Oscars 2015!

Kate: It’s here it’s here it’s here!!!

Erica: Tonight, we will be joined for a few looks by my resident fashion expert, Zoe. She drew some pictures of outfits, and of the hairstyles and jewelry she thinks they ought to have worn. I will present them below, but first, since we’re not including them in the official look, here are her drawings of Kelly Osbourne’s dress:

Zoe: The back of her dress could use a little cut. It could just take away one frill. The shoes should be a high heel.

Erica: But they are a high heel.

Zoe. I mean like a total high heel. And less black.

 

Erica: – and Giuliana Rancic’s:

Zoe: I feel sort of weird that her body shows. I think it needs to be a little more covered up. It could be a little trimmed — a tiny bit, but not too much. Her hair should be in a bun-braid. The earrings should be a little fancier and longer.

Erica: And also Jason has a comment or two to make.

Kate: Ian does too, when he’s not having an aneurysm while watching Illinois basketball. My favorite Oscars ever is still the one Billy Crystal hosted when Titanic was nominated 30000 times.

Erica: Was that the same one that had Matt Damon and Ben Affleck nominated for Good Will Hunting and he sang, “Matt and Ben/You are so young” to the tune of Cole Porter’s “Night and Day”? Because that was my favorite, too.

Kate: I believe so.

Erica: Also, one quick question for the evening: Am I the only person in the whole wide universe who sees Bradley Cooper and goes, “Fine”? “Fine” as in, “I mean he’s nice looking and all, but does absolutely nothing for me,” not as in, “Fiiiiiine.”

Kate: Stop it, he’s sexy. And awayyyyyyyyyyy we GO!

 

America Ferrera

Zoe: I think that wherever it needed to be sewed or patched, there should be a gemstone line, silver, like the middle of her dress.

Erica: I think the dress is really, really lovely. I am impressed.

Kate: Really? I don’t like it at all. I’m not completely sure why, but I don’t. Her hair looks like Katharine McPhee’s at the Grammys, a.k.a. half up and bad.

 

Anna Faris

Kate: Oh this is just so sparkly and pretty. She looks like a twinkly glass of champagne and stardust.

Erica: Yeah? I mean, I think she looks nice enough but I’m not enamored.

Kate: I don’t like her hair that much, but the dress is so freaking adorable I almost don’t care. (Almost.)

Erica: I like her a lot, but I feel like her hair always looks a little meh.

 

Anna Kendrick

Erica: Damn, she looks good.

Kate: GORGEOUS! Omg I love this. It’s kind of Ancient Grecian/Egyptian? Love!

Erica: I think it’s more modern than anything else, but it is really flattering on her.

Zoe: I think there should be an opal-studded belt at the middle and a silver necklace with an opal at the end, with a gold frame around it. I think there should be another opal at the top of the neck triangle.

Kate: Too much opal, Zoe, and you know how I feel about belts. In some pictures the dress looks pink/coral, in others it looks more red/orange, and the red/orange looks better. The hair is a little more structured than I like hers to be, but she probably had to do that because of the neckline of that fabulous dress. Best dressed nominee?

Erica: I’m not actually as enamored of this. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with it (except that the color looks weird with the red carpet). It looks flawless on her. I just…I don’t know. I don’t love it.

Kate: Giuliana Rancic and Khloe Kardashian were discussing this dress on the pre-show and Khloe said it’s not an “Oscar color” and it looks like she’s “going to a dance”. DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHAT YOU WEAR YOU EFFING HORRENDOUS DECREPIT PIECE OF GARBAGE! I’m back on my I-want-to-kill-a-Kardashian rant.

Erica: Oh, I am fast-forwarding but I thought I heard someone say that. It sounded to me like someone looking for something negative to say.

Kate: Well I’ve got lots of negative things to say about the person who said it!

 

Cate Blanchett

Kate: Not my favorite from Ms. Blanchett, but she might be close to if not already in that “I don’t give a f*ck” category with Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep.

Erica: I kind of love the statement necklace.

Kate: The boring dress would look a lot worse without the statement necklace, but I think the necklace itself is more I’m-going-to-brunch than I’m-going-to-the-Oscars, so I’m conflicted about it. Don’t like the hair and makeup.

Erica: I think her lip gloss is flawless and I think, once you put the necklace with the dress, you’ve got Oscars.

 

Dakota Johnson

Kate: Remember Er, she didn’t write 50 Shades, and she is not actually Anastasia Steele. She just chose to be in the movie. Let’s leave that aside and be objective in our judgment of her outfit.

Erica: I can put that all aside (although, if she wanted me to put aside her 50 Shades connections, maybe she shouldn’t have worn a silver rope on her dress). I still feel like, meh.

Kate: I think this is a little too night-out-on-the-town and slinky for the Oscars. Also, that ponytail? That’s what my hair looks like when I’m in my apartment and I know no one else will see it (minus the bangs, thank God I got rid of those).

Erica: Yeah, I’m not super-excited about the hair or anything to do with the outfit.

Kate: I am overall a little bored by her, I just don’t think she’s that pretty or interesting. But her mom is Melanie Griffith, apparently?

Erica: Yeah, I know that. Her and Don Johnson. She actually looks a lot like Melanie Griffith.

 

Emma Stone

Erica: Oh, man.

Kate: Hate it.

Erica: I don’t hate the hair but I hate the dress A LOT. She continues to be a charming and pleasant person, though.

Kate: Hate the hair, hate the color, hate the silhouette, very upset about the downhill-ness of her red carpet looks from year to year.

 

Felicity Jones

Kate: Hmmm…I don’t think I love this as much as her Globes and SAGs dresses.

Ian: She’s wearing the wedding cake from Seinfeld.

Erica: So, it’s interesting. And, like I said in our Grammys coverage, I’m into not boring lately. But…I don’t know. I don’t like it. But it is interesting.

Kate: Let’s see. I like the color on her. I think it’s a beautiful and dramatic gown that looks expertly made — very Alexander McQueen — but something about the overall look is just not doing it for me. I’m sad about having that feeling because I love her.

Erica: You know what, maybe I do like it. The more I see it, the more I think, you know, it’s glamorous and well-made and a little cutting-edge and I am looking forward to her red carpet future.

 

Gwyneth Paltrow

Kate: Ewwww!

