8 Shocking Things Only Jewish Brunettes from New Jersey who were ’90s Teens Understand – THAT WILL CHANGE HOW YOU SEE THE WORLD!

1. I have unique and complex thoughts about this subject.

They can be summed up thusly:

 

 

2. Thing you never noticed in a thing you loved in the ’90s:

Did you know Rickie Vasquez in MSCL was GAY?! OMFG, you guys, I didn’t notice that (even though it was, actually, like, a multi-episode spanning plot point)!

3. We hated Basic Bitches before everyone else did!

But I still love my Starbucks PSL! LOL 😉

4. Bagels, pizza, diners, hummus

5. Can you believe they revived My Little Pony?!

I’m sooooooooo old, you guys.

6. Question that Jewish Brunettes from New Jersey who were ’90s Teens are sick of hearing:

How are you?

Like, how am I? How am I? I can’t even.

 

7.  Disney princesses!

Am I right?!

 

8. Dawson was the original Nice Guy:

But Pacey is still a hottie. Pacey crush 4eva!

So, the Internet – I’m doing it right!

 

Oscars 2014

Erica: First, Kate and I would like to share this with you:

 

Kate: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Oscars! Fashion! Oscars! Weeeeeeeeeeee!

Erica: You’re welcome. Now on to this year’s glamorous ladies!

Amy Adams

 

Kate: Does she, like, actively seek out dresses that make her boobs look oddly shaped?

Erica: Really? I thought we were going to appreciate that it wasn’t another knock-off of her American Hustle wardrobe.

Kate: I think the dress is actually fine, except the boob thing and half-peplum and the fact that she wore blue to the SAGs; it’s the hair that’s seriously throwing me off. I wore my hair like that to a bat mitzvah when I was 12, and it looked as ridiculous on me then as it does on her now. Meh!!

Erica: She’s so lovely, though. And I love that color on her, no matter how often she’s worn it.

Angelina Jolie

 

Erica: Meh.

Kate: Um, this is ok. Who’s next?

Anna Kendrick

 

Kate: Va va VOOM!

Erica: Yeah?

Kate: I don’t know that the dress needed that middle thing with the red things, or the complicated straps in the back, but I really like the top part. Hair and makeup = FAB.

Erica: I dunno, I wasn’t thrilled with any of this. I am generally thrilled with Anna Kendrick as an actress and singer but this look did nothing for me. Except maybe the shoes.

 

Anne Hathaway

 

Kate: I don’t love that neck, and I’m back and forth about the studded top, but I think overall she looks stunning because she is a stunning individual.

 

Erica: Bra.

 

Cate Blanchett

 

Kate: So I feel like I said this about her Globes dress, but I wish it had less going on on top. Other than that it is very fabulous and very Cate.

Erica: I think the whole thing is just luscious perfection as is the lady herself.

Kate: But do we think she needed such extravagant earrings given everything going on on the dress itself? And do we also think her hair should have been worn up so that all focus was on the dress?

Erica: I think you’re right about the earrings but wrong about the hair.

 

Charlize Theron

 

Erica: On the telecast I liked this a lot. Now I’m seeing the bottom and I don’t love it quite as much.

Kate: Loooooooooooovvvveeeee.

Erica: I mean, she still looks fabulous.

Kate: I think black looks quite exceptional on blonds, I really do. I could do without that necklace (which looks like it matches Cate’s earrings, no?), but everything else is wonderful. Best dressed nominee.

Erica: I thought the necklace struck the right note.

 

Emma Watson

 

Kate: She looks a bit of a hot mess, I think.

Erica: I really did not dig her hair at all. The dress is . . . I don’t know. I don’t like it but I can’t work up enough passion about it to hate it.

Kate: The bottom half is nice, but the top is too casual — like something I’d wear to work. And she has not washed her hair recently, that much is certain.

 

Idina Menzel

 

Kate: Oh, boo.

Erica: Yeah.

Kate: I expected more from her. This is too standard. And the necklace is way too bling for such a muted dark green.

Erica: I mean the dress is kind of nice, if boring, but the color is just sucking the life out of the room.

Kate: And I prefer her hair wavy.  She looked way better during her performance, albeit very nervous:

Erica: Totes. Also, I felt like something was very weird with the sound mixing when she sang “Let It Go” and made her sound like less than the national treasure she actually is.

 

Jennifer Garner

 

Kate: Love the grey. Don’t love the tiered fringe. Love the hair.

Erica: Really don’t love the fringe and those shoes I think don’t work.

Kate: I do like that this is a little looser/more daring than her usual red carpet looks, though.

Erica: She is also just so cute. She has that face so I guess whatever she wears is kind of fine.

 

Jennifer Lawrence

 

Kate: I am disappointed in this for three reasons. Can you guess them?

Erica: 1) PEPLUM!!! 2) Peplum! 3) Peplum!!

Kate: 1) Peplum — enough said. 2) Red — she wore red to her first Oscars. 3) The necklace — she did the long necklace draping down her back last year! Come on, Jen!

Erica: Oh, lord. I love the necklace draping down the back! If they like a color/style/whatever, why can’t they wear it more than once?

Kate: BUT, her makeup looks ex-quis-ite.

 

Jessica Biel

 

Kate: Boring. Where’s Justin? Why is she there?

