Golden Globes 2018

Erica: First things first: Yesterday was Kate’s Big Birthday. She is an Old now. Welcome to the club; we hope you enjoy your new 9 p.m. bedtime.

Kate: By “Big” and “Old” she means 30. I just don’t really FEEL 30, and I WISH I could fall asleep at 9 p.m. I wish.

Erica: And on to the…Well, I don’t really know what to do with the Golden Globes outfits this year. They’re all wearing black. Which, like, solidarity, sister, yay! But also, boring. But also, we are and always have been part of the problem, judging these women on how well they perform a very specific brand of femininity. On the other hand, it’s not like they’re wearing sackcloths now. They’re wearing the same superglam gowns and diamonds mined by poor children that they’ve always worn. Just, you know, black dresses.

Kate: I’m not going to comment on the movement itself, I am just super-bored by all the black dresses, and that’s coming from someone who loves wearing black, particularly black dresses.

Erica: But, many of them brought the fire tonight. Obviously the queen was Oprah, our next president. But we also had Debra Messing holding E!’s feet to the fire, and Natalie Portman pointing out the very masculine Best Director roster and Amy Poehler pwning Seth Meyers during his monologue. (Pwning, right? Am I internetting right?) So, umm…

Kate: I just had to Google “pwning”, so maybe I DO feel 30, and I also had to rewatch those 3 bits because I didn’t notice them during the telecast. Good for those ladies. Also, I am embarrassed that I didn’t know ahead of time about the everyone-wearing-black thing. Also also, I don’t understand why this movement meant no one could talk about the designers they were wearing IN ADDITION to the “Me Too” and Time’s Up” stuff. Did dozens and dozens of designers and stylists and seamstresses and other workers not spend a sh!tload of time on these black ensembles?! DO THEY NOT DESERVE CREDIT?!

Erica: Oh, and by the by, I know I have never seen any of the movies, etc., for any awards show, but this year, I’ve never even heard of most of these movies. But that’s cool.

Kate: Samesies.

Erica: Alright, well, dresses.

 

Alexis Bledel

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Kate: Even though everyone is doing these pants things, this feels dated to me. Like, didn’t Emma Stone kind of already wear this?

Erica: Oh, that is very similar. Although I like Alexis Bledel’s better. Well, maybe. I like the leafy thing she has better than the sparkles Emma Stone has, but also, I don’t love Alexis Bledel’s toreador belt. Or maybe I do. I am confused because I hate jumpsuits and I hate black-and-white formal wear but I like leafy things and not-boring things. But that belt looks like she’s going to trip on it.

Kate: But is it TOO much white for the everyone-wear-black thing? WHERE IS THE LINE, HOLLYWOOD?

Erica: I don’t know. Maybe she gets a pass because she was in A Handmaid’s Tale, that feminist-y blockbuster based on the feminist urtext by Margaret Atwood, and her character was significantly developed from the book in that she became a lesbian and was severely punished for it? I don’t know if I can give the lipstick a pass, though.

 

Alicia Vikander

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Erica: I saw she’s going to be Lara Croft in the reboot of the Lara Croft: Tomb Raider franchise, which is interesting to me because I’m old enough to remember that when Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, the video game, came out, everyone made a lot of noise about Lara Croft’s unrealistic body proportions, and then they cast Angelina Jolie in the movie and everyone was like, “Oh, okay, unrealistic body proportions except for Angelina Jolie.” Alicia Vikander doesn’t exactly have those proportions, but I’ve also heard rumors that millennials don’t like big boobs, or something.

Kate: I don’t know about all that, but when they said they were worried that the everyone-wearing-black thing would look too funeral (I looked it up), this is what they were talking about. I get how this could work on a runway, but on a lovely young girl on the red carpet of a major awards show? Notsomuch.

Erica: I guess I get how this could potentially work on a runway. Because on a runway you wouldn’t have done — or not done — your hair as if you were going to a funeral.

 

Alison Brie

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Erica: Alison Brie is nominated for her role in Netflix’s GLOW, which is about female wrestlers in the ‘80s. I’ve heard good things. Also feminist-y things. And she seems like a good egg. If you haven’t seen Sleeping with Other People, you should.

