Kate: Not a fan at all. The hair color is way too harsh against her skin. I like the dress color, but the dress itself is rather boring. This falls flat for me all around.

Erica: See, I agree that it’s not the most interesting thing ever, and I hate the hair and I don’t love the red lips with the pink gown, but grading on the Elisabeth Moss curve? It’s fine.

Ellie Kemper

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: For some reason on anyone else I think I’d hate this, but on this adorable woman who plays such an adorable character, I love it. (Please note that it looked a lot better during the Emmys than it does in the photos.)

Erica: I actually like it quite a bit. It’s pretty and interesting, looks well made, flatters her nicely, fits her “brand,” and she (or someone else) styled it well. Good job, Ellie!

Kate: I also love the severity/formality of her hair and clean, classic makeup in contrast to the funkiness of the dress. BEST DRESSED NOMINEE!

Erica: Definitely under consideration.

Emma Roberts

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: ExCUSE ME Julia Roberts’ niece!

Erica: OH! Is that who she is?

Kate: Yes! Hot damn she looks incredible. I love this dress. In ivory or another shade of white, and maybe a slightly less shiny material, it could be a fabulous wedding dress? Kind of looks like mine maybe a little? No? Ok.

Erica: I did like the dress a lot although I thought it was a teensy bit too pale/shiny.

Kate: The only thing that’s throwing me off is the dress being almost the same color as her skin, which we know I don’t like, and the very light hair. This would have been absolute perfection on a brunette. (Sorry blonds, I am usually not this prejudiced against you.)

Erica: Yeah, you usually hate that. I agree, brunette (which she sometimes is, no? Or do I completely not know who Emma Roberts is?), lack of shine, perfect.

Heidi Klum
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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: No.

Erica. It’s so bad it’s funny. I’m certain she meant it to be this bad, really.

Kate: No.

Erica: She’s like, “I am Heidi Klum. Let’s test the ‘Anything would look good on me’ theory!”

Kate: THIS IS ⅓ OF BIG BIRD’S COSTUME! NO!

Erica: She does go ALL OUT for Halloween. Maybe this is her dress rehearsal.
Kate: Yes, if she plans to dress up as Big Bird this year.

Jane Krakowski

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Kate: I think the overall look is very classy and elegant and pretty, and I even like the color blocking, but I CANNOT with the peplum — I thought we were over that! — and I think it would like a lot better as a column instead of a flared skirt.

Erica: It feels like those pieces were just added to the dress to f*ck with us. The dress would be great without them. And her hair and make-up are lovely, and also, I want Jane Krakowski to be in more things.

Kate: So, when CAN we be done with the peplum?

Erica: When can we be done with the shoulders-forward-hunch pose?

Joanne Froggatt

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: I wasn’t going to include her but then I heard that Brad Goreski styled her, so yay!

Erica: I’m sure I know who that is.

Kate: We’ve been over this: He was Rachel Zoe’s assistant, then got his own show on Bravo, now is a Fashion Police judge, and stylist to the STARS. I love the two-tonedness and the silhouette and the ribbonyness of this dress a lot.

Erica: It’s not my usual thing but I like it and it looks pretty on her.

Kate: However, I do not like the hair at all. Way too casual. That’s what my hair looks like a few hours after I let it air dry and it has lost all life. NOT red carpet appropriate.

Erica: Oh, in pics, I thought it looked nice. A little casual, sure, but pretty, and great color. Did it not look as good in motion?

Kate: Nope, dead and flat. Although, in her defense, with that complicated neckline, I’m really not sure what hairstyle would have been better.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Kate: Ok, we all know how much I love JLD, right?

Erica: Yes.

Kate: I like this, and she looks gorgeous, but I don’t love it nearly as much as her last, like, 20 red carpet looks. It’s just a little basic. And the earrings are a little too much with the dress and the hair is a little too not enough. Ya know?

Erica: I think it’s boring, as most of the fashions were, but damn if she doesn’t look good. She is keeping it seriously tight, and I thought here hair looked gorgeous.

Kate: No, you know what, I take it back. I didn’t mean any of that, she looks perfectly amazing. Please don’t be mad at me JLD!

Julie Bowen

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Kate: This is a surprisingly safe and classic choice for her — kind of like JLD’s! She usually tries a little harder than this, no?

Erica: I remain convinced that she is lulling us into a false sense of security.

Kate: Well I actually like it. I could do without the third strap around the neck, but without that it’d probably be a little too basic. She’s even channeling her inner Sofia Vergara with that mermaid bottom.

Erica: One day we will be EXPECTING something perfectly classy and nice from her — “Oh, Julie Bowen, yes, she used to dress like a madwoman, but not anymore!” we will say to ourselves, then BOOM! Something horrific.

Kerry Washington

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library


Kate: It looks like Michael Jackson’s and Prince’s closets got together and had a baby and that baby is this horRENDOUS dress.

Erica: Aw. I was kind of intrigued by this. It was not boring.

Kate: No, it’s gross. Also truly terrible hair. Is that the thing where you tuck long hair under so that it looks like a bob? If so it was very poorly done. SO over you, Kerry Washington!

Erica: I will never be over you, Kerry Washington. Although I did stop watching Scandal. I’m sorry. I couldn’t keep track of who I was supposed to like anymore.

Kiernan Shipka

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library


Kate: I get what she’s doing here and I really don’t like it.

Erica: I don’t know. I’m intrigued.

Kate: There just comes a point where I wonder if people wear things that they actually think look good on them or look good in general, or if they just wear it because they heard it’s on trend or just for the shock value. I don’t appreciate that.

Erica: I feel like she’s definitely making a very fashion-forward choice, but I did actually think it looked good on her, and in general — well, it’s interesting. It is not at all boring. And she kept the hair and make-up really perfect and simple so that it didn’t look like she was wearing a costume. She’s getting to have such an interesting and lovely face.

Kate: Worst dressed nominee!

Lady Gaga

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Of all the people I would expect to wear a basic black one-shoulder gown, Lady Gaga would never be one of them. Her dress, JLD’s and Julie Bowen’s could be interchangeable.

Erica: That seems to be the thing she’s doing now. Normal.

Kate: As I’ve mentioned a few times now, I don’t really like that unnatural blond hair color on anyone, but damn, she cleans up nice. I really love the makeup. Maybe I should do fake lashes for the wedding…

Erica: The makeup was a little much for me but nice.

Laura Prepon

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.


Kate: I think a lot of people are going to disagree with me here, but I like the messy updo. A lot.

Erica: I like it in and of itself (although I will always like her better as a redhead, and in any event, that color is way too harsh for her), but I don’t like it with that particular dress.

Kate: And you know, I like the idea of the dress, but wouldn’t it have been great as a strapless red number WITHOUT the beaded turtleneck cape/shrug thing? They are separate pieces, right?

Erica: Well, then it wouldn’t have been the look she was going for. I don’t like it for the Emmys or for a person her age (she needs about 20 more years before that’s a good look) but I think without the shrug, it’s just another red mermaid dress.

Kate: I seem to recall her having very odd red carpet looks before, though, so I think this is the step in the right direction.

Laverne Cox

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library


Kate: That color again! Is it the color of the night?

Erica: I think we just like that color.

Kate: (It looked very similar to Amy Schumer’s on the pre-show, but not so much in pictures.) The ridiculously yellow neon nails AND shoes ALMOST ruin it, but everything else is flawless. Love the long loose waves, love the dress. The material looks so flawless.

Erica: I like it. I even like the shoes/nails as a contrast color. I usually hate Laverne Cox’s red carpet looks, and I’m happy to see her in something simple but still interesting, with great hair and makeup.

Lena Headey

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Eh, no.

Erica: I saw her first on stage, not on the red carpet, so my first thought about the dress was that she was carrying it weird. But then I loved her hair and make-up. And I decided I like the dress.

Kate: She usually takes pretty big risks on the red carpet, but I think this would have worked as a more slinky number and not a huge poofy skirt. The color is great, but it’s overall a little too overwhelming for me.

Erica: I don’t know; more slinky would have been more normal/boring. I don’t know that I LOVE this dress, but I like the overall look on her. Also, she was robbed. (Was she robbed? She lost, right?) She was magical on GoT this season.

Kate: I think GoT has won enough things for me to not feel like any of them have ever been/will ever be robbed.

Maisie Williams

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Oh it’s so weird seeing Arya in a strapless bubblegum pink gown!

Erica: Aw, she should get to feel pretty sometimes!

Kate: I mean, I think she looks nice, but nothing about this really stands out to me.

Erica: It’s a cute dress, but it needs to be a couple of inches shorter, and while I understand why she might want to put furry shoes with it, I don’t think it looked right, and the heel was too chunky. But hey. She only gets to girl it up some of the time.

Maggie Gyllenhaal
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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Erica: So I don’t like the two-tone formal dresses, in general, but this one was cut very beautifully out of a lovely material and it didn’t make her boobs look, like, excessively droopy like they usually do on the red carpet, so I kind of have to give it to her.
Kate: Yeah, I surprisingly liked the silhouette of this a lot.
Mindy Kaling
attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Kate: You know what? This color is risky, but I like it on her.
Erica: She has the perfect skin tone for this color. No risk for lovely Indian ladies.
Kate: I don’t love it, especially because the earrings and bag are the same color so it’s just like a lot of that one color, but I think she overall looks quite nice.
Erica: I think she did the matchy-matchy on purpose and I kind of applaud it. Not my usual thing, but she committed and I appreciate that.
Kate: You know who else is wearing a similar color and does not look quite nice? Heidi Klum.

Natasha Lyonne

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Kate: She also always kind of looks a hot mess on the red carpet, particularly dress length-wise, but I don’t think she actually really cares at all.

Erica: She most definitely 100% does not care at all. This might actually be the nicest I’ve seen her look on the red carpet.

Kate: I also see some way-too-chunky shoes underneath that — shudder — fringe.

Regina King
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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Erica. So as long as I was only looking at her from the waist/hips up, I really liked the dress. I love stark white on dark-skinned ladies, and I liked the structure in the top. But the bottom was a tad too structured. And I hate when formal gowns hit right above the foot like that.
Kate: It’s a Christmas tree. She is literally wearing a white/silver Christmas tree on her body. (Great makeup and hair, though.)

Samira Wiley

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Kate: Yeeeessssssss.

Erica: Absolute perfection. One hundred percent doing everything right.

Kate: Very Lupita. Perfect color on her, flawless makeup (despite the weird facial expressions in the photo). Best dressed nominee, certainly best dressed OITNB cast member!

Erica: Yes, very Lupita. Which is a compliment of the highest order.

Sarah Hyland

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: That’s a great dress, but what is she 36 now?

Erica: Yes. That is exactly the age she should be when wearing that dress.

Kate: She dresses way older than she needs to, and that haircut and super-dark makeup make it even worse. She should take a page out of Ariel Winter’s style book.

Erica: See, I’ve liked previous Ariel Winter looks better than tonight.

Kate: Also don’t love the earrings and matching bracelet (which is halfway up her arm?) with that dress, kind of cheapens it. Also feel like we’ve actually seen this dress before? Maybe on Tina Fey?