Erica: This is my thing with Jessica Biel. Whenever I’m actually looking at her face, I think she’s quite lovely. But the minute I’m not looking at her anymore, I can barely remember what she looks like.

Kate: I’m not a fan of these short, almost choker-length necklaces with strapless gowns. Not flattering, girls!

Erica: I just think it’s overall boring. Her hair and makeup look lovely, though.

 

Julia Roberts

 

Erica: Julia Roberts is reaching that stage of stardom where, whatever. She’s Julia Roberts. She can wear whatever she wants.

Kate: LOOOOOVVVVEEEE!!!

Erica: Even with the peplum?

Kate: This may be the only peplum in the world I actually sort of like, and I truly love the black lace on my girl Julia. Best dressed nominee.

Erica: I still don’t like the peplum but I really love the top and I like her hair and make-up and also her overall aura of “I’m Julia Roberts. I can enjoy this without particularly giving a shit anymore.”

Kate Hudson

 

Kate: Oh my.

 

Erica: Yeah?

Kate: I absolutely adore this. If I could make one change it would be to eliminate the droopy half-cape thing, but other than that she is perfection. Another best dressed nominee!

Erica: Really? I only really like the cape thing.

 

Kerry Washington

 

Erica: Better than her other pregnancy efforts.

 

Kate:  I would very much like for Olivia Wilde (see below) to give Kerry a call and explain how one should dress when one has a medium-to-large pregnancy bump.

Erica: I think this is okay.

Kate: It’s a very nice color, but the shape is potato sack-y, and the bottom is wrinkled. Did we learn nothing from Helen Hunt’s H&M dress last year? And don’t even get me started on that dark lipstick.

Erica: Yeah, the lipstick is a misstep. I’m not 100% against the concept of dark lipstick like you are (although I can’t think of a specific instance where I liked it) but it doesn’t really look good on her or with this dress. And you are right about the wrinkliness. Maybe it happened in the car on the way over?

Kristin Bell

 

Erica: Yawn. Well, the bottom has some cool stuff going on, but mostly yawn.

 

Kate: I really don’t love this. Poopy color (not literally), unimpressive necklace, blah hair. But I cannot WAIT for the Veronica Mars movie!

Erica: ME NEITHER! I’ve been rewatching on Amazon Prime to get myself back in Veronica Mars mode and oh boy I forgot how much I LOVED that show!

 

Kristin Chenoweth

 

Kate: I love the short hair!

Erica: She is such a tiny little pocket-sized person.

Kate: I also love the structured top of the dress — only people that tiny can pull it off — but overall it looks a bit too much like an actual Oscar. Too many people have been trying to do that lately.

Erica: I think she might have actively been trying to look like an Oscar.

 

Lupita Nyong’O

Kate: Alas, her Globes and SAGs red carpet success was too good to be true.

Erica: For real, Kate? For real?

Kate: First of all, the headband. I won’t even elaborate, because you and everyone else know exactly how I feel about that. Second of all, the color. BORING! Of all people there this year, she could have pulled off some ridiculously bold and bright colors; baby blue was a weak, weak choice.

Erica: I thought she looked absolutely, stunningly beautiful. So she went with a softer color. It still looks fantastic on her. I don’t love the headband, true. But I loved the earrings. And she gave such a beautiful speech, too. I almost cried.

Kate: I will give her this — the silhouette and material are extremely lovely, and I am a fan of the subtle sparkle.

Meryl Streep

 

Erica: So, first of all, when I first saw this picture, I was convinced she was holding her shoes in her right hand. Which would have been hilarious.

Kate: I do not love this dress, or her hair and makeup. I don’t think I care that I don’t like it, though, if that makes sense?

Erica: It makes total sense. She’s Meryl Streep. She’s the absolute queen of I-Don’t-Have-To-Give-A-F*ck-Anymore.

Naomi Watts

 

Kate: White is so last year.

Erica: Bra.

Kate: I don’t like the texture or the short sleeves, I cannot stand that partially-slicked-back hair thing, and the spiderweb necklace is complete overkill.

 

Olivia Wilde

 

Kate: Soooo like, pregnancy has made her hotter, yes?

Erica: I feel like something weird is going on on her face.

 

Kate: Yea, pregnancy weight/glow. I would normally admonish someone for a sleeveless turtleneck on the red carpet, but in black and on her it actually looks fantastic. The little splash of white in the back is very Julia Roberts the year she won for Erin Brockovich, in a good way.

Erica: Yeah, okay.

Kate: Also, is that not the most perfect messy up-do you’ve ever seen?

Erica: Yeah, okay. I guess. I’m bored.

 

Penelope Cruz

 

Kate: Not a fan.

Erica: Continuing to be bored out of my mind.

Kate: I’m changing “not a fan” to “I hate this”. The black ribbon belt? Ew. The hair? Double ew. The droopy sleeve thing? No. Also, is it not the same dress as Matthew McConaughey’s wife’s?

Erica: Maybe. Because they’re all boring now.

 

Portia de Rossi 

 

Kate: Lovely dress, but I’m not sure why she has adopted the same hairstyle as her wife.

Erica: What is her thing with macrame?

Kate: By the way, has something awful happened to her? She kept making this face like she was in a great deal of pain emotionally and physically.

Erica: Are she and Ellen in trouble?! Say it ain’t so, Gods of Love and Romance and Constancy!

 

Sally Hawkins

 

Kate: Oh God no.