Kate: I just remember her as stupid Pete Campbell’s wife on Mad Men. She has gotten a bit too skinny for my taste.

Erica: Oh, I’ve been binging Community as my cooking/laundry/etc. show. I like her lots. Now, the outfit…I mean, she looks lovely but I hate pants/skirts. But maybe I hate pants/skirts because I’m married to a too-narrow definition of femininity.

Kate: It’s a huge Thing on the red carpet these days, and I don’t usually like it but I actually don’t mind this one, and the shoes look absolutely fab. So does the necklace. I do not like her hair at all. I have severe Bangs Issues from my childhood.

 

Allison Janney

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Kate: I actually really love this.

Erica: Yeah? I’m not a fan.

Kate: I love how she broke up the black without having too much not-black, and her hair looks simple yet lovely, as does her makeup.

Erica: I guess the dress is just not my thing. Yes, hair and makeup look good. And Allison Janney, you are and always will be my thing. It’s not just about The West Wing for me. I’ve loved you since 10 Things I Hate About You.

Kate: Yup, I’m doing it: BEST DRESSED NOMINEE! *Cue Erica’s shocked face*

Erica: I am, indeed, making a shocked face.

 

Amy Poehler

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Erica: I don’t even need to get into her feminist cred, right? She’s Amy Poehler. She Amy Poehlers about town, Amy Poehlering. She “called out” Seth Meyers for mansplaining their bit (which was of course part of the bit; I’m not trying to shade Seth Meyers here). She created Leslie Knope. And this. She is the very model of a modern female superstar. She rocks.

Kate: I don’t know if it was ALL part of the bit, though? It felt very awkward to me. Also, I can’t find a picture of her without this other lady in it, and her dress makes Amy’s dress look navy blue, not black. No?

Erica: She brought with her Saru Jayaraman, founder of Restaurant Opportunities Centers United, which is promoting fair wages for restaurant employees. Which may seem at first only tangentially related to Time’s Up, the specific organization with which actresses are aligning themselves by wearing all black tonight, but if we want to talk about an industry where sexual harassment and assault are RAMPANT, and the women being mistreated have very little recourse because they wouldn’t be waitresses if they didn’t need the money, hello, then let’s talk restaurants. So you go, Saru Jayaraman.

Kate: She still makes Amy’s dress look navy blue. It is pretty, though.

Erica: Okay, clothes. She looks fine. Could have used more makeup, I guess. But also she’s Amy Poehler and I’m not.

 

Angelina Jolie

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Kate: One wonders why she has chosen to show up to one of these things for the first time in years, but my first reaction to seeing her face on my screen was “Well damn, she still looks good.” Puffy 50s bathrobe sleeves aside.

Erica: Yeah, her face is gorgeous and her dress says “I’m ready for the Norma Desmond phase of my career now.” I don’t know what that’s about.

Kate: Mostly I just love the makeup.

 

Caitriona Balfe

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Erica: So, I have not seen Outlander, of which she is the star, because I have not read Outlander, because it is very long and I understand there are upsetting things in it and I’m trying to keep my life 100% happy puppies and falling in love, preferably in the Cotswolds. But I am inclined to like her because she is one of the 300 signers of Time’s Up and I support the idea of Outlander even if I have not participated in it. Oh, and, also, apparently news that she is engaged was broken by her wearing her new sparkly bauble on the carpet tonight. But however. This dress looks to me like she still wanted to look “interesting” even if she did have to wear black and it is awful.

Kate: I had never heard of this person or that show before writing this post, and I do not like her dress one bit. The bodice, length, upper-arm ruffle bracelet things and jeweled straps all make me want to scream.

 

Catherine Zeta-Jones

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Kate: We had not seen her in such a long while but damn, she still looks great.

Erica: She does, she does. I miss her, I think. I would see a thing she was in. You know. If you’re listening, Hollywood.

Kate: She looks better in this lingerie-turned-dress than most ladies half her age would, and I love her subtle pop of (another dark) color with the green earrings. Really, really fab.

 

Christina Hendricks

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Kate: This is very similar to her Mad Men co-star Alison’s dress, no?