Erica: Heehee.

Kate: That was my exact reaction upon seeing the first picture of this dress: EW. You can do better, Gwyneth!

Erica: My first reaction was, Heehee!

Kate: That shade of pink looks nice against her skin and hair but it’s so yay-we’re-having-a-girl, I can’t stand it on the Oscars red carpet. And that SLEEVE? No.
Erica: I do not like it but I am massively entertained by it. She’s looking kind of orange, no?

Kate: Orange and wearing ice blue eye shadow. I canNOT with you right now, Gwyneth.

 

Jennifer Aniston

Kate: Well this just knocks it out of the park now doesn’t it?

Erica: Very sexy.

Kate: I love it. I don’t love it enough to give her a best dressed nomination because I wish she had done something else with her hair, but I love it.

Erica: I feel like it’s a little too boring for best dressed, but I like her hair. It’s her, you know?

Kate: It must be tough to show up after getting a nomination snub. #TeamJen forever. Why is the world so out to get her?!

 

Jennifer Lopez

Kate: Holy cow. Now that’s an Oscars dress!

Erica: For real.

Kate: I sort of wish one of the nominees had worn this — maybe Felicity Jones, or someone with flat boobs — but it looks great on J. Lo. I really like her high bouncy pony. Makeup is a little too neon.

Zoe: That’s a winner for the night, don’t you think?

Kate: I like it a lot, Zo!

Erica: Me, too. And you know, I like that she usually looks like a sex goddess, and this is more princessy (albeit with a lot of cleavage), but it also looks amazing on her. And it’s my kind of dress, you know? I like Elie Saab. Although Emma Stone is in Elie Saab, too, and I hate that.

 

Jessica Chastain

Kate: Ooooh I like. I think?

Erica: I love. I really really really love. She looks fantastic. I already love that color, and I thought I loved it best on blondes but it looks damn good with her red hair.

Kate: It’s very sexy and flattering, and yes the blue looks great on her. Very Christina Hendricks. But the hair and makeup may be a bit too casual/plain, and I do not think she needs the necklace.

Erica: No way, no way, no way. This is in the top five for me.

 

Julianne Moore

Kate: There’s something about that curved strapless silhouette that is very flattering. I just wish it only had the embellishment on top and bottom and not near the hips; the one near the hips breaks up the dress in a weird way.

Erica: Oh, I think the embellishment at the hips is very flattering and glam.

Kate: I am not so into this color on her, but the sleek low bun with the deep side part might make up for that. Yeah, I think the hair is making up for the color. #Weddinghairpossibility

Erica: I totes think your hair should look like that for the wedding. I mean, except, yours should be brown.

 

Keira Knightley

Kate: Her Golden Globes gown was atrocious, then she almost redeemed herself with the SAGs frock. Now she’s back to sucking. I hate this whole entire situation.

Erica: Really? I like this one. It’s romantic and pretty. I would like it if the color were just a little more fine-tuned — it looks like Silly Putty, a bit — but I love the look. I like romance and floral and embroidery. Also, pregnancy is looking good on her.

Kate: Completely disagree.

 

Kerry Washington

Kate: Oh I’m so glad the peplum is back on the red carpet, said no one ever.

Erica: The thing is, she looks great, even if the dress does not.

Kate: This dress is half mother-of-the-bride, half quilt. Hate it. I feel like Anthony Marantino on that episode of SATC when he goes wedding dress shopping with Charlotte: “HATES IT!” I like her hair, though.

Erica: Yeah. I don’t like the dress. But her hair and makeup and general personality are flawless.

 

Lady Gaga

Kate: Theeerreeee’s the Gaga we all know and love. She looks quite out of her mind.

Erica: No, but for real, what is going on with her face? I know she’s never been stunningly pretty or anything, but something is happening that looks severely unhealthy.

Kate: I think she has just gained weight, she was alarmingly skinny before. Alas, I hate the gloves. Way to start a stupid trend, Amal!

Erica: Please. On Amal, they were classy and glam. Lady Gaga’s are just…Well, whatever. She’s Lady Gaga. That’s what she does. Most of the time.

Kate: I just don’t like the looseness — elbow-length gloves should fit you right.

 

Laura Dern

Kate: Wow! This is much more interesting than what she usually wears. We never even include her in these posts even though she is at every single award show, but I felt like we had to include her tonight because she is nominated.

Erica: That is interesting. I don’t like it, but it’s interesting.

Kate: I don’t think she needs that big necklace with so much going on all over the dress, and the clutch is too matchy-matchy. Hair also a little too casual, very Jennifer Aniston, but this is overall a good look. Not the BEST, but good.

Ian: She looks like she’s going into a joust match. She’s dressed in a medieval suit of armor.

Erica: In that case, she’s leaving a lot dangerously uncovered. I actually like her hair. I mean, yes, I guess it’s casual, but it also looks really nice.

 

Lupita Nyong’o

Kate: She would be the one to wear a dress made partially of pearls, and I would be the one to say I do not like it, not one bit.

Erica: I want to like it, I do. I like the concept. And I love stark white on very dark skin. And I like her. But yeah, no.

Kate: There’s a scene in the truly amazing film Burlesque during which Christina Aguilera’s character performs a sexy routine in a shorter version of this. I like the Burlesque dress better. Worst dressed nominee.

Erica: I can’t do it. I can’t give her worst dressed. I like her too much.

 

Margot Robbie

Kate: Smoke show.

Erica: She looks like sex walking.

Kate: This dress could be too old-ladyish, but I think the hair, makeup, necklace and deep V actually prevent that and make it pretty hot.

Erica: Yeah, totes agree with all of your points.

 

Marion Cotillard

Kate: I think you cannot look like this if you are American. There is just something about Europeans, they have an extra layer of elegance and chicness Americans can never even hope to achieve. Maybe that’s why Audrey Hepburn was so perfect.

Erica: She looks amazing and perfect. The dress is daring and interesting and high-fashion. It looks great on her and it’s interesting and glamorous.

Kate: This dress is actually pretty extreme couture — like, it would be great on an American at the Met Ball, but on Marion Cotillard at the Oscars? Effortlessly striking perfection. Best dressed nominee!

 

Meryl Streep

Kate: Her usual flawless black-and-white, I-don’t-give-a-f*ck elegance. Could do without the belt, but Meryl does not give a f*ck about what I could do without.