 

Erica: I don’t know who this person is. I kept wondering why Carly Rae Jepson was there.

Kate: She was in Blue Jasmine. But like, did a middle schooler do her hair? And did she get that dress from the second-hand store a few doors down from my apartment?

 

Erica: Yes to both.

Kate: At least she sort of coordinates with Cate.

Erica: No. No points for her.

Sandra Bullock

 

Kate: Frigging fanTASTIC.

Erica: Her hair is really the best it’s ever looked. And it’s looked damn good before.

Kate: Absolutely love it — hair down and wavy, and a hint of a real smile. Best dressed winner!

Erica: Me, I think I vote for Cate Blanchett. But next year I need someone to wear a bedazzled, three-foot-high headdress or a swan. I’m so bored.

Kate: Worst dressed?

Erica: I don’t know. How do you pick worst-dressed when the worst crime anyone committed was being boring?

The 85th Annual Academy Awards

Giuliana Rancic

Kate: Finally she understands what an interviewER as opposed to an interviewEE is supposed to look like at one of these things!

Erica: Yeah, you’re right. I almost didn’t recognize her and she looks just glam enough without looking like she’s upstaging anyone. That said, have we seen this dress before?

Kate: I think her hair looks appropriately short and bouncy, the black is great, and the dress is elegant yet understated. It probably could have been even more understated, but I’ll take it.

Jessica Chastain

Kate: Ugh.

Erica: See, I don’t have the same problems that you do with close-to-skintone dresses. I think this is pretty glam.

Kate: I just wanted a LOT better than that blue monstrosity, and this is not a lot better. It is a beautiful dress, but I don’t like the color on her. It looks like something Amy Adams would wear, or probably has worn, and I feel like her hair always looks like that. She hasn’t even been around that long and I already need to see something new from her.

Erica: I will say, I think we’ve seen this dress before, maybe in black? I’m having deja vu.

Amy Adams

Kate: Speak of the devil!

Erica: I do love it when they go full on glam.

Kate: I love this. I LOVE her hair like that. I’m feeling the top of this dress slightly more than the bottom, but I think it is a vast improvement from her last, like, 7 award show dresses. (Does it not look kind of like that pastel blue/green thing Kaley Cuoco wore that one time, though?)

Erica: Yeah, totes.

Reese Witherspoon

Kate: HOORAYYYYYY SHE STILL GOES TO THESE THINGS!

Erica: Great hair. Great make-up. Adorable person.

Kate: I think she looks adorable as always, and the color is fab, but that silhouette was probably not the best choice post-baby having.

Erica: I don’t think it’s the body, I think it’s the cut of the dress. It’s a little weird and bunchy.

Kate: Yeah, whatever, it’s Reese.

Kerry Washington

Kate: You’re right, Er, she’s too skinny. Just before watching this I saw her in a Fantastic Four movie from a few years ago and she looks much better with, like, 10-20 more pounds on her.

Erica: She really does. Excuse me, show biz execs – stop telling your actresses to lose weight. Lollipops are not that sexy.

Kate: But I like this dress.

Erica: I neither like nor dislike it.

Kate: BUT…Again, I feel like I’ve seen it before? Maybe not on her? Am I going crazy here with all these dresses that seem familiar?

Erica: I don’t know, not with this one in particular, but a lot of these dresses are tripping my deja vu. You know what we need? We need to go back to the days when Cher was likely to show up in some completely crazy get-up by Bob Mackie. That’s what we need.

Amanda Seyfried

Kate: No.

Erica: I like it better than I liked her Globes dress.

Kate: This is upsetting me a great deal.

Erica: It looks like something Lisa Rinna would wear. Except there’s not enough cleavage.

Kate: (Veronica Mars pals!) First of all, she needs to always be wearing her hair down. Always. Half-up is the most up she should ever put it. Second of all, that mock-turtleneck thing? Come on! No one should wear that ever! If the top had been a halter, it would have been an entirely different story. I also don’t love the all-over bedazzling. I think I just don’t love McQueen, actually.

Erica: I usually love McQueen. Like, a lot. I do not love this. It looks like a very old Elie Saab or Badgley Mischka. (I also like them. But not this.) And totes agree on the hair. Hate the hair. Still love you, Amanda Seyfried!

Sally Field:

Erica: Lipstick!

Kate: Adorable. You know what? This is actually the more covered-up/adult version of what Rihanna wore to the Grammys, and I like this a whole lot better. Good older lady hairstyle too.

Erica: Yeah, the dress is beautiful and interesting and age-appropriate and not too dowdy, although honestly, it probably doesn’t need the sleeves.

Jennifer Lawrence

Kate: I love. Do you love?

Erica: It’s just, you know, what’s she going to wear to her wedding now?

Kate: It’s a tad bridal I suppose, but it works on her. I think she has an extremely lovely face so I like her hair pulled back; great makeup; and I am surprised at myself for liking that backwards necklace thing but I do, I truly do.

Erica: I’m not so in love with the material but goodness knows she’s a tall drink of water and she can pull off some stunning shapes.

Kate: That bottom is really somethin’, huh? But I feel like you CAN and SHOULD do that at the Oscars, if nowhere else.

Erica: Go big or go home.

Zoe Saldana

Kate: A BELT! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT BELTS?! DAMMIT ZOE!

Erica: This looks like three different dresses to me.