Erica: Very. Different necklines but otherwise quite the same.

Kate: She looks fantastic, as usual, but I think the pants are a bit too cropped and not tapered enough for the shoe/overall look.

Erica: I’m still not a fan of this concept.

 

Claire Foy

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Kate: Dammit, I keep thinking they make her look terrible on The Crown and that she is actually fabulous in real life, but this doesn’t prove that theory. The black pantsuit thing has been so done and these pants are way too baggy. Come to think of it, so is the jacket. And her hair is too slicked back.

Erica: The slicked hair would look fine if the jacket fit properly. But what is that on her wrist? It’s a badge of some kind but I can’t make it out. I assume it’s in support of something. Is it just a Time’s Up badge? Or is there a British equivalent of Time’s Up? Or is it something else entirely?

Kate: One wonders.

 

Dakota Johnson

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Kate: I hate this oh so much. That BELT? Where did she get it, Charlotte Russe?

Erica: I keep forgetting who she is. I mean, I know who she is when I see her face, I just forget that that’s her name.

Kate: And the back is so beauty pageant gone wrong. And does she always have to wear her hair like that? Hate hate hate. Worst Dressed nominee!

Erica: Her commitment to the low pony is astounding. Alas, I cannot give much feminist cred to the person who plays Anabella Swansteele. I mean, I know it’s not really her fault. An actress has got to act, and all. But still.

 

Debra Messing

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Kate: This is also very terrible. The cat eye is too catty, the hair is too red (it has a nice wave to it, though) and the dress-pants thing is terrible. Very unflattering around the hip area. Another Worst Dressed nominee.

Erica: Well, I hate the outfit and the eye makeup is a bit much but I love the hair (don’t mind the too-redness) and I love the “Hey, E!, how come you don’t pay your female cast as much as your male cast?” red carpet moment.

 

Elisabeth Moss

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Kate: This is very pilgrim-y, in a bad way, and you know how I feel about that length on the red carpet! Elisabeth! Hey, did you know that she’s a scientologist? I didn’t until last night.

Erica: I think it’s one of those things I hear and forget about her regularly. Man, that’s weird. How’s she making TV about weird-@ss cults and then being in a weird-@ss cult and not noticing? And how do you show up to the Globes in an outfit Serena Joy might wear to something way less formal than the Globes if, in addition to wanting to model some retrograde, prim, uber-Christy form of Christianity, she also wanted to not be fabulous anymore?

 

Emilia Clarke

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Kate: So, it’s kind of true what they say: She looks best as Daenerys. She looks weird when she is not Daenerys. She is also making a weird face here. And she recently chopped off all her hair, so it’s in that weird-growing-back phase. The dress and necklace are nice, though; I actually like the very structured strapless V + bow. You probably don’t, though?

Erica: Oh, no, I don’t mind it. The only thing I don’t like about her look here is the hair.

 

Emma Stone

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Kate: Another one I can’t find a photo of alone on the red carpet, what’s going on people?

Erica: I think it’s your sources; Emma was there. With Billie Jean King, who I believe she plays in that movie she’s in with Steve Carell? And who also does activism stuff.

Kate: Anyway, this is boring and ugly, and when they zoomed in on her face several times during the show I thought her makeup looked absolutely dreadful — eyeshadow too green, lipstick too purple.

Erica: Oh, in pictures in the sunlight I think it looks nice. The makeup, I mean. I don’t know what’s going on with the bottom of her dress.

Kate: So for me, that begs the age-old question: Should celebrities dress for these things for the PHOTOS, for the LIVE TELECAST, for the IN-PERSON-ness, or what? Clearly they all require different levels of hair, makeup and dress.

 

Emma Watson

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Kate: And…yet…another…person…WITHOUT A SOLO PHOTO ON THE RED CARPET! Is this part of the “movement”?!

Erica: Yeah. She showed up with Marai Larasi, executive director of Imkaan, a UK-based organization dedicated to ending violence against black, minority, and/or refugee women and girls. She also co-chairs the End Violence Against Women Coalition. Apparently Michelle Williams had the idea of actresses bringing activists to highlight the activists’ work, and look, it’s working. Good job, actresses, and good job, activists.