Erica: Yeah, I was trying to figure out if this was a Covet dress or something. It looks really familiar.

Kate: On second (or third or fourth) thought, I do like how the shoulder straps continue as one long horizontal strap in the back. Sexy. But, too sexy on her?

Erica: I think it’s just too old. She looked cute at the afterparty. (Still with a bracelet halfway up her forearm for some reason, but it looks cuter there.)

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Sofia Vergara

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: That is the least amount of cleavage I’ve ever seen on Sofia Vergara on the red carpet.

Erica: That is probably a true observation.

Kate: Also, not a mermaid bottom? A slightly underwhelming choice for her but, Jesus Christ, she’s a smokeshow no matter what. Her talking about her perfume to Ryan Seacrest during the pre-show was quite entertaining.

Erica: According to Julie Bowen, she is basically her character.

Taylor Schilling

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Ugh, no no. This is pretty bad.

Erica: There are some things I like conceptually about this dress, but man, were those concepts executed terribly.

Kate: The asymmetrical neckline is awkward, the color is just OK, the length and ruffle at the bottom are dreadful, and the matchy-matchy shoes? Terrible. I also don’t like the flapper hairstyle but I know that’s like, “in”, right now.

Erica: Hair and makeup are the least offensive things happening. Look, if you are blond and pale, you need to be careful about yellow. That is all.

Taraji P. Henson

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: So she looks pretty sexy, I’ll give her that. But the chain straps? Come on. So tacky. Why are these on more than one person tonight?

Erica: I thought hair and makeup were flawless and I really should be watching Empire, I think, but I did not like the dress and also thought it hung weird on her boobs.

Kate: Is the skirt all fringe? Not a fan. Also not a fan of the very dark purple/blue eyeshadow — too much. Great bob, though.

Erica: I only saw the makeup on stage where it looked terrific.

Taryn Manning

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Generated by IJG JPEG Library

Kate: Morticia Addams. No.

Erica: She’s so cute. Why doesn’t she dress/style herself like a cute person? Why does she wear dreadful dresses and slick back her hair all weird?

Tina Fey

onstage during the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

onstage during the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Kate: She really loves that black-and-white fancy waitress look, doesn’t she?

Erica: I really don’t like that look. At all. I think I’m on the record on this issue.

Kate: I mean I think she looks very nice but it’s not thrilling me.

Erica: Look, if she and Amy would host again, the two of them could wear whatever they wanted and I’d say nothing but nice things about it. Andy Samberg is…Not my favorite.

Uzo Aduba

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Kate: Similar neckline and hair to Danielle Brooks’ but it works a lot better on Uzo.

Erica: She looked good and was very charming in her acceptance speech. Wait, did she beat Lena Headey? Then maybe Lena Headey did not get robbed. Although, now that I’m thinking about it, while Uzo Aduba’s portrayal of Crazy Eyes is quite fabulous all of the time, this wasn’t a particularly great season for her character the way it was for Lena Headey’s.

Kate: No, Uzo won supporting, Viola Davis won lead. I think I would like this dress a lot more without the black in the middle (or is that navy blue?), but she overall looks very lovely.

Erica: I don’t like the dress, but she looks good in it. I feel about it the way I feel about almost all of the dresses tonight — it’s fine. It’s not my thing but it’s fine.

Viola Davis
poses in the press room at the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

poses in the press room at the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Erica: Pretty good dress. Didn’t love the make-up. Didn’t actually recognize her when she first came out because the make-up was not making her look her best.
Kate: The dress is nice but I really don’t like how she wears her hair or makeup so it kind of ruins it for me.

Yael Stone

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

attends the 67th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards at Microsoft Theater on September 20, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

Kate: Ummm why have we not seen her on the red carpet with her fellow OITNB nominees before? She looks incredible!

Erica: Oh! It took me a minute to figure out who she was! She looks cute!

Kate: What a fun, high fashion, couture dress. I want to not like the ponytail with it but I think it really all works very well.

Erica: Yeah, that’s messy updo done well. And the dress is fun, if a little bit heavy-looking.

Kate: Alas, best dressed?

Erica: How do we even pick when this was a night of meh? My personal fave was probably Allison Janney. But she is also my personal fave person. Samira Wiley probably deserves it most.

Kate: Or Ellie Kemper? Worst dressed?

Erica: I mean, Heidi Klum is definitely the worst, but she’s baiting us to say that. So Claire Danes?
Kate: I’ll give them a tie for worst. WARST!

Oscars 2015!

Kate: It’s here it’s here it’s here!!!

Erica: Tonight, we will be joined for a few looks by my resident fashion expert, Zoe. She drew some pictures of outfits, and of the hairstyles and jewelry she thinks they ought to have worn. I will present them below, but first, since we’re not including them in the official look, here are her drawings of Kelly Osbourne’s dress:

oscars 2015 zoe kelly osbourne

Zoe: The back of her dress could use a little cut. It could just take away one frill. The shoes should be a high heel.

Erica: But they are a high heel.

Zoe. I mean like a total high heel. And less black.

 

Erica: – and Giuliana Rancic’s:

oscars 2015 zoe giuliana rancic

Zoe: I feel sort of weird that her body shows. I think it needs to be a little more covered up. It could be a little trimmed — a tiny bit, but not too much. Her hair should be in a bun-braid. The earrings should be a little fancier and longer.

Erica: And also Jason has a comment or two to make.

Kate: Ian does too, when he’s not having an aneurysm while watching Illinois basketball. My favorite Oscars ever is still the one Billy Crystal hosted when Titanic was nominated 30000 times.

Erica: Was that the same one that had Matt Damon and Ben Affleck nominated for Good Will Hunting and he sang, “Matt and Ben/You are so young” to the tune of Cole Porter’s “Night and Day”? Because that was my favorite, too.

Kate: I believe so.

Erica: Also, one quick question for the evening: Am I the only person in the whole wide universe who sees Bradley Cooper and goes, “Fine”? “Fine” as in, “I mean he’s nice looking and all, but does absolutely nothing for me,” not as in, “Fiiiiiine.”

Kate: Stop it, he’s sexy. And awayyyyyyyyyyy we GO!

 

America Ferrera

oscars 2015 america ferrera

Zoe: I think that wherever it needed to be sewed or patched, there should be a gemstone line, silver, like the middle of her dress.

oscars 2015 zoe america ferrara

Erica: I think the dress is really, really lovely. I am impressed.

Kate: Really? I don’t like it at all. I’m not completely sure why, but I don’t. Her hair looks like Katharine McPhee’s at the Grammys, a.k.a. half up and bad.

 

Anna Faris

oscars 2015 anna faris

Kate: Oh this is just so sparkly and pretty. She looks like a twinkly glass of champagne and stardust.

Erica: Yeah? I mean, I think she looks nice enough but I’m not enamored.

Kate: I don’t like her hair that much, but the dress is so freaking adorable I almost don’t care. (Almost.)

Erica: I like her a lot, but I feel like her hair always looks a little meh.

 

Anna Kendrick

oscars 2015 anna kendrick

Erica: Damn, she looks good.

Kate: GORGEOUS! Omg I love this. It’s kind of Ancient Grecian/Egyptian? Love!

Erica: I think it’s more modern than anything else, but it is really flattering on her.

Zoe: I think there should be an opal-studded belt at the middle and a silver necklace with an opal at the end, with a gold frame around it. I think there should be another opal at the top of the neck triangle.

oscars 2015 zoe anna kendrick

Kate: Too much opal, Zoe, and you know how I feel about belts. In some pictures the dress looks pink/coral, in others it looks more red/orange, and the red/orange looks better. The hair is a little more structured than I like hers to be, but she probably had to do that because of the neckline of that fabulous dress. Best dressed nominee?

Erica: I’m not actually as enamored of this. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with it (except that the color looks weird with the red carpet). It looks flawless on her. I just…I don’t know. I don’t love it.

Kate: Giuliana Rancic and Khloe Kardashian were discussing this dress on the pre-show and Khloe said it’s not an “Oscar color” and it looks like she’s “going to a dance”. DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHAT YOU WEAR YOU EFFING HORRENDOUS DECREPIT PIECE OF GARBAGE! I’m back on my I-want-to-kill-a-Kardashian rant.

Erica: Oh, I am fast-forwarding but I thought I heard someone say that. It sounded to me like someone looking for something negative to say.

Kate: Well I’ve got lots of negative things to say about the person who said it!

 

Cate Blanchett

oscars 2015 cate blanchett

Kate: Not my favorite from Ms. Blanchett, but she might be close to if not already in that “I don’t give a f*ck” category with Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep.

Erica: I kind of love the statement necklace.

Kate: The boring dress would look a lot worse without the statement necklace, but I think the necklace itself is more I’m-going-to-brunch than I’m-going-to-the-Oscars, so I’m conflicted about it. Don’t like the hair and makeup.

Erica: I think her lip gloss is flawless and I think, once you put the necklace with the dress, you’ve got Oscars.

 

Dakota Johnson

oscars 2015 dakota johnson

Kate: Remember Er, she didn’t write 50 Shades, and she is not actually Anastasia Steele. She just chose to be in the movie. Let’s leave that aside and be objective in our judgment of her outfit.

Erica: I can put that all aside (although, if she wanted me to put aside her 50 Shades connections, maybe she shouldn’t have worn a silver rope on her dress). I still feel like, meh.

Kate: I think this is a little too night-out-on-the-town and slinky for the Oscars. Also, that ponytail? That’s what my hair looks like when I’m in my apartment and I know no one else will see it (minus the bangs, thank God I got rid of those).

Erica: Yeah, I’m not super-excited about the hair or anything to do with the outfit.

Kate: I am overall a little bored by her, I just don’t think she’s that pretty or interesting. But her mom is Melanie Griffith, apparently?

Erica: Yeah, I know that. Her and Don Johnson. She actually looks a lot like Melanie Griffith.

 

Emma Stone

oscars 2015 emma stone

Erica: Oh, man.

Kate: Hate it.

Erica: I don’t hate the hair but I hate the dress A LOT. She continues to be a charming and pleasant person, though.

Kate: Hate the hair, hate the color, hate the silhouette, very upset about the downhill-ness of her red carpet looks from year to year.

 

Felicity Jones

oscars 2015 felicity jones

Kate: Hmmm…I don’t think I love this as much as her Globes and SAGs dresses.

Ian: She’s wearing the wedding cake from Seinfeld.

Erica: So, it’s interesting. And, like I said in our Grammys coverage, I’m into not boring lately. But…I don’t know. I don’t like it. But it is interesting.

Kate: Let’s see. I like the color on her. I think it’s a beautiful and dramatic gown that looks expertly made — very Alexander McQueen — but something about the overall look is just not doing it for me. I’m sad about having that feeling because I love her.

Erica: You know what, maybe I do like it. The more I see it, the more I think, you know, it’s glamorous and well-made and a little cutting-edge and I am looking forward to her red carpet future.

 

Gwyneth Paltrow

oscars 2015 gwyneth paltrow

Kate: Ewwww!