Kate: The thing is, this dress is actually phenomenal. I adore that color detail at the bottom and the top, but the belt RUINS it.

Erica: I do love the bottom. And I like the top. I just feel like the dress on top and the belted dress and the dress on the bottom are three different dresses. And two of them are lovely and one of them has a belt! Ladies, ladies, ladies. It is good to have something that defines your waistline. Absolutely. It is NOT GOOD to have something that looks like an actual belt on a formal gown! NOT GOOD!

Kate: I also wish my hair looked like that on a daily basis.

Erica: Yeah, she probably does, too.

Melissa McCarthy

Erica: I feel like I’ve seen this as a top before. Not as a dress.

Kate: All I am going to say, about the hair and the dress, is no. No no no no no no no.

Erica: I think I like it as a top. I think I’d wear it as a top. The jersey is a little informal for an Oscars dress and I can’t really see what she’s got on underneath but if it’s satin pants that’s horrible. And I’m not loving the hair but I get how it fits in with what she’s going for here.

Kate: Er, this is pretty bad.

Erica: I know, I know, it’s just . . . there is not a lot out there for a lady shaped like Melissa McCarthy.

Charlize Theron

Kate: A peplum. And a weird frosted pixie cut. And yet…It’s Charlize, so does it really matter?

Erica: Excuse me, Miss Calling-Me-Out-On-Things, but doesn’t this ALSO resemble Anne Hathaway‘s from the Golden Globes? (Except Anne’s didn’t have a peplum and Kerry’s did?)

Kate: Actually, this is pretty plain and boring, so I’ve decided I don’t like it. But not so much that I am, like, angry at her about it.

Erica: Yeah, and it’s also bridal. What is up?

Kate: I hope to God I do not go to any weddings where the bride has a peplum!

Jennifer Hudson

Kate: One of the only times I have been disappointed by a Jennifer Hudson dress.

Erica: You know, I don’t think it’s a bad dress. I just don’t like it. If that makes any sense.

Kate: It’s just too mermaid-y, and not in a good way, and I really don’t like that super-long hair with thick bangs.

Erica: I am not a fan of the hair. And the shoes are not right although they are fabulous by themselves. Hey, are you watching her in “Smash”?

Kate: No, but the season 2 (is it 2?) trailers are tempting me.

Erica: Yes, it’s 2, and it’s shaping up to be much better than 1, I think. Time will tell.

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Kate: I used to think she could mostly do no wrong, but now I think she a) has gotten too much work done on her otherwise beautiful face and b) is WAY too old to be wearing that kind of dress!

Erica: This is giving me some serious deja vu.

Kate: Can you see that crazy toning bronzer stuff on her crazy toned arms? Yuck.

Erica: Are we absolutely certain we’ve never seen Catherine Zeta-Jones in this exact dress?

Kate: She usually goes for open neck/thinish straps, but not in this gross color. She kicked booty in the Chicago performance, though, which equally confused and excited me.

Helen Hunt

Kate: She actually admitted on camera that she was wearing a dress from H&M. That said, it looks like her necklace was from Claire’s.

Erica: Yeah, the material totally looks H&M. Satin is not something you want to mess around with.

Kate: And it’s WRINKLED! Nice color, though.

Anne Hathaway

Kate. *Takes a deep breath*

Erica: Hah.

Kate: Here’s the thing. From the neck up, and I’m including the necklace, she looks undeniably gorgeous. Very Audrey. I love how her short hair is growing out/how she is styling it, and her makeup is flawless. But everything below the neck is…

Erica: We should take a minute to give props to super, super cute short hair and great make-up.

Kate: I just did! It’s just such a 90s cut, and the necklace looks terrible with that neckline, and there are pointy nipple things, and the back is really awkwardly cut, and it’s pale pink! She has the same coloring as me you say I should only wear jewel tones, not pastels, so Anne needs to follow that advice as well, in my humble opinion.

Erica: See, once again, I do not have the problem with the close-to-skintone dresses like you do. That said, this is not a good dress. It is very ’90s and I don’t even know where one gets a necklace like that any more and with the nipples and the shape and the . . . yeah. She looked better at the after party.

Kate: She got the necklace at Tiffany’s. And yes that dress is way better, perhaps it is the Valentino she was originally supposed to go with? Her performance dress was also way better.

Erica: I mean, the shape isn’t great, and seriously, Anne, bra! But the fabric looks nicer and it’s more interesting and not dated. And I love the color. AND “Damn, I’m proud of myself!” looks good on her!

Kate: I don’t think I’ve been this happy about a win since…Ever.

Naomi Watts

Kate: Well, it’s a lovely sparkly number, but it would have worked so much better if the top had gone one way or the other. Strapless sweetheart neck? Grand. Cap-sleeve boatneck? Not as good but she is slender enough to pull it off. One side strapless sweetheart and the other cap-sleeve boatneck? Ew.

Erica: This is another one where I feel like the dress accomplished very well what it intended to accomplish. It looks like a very good example of the kind of dress it is. I just hate it.

Kate: The more I look at it the more I like it, so I want to stop looking at it.

Erica: I also don’t understand why you change from that one to this one:

Kate: Ew, that’s tacky.

Erica: They are thematically so similar, it’s like, why bother? Are nominees just not allowed to wear the same dress to the awards and to the party? Is this constructed somehow to be significantly more comfortable? I don’t get it.