Erica: She is the Grand High Duchess of Not Giving a F*ck.

 

Naomi Watts

Kate: I do NOT like that it looks like she’s wearing a bandeau under her dress. I hate bandeaus. If you’re wearing one, you’re wearing a shirt you bought knowing you couldn’t wear a normal bra under it, and that’s just too silly for me to approve of. I get that the bandeau may just be part of her dress, but I still don’t like it.

Erica: Is she at all comfortable? Like, isn’t she awfully itchy in that? I was reading something regarding what to dress little ones in for weddings (for no particular reason) and it advised that a whole bodice with sparkles, while pretty, was going to itch under their arms like crazy. And that’s all I could think about looking at this.

Kate: I don’t like the dress at all, and I really don’t like the dark purple lipstick against her fair skin and light blond hair. It doesn’t even match the ugly dress!

Erica: Naomi Watts is very pretty but I hate all of this.

 

Nicole Kidman

Kate: So I still really enjoy her long bob, but I cannot help but wonder if she has worn this dress before?

Erica: I don’t know. I don’t think so. I don’t much like it.

Kate: I’m also not sure if it’s white or gold or iridescent or all three? The hideousness of that clutch is making me very angry. I blame Covet for my noticing the clutches more than I usually do.

Erica: Blame? Or thank? I really hate the color on her.

Kate: But WHAT COLOR IS IT?

 

Patricia Arquette

Kate: This dress is nice and she looks fine, but I was really hoping for something else from her. She knows she’s going to win!

Erica: But I think her thing is to look, basically, fine. I get the sense that she just tries to look appropriate for the occasion, and not, like wildly sexy and glam and amazing. That said, her hair? Not really acceptable for the occasion.

Kate: Agree on the hair. This is actually a very Meryl dress, and Meryl she is not.

Zoe: I think there should be better silver earrings. I want the purse replaced with a necklace and a bracelet. I think there should be a repeating frill on the higher sleeve.

Kate: I am not sure how I feel about “repeating frill”.

 

Reese Witherspoon

Kate: The hair, the makeup, the jewelry and the dress are all so very Reese. It’s interesting that she chose to wear white to every award show this year, white is a bold choice.

Erica: She really looks flawless.

Kate: Many will say this is boring, and maybe it is a little bit, but she still just looks so good. I love her. I can’t wait to watch Wild.

Erica: I don’t know, it’s just so smooth and perfect. Her hair, her makeup. It’s not a remarkable dress, but it’s a really great look on her.

 

Rosamund Pike

Kate: I do like me some red on the red carpet.

Ian: I likes it!

Erica: Holy moly she looks AMAZING. Very, very, very tiny, but I FREAKING LOVE THIS DRESS. And this whole look. LOVE.

Kate: Agree, she looks fantastic. I like that the dress is less “out there” than most of her other choices, and her body looks hot-damn incredible. I also really like the very simple makeup and hair. Another best dressed nominee! (So far it’s Anna Kendrick, Marion Cotillard, and Rosamund Pike. Just so we’re keeping track.)

Erica: So for me, it’s Rosamund Pike, Jessica Chastain and Marion Cotillard. And maybe Jennifer Lopez, though I agree with you that the makeup is a little much. But I have to say, I feel like these ladies brought it tonight.

 

Scarlett Johansson

Kate: The color and silhouette are fantastic on her. I cannot figure out what is happening on her neck.

Erica: The neck thing looks weird.

Kate: The neck thing is probably too much for me, and the hair is way too punk for the Oscars, but if I just focus on the dress, it’s perfection.

Erica: I don’t know. It’s a good color but the neck and the neckline just look super-weird.

Jason: She looks like an alien.

Erica: And Jason usually loves her.

 

Sienna Miller

Ian: Ooooh! What’s she in?

Kate: She played Chris Kyle’s wife in American Sniper, and we like her better as a brunette, remember?

Ian: Oh yea.

Kate: I like this dress and extremely fierce makeup. The multiple bows are a little much, but it’s overall nice on her. I HATE the hair — what is this, Little House on the Prairie? When they zoomed in on it during the pre-show it was either a) still wet, b) hairsprayed within an inch of its life or c) both, and that irked me. A lot.

Erica: I’m not sure why I can’t stand her and have, like, visceral euch reactions to her every time I see her. I might be a bad person.

Kate: When do you see her besides at award shows? But that’s how I feel about all the Kardashians. And Miley Cyrus. And Rihanna and Beyonce. Hmm…

Erica: I think you are carrying a lot more anger towards all of those people than I am towards Sienna Miller. But there is something about her that just makes me go bleh.

 

Zoe Saldana

Erica: She looks amazing.

Kate: The color looks absolutely beautiful against her skin, but the detail on the hips and the necklace and the hair are extremely unflattering. The spaghetti straps make it look like lingerie.

Erica: Really? I think this is so flattering on her. She doesn’t look as twig-like. This is actually on my best-dressed list.

Kate: No, we have to remove it from that list. She is not twig-like because she just had a baby.

Erica: Oh really? Mazel Tov! The extra pounds look GREAT on you, hon!

 

Kate: So, Best Dressed?

Erica: Rosamund Pike! And I say this without really knowing anything about her. I didn’t see (and probably won’t see) Gone Girl and I don’t know anything else she’s done and I have never read an interview with her or anything. I just love, love, love her dress.

Kate: I am ok with that, but can Best Dressed be a tie between her and Marion Cotillard?

Erica: Yes. Absolutement.

Kate: Yay! Worst Dressed?

Erica: You know, I really feel like they all stepped up their game tonight. I’m not giving it to Lupita, partly because she has too much credit with me and partly because, yes, I don’t like the dress, but, I feel that the dress accomplished what it meant to accomplish. I don’t want to give it to Gwynnie because, as stupid-looking as it was, it made me laugh. Kerry Washington’s done worse, and her hair and make-up were perfection. I think that leaves Naomi Watts for me.

Kate: Or Emma Stone?

Erica: Yeah, but I liked Emma Stone’s hair and make-up better than I liked Naomi Watt’s hair and make-up. It should be noted, though – the credit Emma Stone has as my dream bff DOES NOT COUNT toward red carpet looks. And she has ZERO credit there.