Erica: Heehee.

Kate: That was my exact reaction upon seeing the first picture of this dress: EW. You can do better, Gwyneth!

Erica: My first reaction was, Heehee!

Kate: That shade of pink looks nice against her skin and hair but it’s so yay-we’re-having-a-girl, I can’t stand it on the Oscars red carpet. And that SLEEVE? No.
Erica: I do not like it but I am massively entertained by it. She’s looking kind of orange, no?

Kate: Orange and wearing ice blue eye shadow. I canNOT with you right now, Gwyneth.

 

Jennifer Aniston

oscars 2015 jennifer aniston

Kate: Well this just knocks it out of the park now doesn’t it?

Erica: Very sexy.

Kate: I love it. I don’t love it enough to give her a best dressed nomination because I wish she had done something else with her hair, but I love it.

Erica: I feel like it’s a little too boring for best dressed, but I like her hair. It’s her, you know?

Kate: It must be tough to show up after getting a nomination snub. #TeamJen forever. Why is the world so out to get her?!

 

Jennifer Lopez

oscars 2015 jennifer lopez

Kate: Holy cow. Now that’s an Oscars dress!

Erica: For real.

Kate: I sort of wish one of the nominees had worn this — maybe Felicity Jones, or someone with flat boobs — but it looks great on J. Lo. I really like her high bouncy pony. Makeup is a little too neon.

Zoe: That’s a winner for the night, don’t you think?

Kate: I like it a lot, Zo!

Erica: Me, too. And you know, I like that she usually looks like a sex goddess, and this is more princessy (albeit with a lot of cleavage), but it also looks amazing on her. And it’s my kind of dress, you know? I like Elie Saab. Although Emma Stone is in Elie Saab, too, and I hate that.

 

Jessica Chastain

oscars 2015 jessica chastain

Kate: Ooooh I like. I think?

Erica: I love. I really really really love. She looks fantastic. I already love that color, and I thought I loved it best on blondes but it looks damn good with her red hair.

Kate: It’s very sexy and flattering, and yes the blue looks great on her. Very Christina Hendricks. But the hair and makeup may be a bit too casual/plain, and I do not think she needs the necklace.

Erica: No way, no way, no way. This is in the top five for me.

 

Julianne Moore

oscars 2015 julianne moore

Kate: There’s something about that curved strapless silhouette that is very flattering. I just wish it only had the embellishment on top and bottom and not near the hips; the one near the hips breaks up the dress in a weird way.

Erica: Oh, I think the embellishment at the hips is very flattering and glam.

Kate: I am not so into this color on her, but the sleek low bun with the deep side part might make up for that. Yeah, I think the hair is making up for the color. #Weddinghairpossibility

Erica: I totes think your hair should look like that for the wedding. I mean, except, yours should be brown.

 

Keira Knightley

oscars 2015 kiera knightley

Kate: Her Golden Globes gown was atrocious, then she almost redeemed herself with the SAGs frock. Now she’s back to sucking. I hate this whole entire situation.

Erica: Really? I like this one. It’s romantic and pretty. I would like it if the color were just a little more fine-tuned — it looks like Silly Putty, a bit — but I love the look. I like romance and floral and embroidery. Also, pregnancy is looking good on her.

Kate: Completely disagree.

 

Kerry Washington

oscars 2015 kerry washington

Kate: Oh I’m so glad the peplum is back on the red carpet, said no one ever.

Erica: The thing is, she looks great, even if the dress does not.

Kate: This dress is half mother-of-the-bride, half quilt. Hate it. I feel like Anthony Marantino on that episode of SATC when he goes wedding dress shopping with Charlotte: “HATES IT!” I like her hair, though.

Erica: Yeah. I don’t like the dress. But her hair and makeup and general personality are flawless.

 

Lady Gaga

oscars 2015 lady gaga

Kate: Theeerreeee’s the Gaga we all know and love. She looks quite out of her mind.

Erica: No, but for real, what is going on with her face? I know she’s never been stunningly pretty or anything, but something is happening that looks severely unhealthy.

Kate: I think she has just gained weight, she was alarmingly skinny before. Alas, I hate the gloves. Way to start a stupid trend, Amal!

Erica: Please. On Amal, they were classy and glam. Lady Gaga’s are just…Well, whatever. She’s Lady Gaga. That’s what she does. Most of the time.

Kate: I just don’t like the looseness — elbow-length gloves should fit you right.

 

Laura Dern

oscars 2015 laura dern

Kate: Wow! This is much more interesting than what she usually wears. We never even include her in these posts even though she is at every single award show, but I felt like we had to include her tonight because she is nominated.

Erica: That is interesting. I don’t like it, but it’s interesting.

Kate: I don’t think she needs that big necklace with so much going on all over the dress, and the clutch is too matchy-matchy. Hair also a little too casual, very Jennifer Aniston, but this is overall a good look. Not the BEST, but good.

Ian: She looks like she’s going into a joust match. She’s dressed in a medieval suit of armor.

Erica: In that case, she’s leaving a lot dangerously uncovered. I actually like her hair. I mean, yes, I guess it’s casual, but it also looks really nice.

 

Lupita Nyong’o

oscars 2015 lupita nyong'o

Kate: She would be the one to wear a dress made partially of pearls, and I would be the one to say I do not like it, not one bit.

Erica: I want to like it, I do. I like the concept. And I love stark white on very dark skin. And I like her. But yeah, no.

Kate: There’s a scene in the truly amazing film Burlesque during which Christina Aguilera’s character performs a sexy routine in a shorter version of this. I like the Burlesque dress better. Worst dressed nominee.

Erica: I can’t do it. I can’t give her worst dressed. I like her too much.

 

Margot Robbie

oscars 2015 margot robbie

Kate: Smoke show.

Erica: She looks like sex walking.

Kate: This dress could be too old-ladyish, but I think the hair, makeup, necklace and deep V actually prevent that and make it pretty hot.

Erica: Yeah, totes agree with all of your points.

 

Marion Cotillard

oscars 2015 marion cotillard

Kate: I think you cannot look like this if you are American. There is just something about Europeans, they have an extra layer of elegance and chicness Americans can never even hope to achieve. Maybe that’s why Audrey Hepburn was so perfect.

Erica: She looks amazing and perfect. The dress is daring and interesting and high-fashion. It looks great on her and it’s interesting and glamorous.

Kate: This dress is actually pretty extreme couture — like, it would be great on an American at the Met Ball, but on Marion Cotillard at the Oscars? Effortlessly striking perfection. Best dressed nominee!

 

Meryl Streep

oscars 2015 meryl streep

Kate: Her usual flawless black-and-white, I-don’t-give-a-f*ck elegance. Could do without the belt, but Meryl does not give a f*ck about what I could do without.

Erica: She is the Grand High Duchess of Not Giving a F*ck.

 

Naomi Watts

oscars 2015 naomi watts

Kate: I do NOT like that it looks like she’s wearing a bandeau under her dress. I hate bandeaus. If you’re wearing one, you’re wearing a shirt you bought knowing you couldn’t wear a normal bra under it, and that’s just too silly for me to approve of. I get that the bandeau may just be part of her dress, but I still don’t like it.

Erica: Is she at all comfortable? Like, isn’t she awfully itchy in that? I was reading something regarding what to dress little ones in for weddings (for no particular reason) and it advised that a whole bodice with sparkles, while pretty, was going to itch under their arms like crazy. And that’s all I could think about looking at this.

Kate: I don’t like the dress at all, and I really don’t like the dark purple lipstick against her fair skin and light blond hair. It doesn’t even match the ugly dress!

Erica: Naomi Watts is very pretty but I hate all of this.

 

Nicole Kidman

oscars 2015 nicole kidman

Kate: So I still really enjoy her long bob, but I cannot help but wonder if she has worn this dress before?

Erica: I don’t know. I don’t think so. I don’t much like it.

Kate: I’m also not sure if it’s white or gold or iridescent or all three? The hideousness of that clutch is making me very angry. I blame Covet for my noticing the clutches more than I usually do.

Erica: Blame? Or thank? I really hate the color on her.

Kate: But WHAT COLOR IS IT?

 

Patricia Arquette

oscars 2015 patricia arquette

Kate: This dress is nice and she looks fine, but I was really hoping for something else from her. She knows she’s going to win!

Erica: But I think her thing is to look, basically, fine. I get the sense that she just tries to look appropriate for the occasion, and not, like wildly sexy and glam and amazing. That said, her hair? Not really acceptable for the occasion.

Kate: Agree on the hair. This is actually a very Meryl dress, and Meryl she is not.

oscars 2015 zoe patricia arquette

Zoe: I think there should be better silver earrings. I want the purse replaced with a necklace and a bracelet. I think there should be a repeating frill on the higher sleeve.

Kate: I am not sure how I feel about “repeating frill”.

 

Reese Witherspoon

oscars 2015 reese witherspoon

Kate: The hair, the makeup, the jewelry and the dress are all so very Reese. It’s interesting that she chose to wear white to every award show this year, white is a bold choice.

Erica: She really looks flawless.

Kate: Many will say this is boring, and maybe it is a little bit, but she still just looks so good. I love her. I can’t wait to watch Wild.

Erica: I don’t know, it’s just so smooth and perfect. Her hair, her makeup. It’s not a remarkable dress, but it’s a really great look on her.

 

Rosamund Pike

oscars 2015 rosamund pike

Kate: I do like me some red on the red carpet.

Ian: I likes it!

Erica: Holy moly she looks AMAZING. Very, very, very tiny, but I FREAKING LOVE THIS DRESS. And this whole look. LOVE.

Kate: Agree, she looks fantastic. I like that the dress is less “out there” than most of her other choices, and her body looks hot-damn incredible. I also really like the very simple makeup and hair. Another best dressed nominee! (So far it’s Anna Kendrick, Marion Cotillard, and Rosamund Pike. Just so we’re keeping track.)

Erica: So for me, it’s Rosamund Pike, Jessica Chastain and Marion Cotillard. And maybe Jennifer Lopez, though I agree with you that the makeup is a little much. But I have to say, I feel like these ladies brought it tonight.

 

Scarlett Johansson

oscars 2015 scarlett johansson

Kate: The color and silhouette are fantastic on her. I cannot figure out what is happening on her neck.

Erica: The neck thing looks weird.

Kate: The neck thing is probably too much for me, and the hair is way too punk for the Oscars, but if I just focus on the dress, it’s perfection.

Erica: I don’t know. It’s a good color but the neck and the neckline just look super-weird.

Jason: She looks like an alien.

Erica: And Jason usually loves her.

 

Sienna Miller

oscars 2015 sienna miller

Ian: Ooooh! What’s she in?

Kate: She played Chris Kyle’s wife in American Sniper, and we like her better as a brunette, remember?

Ian: Oh yea.

Kate: I like this dress and extremely fierce makeup. The multiple bows are a little much, but it’s overall nice on her. I HATE the hair — what is this, Little House on the Prairie? When they zoomed in on it during the pre-show it was either a) still wet, b) hairsprayed within an inch of its life or c) both, and that irked me. A lot.