Kate: Maybe it’s like a wedding ceremony vs. reception dress kind of thing?

Octavia Spencer

Kate: On anyone else, no. On her, I guess.

Erica: It is also very bridal.

Kate: It’s a weird color and a little much, but I don’t completely hate it.

Erica: Honestly, it’s not my favorite I’ve seen on her. She can do better. But are we, as a country, having some sort of wedding moment? I feel like there’s been bridal all over the place this awards season. And every movie that’s coming out is post-apocalyptic. I think we are collectively going through something very deep.

Jennifer Aniston

Kate: She looks pretty unhappy about being there, no?

Erica: I’m enjoying this face. It’s the face that says, “Where am I again? The Goldberg Bar Mitzvah?”

Kate: I like red on her but this is slightly extravagant for someone who has never and will never be nominated, right? #Alwaysapresenterneveranominee

Erica: I dunno, the skirt is pretty extravagantly huge but otherwise it’s got clean lines and simple, modern appeal, so I think it’s pretty appropriate.

Adele

Kate: A goddess angel saint sent from above to gift us with beautiful music.

Erica: She’s so pretty. Her hair and make-up are spectacular.

Kate: Black is always good on her, this is a great silhouette, and I am really happy that her hair is half-up instead of all up like usual.

Erica: She’d probably think it was weird if I asked her to come sing me to sleep at night, right? That’d be weird?

Kate: I wish. This actually had a beautiful pattern under the sparkle which you can’t see in this photo, and then she got all choked up accepting the award and said “…And my man I love you baby”. Has a more perfect human ever existed? The answer you’re looking for is no.

Sandra Bullock

Kate: I am officially going to sound crazy, but this too looks familiar! Like something she’s worn before, right?

Erica: I think it’s something Gwyneth Paltrow wore before but I’m not sure.

Kate: Either way it’s gorgeous and so is she, as always.

Erica: Deja vu all over the place.

Salma Hayek

Kate: What’s worse than a mock-turtleneck, you ask? A bejeweled turtleneck.

Erica: Idk, I’m not nearly as offended as  you are by this. I don’t love it but I think it’s fine. I like how, no matter what Salma Hayek is wearing, she’s got to remind us that she’s got boobs. We know, Salma. We know. They are very nice.

Kate: This might be worst dressed for me. Gross hair too.

Erica: I will admit, I do not love the hair.

Kristen Stewart

Kate: I stand corrected. Hei. Nous.

Erica: And somehow also familiar?

Kate: What is she even DOING here?!

Erica: Idk. I’m counting down the days until I can safely forget who she is.

Kate: And that does it for Award Show Season 2013, folks! …Now what am I going to do? 😦

SAGs 2013

Erica: We are only a very tiny bit late with this, but I think late is better than never, right?

Kate: Right-o

Jane Lynch 

Erica: So, I hate this dress. I love Jane Lynch, of course, but I hate this dress. I hate it both as an item in and of itself, and also how it looks on her, making her torso look all frumpy and weird. BUT…

Erica: …Her makeup is perfection. And that’s saying something on a night when everyone else went with either Best Lil’ Whorehouse in Texas or Vampire.

Kate: Agreed! That looks like something for someone much younger than Jane, but it would look terrible on anyone I think.

Jaimie Alexander

Kate: I am quite impressed by this construction, but um who is she??

Erica: You know, this is the kind of thing that works. Because I am irritated by dresses where your main thought is, seriously, how much double-sided tape is she using, and also I am irritated by the superfluous “i” in her name. Typically, girls are Jaime (from the French J’aime, meaning “I love”) and boys are Jamie (because it’s a nickname for James), and she’s gone with both and that’s just irritating. But I didn’t know who she was before and now she exists in my consciousness so she did exactly what she and her stylist and her publicist want her to do.

Kate: Well, don’t you think her parents went with both and she did not have much of a say in the matter?

Erica: No. I do not think that’s what happened.

Jennifer Lawrence

Erica: It’s not easy to see here, but I noticed on SNL, this baby got back. In a totally hot way.

Kate: Ian said the exact same thing, which I took very well. I really love this dress and color, I am eh on the necklace, and I wish her hair had been different.

Erica: Really? I’m kind of digging the hair.

Kaley Cuoco

Erica: Oh my goodness is she ill? What happened to her head?

Kate: YIKES! HORRID! What is with that length?

Katrina Bowden

Erica: Whereas I’m not so sure I know who she is, but I love this dress.

Kate: Me too! Accessories are too matchy-matchy, though.

Erica: You’re not wrong. But seriously, who is this? She looks exactly like what’s-her-name who played the slutty cousin in The Wedding Singer, but I know that’s not her.

Kate: Apparently she is on 30 Rock.

Erica: Oh! I do know who she is!

Kelli Garner

Erica: Kate, look out! It’s a peplum!

Kate: I do not have enough time in my day to go through everything that is wrong with this.

Kerry Washington

Erica: This is one of the first times I’ve liked her red carpet look. Did I tell you I saw her on Bill Maher? She was so fabulous; I was way more impressed with her intellect, charm, and humor than I expected to be.

Kate: But it’s almost a direct copy of Anne Hathaway’s Golden Globes dress which, may I point out, you did not like!