Kate: Well then who do we give Worst Dressed to!?

Erica: I want to give it to Naomi Watts. You can give it to Emma Stone if you like. Or we can have another tie.

Kate: Ok, I can give it to Naomi Watts. That does it for us for award show season, folks — sad face! But don’t you worry, the dynamic duo will be back this summer for So You Think You Can Dance season 12 — auditions are already under way!

Erica: You guys, I’m doing Zumba now, so by May, I might think *I* can dance!

Oscars 2014

Erica: First, Kate and I would like to share this with you:

 

Kate: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Oscars! Fashion! Oscars! Weeeeeeeeeeee!

Erica: You’re welcome. Now on to this year’s glamorous ladies!

Amy Adams

 

Kate: Does she, like, actively seek out dresses that make her boobs look oddly shaped?

Erica: Really? I thought we were going to appreciate that it wasn’t another knock-off of her American Hustle wardrobe.

Kate: I think the dress is actually fine, except the boob thing and half-peplum and the fact that she wore blue to the SAGs; it’s the hair that’s seriously throwing me off. I wore my hair like that to a bat mitzvah when I was 12, and it looked as ridiculous on me then as it does on her now. Meh!!

Erica: She’s so lovely, though. And I love that color on her, no matter how often she’s worn it.

Angelina Jolie

 

Erica: Meh.

Kate: Um, this is ok. Who’s next?

Anna Kendrick

 

Kate: Va va VOOM!

Erica: Yeah?

Kate: I don’t know that the dress needed that middle thing with the red things, or the complicated straps in the back, but I really like the top part. Hair and makeup = FAB.

Erica: I dunno, I wasn’t thrilled with any of this. I am generally thrilled with Anna Kendrick as an actress and singer but this look did nothing for me. Except maybe the shoes.

 

Anne Hathaway

 

Kate: I don’t love that neck, and I’m back and forth about the studded top, but I think overall she looks stunning because she is a stunning individual.

 

Erica: Bra.

 

Cate Blanchett

 

Kate: So I feel like I said this about her Globes dress, but I wish it had less going on on top. Other than that it is very fabulous and very Cate.

Erica: I think the whole thing is just luscious perfection as is the lady herself.

Kate: But do we think she needed such extravagant earrings given everything going on on the dress itself? And do we also think her hair should have been worn up so that all focus was on the dress?

Erica: I think you’re right about the earrings but wrong about the hair.

 

Charlize Theron

 

Erica: On the telecast I liked this a lot. Now I’m seeing the bottom and I don’t love it quite as much.

Kate: Loooooooooooovvvveeeee.

Erica: I mean, she still looks fabulous.

Kate: I think black looks quite exceptional on blonds, I really do. I could do without that necklace (which looks like it matches Cate’s earrings, no?), but everything else is wonderful. Best dressed nominee.

Erica: I thought the necklace struck the right note.

 

Emma Watson

 

Kate: She looks a bit of a hot mess, I think.

Erica: I really did not dig her hair at all. The dress is . . . I don’t know. I don’t like it but I can’t work up enough passion about it to hate it.

Kate: The bottom half is nice, but the top is too casual — like something I’d wear to work. And she has not washed her hair recently, that much is certain.

 

Idina Menzel

 

Kate: Oh, boo.

Erica: Yeah.

Kate: I expected more from her. This is too standard. And the necklace is way too bling for such a muted dark green.

Erica: I mean the dress is kind of nice, if boring, but the color is just sucking the life out of the room.

Kate: And I prefer her hair wavy.  She looked way better during her performance, albeit very nervous:

Erica: Totes. Also, I felt like something was very weird with the sound mixing when she sang “Let It Go” and made her sound like less than the national treasure she actually is.

 

Jennifer Garner

 

Kate: Love the grey. Don’t love the tiered fringe. Love the hair.

Erica: Really don’t love the fringe and those shoes I think don’t work.

Kate: I do like that this is a little looser/more daring than her usual red carpet looks, though.

Erica: She is also just so cute. She has that face so I guess whatever she wears is kind of fine.

 

Jennifer Lawrence

 

Kate: I am disappointed in this for three reasons. Can you guess them?

Erica: 1) PEPLUM!!! 2) Peplum! 3) Peplum!!

Kate: 1) Peplum — enough said. 2) Red — she wore red to her first Oscars. 3) The necklace — she did the long necklace draping down her back last year! Come on, Jen!

Erica: Oh, lord. I love the necklace draping down the back! If they like a color/style/whatever, why can’t they wear it more than once?

Kate: BUT, her makeup looks ex-quis-ite.

 

Jessica Biel

 

Kate: Boring. Where’s Justin? Why is she there?

Erica: This is my thing with Jessica Biel. Whenever I’m actually looking at her face, I think she’s quite lovely. But the minute I’m not looking at her anymore, I can barely remember what she looks like.

Kate: I’m not a fan of these short, almost choker-length necklaces with strapless gowns. Not flattering, girls!

Erica: I just think it’s overall boring. Her hair and makeup look lovely, though.

 

Julia Roberts

 

Erica: Julia Roberts is reaching that stage of stardom where, whatever. She’s Julia Roberts. She can wear whatever she wants.

Kate: LOOOOOVVVVEEEE!!!

Erica: Even with the peplum?

Kate: This may be the only peplum in the world I actually sort of like, and I truly love the black lace on my girl Julia. Best dressed nominee.

Erica: I still don’t like the peplum but I really love the top and I like her hair and make-up and also her overall aura of “I’m Julia Roberts. I can enjoy this without particularly giving a shit anymore.”

Kate Hudson

 

Kate: Oh my.

 

Erica: Yeah?

Kate: I absolutely adore this. If I could make one change it would be to eliminate the droopy half-cape thing, but other than that she is perfection. Another best dressed nominee!

Erica: Really? I only really like the cape thing.

 

Kerry Washington

 

Erica: Better than her other pregnancy efforts.

 

Kate:  I would very much like for Olivia Wilde (see below) to give Kerry a call and explain how one should dress when one has a medium-to-large pregnancy bump.

Erica: I think this is okay.

Kate: It’s a very nice color, but the shape is potato sack-y, and the bottom is wrinkled. Did we learn nothing from Helen Hunt’s H&M dress last year? And don’t even get me started on that dark lipstick.