Kate: So I think THAT does more than wearing black because then we Google who their guests are and consequently know more about their organizations. I just want some solo shots, too. Anyway, this is not boring but it is ugly, and I hate hate hate her hair. Bangs should never be that short. And does she always wear that shade of lipstick, or what?

Erica: It is an ugly ensemble, and the bangs are weird. And yet, she is still lovely.

 

Gal Gadot

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Kate: She is truly on another level of beauty, but I feel like I only ever see her with her hair like this when it is more than gorgeous enough to be down and loose and wavy, and the mini-jacket over the tight dress makes me feel like she’s going to an expensive restaurant for a lunch meeting rather than the Globes.

Erica: I don’t mind the hair. I don’t much like the outfit. But she is so damn beautiful.

Kate: But…Has red lipstick ever looked better on anyone? Nope.

Erica: Has humanity ever looked better on anyone? Nope.

Kate: Nope.

 

Geena Davis

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Kate: What was going on with her and Susan Sarandon when they were presenting? Did they beef after Thelma & Louise?

Erica: Yeah, that was weird. There’s a concept in improv that Tina Fey has made well known called “Yes, and,” that’s basically about, your performing partner is your partner and you should build the performance together instead of being in opposition. Susan Sarandon seemed like she was kind of in opposition to Geena Davis. I don’t know if it was the lines as written or Susan Sarandon’s delivery. Or maybe I’m just mad at Susan Sarandon still. Maybe Geena is, too.

Kate: I actually like Geena’s dress a lot better than most of the others tonight, but I feel like that lacey neckline has been done a LOT and I don’t like the lace + fringe + sparkle — pick ONE. Or maybe two. Not all three!

Erica: I feel like she, specifically, has done this before. I would say go lace and sparkle, Geena. The fringe is not good.

 

Greta Gerwig

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Kate: A pretty yet safe, therefore boring, choice; it’s not doing all that much for me in either direction (positive or negative). The chunky gold necklace breaks up the black nicely, though; I just don’t like her hair.

Erica: I only put her in because I really want to see Lady Bird.

Kate: Samesies.

 

Halle Berry

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Kate: She is obviously one of the most gorgeous people to have ever lived, but this is so inappropriately short for the Golden Globes I just cannot even.

Erica: It’s a very strangely structured dress for her body type, too, because she’s got a sort of athletic build which makes the shape of it look like something you’d wear if you were a warrior in a Xena: Warrior Princess-y movie, but in black lace.

Kate: Her hair is also — don’t kill me for saying this — too young for her. It would look better in a slick medium-height pony.

Erica: I won’t because by “too young” you mean that hairstyle is best suited to people who have yet to be given legal permission to drink. She’s still so beautiful, though.

 

Issa Rae

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Kate: That leg slit is very Angelina Jolie, so I am automatically skeptical of it. I think I would like this without the sleeve decoration and cape, and necklace, but I also think the shoes are too delicate for the dress/person.

Erica: OMG you’re right I forgot about that dress. Her smile might be the best smile in show biz, though.

 

Jennifer Aniston

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Kate: There are some people who probably didn’t love the all-black thing on a fashion level and some who were like “YESSSSSSSSSSSS!” and I think Jennifer Aniston was part of the latter group. She probably would have worn this anyway.

Erica: Totes. They had the meeting and she was like, “Okay, so, normal day for me? Great.”

Kate: Exactly! Hair is a weeeee bit too messy, otherwise gorgeous.

Erica: Hair also looks a little too light. Was there a weird thing with her and Carol Burnett at the podium? I’m seeing headlines but no video.

Kate: It was just awkward. Everything everyone said all night was awkward.

 

Jessica Biel

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Kate: Her arms are everything I want in my life.

Erica: They are impressive.

Kate: I think I would like this more without that swoopy sash across the front, but then would it be too boring? I very, very much do not like her hair.

Erica: It would be somewhat more boring but still better, I think.

 

Jessica Chastain

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Kate: Um, wow. Wow wow wow. She is sort of hit or miss at these things but I think she chose perfectly — not too much black, sparkle on fleek, hair and makeup perfection. Best Dressed nominee!