Erica: Yeah, you may have a point. Speaking of whom…

Anne Hathaway

 

Kate: I admit I do not love this one bit, but I am still reeling from my Les Mis experience so I will refrain from saying anything else.

Erica: I feel like, bra. That is all.

Amanda Seyfried

 

Kate: I would completely and absolutely love this if it weren’t for the necklace that looks it like it’s from Claire’s. WHAT stylist allowed that to happen!?

Erica: This was Zoe’s favorite.

Kate: Also kind of similar to Jennifer Lawrence’s, no?

Erica: Not so much. I mean, they both went with strapless and colors that could be described as “dark blue,” but other than that . . .

Kate: Well yea, that’s what I meant.

Jessica Chastain

 

Kate: “Not a total Betty but a vast improvement.”

Erica: Ha! Yeah.

Kate: What I mean is, she looks much better here than she did at the Golden Globes, but it was a fairly boring choice and I thought you weren’t supposed to wear dresses the same color as your hair?

Erica: That said, I love the color of her hair.

Sophia Vergara

 

Kate: I wanted to include her because this is the first time I think she looks almost bad on the red carpet. I think the dress is ill fitted, not her usual style and a stupid color.

Erica: It’s a terrible material, is what it is. It’s really cheap-looking. And the top looks like if she doesn’t keep her arms in exactly that position, it’ll all fall down. Shoes are kinda cute, if wedding-y, though.

Kiernan Shipka

Kate: I am not even remotely kidding when I say I think she wins best dressed of the night by a mile. She looks adorable, I love the color and pattern and length; it’s like a juniors’ Audrey dress. Flippy cute hair, understated makeup (I mean how much should a girl her age be wearing anyway?), no jewelry except for studs, and she is even rockin’ some thick eyebrows a la me when I was that age. I absolutely LOVE it!

Erica: I like you with thicker eyebrows.

Kate: But don’t you love this?!

Erica: Yes! I do!

Sally Field

 

Kate: I really like this color, but mostly for vacation ensembles as opposed to the red carpet. And if possible, the length/style of the gown makes her look even shorter. And I don’t like her hair. Nice material, though.

Erica: I really feel terrible saying this but I think it’s too young for her. The color and the design are very girlish, which kind of highlights that she’s not so girlish anymore. I don’t mean to be all, “Leave the pretty dresses to the young people, Sally Field, you old bag!” I’m not thinking she should cover up more or anything. I just think . . . yeah. Girlish dress.  Pretty. But girlish.

Claire Danes

 

Kate: Do not like at all. Dammit Angela.

Erica: She best exemplified the Vampire make-up choice of the evening.

Kate: I have yet to see anyone who looks remotely good in that dark purple/red lipstick – actresses, models and friends included (sorry if I’m offending anyone, but seriously look in the mirror).

Marion Cotillard

 

Kate: For reasons unbeknownst to me I kind of love this.

Erica: Yeah, I’m normally against color-blocked evening wear but this is very nice.

Kate: I know it almost looks like an old Jessica McClintock prom dress, but I really like the contrast of the two colors and even the cut of the dress in front, and her hair is very classy. She is quite gorgeous.

Erica: She could have done better with the shoes, though.

Kate: Yes. The darker the blue, the further away you stay from black.

Nina Dobrev

 

Kate: I don’t really know or care who this girl is (Vampire Diaries?) but I wanted to include her because she is a very close runner-up for my best dressed. I don’t think anyone of any different shape or size can pull off that t-shirt/column style, but I love how the slits break up the bright color and I love the bright color. And the earrings and the hair.

Erica: Yeah, she’s not well-known to me but she looks really good. She’s extraordinarily pretty, too, if in a “I could totally play Lolita” way.

Kate: Yea, so she and Kiernan win best dressed, and Kaley wins worst.

Erica: Well, that’s it from us for today. But listen, faithful readers – my dad saw something on Colbert Report about some other fashion bloggers who went viral or something and is mad that Kate and I have not. So, to make an old man happy, will you please, if you like our fashion commentary, send this link out to, like, everyone you’ve ever met? Thanks!

Kate: And don’t forget about our own Super Bowl of fashion, the Oscars, on February 24^th (post to come the next day or the day after that)!

Golden Globes 2013

Erica: I know y’all are excited about this.

Kate: It has been the highlight of my 2013 so far, besides Book of Mormon.

Erica: See, Oscars, here’s how you make a telecast people want to watch – seat all the stars at tables with their friends and then give them free booze!

Kate: I know, I wish they were all miked while sitting so I could hear little snippets of conversation.

Erica: So I don’t see how we can not start with the hosts. Here’s them on the red carpet.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

Erica: I do not approve of Amy Poehler’s “formal capris.” I will not. I cannot.

Kate: I was actually very excited about both of them, until I saw a) the length of Tina’s dress and b) her horrendous shoes. But I was very excited about a) Tina’s hair and b) Amy’s blazer, and I think both of them looked better than usual.

Erica: I love Tina Fey’s hair. The dress is kind of meh. I think Tina’s been doing well lately, but Amy Poehler definitely looks better than usual.

Kate: Again, I like the top. For Amy I would have chosen a longer necklace.

Erica: And here they are in their first hosting outfit:

Erica: See, these dresses look great. Tina’s is a little boring and pageant-y, but the color saves it and, did I mention, I really love her hair like that.

Kate: Me too, and I like these as much as the first two — not a ton, but enough. It also looks like Tina lost some weight, which she did not need to.