Erica: Yeah, the lipstick is a misstep. I’m not 100% against the concept of dark lipstick like you are (although I can’t think of a specific instance where I liked it) but it doesn’t really look good on her or with this dress. And you are right about the wrinkliness. Maybe it happened in the car on the way over?

Kristin Bell

 

Erica: Yawn. Well, the bottom has some cool stuff going on, but mostly yawn.

 

Kate: I really don’t love this. Poopy color (not literally), unimpressive necklace, blah hair. But I cannot WAIT for the Veronica Mars movie!

Erica: ME NEITHER! I’ve been rewatching on Amazon Prime to get myself back in Veronica Mars mode and oh boy I forgot how much I LOVED that show!

 

Kristin Chenoweth

 

Kate: I love the short hair!

Erica: She is such a tiny little pocket-sized person.

Kate: I also love the structured top of the dress — only people that tiny can pull it off — but overall it looks a bit too much like an actual Oscar. Too many people have been trying to do that lately.

Erica: I think she might have actively been trying to look like an Oscar.

 

Lupita Nyong’O

Kate: Alas, her Globes and SAGs red carpet success was too good to be true.

Erica: For real, Kate? For real?

Kate: First of all, the headband. I won’t even elaborate, because you and everyone else know exactly how I feel about that. Second of all, the color. BORING! Of all people there this year, she could have pulled off some ridiculously bold and bright colors; baby blue was a weak, weak choice.

Erica: I thought she looked absolutely, stunningly beautiful. So she went with a softer color. It still looks fantastic on her. I don’t love the headband, true. But I loved the earrings. And she gave such a beautiful speech, too. I almost cried.

Kate: I will give her this — the silhouette and material are extremely lovely, and I am a fan of the subtle sparkle.

Meryl Streep

 

Erica: So, first of all, when I first saw this picture, I was convinced she was holding her shoes in her right hand. Which would have been hilarious.

Kate: I do not love this dress, or her hair and makeup. I don’t think I care that I don’t like it, though, if that makes sense?

Erica: It makes total sense. She’s Meryl Streep. She’s the absolute queen of I-Don’t-Have-To-Give-A-F*ck-Anymore.

Naomi Watts

 

Kate: White is so last year.

Erica: Bra.

Kate: I don’t like the texture or the short sleeves, I cannot stand that partially-slicked-back hair thing, and the spiderweb necklace is complete overkill.

 

Olivia Wilde

 

Kate: Soooo like, pregnancy has made her hotter, yes?

Erica: I feel like something weird is going on on her face.

 

Kate: Yea, pregnancy weight/glow. I would normally admonish someone for a sleeveless turtleneck on the red carpet, but in black and on her it actually looks fantastic. The little splash of white in the back is very Julia Roberts the year she won for Erin Brockovich, in a good way.

Erica: Yeah, okay.

Kate: Also, is that not the most perfect messy up-do you’ve ever seen?

Erica: Yeah, okay. I guess. I’m bored.

 

Penelope Cruz

 

Kate: Not a fan.

Erica: Continuing to be bored out of my mind.

Kate: I’m changing “not a fan” to “I hate this”. The black ribbon belt? Ew. The hair? Double ew. The droopy sleeve thing? No. Also, is it not the same dress as Matthew McConaughey’s wife’s?

Erica: Maybe. Because they’re all boring now.

 

Portia de Rossi 

 

Kate: Lovely dress, but I’m not sure why she has adopted the same hairstyle as her wife.

Erica: What is her thing with macrame?

Kate: By the way, has something awful happened to her? She kept making this face like she was in a great deal of pain emotionally and physically.

Erica: Are she and Ellen in trouble?! Say it ain’t so, Gods of Love and Romance and Constancy!

 

Sally Hawkins

 

Kate: Oh God no.

 

Erica: I don’t know who this person is. I kept wondering why Carly Rae Jepson was there.

Kate: She was in Blue Jasmine. But like, did a middle schooler do her hair? And did she get that dress from the second-hand store a few doors down from my apartment?

 

Erica: Yes to both.

Kate: At least she sort of coordinates with Cate.

Erica: No. No points for her.

Sandra Bullock

 

Kate: Frigging fanTASTIC.

Erica: Her hair is really the best it’s ever looked. And it’s looked damn good before.

Kate: Absolutely love it — hair down and wavy, and a hint of a real smile. Best dressed winner!

Erica: Me, I think I vote for Cate Blanchett. But next year I need someone to wear a bedazzled, three-foot-high headdress or a swan. I’m so bored.

Kate: Worst dressed?

Erica: I don’t know. How do you pick worst-dressed when the worst crime anyone committed was being boring?

The 85th Annual Academy Awards

Giuliana Rancic

Kate: Finally she understands what an interviewER as opposed to an interviewEE is supposed to look like at one of these things!

Erica: Yeah, you’re right. I almost didn’t recognize her and she looks just glam enough without looking like she’s upstaging anyone. That said, have we seen this dress before?

Kate: I think her hair looks appropriately short and bouncy, the black is great, and the dress is elegant yet understated. It probably could have been even more understated, but I’ll take it.

Jessica Chastain

Kate: Ugh.

Erica: See, I don’t have the same problems that you do with close-to-skintone dresses. I think this is pretty glam.

Kate: I just wanted a LOT better than that blue monstrosity, and this is not a lot better. It is a beautiful dress, but I don’t like the color on her. It looks like something Amy Adams would wear, or probably has worn, and I feel like her hair always looks like that. She hasn’t even been around that long and I already need to see something new from her.

Erica: I will say, I think we’ve seen this dress before, maybe in black? I’m having deja vu.

Amy Adams

Kate: Speak of the devil!

Erica: I do love it when they go full on glam.

Kate: I love this. I LOVE her hair like that. I’m feeling the top of this dress slightly more than the bottom, but I think it is a vast improvement from her last, like, 7 award show dresses. (Does it not look kind of like that pastel blue/green thing Kaley Cuoco wore that one time, though?)

Erica: Yeah, totes.

Reese Witherspoon

Kate: HOORAYYYYYY SHE STILL GOES TO THESE THINGS!

Erica: Great hair. Great make-up. Adorable person.

Kate: I think she looks adorable as always, and the color is fab, but that silhouette was probably not the best choice post-baby having.