Erica: I’m not sure why I can’t stand her and have, like, visceral euch reactions to her every time I see her. I might be a bad person.

Kate: When do you see her besides at award shows? But that’s how I feel about all the Kardashians. And Miley Cyrus. And Rihanna and Beyonce. Hmm…

Erica: I think you are carrying a lot more anger towards all of those people than I am towards Sienna Miller. But there is something about her that just makes me go bleh.

 

Zoe Saldana

oscars 2015 zoe saldana

Erica: She looks amazing.

Kate: The color looks absolutely beautiful against her skin, but the detail on the hips and the necklace and the hair are extremely unflattering. The spaghetti straps make it look like lingerie.

Erica: Really? I think this is so flattering on her. She doesn’t look as twig-like. This is actually on my best-dressed list.

Kate: No, we have to remove it from that list. She is not twig-like because she just had a baby.

Erica: Oh really? Mazel Tov! The extra pounds look GREAT on you, hon!

 

Kate: So, Best Dressed?

Erica: Rosamund Pike! And I say this without really knowing anything about her. I didn’t see (and probably won’t see) Gone Girl and I don’t know anything else she’s done and I have never read an interview with her or anything. I just love, love, love her dress.

Kate: I am ok with that, but can Best Dressed be a tie between her and Marion Cotillard?

Erica: Yes. Absolutement.

Kate: Yay! Worst Dressed?

Erica: You know, I really feel like they all stepped up their game tonight. I’m not giving it to Lupita, partly because she has too much credit with me and partly because, yes, I don’t like the dress, but, I feel that the dress accomplished what it meant to accomplish. I don’t want to give it to Gwynnie because, as stupid-looking as it was, it made me laugh. Kerry Washington’s done worse, and her hair and make-up were perfection. I think that leaves Naomi Watts for me.

Kate: Or Emma Stone?

Erica: Yeah, but I liked Emma Stone’s hair and make-up better than I liked Naomi Watt’s hair and make-up. It should be noted, though – the credit Emma Stone has as my dream bff DOES NOT COUNT toward red carpet looks. And she has ZERO credit there.

Kate: Well then who do we give Worst Dressed to!?

Erica: I want to give it to Naomi Watts. You can give it to Emma Stone if you like. Or we can have another tie.

Kate: Ok, I can give it to Naomi Watts. That does it for us for award show season, folks — sad face! But don’t you worry, the dynamic duo will be back this summer for So You Think You Can Dance season 12 — auditions are already under way!

Erica: You guys, I’m doing Zumba now, so by May, I might think *I* can dance!

Grammys 2015

Kate: I feel like this may be a bit prejudiced, but I care a wee bit less about the Grammys than other award shows.

Erica: It is the awards show where I go, “Who is this person?” more than any other.

Kate: I just do a better job of keeping up with movies and TV than music — I don’t even know what kids listen to these days. I took a looksee at the nominees while writing this post, though, and I hope Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran win absolutely everything because I a) actually know who they are and b) like their music very much. I also miss Adele.

Erica: Oh, Adele always dresses so pretty, too.

 

Anna Kendrick


grammys 2015 anna kendrick

Kate: SMOKIN’!

Erica: She most certainly is.

Kate: I have to say I’m a little over the suits-on-ladies red carpet trend, but she looks GORGEOUS. I love her hair like that. I want mine to look like that. Best dressed nominee!

Erica: I am always in favor of suits on the red carpet when they look this good. She really looks amazing.

 

Ariana Grande

grammys 2015 ariana grande

Kate: So does her hair just not do anything else?

Erica: I actually just saw one of those listicle things that showed her hair when she first was doing whatever it was she was doing — she’s another Disney Channel refugee, right? — and it was, you know, different. But this has been her look for a while now. I mean, she looks pretty. I don’t know if it’s just her face or she’s affecting that sexy-baby look all the time. It’s a little annoying.

Kate: I don’t think she’s Disney. She looks lovely, but I don’t love the asymmetricalness of the dress. That silver fabric thing looks like it’s stuck to the white dress because of static cling, or something.

Erica: I am not a fan of the dress, really.

Kate: What was even the point of her arriving in that dress? Her performance dress was gorgeous, much better. I kind of want it.


grammys 2015 ariana grande performance

Erica: Oh, yeah, I like those kinds of dresses on you. And it is gorgeous, and it’s not really different enough from the red carpet dress to warrant changing, you know? I mean, it’s different, obviously, but a similar shape and overall look.

 

Beyonce

grammys 2015 beyonce

Kate: I’m not even saying this because I’m a Beyonce hater, but she doesn’t look that good.

Erica: Are you a Beyonce hater? I am not particularly a Beyonce hater — I’m not a fan, but I respect and admire her talent, her self-control and her business acumen. I’m not loving this, though.

Kate: I am 100% a hater. Her hair is too long and flat, her makeup looks barely done and she has definitely already worn this dress or 20 others just like it. OVER YOU, BEYONCE!

Erica: The dress is nice but nothing special, the hair could be better, and yeah, the makeup is practically nonexistent. But also — every picture I saw of her was of her standing like this. Are her hips in danger of falling off if she doesn’t hold them in place? Is there something wrong with her elbows and she needs to keep them in exactly that position for the rest of forever? What’s going on, Bey?

 

Charli XCX

grammys 2015 charli xcx

Kate: Do we even have to discuss this one?

Erica: Ah, it’s my first “Who the f is this?” of the evening!

Kate: She sings songs that are currently popular, I think. This COULD work if the suit weren’t so effing wrinkled and ill-fitting, and if the bowtie were not such a vomitous shade of pink, and if the fur were a) clean and b) more of a contrast to the suit. But all of that awfulness with that gross hair gross makeup and even grosser attitude? No thank you. (Unfortunately, I do like the shoes If only her toes weren’t STICKING OUT OVER THEM.)

Erica: I would just lose the fur entirely, iron the suit, and then I think you’ve got something. Something a little whacky, a little off, but I like whacky and off at the Grammys. The hair, yes, the hair needs improvement. By which I mean shampoo.

 

Ciara


grammys 2015 ciara

Kate: I don’t understand why Ciara is all of a sudden a fashion person — she hasn’t had a popular song since I was in high school, and she didn’t dress all that well then.

Erica: Wait, before we discuss the dress, can we discuss her arms and shoulders for a minute? Because holy hell, woman. You look good.

Kate: Ya. But this is pretty but way too over-the-top couture for the Grammys, for someone not even nominated. I would rather see Beyonce in this, even though I am a Beyonce hater.

Erica: See, I love over-the-top couture for the Grammys. And I like this and I think it looks awesome in it. And okay, yes, this is a lot of look for someone who’s not even nominated, but hey, why not look awe-inspiring anyway?

 

Gwen Stefani

grammys 2015 gwen stefani

Kate: What DOES she do to her face? She keeps getting prettier!

Erica: I am feeling so many things right now. Things I can’t seem to put in order.

Kate: I do not like the pants, or pantsuit, whatever it is, but I like the top of it a lot. And I love her makeup. I feel like her hair always looks like that, so that’s fine.

Erica: I don’t mean to love this. It is a jumpsuit. A capri jumpsuit. With that awkward bagginess in the hips, thighs, crotch area. As I am typing this, I recognize that these things should be vomitous. And yet…and yet. I think I love it. I think it may be the Platonic ideal of Gwen Stefani Grammy outfits. I don’t know what’s happening to me right now. I’m having some sort of existential crisis.

 

Iggy Azalea


grammys 2015 iggy azalea

Erica: I know who she is. And I’m not a big fan. And do we not think her face doesn’t look quite human? Is it the makeup here? Because she looks like what would happen if an alien tried to disguise itself as human and got it almost right. She is the personification of the Uncanny Valley.

Kate: I absolutely hate the hair. Really, I wish she had shaved it all off rather than done that awful braid crown thing. The dress, however, is excellent.

Erica: It is a cool dress.

Kate: It flatters her body incredibly, and I adore that color. (Have I said that enough this award show season?) It could have been a tad longer since she’s so tall and it has that mesh part on the bottom, but overall a great dress. Also, I like the very natural (but tan) makeup. Not alien-y to me.

 

Jennifer Hudson

grammys 2015 jennifer hudson

Kate: Remember when Jennifer Hudson was, like, THE highlight on all red carpets at all award shows for a couple of years?

Erica: Yeah, those were good times.

Kate: Unfortunately, this is way too casual. I like her edgier hair and makeup, I am even mostly ok with the choker necklace, but I really don’t like the dress. It doesn’t even look like a well-made too-casual dress.

Erica: I think she looks nice, if not remarkable. The dress is a good silhouette for her and I like her hair short. She could use a better bra.

 

Jessie J

grammys 2015 jessie j

Kate: I am not a fan of the slicked back hair, but this is a great Grammys dress — elegant with a little edge. Her performance dress was alarmingly similar; like, why bother with both?

Erica: This is pretty much the perfect Grammy dress. Glamourous and flashy and a bit edgy. The hair is a mistake and this picture makes her look like the joker. Also, is she wearing those talon-esque nails? A lot of them were, weren’t they? I hate those nails.

Kate: Agree.

 

Katharine McPhee

grammys 2015 katherine mcphee

Kate: Hmmm.. I like the color, but it’s overall a liiiiiitle too cheap prom for me.

Erica: I loathe the dress.

Kate: Also do not like the hair at all. And are the things in the middle of the cleavage gold or bronze and her earrings are silver? Come on.

Erica: Yeah, come on, Katharine McPhee. You cannot act to save your life, but you are a very pretty girl and you can sing very well. Do better.

 

Katy Perry

grammys 2015 katy perry

Kate: She is actually an extremely pretty girl, and I always want her to wear something a little weird that is still stunning. This dress is not that — the length paired with the shoes is not at all flattering. Maybe if it were more of a sleeveless sweeping ballgown, in that same material/color? AND THE BELT. DAMMIT WITH THE BELT.

Erica: Maybe. I feel like she makes a lot of choices that are weirdly old-lady-ish. She is very pretty, though.

Kate: The hairstyle is nice, if not a little casual, but the color? Come on. I don’t like it on Kelly Osbourne, I sure as heck don’t like it on Katy Perry. Fab makeup though.

Erica: I hate that the color has those black roots, like, on purpose.

Kate: Actually, it must have been a wig, because she had very slicked-back black hair for her performance.

Erica: I kind of thought her performance ensemble was cool.

grammys 2015 katy perry performance

Kate: I thought this was a great performance — no bells and whistles, just singing. Yay Katy!

 

Kim Kardashian

grammys 2015 kim kardashian

Kate: If everyone were allowed to kill one celebrity, I might choose Kim Kardashian. Or her mom, or her sister (Khloe). Truly some of the worst possible human beings on the planet.

Erica: I do not feel the rage you feel towards her. Probably because I’ve never seen her show so I don’t actually know how terrible a person she is.

Kate: She looks absolutely ridiculous. Worst dressed nominee.