Erica: So…Okay. It’s fine. Hair is perfect. I am not super in love with the dress. I feel like the shape of the top is very Speedo-in-sequins. But. I mean. It’s fine.

Kate: What!? Crazy talk.

 

Kate Hudson

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Kate: This is…interesting…but…I don’t think I like it? I definitely don’t like the necklace, it’s not necessary. Let the neckline speak for itself. And I don’t like her new very short hair and I’m not sure why she did that to herself. There’s also a headband in there somewhere; completely unnecessary.

Erica: This is a big no from me. I get that we’re making a stand against sexaul discrimination, but that dress looks like it didn’t all make it out of Harvey Weinstein’s hotel room. I’m sorry. That joke is wildly inappropriate. And yet I can’t stop myself from making it. I don’t mind the hair, though.

 

Kelly Clarkson

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Kate: Yikes.

Erica: That sleeve is pretty weird.

Kate: This is just too much dress, and the gold details are poorly done, like it was put together during a 1-hour mini-competition on Project Runway.

Erica: Actually, the construction looks pretty good, at least in the picture I’m looking at. The concept is just weird.

 

Kerry Washington

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Kate: I usually don’t like her red carpet looks at all, but I really loved this when I saw it on the show. It moved beautifully and had the perfect fit, and her hair was perfectly tousled. In this photo, I hate the shoes with it. A lot.

Erica: First, she is looking way skinny. Second, the dress is much nicer and more normal-human than she usually wears. Third, I hate the shoes so much. But you know what? I hate them as much as I normally hate her red carpet fashion, and they are just a teeny-tiny portion of it.

 

Laura Dern

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Kate: This is interesting, to say the least, and I think I like it. I definitely like the loose wavy hair, but I’m not sure it goes with this dress, ya know?

Erica: The dress is not my thing but it’s a very well-done version of the thing it is, although it does kind of illustrate that wearing all-black is not, like, prohibitive of looking like a regular red carpet walker. I think the hair is fine because I think every person has to decide: are they Wearing a Dress or Committing to a Look? You can do either one, but you have to do one or the other. The loose waves with this dress means she’s Wearing a Dress, not Committing to a Look.

 

Maggie Gyllenhaal

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Kate: You can’t even really tell that this has sparkles, asymmetrical fringe AND pants unless you look really closely. I hate it. So many people did this look for the everyone-wear-black party, and I really don’t like it.

Erica: I kind of think everyone should have gone with a black men’s suit so that it would look like a thing. Now these weird-length jumpsuits are almost their own thing and they are not a good thing.

 

Margot Robbie

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Kate: So I think this is TOO much not-black, and I don’t even like the not-black parts anyway. From the waist up, it’s lovely; everything else is poo.

Erica: Oh, I’m not into the shoulder-pad look.

 

Mariah Carey

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Kate: Common was so terrified of her during their award presentation, which is so funny; he obviously watched Mariah’s World and knew not to mess. This is actually a pretty safe choice for her; I don’t love the strap across the chest, but without it it’d be a very boring strapless black mermaid-style dress, so fine.

Erica: Yeah, I think it looks nice and the major problem with strap is that it’s too high above her boobs and it looks a little awkward. It should be thicker and/or lower. But overall it looks nice.

 

Meryl Streep

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Kate: I am pretty sure she wears this to literally every single award show.

Erica: Yeah, that’s just her dress. She has it in the closet for Wearing to Award Shows. Then she puts it back. Now, she’s with Ai-Jen Poo, director of the National Domestic Workers Alliance and she’s also a MacArthur Genius. Poo led the passage of the Domestic Workers Bill of Rights in New York State, so that’s pretty cool.

Kate: But…Her last name is Poo. (See? Not feeling 30.)

 

Michelle Williams

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Kate: I feel like this SHOULD have looked good, but it didn’t. Something is off and I just can’t put my finger on it.

Erica: I am not sure what should have looked good. I don’t like it. Also she looks crazy pale. I mean, I’m a pale woman myself, and I’m not saying she should fry herself or anything but, man. Pale.