Erica: I don’t think it’s the body, I think it’s the cut of the dress. It’s a little weird and bunchy.

Kate: Yeah, whatever, it’s Reese.

Kerry Washington

Kate: You’re right, Er, she’s too skinny. Just before watching this I saw her in a Fantastic Four movie from a few years ago and she looks much better with, like, 10-20 more pounds on her.

Erica: She really does. Excuse me, show biz execs – stop telling your actresses to lose weight. Lollipops are not that sexy.

Kate: But I like this dress.

Erica: I neither like nor dislike it.

Kate: BUT…Again, I feel like I’ve seen it before? Maybe not on her? Am I going crazy here with all these dresses that seem familiar?

Erica: I don’t know, not with this one in particular, but a lot of these dresses are tripping my deja vu. You know what we need? We need to go back to the days when Cher was likely to show up in some completely crazy get-up by Bob Mackie. That’s what we need.

Amanda Seyfried

Kate: No.

Erica: I like it better than I liked her Globes dress.

Kate: This is upsetting me a great deal.

Erica: It looks like something Lisa Rinna would wear. Except there’s not enough cleavage.

Kate: (Veronica Mars pals!) First of all, she needs to always be wearing her hair down. Always. Half-up is the most up she should ever put it. Second of all, that mock-turtleneck thing? Come on! No one should wear that ever! If the top had been a halter, it would have been an entirely different story. I also don’t love the all-over bedazzling. I think I just don’t love McQueen, actually.

Erica: I usually love McQueen. Like, a lot. I do not love this. It looks like a very old Elie Saab or Badgley Mischka. (I also like them. But not this.) And totes agree on the hair. Hate the hair. Still love you, Amanda Seyfried!

Sally Field:

Erica: Lipstick!

Kate: Adorable. You know what? This is actually the more covered-up/adult version of what Rihanna wore to the Grammys, and I like this a whole lot better. Good older lady hairstyle too.

Erica: Yeah, the dress is beautiful and interesting and age-appropriate and not too dowdy, although honestly, it probably doesn’t need the sleeves.

Jennifer Lawrence

Kate: I love. Do you love?

Erica: It’s just, you know, what’s she going to wear to her wedding now?

Kate: It’s a tad bridal I suppose, but it works on her. I think she has an extremely lovely face so I like her hair pulled back; great makeup; and I am surprised at myself for liking that backwards necklace thing but I do, I truly do.

Erica: I’m not so in love with the material but goodness knows she’s a tall drink of water and she can pull off some stunning shapes.

Kate: That bottom is really somethin’, huh? But I feel like you CAN and SHOULD do that at the Oscars, if nowhere else.

Erica: Go big or go home.

Zoe Saldana

Kate: A BELT! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT BELTS?! DAMMIT ZOE!

Erica: This looks like three different dresses to me.

Kate: The thing is, this dress is actually phenomenal. I adore that color detail at the bottom and the top, but the belt RUINS it.

Erica: I do love the bottom. And I like the top. I just feel like the dress on top and the belted dress and the dress on the bottom are three different dresses. And two of them are lovely and one of them has a belt! Ladies, ladies, ladies. It is good to have something that defines your waistline. Absolutely. It is NOT GOOD to have something that looks like an actual belt on a formal gown! NOT GOOD!

Kate: I also wish my hair looked like that on a daily basis.

Erica: Yeah, she probably does, too.

Melissa McCarthy

Erica: I feel like I’ve seen this as a top before. Not as a dress.

Kate: All I am going to say, about the hair and the dress, is no. No no no no no no no.

Erica: I think I like it as a top. I think I’d wear it as a top. The jersey is a little informal for an Oscars dress and I can’t really see what she’s got on underneath but if it’s satin pants that’s horrible. And I’m not loving the hair but I get how it fits in with what she’s going for here.

Kate: Er, this is pretty bad.

Erica: I know, I know, it’s just . . . there is not a lot out there for a lady shaped like Melissa McCarthy.

Charlize Theron

Kate: A peplum. And a weird frosted pixie cut. And yet…It’s Charlize, so does it really matter?

Erica: Excuse me, Miss Calling-Me-Out-On-Things, but doesn’t this ALSO resemble Anne Hathaway‘s from the Golden Globes? (Except Anne’s didn’t have a peplum and Kerry’s did?)

Kate: Actually, this is pretty plain and boring, so I’ve decided I don’t like it. But not so much that I am, like, angry at her about it.

Erica: Yeah, and it’s also bridal. What is up?

Kate: I hope to God I do not go to any weddings where the bride has a peplum!

Jennifer Hudson

Kate: One of the only times I have been disappointed by a Jennifer Hudson dress.

Erica: You know, I don’t think it’s a bad dress. I just don’t like it. If that makes any sense.

Kate: It’s just too mermaid-y, and not in a good way, and I really don’t like that super-long hair with thick bangs.

Erica: I am not a fan of the hair. And the shoes are not right although they are fabulous by themselves. Hey, are you watching her in “Smash”?

Kate: No, but the season 2 (is it 2?) trailers are tempting me.

Erica: Yes, it’s 2, and it’s shaping up to be much better than 1, I think. Time will tell.

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Kate: I used to think she could mostly do no wrong, but now I think she a) has gotten too much work done on her otherwise beautiful face and b) is WAY too old to be wearing that kind of dress!

Erica: This is giving me some serious deja vu.

Kate: Can you see that crazy toning bronzer stuff on her crazy toned arms? Yuck.

Erica: Are we absolutely certain we’ve never seen Catherine Zeta-Jones in this exact dress?

Kate: She usually goes for open neck/thinish straps, but not in this gross color. She kicked booty in the Chicago performance, though, which equally confused and excited me.

Helen Hunt

Kate: She actually admitted on camera that she was wearing a dress from H&M. That said, it looks like her necklace was from Claire’s.

Erica: Yeah, the material totally looks H&M. Satin is not something you want to mess around with.

Kate: And it’s WRINKLED! Nice color, though.

Anne Hathaway

Kate. *Takes a deep breath*

Erica: Hah.

Kate: Here’s the thing. From the neck up, and I’m including the necklace, she looks undeniably gorgeous. Very Audrey. I love how her short hair is growing out/how she is styling it, and her makeup is flawless. But everything below the neck is…

Erica: We should take a minute to give props to super, super cute short hair and great make-up.