Erica: Look, Kim, you wanted sexy bathrobe, but you missed it. You missed it because of those stupid pockets and the overall shapelessness and the fact that your hair looks like you might actually have recently gotten out of the shower and your makeup isn’t really helping that impression at all. But mostly you missed because J. Lo already did sexy bathrobe. She did it 15 years ago and she did it way, way better than you.

grammys 2015 grammys 2000 jennifer lopez

Kate: KIM ALWAYS TRIES TO DO A SEXY BATHROBE AND SHE LOOKS HORRIBLE EVERY TIME! GRRRR!

Erica: To my friends — yes, that was 15 years ago. Yes, we are very, very old now. Sorry.

 

Lady Gaga

grammys 2015 lady gaga arrivals

Kate: I miss when the Grammys were all about Gaga — what creature/machine she was going to ride in on, what type of edible product she would decorate her body with, what mindf*ck of a performance she would deliver. Did she simply just out-crazy herself?

Erica: What is happening with her face?

Kate: This is crazy in that it is so normal (for her). Probably a little too sexy, and it doesn’t need the necklace or the matching green earrings. I think I am most alarmed by the normalness of her hair.

Erica: No but what is happening to her face? This looks like a drag performer doing Lady Gaga.

Kate: Also, are she and Tony Bennett sleeping together? Very touchy-feely during their pre-show interview.

Erica: Ew, Kate. How am I supposed to sleep with that image in my head?

 

Madonna

grammys 2015 madonna

Kate: Oy vey.

Erica: Whatever. I love it.

Kate: I’m ashamed to call her my neighbor.

Erica: It is very much not boring. You go on with your crazypants self, Madonna. You are welcome on any red carpet I’m looking at.

Kate: But it was uncomfortable to watch her perform. She looked like she was about to fall over any second.

 

Meghan Trainor

grammys 2015 meghan trainor

Kate: I have obviously heard her quite catchy “All About That Bass” song, but I always thought it was by a non-white girl, so whenever anyone said “Meghan Trainor”, I pictured Megan McCain, as in Senator McCain’s daughter. So there’s that.

Erica: Really? You’d never seen the video? Or heard one of her complaints about the song, that a white girl claiming to be the one who was “bringing booty back” was a bit appropriative?

Kate: Oh, and this dress is horrible.

Erica: It looks like a less attractive version of the on Jessie J is wearing.

 

Miley Cyrus

grammys 2015 miley cyrus

Erica: I kind of think this is perfect for her.

Kate: She looks a hair classier than usual, but the dress could do with, like, 4-6 fewer cutouts.

Erica: You know, it’s the Grammys. The dress is totally Grammys appropriate and I like that it’s simple and that she kept the hair and makeup and jewelry simple and just kept the point of interest the insane amount of cuts.

Kate: I would have liked it more with better makeup. She’s still a bag of trash.

Erica: Kate! That isn’t nice! And she isn’t a bag of trash! I really think something happens to the girls who go through the Disney mill. That is not a healthy place to be.

Kate: She brags about doing drugs and instagrams naked pictures of herself in the tub. Trash.

 

Miranda Lambert

grammys 2015 miranda lambert

Kate: I like how her lipstick coordinates with those pink straps, but other than that this falls a little flat for me.

Erica: It’s her hair. That’s what’s falling flat.

Kate: I like her hair shorter, but the style itself is too casual for a red carpet, even if it is “just” the Grammys.

Erica: Well, her husband wore blue jeans.

Kate: Don’t even.

 

Nicki Minaj

grammys 2015 nicki minaj

Kate: I am not a Nicki Minaj fan — personality or music — and I usually hate her red carpet fashion. I’ve always felt like she’s a lesser version of the old Gaga. She has, however, toned it down lately, as evident here, and I really don’t hate this dress. Her boobs and butt are OUT of control, but I really don’t hate this dress. (This is about as positive as I can get about her.)

Erica: There is something about her I find appealing. I don’t know why. This dress is not awesome, but I don’t hate it either.

 

Nicole Kidman


grammys 2015 nicole kidman

Kate: Another SMOKIN’!

Erica: Yeah, she’s looking pretty good.

Kate: I normally don’t like anything resembling a turtleneck on the red carpet, but somehow it works on Nicole. I love the dress and her shorter sleeker hair, and I fully acknowledge that on anyone else I would probably say this dress is too casual, but…Best dressed nominee!

Erica: She’s nominated? Oh, wait, you’re saying, she’s a nominee for Best Dressed. Now I get it.

 

Rihanna

grammys 2015 rihanna

Erica: That is a whole thing unto itself.

Kate: Borrowing from my friends’ group text message: “Rihanna looks like a froofy cupcake”. And not in a good way.

Erica: Hey, I’m not bored. And maybe we’ve been doing this for too long but Not Bored is very big with me these days.

Kate: This monstrosity took up about 3 seats during the show. I hope Fashion Police rips her a new one with this.

Erica: She didn’t show up with that dreadful accessory on her arm, so I’m happy.

Kate: He was there, though, and nominated, and there was a lot of talk/singing about domestic violence.

 

Sia

grammys 2015 sia

Kate: You know something, if her white-blond bob with blunt bangs were not so extremely exaggerated, I might love this outfit. Even with the pants.

Erica: I couldn’t find any pics without the sidekick.

Kate: I’m just not sure why she did this — does she have that Daft Punk thing where she doesn’t want to show her face?

Erica: I don’t think so? Don’t you see her face in music videos and the like? Anyway, I do actually kind of like the cape thing and it looks appropriate with that length of pant even though I do not favor formal capris and the shoes are great and…You know what, I’m even going to be in favor of the crazy hair. It’s a look. It’s an outlandish look, but it’s the Grammys. Why not be outlandish?

Kate: I have confirmed that she does in fact have the Daft Punk thing where she doesn’t like showing her face. She didn’t show it during her performance, either.

 

Taylor Swift

grammys 2015 taylor swift

Kate: I absolutely love the pop of purple on the shoes — like, really love. I want them. I don’t not love the dress, but the short part is just a little too short, and the earrings are too matchy-matchy.

Erica: I see what you mean about the earrings, and I’m not loving the structure of the top. I do flipping love the color, and I agree with you 100% on the shoes. That purple is everything.

Kate: The dress did not need the extra straps, but that’s Elie Saab’s fault not Taylor’s.

Erica: I think the straps look fine. It’s the neck and the lack of any femininity to the top that I’m not super-loving. But I think we are being nit-picky because Taylor’s red carpet game is always on fleek. (Can you tell I learned new slang this week?)

Kate: I do not even know what fleek means.

 

Zendaya

grammys 2015 zendaya

Kate: She is a very pretty person. I usually don’t like the darker purple lipsticks, but it works with her skin and hair. Right?

Erica: I also do not know this person. And I’m not loving the lipstick, not so much because it’s dark purple, but because of the dark liner-lighter lipstick look that I thought had gone quietly into that good night in the late ‘90s.

Kate: The dress is a little curtain-esque, but I think it would be pretty great if the one sleeve were shorter.

Erica: Yeah, I kind of weirdly like it, even if it does look like she just wrapped a piece of fabric around herself and tied it with a matching belt.

Kate: So, best dressed?!

Erica: Oh boy. See. The person who popped to my head first was (sigh) Gwen Stefani. Gwen Stefani. In a capri jumpsuit with baggy crotch! But there it is. That’s who I liked the best tonight. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My saner self would go Anna Kendrick.

Kate: Then let’s go with Anna! I am ok with Gwen as runner-up. Worst dressed, also worst human?

Erica: I’m guessing the answer is Kim Kardashian?

Kate: CORRECT! Ok people, the next time you hear from us will be the morning after the mother of all red carpets, the award show we wait all year for, say it with me Er!

Both: THE OSCARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SAGs 2015

Kate: So at the end of our Golden Globes post when I said we’d be back for the Oscars, I totes forgot about the SAG Awards and the Grammys. Shame on me!

Erica: And I forgot to Tivo it. So I’m using photos to judge the outfits. Not as accurate, I’m afraid.

Kate: Let’s get right to it.

 

Amy Poehler

sag 2015 amy poehler

Kate: Pretty, very Amy, but hold on — is she pregnant? Were we right about that with the blue dress at the Golden Globes?

Erica: Now, I’m only looking at pictures; I missed the telecast. But I’m voting…Yes? Pregnant? Because normally she’s kinda boxy, so I can’t imagine that she’s just gaining weight in a round shape on her tummy.

Kate: If she’s not pregnant again, I feel extremely mean saying that, but it looks like a very pronounced bump (from the side) that she is purposely showing off. What are we supposed to think, Amy?!?

Erica: I honestly don’t think we’re being mean because she doesn’t look fat, she looks pregnant. And a quick Google search indicates that we’re not the only ones wondering. Either way, she looks great. Did the dress look midnight blue during the telecast? Because at first I thought it was black, and, black, this dress is lovely and more feminine and glam than her usual looks and I am in favor. In midnight blue, I am in majorly more favor.

Kate: Methinks midnight blue.

 

Anna Chlumksy

sag 2015 anna chlumsky

Kate: Well I guess she got rid of that baby weight, dayum Anna! …On second thought, she actually looks too skinny, way skinnier than usual. What happened, Anna?

Erica: I think her weight looks alright; I’m not loving the dress.

Kate: This is a dress I wouldn’t normally like, but it looks very good on her. Perhaps needed one more inch off the hem, though.

Erica: She kind of looks uncomfortable. That “What am I doing here?” look we sometimes see on stars who don’t know they’re stars.

Kate: I do wish she would change up the hair a little — another blowout for the red carpet? We can do better, Vada Sultenfuss.

Erica: Can I tell you, I have legit reasons for not changing my last name when I got married that having nothing to do with Anna Chlumsky, but I also have Anna Chlumsky-related reasons? Because in My Girl 2, when she’s trying to find her dead mom’s high school friends, she keeps running into walls because they got married and changed their last names. So, you know, if one of my high school friends dies and her daughter comes looking, I want her to be able to find me.

 

Claire Danes

 sag 2015 claire danes

Erica: Nope.

Kate: WAY better than the Golden Globes. Way. (Ignoring those scales on the sides.)

Erica: Are you also ignoring the color, the cut and the BELT? Which doesn’t even look like a belt; it looks like something you’d use to fasten the duffel bag you’re taking to sleepaway camp in 1992?

Kate: Ok I am ignoring the scales on the sides and also the belt. I like the color, and I love her hair that way.

Erica: Yeah, her hair looks nice.

 

Danielle Brooks

sags 2015 Danielle Brooks

Kate: Oh my gosh she looks so pretty.

Erica: Taystee? Holy moly she looks awesome.

Kate: Excellent choice for her, very elegant, I love the color and her hair and makeup and accessories. The dress was pulled a little too tight in the belly area, but otherwise perfect.

Erica: Gorgeous color, great shape, love the one-shoulder thing, and her hair and makeup are pure class.

 

Emilia Clarke

sags 2015 Emilia Clarke

Kate: So this looks like an extraordinarily well-made dress and nice and everything, but it’s overall just a little boring for me. I do not like the two-tonedness of it.