Kate: I do think that neckline with that hair required some more interesting jewelry, though.

Erica: She’s with Tarana Burke, the woman who is often uncredited with having started #MeToo, and she is currently the director of Girls for Gender Equity, a NYC organization that aims to help communities “remove barriers and create opportunities for girls and women to live self-determined lives.” So. Another awesome woman getting well-deserved publicity for her important work.

Kate: Woo!

 

Natalie Portman

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Kate: Her face is one of the most lovely, but this is just another velvet pilgrim dress. Do not like.

Erica: Yeah, I do like that she called out the phallocentric director nominees and also that she is beautiful and smart, but this dress is very “I’m going to a funeral at the Ren Faire.”  

 

Nicole Kidman

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Kate: I like this much better in this photo than I did during the show, except for the back. The only lace needed is at the very top of the sleeves, more than that and it’s just too much.

Erica: Oh, I like the back. I feel like she’d been getting so weird lately and this is finally something I could have pictured the old Nicole in.

Kate: Hair and makeup great, though, as usual.

 

Octavia Spencer

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Kate: This is very, very pretty and looks lovely on her, especially with the hair and makeup, but, again, this length! Not appropriate! Even if we are all wearing black and there are only so many black evening gowns in the world!

Erica: See, I usually hate this length, but I think she looks good in it. Is it because she is larger? Does this length look good on larger ladies? Should I be wearing this length? I shudder. Then I laugh because I am a stay-at-home mom with a 16-month-old kid. I wear yoga pants.

Kate: I’m not saying she doesn’t look good in it, I’m saying it doesn’t look good at this event. It’s not appropriate!

 

Oprah

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Kate: Honestly? Probably one of the best dresses of the night. I also love the voluminous hair and sparkly glasses — why do some people look so good in glasses, even when dressed up at award shows?

Erica: Yeah, she looks absolutely amazing. And she knows it, too. That dress is perfection, her hair is fantastic, and her skin is flawless. She’s gotta have a hideously aging portrait of herself in her attic. Or maybe not. Maybe she’s truly living her best life and it’s just showing in her complexion.

 

Penelope Cruz

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Kate: Um, gorgeous. This is how you do everyone-is-wearing-black but still stand out. Love it love it love it, Best Dressed nominee! I don’t even NEED to comment on the hair and makeup. Because DUH.

Erica: I feel like I’ve seen this dress before but also it looks amazing.

Kate: …Yes, because everyone is wearing some version of it.

 

Reese Witherspoon

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Kate: Another person who I feel like this is what they would have worn anyway, everyone-wear-black or not. It’s very pretty and looks well made and suits her body well, but I did not like her hair or makeup. A simple dress like that deserves more interesting hair, and honestly during the telecast it looked like she wasn’t wearing enough makeup. I don’t feel good saying that, but it’s the truth.

Erica: Well, but I think she’s trying to be more in the spirit of the thing? Yes, dress is red carpet appropriate, but I’m not making a big deal of performing my femininity here; I’m just showing up to a formal work function? Plus am I crazy or is she one of the major drivers of Time’s Up? Anyway, I think she looks fine.

Kate: She is. Being passionate about a movement does not mean you shouldn’t look as nice as possible.

 

Roseanne Barr

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Kate: Um, wow? She looks really good? I’m kind of, like, blown away by how good she looks.

Erica: She really does.

Kate: It’s a perfect dress for her, and I really like her hair coloring and makeup. I also had no idea they were reviving Roseanne — are there no new ideas anymore? It’s just the Century of Revivals of TV Shows and Movies?

Erica: Yes. But also. I have to link to my friend Jenny Trout’s column about her. Because I thought I was in favor of Roseanne but maybe I’m not.

 

Salma Hayek

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Kate: Oh god, this looked so very uncomfortable that when I saw her on stage it made me start to itch. So tight! So neoprene! Like a wetsuit with a skirt!

Erica: I have claustrophobia issues. This dress makes me feel like I can’t breathe.

Kate: I also hate the hair. It looks like she did nothing to it after waking up with it in a messy bun on top of her head all night. Why is this somewhat-wet-hair look coming back?

Erica: See, in some pictures it looks good and in others it looks a little bedraggled.