Erica: I think it might be just a tight dress. And maybe the pounds you lose when you used to be much fatter, were told  you had to diet to be on television, dieted, got on television, got wildly successful, and then had a hosting gig at the Golden Globes in a spangly dress. You know?

Kate: Plus, I enjoyed them hosting SIGNIFICANTLY more than Ricky Gervais.

Erica: And then they changed again. Or back, in Tina’s case.

Kate: Oh I barely noticed that change, don’t like Amy’s third dress. But throughout they night they were both dressing up as/making fun of celebrities at their tables, which I very much enjoyed.

Erica: Oh yeah. I especially liked when they were with J. Lo and George Clooney during their own category’s announcement. I hate Amy’s dress. I continue not to be impressed with Tina’s and it’s not like her hair looks bad and look, I get it, wearing your hair down all night is dangerous. It can fall flat. It can get all knotted and weird. So fine. Sweep it up. But I liked it better down.

Kate: I aspire to achieve that hair look every day.

Erica: And what about our ladies of Les Mis?

Anne Hathaway

Kate: YES.

Erica: Meh.

Kate: How dare you?

Erica: I mean, she gave a lovely acceptance speech and is charmingly self-deprecating (Although she’s, like, this close to the line between “charming” and “Oh, can it, already.”).

Kate: Er, come on! She looks so Audrey with her hair like that! I guess I would like the dress better if it were one piece, but then it might look too bridal. I also can’t believe how much weight she lost to play Fantine and how she hasn’t gained it back yet. Make her some of your Bolognese!

Erica: Anne, I do not love that dress and I think it looks bridal anyway, but you can come over any time for some Bolognese. It would be my pleasure to host you. Just don’t sing any Fantine songs. You were wonderful but I just can’t take any more tears. And don’t make fun of being Princess of Genovia in my presence, please.

Amanda Seyfried

Kate: The problem here is two-fold: 1) That pin thing in the front, 2) her hair in front of her shoulders. The detail on that dress — Givenchy, might I add — needs to be seen in all its glory, and her (albeit lovely) hair is hiding it.

Erica: I totally hate it. I love her, I really do. I mean, how can you not love her when she makes faces like this on the red carpet:

Kate: I, in fact, do not love her, but would like to take this dress off her hands.

Erica: But I totally hate this dress. With the collar and the weird lace and it looks like a redneck in 1987 designed her dream wedding gown I’m sorry.

Kate: Again, how dare you! This is Givenchy!

Jennifer Lawrence

Erica: She also gave a charming acceptance speech.

Kate: Love it. Love her.

Erica: It’s like the dress is going, “Look, boobs!” It’s hard to see in this picture but the folds of fabric are just kind of like, “Hey, there are boobs here! No, really! Right here!” I am not so much enjoying that aspect of it.

Kate: Yes the boob part was weird but worked because of her torso length, I think. I really like the color, and for once I like the use of a belt on the red carpet. But just this once.

Erica: I don’t think it worked; I just think it’s ignorable. As is the belt. You know what I think it is though? Not so much her torso length but her general adorability.

Kate:

Lena Dunham

Erica: Um, wow. What is going on here?

Kate:  Wow as in bad wow, right?

Erica: She looks great. Her back doesn’t look all slouchy. The dress is a little glamorous and understated and not overtly hipster in any way. She . . . looks great. And, uh, congrats.

Kate: I disagree. I obviously adore her and Girls, but I think this was a horrible choice — it is ill fitting and a very poopy color, she’s done better than this on random nights out in Brooklyn.

Erica: Has she? Because I’ve never seen it.

Kate: And here she is with her girls:

Kate: I like Marney’s dress but not Shoshana’s.

Erica: Zosia Mamet managed to look like a human and Allison Williams is still too skinny.

Kate: Yes, still too skinny.

Erica: Oh, and the fourth one didn’t show up again. I’d think she was too good for awards shows or something, but, like, half the invited guests had the flu. This thing is seriously an epidemic, I guess.

Kate: Yea what’s up with that? Jennifer Lawrence has the flu and she was there! Step it up, celebs!

Erica: Dude, no, stay home. This flu is apparently a real whopper; even if you’ve had the flu shot you can get it and it’s ripping through the population.

Connie Britton

Erica: Hair down! Score one for us!

Kate: PER. FEC. TION.

Erica: And she’s smiling like she’s supposed to be there! Sort of.

Kate: Well she knew she wasn’t going to win but wanted go and party anyway.

Erica: You know, in just about every picture of her, she’s in this pose.

Kate: So?

Erica: Just sayin’. It’s better than her usual, “Oh, please don’t point that thing at me. What, really? Alright, fine, if you insist.” pose.

Hayden Panettiere

Erica: Also hair down! Score two for us!

Kate: Yes I really really really like her hair down, she sometimes has very weird updos.

Erica: She’s so pretty.

Kate: The whole look is actually very Sweet 16-esque, but I still like it. Might like it better without the fish/mermaid tail, whatever you call it.

Erica: I didn’t used to dislike the mermaid tail thing but I am rethinking that.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Erica: So I heard her say on the red carpet that she didn’t go big with the jewelry because the dress was already so much. But I think the dress actually needed, like, a gorgeous diamond necklace and fancier hair and make-up, because the dress was such a glamorous, lacy, complicated thing.