Erica: I really totally hate the two-toned thing. And these particular two tones? Dark blue and black? I mean, do I really need to explain what’s wrong with this? Look, people, you can mix neutrals, but you have to be careful. It’s almost never acceptable to mix two DARK neutrals, okay?

Kate: There also seems to be a kind of half-cape thing in the back, which I get is very Khaleesi, but I do not like it.

Erica: She should just dress like Khaleesi all the time. Khaleesi has style.

Kate: I have a Khaleesi bracelet!

 

Emma Stone

sags 2015 emma stone

Kate: No Emma. No.

Erica: I feel like, I get it. I get what this was supposed to be. It’s just…It’s not good.

Kate: I tried to get behind her Globes look, but I cannot with this. It takes “menswear” 70 steps too far. Worst dressed nominee.

Erica: I love her very much but I almost never like her red carpet looks.

 

Felicity Jones

sags 2015 Felicity Jones

Kate: Best dressed nominee. Amazingly chic and elegant. She is rocking her red carpet debut season.

Erica: She looks darling.

Kate: But I still need to see her movie, dangit.

Erica: Who is she again?

Kate: She plays Stephen Hawking’s wife in The Theory of Everything.

 

Jennifer Aniston

sags 2015 jennifer aniston

Kate: I like this green even more than I like Claire Danes’ green — yay green!

Erica: Yeah? I like neither green. Also, hello, boobs.

Kate: That necklace is very Covet IRL. (No one else knows what that means, but that’s ok.)

Erica: I need more people to know what that means. I need more closets to borrow from.

Kate: Hey loyal Fashion Police blog post readers — download Covet and let Erica and I borrow from your closets! Thanks in advance.

 

Joanne Froggatt

sags 2015 joanne froggatt

Kate: It takes very specifically shaped and sized boobs to pull off those pointy cup things. (Very technical fashion term.) I love the dress, and I adore her hair.

Erica: Again, is this reading as black or as midnight blue on the telecast? In black? Elegant and lovely. In midnight blue? ALL THE GOLD STARS, JOANNE FROGGATT. And I’m sorry I don’t watch your show anymore. You’re fabulous; the whole crew is fabulous. I just could not handle the emotion.

Kate: It sometimes looked black and sometimes looked very dark grey and also sometimes looked midnight blue, so I am really not sure. I may be a bit biased toward her red carpet looks now because I know Brad Goreski styles her.

Erica: Who in the what now?

Kate: Brad Goreski was Rachel Zoe’s assistant way back when and then he had his own show on Bravo and now he replaced George Kotsiopoulos on Fashion Police. Duh! (I adore him.)

 

Julia Roberts

sags 2015 julia roberts

Kate: Smokin’.

Erica: I love that “I’m Julia Roberts; I do not have to give a f*ck!” look. It gives her a very special glow.

Kate: THIS is how you do “menswear”, Emma Stone! Take notes!

Erica: To be fair, I think Emma Stone’s dress was going for something completely different. I feel I should mention Julia’s hair, because it looks fabu, but there’s some breaking news for you: “Julia Roberts’ Hair: Fabulous!”

 

Julianna Margulies

sags 2015 julianna margulies

Kate: Fab fab fab fab color. You know I love that royal blue, especially on us dark-haired ladies.

Erica: My computer screen doesn’t even know how to handle that color. It’s pixel-shocked! (That is a compliment. I love the color.)

Kate: Hairstyle is a little too casual for me, and I don’t know how I feel about the skirt in and of itself, but it works for her. Also great makeup.

Erica: I can’t see anything but that color. Good job there.

 

Julianne Moore

sags 2015 julianne moore Kate: She is one of very few people who can actually pull off this color.

Erica: It is a classic green for the redheaded ladies. And it’s a classic for a reason.

Kate: I do not so much love the actual dress itself, but she overall looks very good.

Erica: I think the dress is very pretty but could use some structuring in the bodice area. But she looks fantastic.

 

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

sags 2015 julia louis-dreyfus

Kate: Oooh she’s giving me a little Elaine Benes here!

Erica: Yeah? Because the hair?

Kate: Yes, I love that she did her hair curly. I very much like this dress, but her makeup is a tad lackluster. And it takes a lot for me to say that because I love her so much.

Erica: I like the hair. I like the dress. I agree with the makeup, but this is another event where I feel like we’re seeing a lot of too much makeup and a lot of not enough make-up. Maybe it’s just the sun? Or lack of sun? Whatever the weather is doing to the lighting in LA?

Kate: Or all these HD cameras and HD TVs picking up what people’s faces actually really look like?

 

Julie Bowen

sags 2015 julie bowen

Erica: I kind of like this?

Kate: This is something we have come to expect from Julie Bowen, so it’s fine, but I like how she made her hair a little edgier than usual. No?

Erica: I think this is a lot better than we usually get from her, in that it doesn’t look ill-fitting or like something a crazy person would wear and it’s not a dreadful color. And yeah, I like her hair. But I know she’s messing with me. I know she’s setting me up, giving me a false sense of security so she can really wham me over the head with whatever she’s got cooked up next.

 

Keira Knightley

sags 2015 keira knightley

Kate: Leaps and bounds better than her STUPID Golden Globes dress, but still not all that impressive.

Erica: Is she sporting a bump?

Kate: Yes, she is confirmed pregnant. It’s a great color, obviously one that I like, but it has weird stringy things around the sleeve area, and that half-up hairdo is how I wear my hair to work when it’s dirty or just weirdly wavy. It doesn’t look bad, it just doesn’t look red carpet-y.

Erica: I do love the color, and I love the lace, and since she is pregnant, I love the shape, but if she were not, then that front ruffle would be a little bit of a problem. But you’re right, it doesn’t look red carpet-y. If you got rid of the mesh inset and shortened the whole thing to the knee, it’d make a lovely summer frock. You could even keep the sleeve ties then. But as a red carpet gown, it is not great.

Laverne Cox

sags 2015 laverne cox

Kate: So I get this look for her, like I get it, but it’s not properly tailored. I see actual wrinkles and gaping in the material that shouldn’t be there.

Erica: Even if it were properly tailored, it would be very pageant-y. Although I guess that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Kate: Interestingly enough, I like her hair? Am I losing it?

Erica: Yes. Yes, I think you might be.

Kate: I accept that.

 

Maggie Gyllenhaal

sags 2015 maggie gyllenhaal

Erica: This makes her look very boxy.

Kate: I am not feeling this at all. Why are these celebrities so into squishing their boobs into submission with these dresses?

Erica: I think she has a weird relationship with her boobs. They never look right in the red carpet gowns she chooses.

 

Maisie Williams

sags 2015 maisie williams

Kate: Adorable!

Erica: I love love love the dress. I am not big on the gothy makeup or the messy hair.

Kate: A bit too sexy though with the boobs? How old is she IRL?

Erica: I just checked; she’ll be eighteen soon. I think this is perfectly appropriate for an almost-eighteen-year-old.

 

Meryl Streep

sags 2015 meryl streep

Kate: So Meryl.

Erica: Continuing to not give a f*ck.

Kate: I just love that I worry about wearing my (new) glasses to a friend’s party at her apartment, and Meryl wears her glasses to red carpet events, like, all the time.

Erica: She is a boss b*tch. She does not have to give a f*ck. Hey, look here!

sags 2015 meryl and julia

Erica: TWO boss b*tches who do not give a f*ck! One with great acting chops, the other with great hair, both with that golden glow that career security and not giving a f*ck lends to one’s skin!

Kate: When I saw that they were sitting at the same table, I was like, “Yup”.

 

Naomi Watts

 sags 2015 naomi watts

Kate: Eh.

Erica: Midnight or black?

Kate: Definitely midnight, this one. Boring, wrinkly. I need something else from her hair; I’m over the deep side part.

Erica: Whatever, she’s pretty and she looks fine. And if it’s midnight, I’m in favor. I love midnight, and I REALLY love midnight on the fair-haired.

 

Natalie Dormer

sags 2015 natalie dormer

Kate: Erm…

Erica: You know what? I like it. It’s girly and it’s silly and it’s fun and it’s not boring.

Kate: The dress is OK, but something about it just isn’t doing it for me. What’s really throwing me off is the fact that a) her hair is the same color as her face, and b) that hair looks like it was braided when it was wet the night before and the braids were taken out just before she got out of the limo.

Erica: Okay, I do not like the hair. She looks much better as a brunette and those eyes and cat-like face are better shown off in an updo.

 

Rashida Jones

sags 2015 rashida jones

Kate: Fun! Not my personal style, but super fun on her. She’s so tan.

Erica: Ooh cute. I really, really like it. Like Keira Knightley’s, you could cut it off at the knees and have a fun summer dress, but unlike Keira Knightley’s, it still looks red carpet-y in its current incarnation. And I love the pop of red lip!

Kate: Ian loves her.

Erica: I approve of him more and more every day.

 

Reese Witherspoon

sags 2015 reese witherspoon

Kate: Ooooh I love a bouncy Reese ponytail.

Erica: It does look cute. The blush is a bit much.

Kate: I loved her Golden Globes dress so much and I don’t understand why no one else did, and I love this just as much. I SEE YOU, REESE! I SEE YOU!

Erica: I feel like you and she would get along really well.

Kate: I don’t know why we’re not besties yet.

 

Sarah Hyland

sags 2015 sarah hyland

Kate: This is a fun sparkly young dress that I don’t hate, but her face frightens me. It was more obvious on the pre-show than in this picture, but her face is soooo heavily made up and her eyes so bugged out of her head to the point where it looked like she was about to pop a blood vessel.

Erica: I like the dress. I like the layers of translucent black over a nude underskirt. and it’s tailored well, at least as far as I can see. I’ll have to take your word for it on the makeup. In pics it looks good.

 

Sofia Vergara

sags 2015 sofia vergara

Erica: It’s not that I wish this dress were a different color. I just wish the carpet were a different color. But then it wouldn’t be a red carpet.

Kate: I am finally off the I-hate-Sofia-Vergara bandwagon. I’m not sure why or when it happened, but I am. I think she looks very lovely. Also I would like to borrow that dress, if only she would tell me how that left boob stayed covered and supported.

Erica: There is some serious support in that bodice. That is structured out the wazoo. Yes, she does look very nice tonight.

Kate: I do, however, prefer her hair bouncy and voluminous instead of pin-straight, and I feel like she wears the same earrings to every red carpet event. That is all!

 

Uzo Aduba

sags 2015 Uzo Aduba

Erica: Oh, dear.

Kate: Mmmm, nope. Not good. Crochet = inappropriate for red carpet. Yellow crochet = inappropriate for everything.

Erica: I mean, she deserves every acting award and accolade she gets. And her bod is something fierce. But this dress. This dress. Well, at least it’s not boring.

 

Viola Davis

sags 2015 viola davis

Kate: Beautiful dress, but not for her.

Erica: Yeah? I feel it’s a little young for her, but not too young. And I love bright white on dark skin.

Kate: I think it’s too bright, I didn’t consider the age-appropriateness of it. I do not like her hair that way, and she looked extraordinarily unhappy to be there.

Erica: Her hair I am not overly fond of. But she did? I saw a nice quote from her acceptance speech?