Kate: I do like the necklace, though. A lot.

 

Saoirse Ronan

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Kate: This is not my style at all but I think it really works on her, personality and physique-wise. The jewelry is fantastic, too.

Erica: Yeah, it’s not my thing but it’s a perfect example of the thing it is.

Kate: Also, how Jessica Chastain pronounced her name when she won cannot be right: Sher-sha?! SHER-SHA?!

Erica: Yeah, that’s it. Saoirse Ronan did a whole bit about it on SNL.

Kate: Oh, whoops. Sorry, Jessica.

 

Sarah Jessica Parker

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Kate: I normally love her, so it hurts to do this, but…Completely inappropriate length, too much going on in the dress and her hair color looks cheap. Good shoes, though; probably from her line.

Erica: I feel like we love her but also bag on her red carpet looks a lot. And this is the opposite of Saoirse or Laura Dern, in that it is my thing, or would be, if it were done better. If the top were a little higher so it didn’t actively make her boobs droop. If the netting at the sleeves didn’t look so cheap. If the skirt were pressed. If her hair and makeup were better and she threw on a necklace. And so on.

Kate: I feel like we love her because we see her as Carrie Bradshaw (not that Carrie was a loveable person, she actually kind of sucked), so our love for SatC clouds our judgment of SJP the person.

 

Sarah Paulson

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Kate: In terms of making the everyone-wear-black thing more interesting and fun for me to look at, this is one of my favorites. I do not like her hair at all, though; too blunt.

Erica: Yeah, it’s not bad. It would be nice if something had happened to her hair. It very much looks like she ran some distracted fingers through it while it was still half wet on the way out the door.

Kate: That is what I meant by the somewhat-wet-hair trend coming back. Do not like.

 

Shailene Woodley

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Kate: What we have here is a sparkly plaid turtleneck with a poofy skirt AND A BELT. Worst Dressed, no doubt about it.

Erica: I don’t even understand. Maybe, like, there were two dress bags, and one was for the 87-year-old grandma you were supposed to take, and one was for the talented young star you are, and then the grandma couldn’t come so you grabbed a dress bag and boarded a plane and only when you arrived at home, mere minutes before you had to hit the carpet, did you discover you had the wrong dress? Because then I’d understand.

 

Susan Sarandon

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Kate: I actually liked that her hair was in a pony during the show, but it doesn’t look so good from the front, and this is another ill-fitting pantsuit. Ladies, just because we are all wearing some form of black does not mean we all have to look bad! Black usually looks nice! Come on!

Erica: Pantsuits can even look great! But not when you borrow the one your somewhat portly nephew wore for his bar mitzvah. But honestly, Susan, I can’t even look at you anymore. Sorrynotsorry. I’ll look at your guest instead, one Rosa Clemente, who doesn’t seem to have a specific organization right now — she is described on her website as “an Afro-Latinx political commentator, community organizer, independent journalist, and 2008 Green Party Vice-Presidential candidate” — but came as Susan Sarandon’s guest to raise awareness about how truly, truly terrible things are in Puerto Rico, a problem she’s documenting through her PR on the Map program. (And listen, I don’t mean to be a jerk about this, but if you want to help Puerto Rico with something other than getting Rosa Clemente’s cameras on the ground to document their misery, donate to the AFT’s Operation Agua. They need water.) They also talked up Time’s Up’s legal defense fund for women who can’t afford to prosecute their harassers.

 

Viola Davis

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Kate: One of the more boring black dress choices, and she tried to spice it up with the necklace — which is too sparkly and has too many layers — and hair. I almost think it would have been better with the hair and dress as is, and no necklace? Or a more delicate one? IDK anymore.

Erica: Oh, I disagree. I like the hair; I like the necklace. I’m fine with all of it.

Kate: So, with Worst Dressed obviously being Shailene Woodley (despite a ton more than usual to choose from), who does Best Dressed go to?

Erica: Oprah. I think hands down.

Kate: I’m good with that. We will see YOU at the SAGs, people! (I wish we would actually see people AT the SAGs, but alas, we’ll be here, on our couches, and in WordPress.)

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