Kate: I just did! It’s just such a 90s cut, and the necklace looks terrible with that neckline, and there are pointy nipple things, and the back is really awkwardly cut, and it’s pale pink! She has the same coloring as me you say I should only wear jewel tones, not pastels, so Anne needs to follow that advice as well, in my humble opinion.

Erica: See, once again, I do not have the problem with the close-to-skintone dresses like you do. That said, this is not a good dress. It is very ’90s and I don’t even know where one gets a necklace like that any more and with the nipples and the shape and the . . . yeah. She looked better at the after party.

Kate: She got the necklace at Tiffany’s. And yes that dress is way better, perhaps it is the Valentino she was originally supposed to go with? Her performance dress was also way better.

Erica: I mean, the shape isn’t great, and seriously, Anne, bra! But the fabric looks nicer and it’s more interesting and not dated. And I love the color. AND “Damn, I’m proud of myself!” looks good on her!

Kate: I don’t think I’ve been this happy about a win since…Ever.

Naomi Watts

Kate: Well, it’s a lovely sparkly number, but it would have worked so much better if the top had gone one way or the other. Strapless sweetheart neck? Grand. Cap-sleeve boatneck? Not as good but she is slender enough to pull it off. One side strapless sweetheart and the other cap-sleeve boatneck? Ew.

Erica: This is another one where I feel like the dress accomplished very well what it intended to accomplish. It looks like a very good example of the kind of dress it is. I just hate it.

Kate: The more I look at it the more I like it, so I want to stop looking at it.

Erica: I also don’t understand why you change from that one to this one:

Kate: Ew, that’s tacky.

Erica: They are thematically so similar, it’s like, why bother? Are nominees just not allowed to wear the same dress to the awards and to the party? Is this constructed somehow to be significantly more comfortable? I don’t get it.

Kate: Maybe it’s like a wedding ceremony vs. reception dress kind of thing?

Octavia Spencer

Kate: On anyone else, no. On her, I guess.

Erica: It is also very bridal.

Kate: It’s a weird color and a little much, but I don’t completely hate it.

Erica: Honestly, it’s not my favorite I’ve seen on her. She can do better. But are we, as a country, having some sort of wedding moment? I feel like there’s been bridal all over the place this awards season. And every movie that’s coming out is post-apocalyptic. I think we are collectively going through something very deep.

Jennifer Aniston

Kate: She looks pretty unhappy about being there, no?

Erica: I’m enjoying this face. It’s the face that says, “Where am I again? The Goldberg Bar Mitzvah?”

Kate: I like red on her but this is slightly extravagant for someone who has never and will never be nominated, right? #Alwaysapresenterneveranominee

Erica: I dunno, the skirt is pretty extravagantly huge but otherwise it’s got clean lines and simple, modern appeal, so I think it’s pretty appropriate.

Adele

Kate: A goddess angel saint sent from above to gift us with beautiful music.

Erica: She’s so pretty. Her hair and make-up are spectacular.

Kate: Black is always good on her, this is a great silhouette, and I am really happy that her hair is half-up instead of all up like usual.

Erica: She’d probably think it was weird if I asked her to come sing me to sleep at night, right? That’d be weird?

Kate: I wish. This actually had a beautiful pattern under the sparkle which you can’t see in this photo, and then she got all choked up accepting the award and said “…And my man I love you baby”. Has a more perfect human ever existed? The answer you’re looking for is no.

Sandra Bullock

Kate: I am officially going to sound crazy, but this too looks familiar! Like something she’s worn before, right?

Erica: I think it’s something Gwyneth Paltrow wore before but I’m not sure.

Kate: Either way it’s gorgeous and so is she, as always.

Erica: Deja vu all over the place.

Salma Hayek

Kate: What’s worse than a mock-turtleneck, you ask? A bejeweled turtleneck.

Erica: Idk, I’m not nearly as offended as  you are by this. I don’t love it but I think it’s fine. I like how, no matter what Salma Hayek is wearing, she’s got to remind us that she’s got boobs. We know, Salma. We know. They are very nice.

Kate: This might be worst dressed for me. Gross hair too.

Erica: I will admit, I do not love the hair.

Kristen Stewart

Kate: I stand corrected. Hei. Nous.

Erica: And somehow also familiar?

Kate: What is she even DOING here?!

Erica: Idk. I’m counting down the days until I can safely forget who she is.

Kate: And that does it for Award Show Season 2013, folks! …Now what am I going to do? 😦

SAGs 2013

Erica: We are only a very tiny bit late with this, but I think late is better than never, right?

Kate: Right-o

Jane Lynch 

Erica: So, I hate this dress. I love Jane Lynch, of course, but I hate this dress. I hate it both as an item in and of itself, and also how it looks on her, making her torso look all frumpy and weird. BUT…

Erica: …Her makeup is perfection. And that’s saying something on a night when everyone else went with either Best Lil’ Whorehouse in Texas or Vampire.

Kate: Agreed! That looks like something for someone much younger than Jane, but it would look terrible on anyone I think.

Jaimie Alexander

Kate: I am quite impressed by this construction, but um who is she??

Erica: You know, this is the kind of thing that works. Because I am irritated by dresses where your main thought is, seriously, how much double-sided tape is she using, and also I am irritated by the superfluous “i” in her name. Typically, girls are Jaime (from the French J’aime, meaning “I love”) and boys are Jamie (because it’s a nickname for James), and she’s gone with both and that’s just irritating. But I didn’t know who she was before and now she exists in my consciousness so she did exactly what she and her stylist and her publicist want her to do.

Kate: Well, don’t you think her parents went with both and she did not have much of a say in the matter?

Erica: No. I do not think that’s what happened.

Jennifer Lawrence

Erica: It’s not easy to see here, but I noticed on SNL, this baby got back. In a totally hot way.

Kate: Ian said the exact same thing, which I took very well. I really love this dress and color, I am eh on the necklace, and I wish her hair had been different.

Erica: Really? I’m kind of digging the hair.

Kaley Cuoco

Erica: Oh my goodness is she ill? What happened to her head?

Kate: YIKES! HORRID! What is with that length?