Kate: She looked unhappy to be on the red carpet, then she won, so I’m sure she felt better. So, best dressed?

Erica: I don’t know. I think my personal fave is Rashida, although that doesn’t mean she’s the best, it just means she’s the most appealing to me. If Joanne Froggatt’s dress is midnight and not black, then for sure her. If it’s black, she’s still a top contender. Although maybe the total preciousness of Felicity Jones should be considered? Or Danielle Brooks for being so on point and exactly what you should look like while walking the red carpet?

Kate: I was thinking Felicity Jones, but shoot let’s give it to Taystee! YAY TAYSTEE GIRL! Worst dressed?

Erica: Man. I don’t want to do this. I don’t. I love her acting and I think she deserves a ton of recognition. But Uzo. I mean. That dress is just awful. It’s just awful.

Kate: Uzo’s dress is not good, but it doesn’t offend me like Emma Stone’s, so I’m giving it to her. Ok people, catch us after the Grammys!

Emmys 2014

We’re organizing by TV show, then alphabetically. Well, by “we” I mean Kate, because she’s cool like that.

 

GAME OF THRONES

Lena Headey

Lena Headey emmys 2014

 

Kate: She is so gorgeous but she always looks so BAD at award shows! Just, like, too masculine and bulky/boxy.

Erica: See, normally, I’d agree with you, but I kind of like this. It’s not perfect, but it’s a little more fun/glam than she normally wears. Also I totally dig her facial expressions.

Kate: And I feel like she always wears black. That’s, like, ok for ME to do, but she should change it up a little.

Erica: I get the feeling that her investment in fashion is pretty nil.

 

Natalie Dormer

natalie dormer emmys 2014

Kate: Is this the chick who married Joffrey?

Erica: Indeed.

Kate: I like this dress, it’s kinda hot. Halloween colors are my thang.

Erica: Halloween colors are not at all my thang. But, other than my hating the color, it’s a nice dress. It seems the right amount of fancy for the Emmys.

Kate: Hair is a little too big, though.

Erica: I prefer her as a brunette.

 

Rose Leslie

rose leslie emmys 2014

Kate: RIP Jon Snow’s slam piece.

Erica: Kate! Such language!

Kate: This is a pretty color on her skin/with her hair, but it’s ill-fitting. Especially on top. Great makeup, though.

Erica: Royal blue on pale redheads is EXACTLY my thang. I don’t know about ill-fitting — I missed any and all telecasts and am just looking at pics online — but the placement of the waist-belt-jewel thing could use some rethinking.

 

Sibel Kekilli

emmys 2014 sibel kekilli

Erica: That is quite a name. I didn’t know the actress’s name before. What is her nationality? Do we know?

Kate: We do not. She basically looks exactly like her character, which I’m not sure I like. It’s a great color but the whole look is overall quite plain.

Erica: This whole thing looks like, “Oh, shit, the Emmys are tonight?! Okay, well…I’ve got this schmatta. Put a belt on it and it’s a formal dress, right? Oh, we’re leaving now?! Okay, let me just throw my hair up.” Also this pic of her and Tyrion hanging like she didn’t UTTERLY BETRAY HIM and also SLEEP WITH HIS FATHER is weirding me out, yo.

sebil kekilli and tyrion lannister emmys 2014

 

GIRLS

 

Allison Williams

allison williams emmys 2014

Kate: She continues to be too skinny, right?

Erica: Yeah. Her arms, man. I mean, maybe that’s just her body and we should stop being snide, but the entertainment industry being what it is, I doubt that she’s not feeling some pressure.

Kate: Very pretty dress, though, very couture. Actually, very Audrey. I just wish she would wear that gorgeous hair down.

Erica: I am so digging the dress. It is, it’s modern Audrey.

Kate: What’s funny is, she and Zooey Deschanel presented together and looked like they were wearing each other’s dresses.

 

Lena Dunham

emmys 2014 Lena Dunham

Kate: This just isn’t even funny.

Erica: Wait a second, there’s a specific reference being made here, right? Like…Gwen Stefani circa 2000? I don’t know. I’m feeling some kind of deja vu.

Kate: It could be a nod to Gwen’s wedding dress, but my eyes are deeply insulted by having seen this entire thing.

Erica: I don’t mean to be mean, but the thing is, Lena Dunham is not very attractive. I mean, not by entertainment industry standards. And even by regular people standards, she’s okay looking but not gorgeous. So when you look like Lena Dunham and you work in an environment like this one, I can definitely understand the impulse to be like, “Fuck it,” at awards shows, you know?

Kate: No, I don’t know. I don’t understand the concept of purposely looking bad. Or making that face in pictures.

 

MAD MEN

 

Christina Hendricks

Christina Hendricks emmys 2014

Erica: Meh.

Kate: She has lost too much weight. She was gorgeous before, and the result of the weight loss has made this whole thing look unkempt.

Erica: Is it weight loss, though? She doesn’t look remarkably skinnier to me. I think it’s that the dress is kind of cheap and sh!tty-looking. Like an even cheaper version of Sofia Vergara’s usual style. Also, what’s happening with her hairline?

Kate: I do think she lost weight, but there are other factors here. Agree on the hairline.

 

January Jones

January Jones emmys 2014

Kate: Hate it.

Erica: Don’t…Mind it? I don’t know, it’s not my thing, but for her, with her usual whack-a-doo-ness, it’s fine.

Kate: I thought it looked O-KAY on the pre-show, but it looks terrible in pictures. Hate the bangs, hate the cut of the dress, hate the shoes. Damn you, Betty. Damn you.

Erica: The bangs are truly horrific.

 

MODERN FAMILY

 

Julie Bowen

julie bowen emmys 2014

Erica: I’m not commenting on her because I know she’s just f*cking with me.

Kate: TURTLENECK.

Erica: I mean, it’s better than usual, but it’s a trick. It’s to lull me into a sense of complacency, a sense of, “Oh, look, maybe Julie Bowen got a new stylist and she’s not going to walk around looking like a crazy person at awards shows anymore!” But then the SAGs or the Golden Globes will happen and BOOM! Back to crazytown. I’m not falling for it. Julie. NOT. FALLING. FOR. IT.

Kate: Fun pattern and overall style, including the shorter hair and nice makeup, but TURTLENECK.

 

Sarah Hyland

Sarah Hyland emmys 2014

Erica: On the one hand, THE ‘90S ARE BACK, BABY! YEAH! On the other hand, I hated the midriff-baring-top-with-poofy-skirt the first time around.

Kate: Um, this is cute? It’s kind of what Kerry Washington wore that one time? (Can’t find picture)

Erica: And also what Bianca wore to the prom in 10 Things I Hate About You.

Kate: I generally feel that she dresses too old.

 

Sofia Vergara

sofia vergara emmys 2014

Kate: Brace yourself…

Erica: Bracing…

Kate: Are you ready for this? I don’t think you’re ready for this.

Erica: I’m trying to be…

Kate: …I like Sofia Vergara’s dress.

Erica: *Gasp*

Kate: On the right person I like that very structured strapless top look, and Sofia is the right person. And I like that she played on the bright white trend with a little silver. I don’t, however, like her hair lighter.

Erica: It does look much nicer than previous gowns. Still totally a “her” dress but not so boring or cheap-looking.

 

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK

 

Danielle Brooks

danielle brooks emmys 2014

Kate: Taystee!

Erica: I do adore her.

Kate: I love the character and the show so so much, but this dress does not look good on her. I won’t rip it apart out of respect for Taystee, but it’s pretty bad.

Erica: Really? I’m not having much of a problem with it. I’m not loving that puckering at the hip but overall it’s not bad. And I love white on a very dark-skinned person, and her hair is cute and spunky.

 

Dascha Polanco

dascha polanco emmys 2014

Kate: Oh my good gracious, that is so ill-fitting on top I cannot even.

Erica: Yeah. You must accommodate the boobs.

Kate: Also, horrible makeup. Lovely hair and dress silhouette/color, but I cannot get past that top. Oh my gosh.

Erica: Lovely hair.

 

Kate Mulgrew

kate mulgrew emmys 2014

Kate: I share a name with Red in real life! I’m honored.

Erica: As well you should be.

Kate: So I don’t mind this at all for an older woman red carpet look. It’s not amazing, but it’s Red. Yayyyy Red.

Erica: Royal blue on a pale redhead. Lovin’ it.

 

Laura Prepon

laura prepon emmys 2014

Kate: Oh no.

Erica: Attack of the peplum!

Kate: Oh no no no no no, no.

Erica: Seriously, though. That peplum decided it would not be confined, as so many peplums had been before. It wanted to run freeeeeeee!

Kate: She is so pretty on the show — except, you know, no prisoner has perfectly flippy/wavy hair like that — but this is just the absolute worst!

Erica: Hey, maybe Alex and Sophia are really tight and Sophia does her hair every day. You don’t know.

 

Laverne Cox

laverne cox emmys 2014

Kate: Um, is this a transvestite in real life, too? Or this is actually a woman?

Erica: Dude, learn to be a little more progressive. As far as I know, Laverne Cox is transgendered (not a transvestite), which does not mean she’s not ACTUALLY a woman. She is ACTUALLY a woman; she just wasn’t born with a woman’s body. (And I just learned that she has a twin brother, who played pre-transition Sophia on the show. Which I had actually been wondering about, and now I know. Yay, Internet!)

Kate: Well, man or woman, this doesn’t work for me. It’s too bright a white and looks cheaply made.

Erica: Yeah, I can’t disagree with you there. She can do better.

 

Natasha Lyonne

natasha lyonne emmys 2014

Kate: So this is nice, but I don’t like the length at all. I really like the lace, I just wish it were cocktail or floor length and flowy-er, as opposed to that awkward length that looks good on, um, no one.

Erica: I feel like she and I should be friends.

Kate: Good color, though. Also, I want nothing more than to put her OITNB character’s hair in a sloppy bun.

Erica: The length and the structure of the frill at the bottom are not terrific. And are those black shoes with a navy dress? See, we should be friends; I could help her.

 

Samira Wiley

samira wiley emmys 2014

Erica: Poussey! I love Poussey, too.

Kate: She is a striking individual, and I think this dress looks great on her. It’s not my favorite shade of yellow, but she pulls it off with simple makeup, minimal jewelry and toned-@ss arms.

Erica: Yes, Hollywood actresses, take note. Samira Wiley can pull off bright yellow. Most of the rest of you cannot.

 

Selenis Levya

selinis levya emmys 2014

Kate: Mendoza!

Erica: Holy sh!t, I didn’t even recognize her.

Kate: Excuse me but I think she looks great. She’s giving us Rita Moreno as Anita with those ruffles and that sass pose, and I am a big fan.

Erica: She does look pretty good.

 

Taryn Manning

taryn manning

Erica: It’s not so much the dress I dislike. It looks a lot like something Kristin Chenoweth wore and I liked it on her and they have similar body types. By which I mean they are both teensy-tiny. But…How does she look like a meth-head even when she’s not on the show?