Kate: Disagree, a big necklace would have taken away from the detail of the dress. I love this, she was instantly a best dressed pick for me.

Erica: Alright.

Claire Danes

Erica: She just had a baby?

Kate: Yes!

Erica: I mean, can we consider her waist for a minute? I think it is actually smaller in circumference than her head. Especially with her hair like that.

Kate: Why is everyone’s hair so nice and down and blown out but with those perfect flippy parts? Why can’t my hair do that? I love this dress, by the way. Eye makeup a wee bit too dark though.

 

Erica: I wasn’t being complimentary about her waist. It’s scary. Even if her hair looks fabulous. And yes, I like the dress.

Jessica Chastain

Erica: Hate it.

Kate: Complete hatred.

Erica: Makes me worry about her boobs. Hate it.

Kate: Bad hair part/slicking, bad lipstick, bad top of dress, bad color of dress, all so bad.

Erica: The waist sits funny, too, like it’s a little too high – or a little too low – and it maybe wants to become a peplum or something. But I think the color is lovely on her and she’s beautiful and has the hair I wish I had and also, congrats.

Kate: You are wrong a lot right now.

Julianne Moore

Erica: So, first of all, I forgot Game Change happened this year. That seems like forever ago.

Kate: I saw it!

Erica: Second of all, Julianne Moore, 50 is the new 30 or something. You don’t have to dress like you’re over the hill yet. You’re gorgeous.

Kate: Yea, don’t like the dress at all, and I find it odd that she hasn’t changed her hair back from the Sarah Palin style.

Jodie Foster

Erica: See, this is what I mean. Jodie Foster is 50, and she’s dressing like she’s still a glamorous movie star. Maybe it’s because she’s . . . single.

Kate: Or maybe it’s because she’s bat-sh!t crazy, as evidenced by her speech which I could not understand why everyone was crying about it.

Erica: Well, she seemed to be announcing her . . . retirement? Along with not-coming-out-but-she’s-gay-but-she’s-not-coming-out-because-fame-is-hard? Also, she, like everyone else in the room, was piss-ass drunk at this point.

Kate: Can we also focus on that hair? And how grossed out her kids were by her speech?

Erica: The kids just seemed to be, you know, embarrassed, because they’re her kids, and whatnot. The haircut makes her forehead look enormous. She should rethink that. But you know what? Watching the clips, I realized I haven’t seen nearly enough Jodie Foster movies. A lot of them looked good.

Emily Blunt

Kate:Minus the earings, perfection!

Erica: Is she blondish now?

Kate: It appears that way, but I really like it. She has such a perfect face.

Erica: I do not like the stomach cut-outs. I don’t care how good your stomach is, I don’t like them. They’re weird.

Kate: This dress would kind of suck without them, though.

Erica: IMH(ha!)O, it sucks with them.

Naomi Watts

Erica: I did not like this, Kate, did you?

Kate: I did, with exceptions: I think this color looks better on someone with a hair color like, say, mine, and I think it is a fairly blatant copy of that Hilary Swank Oscar dress. But I do like it in general.

Erica: I am not a fan of the nun-in-the-front, party-in-the-back dress. And yeah, her coloring and the dress’s are not good for each other.

Kate: And I am not a fan of that folding-the-hair-under thing, ew.

Amy Adams

Erica: I felt bored by this at first and have since decided it is dreamy and lovely.

Kate: I hate it.

Erica: Because it matches her skin tone?

Kate: Yes, and it is too tight. She still has not learned how to wear Spanx. And the hair would be acceptable if it were not KRIMPED.

Erica: It’s . . . not? Also, for what does she need to wear Spanx?

Kate: To make everything very smooth lines! I didn’t like how it hugged her.

Erica: But here is what I don’t get. If you’re going to wear a dress like that – and she’s hardly the only offender; practically all of the ladies do this – why bother wearing six-inch stilettos with platforms such that you can hardly walk up and down the stairs when your dress is going to cover them up anyway? Don’t you look more ridiculous when you need a team of people to help you move than when you look, perhaps, an inch or two shorter?

Kate: Every single female needed a team of people to help them get down those stairs. It was kind of pathetic.

Lucy Liu

Kate: This looks like Forever 21‘s version of what Audrey wore in Sabrina; ergo, I HATE it. And that stupid braid.

Erica: I really like it. It ought to look like she’s somebody’s grandmother’s couch, but the clean lines and lack of adornment make it really lovely and unusual and I like her hair. Also she and Connie Britton appear to be close friends.

Kate: No, it sucks. And is way too big for a) the Globes and b) someone who is not even nominated.

Julianne Hough

Erica: I did not like her in Rock of Ages. I thought she was the worst part. But this dress is . . . memorable. And I mean that in a good way.

Kate: I surprised myself by really liking this dress, until the showed the entire thing and I hated the bottom. If it were more of a column style and the sparkley things faded out toward the bottom it would have been perfect. I even like the hair.

Erica: See, I thought it would have been too expected and safe it was more of a column.

Kate: I don’t, however, like that she gets to attend everything just because of who her boyfriend is.

Giuliana Rancic

Erica: I still do not understand who this person is.

Kate: She’s an E! host, duh!

Erica: And I loathe this dress.

Kate: Yea, she makes Jessica Chastain look like a fashion icon. Worst dressed by a landslide.