Kate: No, it looks like something chewed up and spit out Kristin Chenoweth’s dress onto Taryn Manning, who absolutely looks like her meth-head character here. Very disappointing.

Erica: She is always cast as the white trash girl. (Sorry, I just yelled at you for not being progressive enough, and then I used the phrase “white trash”. But, I mean, that stereotype exists and that’s what she’s cast as. I’m not being terrible and hypocritical; I’m just responding to the entertainment industry’s terribleness. Right? Right.)

Kate: I recently looked her up to see if she is actually super pretty in real life, and she looks different in every single photo. Different in a bad way. But, she’s in the Manning family, so she’s pretty well off.

Erica: Wait, the Manning family, like Eli and Peyton are her brothers? For real?

 

Taylor Schilling

taylor schilling emmys 2014

Kate: This didn’t photograph as well as it looked on the pre-show; I thought she looked very elegant and Naomi Watts-like.

Erica: Not to be my own grandmother, but I think it needs a slip or something. And a bra!

Kate: I think it’s the photo; it really looked great on the pre-show.

 

Uzo Aduba

uzo aduba emmys 2014

Kate: Amazingly enough, Best Dressed Orange is the New Black Actress goes to Crazy Eyes!

Erica: Yeah, she is doing everything right with that look.

Kate: Seriously, she looks so elegant. I love that shade of red, and it’s a great neckline.

Erica: She accommodated the boobs! Very important.

 

VEEP

 

Anna Chlumsky

anna chlumsky emmys 2014

 

Erica: I like the shape of the top on her. It’s not bad.

Kate: This isn’t bad but it also isn’t great — why is everyone wearing this bright-@ss white?!

Erica: That is a good question. And her hair could use a little more oomph. She has that Connie Britton look of “What the hell am I doing here?” a lot of the time.

 

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

julia louis-dreyfus emmys 2014

 

Kate: I mean, how do you spell perfection? J-U-L-I-A.

Erica: You’re so cute, Kate.

Kate: I just always love her red carpet choices; they are always so elegant, perfectly tailored to her, fun colors, just obviously quality design. And that hair? Can I, like, have it?

Erica: Have you looked in the mirror? Don’t you already have awesome hair?

Kate: UGH SHE’S SO PERFECT!

 

OTHER

 

Amy Poehler

amy poehler emmys 2014

Kate: I feel like it’s so unlike Amy to wear so much sparkle, but I think it works well on her.

Erica: There is so much about this that is not very Amy. I thought she was Miranda Lambert for a minute.

Kate: I’m also a big fan of the hair and makeup. But wait, where’s Tina?

Erica: Not on TV anymore. “30 Rock” is over.

Kate: So? She should still attend these things.

 

Cat Deeley

cat deeley emmys 2014

Kate: Cat!

Erica: I literally gasped when I saw this.

Kate:  I think this is quite lovely. Not so much the hair and makeup, but the dress is very elegant and perfectly suited for her.

Erica: OhmygodsoprettyveryfavoritethingI’veseenonher.

 

Claire Danes

claire danes emmys 2014

Erica: Stand up straight!

Kate: Not good. Not good at all.

Erica: No.

Kate: The red is too red, the cutouts are off, the belt over the cutouts is awful. Bad girl, Angela!

Erica: Everything is awful. What is happening around her neck? What is happening with her hair? Is she okay? Is this a cry for help?

 

Debra Messing

debra messing emmys 2014

Kate: Luuurrrvveeee. Lurve.

Erica: All the redheads are in blue tonight (although this is more midnight than royal). I approve.

Kate: This is how you do couture cutouts, people.

Erica: This dress is not in my personal catalog of preferred styles, but it is an excellent example of the style it is, and it looks great on her.

 

Gwen Stefani

gwen stefani emmys 2014

Kate: I have such a vivid memory of listening to your No Doubt TAPES, like, all the time.

Erica: Excuse me, I had No Doubt on compact disc, lady.

Kate: Ok then the CD on that silly little white “boombox” you had. I don’t want to like this ensemble since it’s basically a silver sparkly t-shirt with matching skirt, but somehow, on her, I do.

Erica: Yeah? I don’t really. I don’t like the fit. I dig the make-up.

Kate: I recently saw a promo for her on the new season of The Voice, and I am just amazed at the gorgeousness of her skin. Seriously, wow.

Erica: She is blessed in that department.

 

Halle Berry

halle berry emmys 2014

Kate: I mean, seriously.

Erica: And, in other news, Halle Berry continues to be as beautiful and well-dressed as Halle Berry.

Kate: How does she even exist? How is she here on Earth?

Erica: She was sent by the Mean Girl goddess to make the rest of us look bad.

Kate: She’s just 10000% perfection 10000% of the time.

 

Heidi Klum

heidi klum emmys 2014

Kate: Well, that’s just a vision right there.

Erica: Very pretty. Maybe cool it with the tanner, though?

Kate: Her red carpet choices have been lacking lately, but this is classic Heidi. Meaning, very nice.

 

Julia Roberts

julia roberts emmys 2014

Erica: Great color. Great look. Unusual but still appropriate. Plus she always looks like she’s having a good time.

Kate: I obviously love this.

Erica: Yeah? Good. I’m sort of surprised you do, but I’m glad.

Kate: Honestly, on someone else I might not, but I love that Julia is still showing off those stems. I also love that this is a new take on the sparkly/metallic trend, and that she is showing skin while being tasteful. And what a great color on her.

 

Kate Walsh

kate walsh emmys 2014

Erica: Who is this person?

Kate: Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd on Grey’s Anatomy, DUH! This is a peplum gone very, very wrong, and I don’t like peplums to begin with.

Erica: Really? I think that, if it were possible to do a peplum right, this would be in that category. Laura Prepon’s is a peplum gone very, very wrong.

Kate: It’s a horrible color on her. It’s a horrible silhouette. The jeweled collar — or is that a necklace? — does not work whatsoever, and her normally gorgeous bouncy red hair is too slicked back. Worst dressed nominee.

Erica: It’s a necklace. I think. And, see above — Samira Wiley can wear that color. Kate Walsh, less so.

 

Katherine Heigl

katherine heigl emmys 2014

Kate: Ugh I HATE dresses with long sleeves and collars like that. Heigl WOULD wear this.

Erica: This is way too old for her. This better not be 2014 Katherine Heigl. This better be 2044 Katherine Heigl who travelled back in time to take Katherine Heigl’s place at this particular function so that 2014 Katherine Heigl could go, like, stop the world from ending or some sh!t. And we’ll never know, and the only thanks she’ll get is girls on the internet making fun of her dress.

Kate: The thing is, the rest of the dress is fabulous and would be fabulous on her if it had no sleeves or ridiculous collar.

 

Kerry Washington

kerry washington emmys 2014

 

Kate: Am I looking at the bottom half of her spanks? Or is that a weird piece of material in the middle of her too-high slit?

Erica: So, the lining of the dress is black, so I think that is in fact a piece of material that allows that dress to be less gynecological-exam-ready. Which doesn’t make it right.

Kate: I tend to dislike her red carpet choices while everyone else fawns all over them, and this is no exception. I am digging the orange, but the overall dress sucks. As does her makeup, way too dark. Hair is nice, though.

Erica: As I have said, I do not love orange and black, although this shade of orange looks nice on her, and the dress structure looks…Okay. But she makes some really weird red carpet choices. This is not one of her better ones.

 

Kristen Wiig

kristen wiig emmys 2014

Kate: People loved this, and I hate it. It looks like it doesn’t fit her well at all. And AGAIN with this bright white!?

Erica: Maybe people are loving it because she doesn’t normally go so sex-bomb? But it’s a cheap-looking dress.

Kate: The slit is a very awkward height, and I cannot with the black T-strap shoes with a white dress. Cannot.

Erica: You are so not wrong on that.

 

Lizzy Caplan

 

lizzie caplan emmys 2014

Kate: Um, wow?

Erica: Janis Ian! I always thought she was so beautiful.

Kate: Seriously, this is great. Very elegant, the hair and makeup perfectly match the dress and compliment her features. One might argue that it’s too much of a dress for someone not really nominated/not that big on TV right now, but then one would have to shut up because she looks so great.

Erica: I do not like black-and-white formal dresses. It’s just a thing I have. So I would like it a lot better if the train were black. That said, damn, she looks good.

 

Melissa McCarthy

melissa mccarthy emmys 2014

Kate: Well this is slightly updated from her usual red carpet look, no?

Erica: Nope. Nope, nope, nope.

Kate: I can’t say it’s updated in a good way, though. I am just so anti-poofyness for all occasions.

Erica: Just nope.

 

Mindy Kaling

mindy kaling emmys 2014

Erica: I don’t much like it. I don’t much dislike it either. But it’s not really my cup of tea.

Kate: I like this! I like her hair looking slightly more polished, and I think the dress flatters her. I don’t love the belt and strip of material down the left side — is it some kind of metallic leather?

Erica: I don’t know. Maybe. I’m not a fan.

 

Minnie Driver

minnie driver emmys 2014

Kate: Very pretty color and a gorgeous jeweled neckline, BUT: 1) She is too skinny now; 2) She needed some better undergarments. Not only does she look awkwardly bumpy in her midsection — not FAT bumpy, just bumpy — but I’m pretty sure I saw her strapless bra from the side. Big no-no!

Erica: I find it hard to believe she is wearing a bra. I can see two very prominent bumps right now.

Kate: Alas, she is quite gorgeous.

Erica: Yeah, I like her a lot. But damn, she looks skinny.

 

Robin Wright

robin wright emmys 2014

 

Kate: Oh, Princess Buttercup. Where is your sweet Wesley?

Erica: Not doing nearly as well career-wise as she is.

Kate: This is a no for me. I get what she was going for, and I get that she has the type of look that could pull it off, I just don’t like it.

Erica: The silhouette is right for her. But whatever is happening in the front cheapens the whole thing.

 

Zooey Deschanel

Zooey Deschanel emmys 2014

Kate: Love!

Erica: Yeah?

Kate: Excellent color. Excellent shape. Excellent hair. Best dressed nominee, along with Julia Louis-Dreyfus!

Erica: Maybe it’s the difference between telecast and photograph but to me, while the color is great and the overall shape is great — and the hair is super-fun — the tailoring looks really sh!tty, the length looks weird, and the makeup looks like an afterthought. Also — it’s on the boring side for her. And I’m blaming Tommy Hilfiger for that.

Kate: I like that it’s different from her usual quirky style. And yes, it looked very good during the show (when she was on stage with Allison Williams it looked like they had switched dresses), maybe not so much in the pictures.

Erica: Anyway, my favorite for the night is Cat Deeley. Hers is the only dress that made me gasp. Also a shout-out to Julia Roberts, because there’s always a balance to strike between “new and fresh” and “event-appropriate” and she hit that sweet spot with a big smile on her face.

Kate: My favorite is obv-i-ous-ly JLD. What about worst dressed?

Erica: Claire Danes?

Kate: She’s up there, but I’d go with Laura Prepon. (It’s a shame OITNB didn’t win anything, though).

Erica: Well, we can give them “Worst-Dressed Actress on a TV Comedy”, then.