Katrina Bowden

Erica: Whereas I’m not so sure I know who she is, but I love this dress.

Kate: Me too! Accessories are too matchy-matchy, though.

Erica: You’re not wrong. But seriously, who is this? She looks exactly like what’s-her-name who played the slutty cousin in The Wedding Singer, but I know that’s not her.

Kate: Apparently she is on 30 Rock.

Erica: Oh! I do know who she is!

Kelli Garner

Erica: Kate, look out! It’s a peplum!

Kate: I do not have enough time in my day to go through everything that is wrong with this.

Kerry Washington

Erica: This is one of the first times I’ve liked her red carpet look. Did I tell you I saw her on Bill Maher? She was so fabulous; I was way more impressed with her intellect, charm, and humor than I expected to be.

Kate: But it’s almost a direct copy of Anne Hathaway’s Golden Globes dress which, may I point out, you did not like!

Erica: Yeah, you may have a point. Speaking of whom…

Anne Hathaway

 

Kate: I admit I do not love this one bit, but I am still reeling from my Les Mis experience so I will refrain from saying anything else.

Erica: I feel like, bra. That is all.

Amanda Seyfried

 

Kate: I would completely and absolutely love this if it weren’t for the necklace that looks it like it’s from Claire’s. WHAT stylist allowed that to happen!?

Erica: This was Zoe’s favorite.

Kate: Also kind of similar to Jennifer Lawrence’s, no?

Erica: Not so much. I mean, they both went with strapless and colors that could be described as “dark blue,” but other than that . . .

Kate: Well yea, that’s what I meant.

Jessica Chastain

 

Kate: “Not a total Betty but a vast improvement.”

Erica: Ha! Yeah.

Kate: What I mean is, she looks much better here than she did at the Golden Globes, but it was a fairly boring choice and I thought you weren’t supposed to wear dresses the same color as your hair?

Erica: That said, I love the color of her hair.

Sophia Vergara

 

Kate: I wanted to include her because this is the first time I think she looks almost bad on the red carpet. I think the dress is ill fitted, not her usual style and a stupid color.

Erica: It’s a terrible material, is what it is. It’s really cheap-looking. And the top looks like if she doesn’t keep her arms in exactly that position, it’ll all fall down. Shoes are kinda cute, if wedding-y, though.

Kiernan Shipka

Kate: I am not even remotely kidding when I say I think she wins best dressed of the night by a mile. She looks adorable, I love the color and pattern and length; it’s like a juniors’ Audrey dress. Flippy cute hair, understated makeup (I mean how much should a girl her age be wearing anyway?), no jewelry except for studs, and she is even rockin’ some thick eyebrows a la me when I was that age. I absolutely LOVE it!

Erica: I like you with thicker eyebrows.

Kate: But don’t you love this?!

Erica: Yes! I do!

Sally Field

 

Kate: I really like this color, but mostly for vacation ensembles as opposed to the red carpet. And if possible, the length/style of the gown makes her look even shorter. And I don’t like her hair. Nice material, though.

Erica: I really feel terrible saying this but I think it’s too young for her. The color and the design are very girlish, which kind of highlights that she’s not so girlish anymore. I don’t mean to be all, “Leave the pretty dresses to the young people, Sally Field, you old bag!” I’m not thinking she should cover up more or anything. I just think . . . yeah. Girlish dress.  Pretty. But girlish.

Claire Danes

 

Kate: Do not like at all. Dammit Angela.

Erica: She best exemplified the Vampire make-up choice of the evening.

Kate: I have yet to see anyone who looks remotely good in that dark purple/red lipstick – actresses, models and friends included (sorry if I’m offending anyone, but seriously look in the mirror).

Marion Cotillard

 

Kate: For reasons unbeknownst to me I kind of love this.

Erica: Yeah, I’m normally against color-blocked evening wear but this is very nice.

Kate: I know it almost looks like an old Jessica McClintock prom dress, but I really like the contrast of the two colors and even the cut of the dress in front, and her hair is very classy. She is quite gorgeous.

Erica: She could have done better with the shoes, though.

Kate: Yes. The darker the blue, the further away you stay from black.

Nina Dobrev

 

Kate: I don’t really know or care who this girl is (Vampire Diaries?) but I wanted to include her because she is a very close runner-up for my best dressed. I don’t think anyone of any different shape or size can pull off that t-shirt/column style, but I love how the slits break up the bright color and I love the bright color. And the earrings and the hair.

Erica: Yeah, she’s not well-known to me but she looks really good. She’s extraordinarily pretty, too, if in a “I could totally play Lolita” way.

Kate: Yea, so she and Kiernan win best dressed, and Kaley wins worst.

Erica: Well, that’s it from us for today. But listen, faithful readers – my dad saw something on Colbert Report about some other fashion bloggers who went viral or something and is mad that Kate and I have not. So, to make an old man happy, will you please, if you like our fashion commentary, send this link out to, like, everyone you’ve ever met? Thanks!

Kate: And don’t forget about our own Super Bowl of fashion, the Oscars, on February 24^th (post to come the next day or the day after that)!

Emmys 2012

Erica: Check this out! It’s an Erica/Kate conversation about Emmys fashions! And yes, btw, I’m going with Emmys and not Emmies. I don’t know. The latter looks wrong to me.

Kate: Emmys is correct; even iPhone autocorrect recognizes it. Same with Tonys. (Right?)

Erica: Right. Except iPhone autocorrect didn’t recognize “kale” and thought I wanted some “black male panzanella.” So I don’t always trust iPhone autocorrect. Anyway, let’s go!

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Erica: I think she looks great!

Kate: I LOVE! Such a great color and I’m so pleased she won for Veep for two reasons: 1) It’s a grown-up comedy about politics that I actually know and like and understand, and 2) HBO never wins for comedies. But when they zoomed in on her during the acceptance speech I noted that her earrings didn’t match and her makeup looked not quite finished.

Erica: Her hair and make up could be a little more oomphy. But she looks fantastic! I’m so proud of her!

Connie Britton

Erica: On the other hand . . .

Kate: I know, this really upset me, but it’s no SO bad from the waist down.

Erica: I mean, let’s discuss. Connie Britton has the greatest head of hair in recorded history. I checked. So why is it up?

Kate: I really am not sure.

Erica: And the shape is so blah! Connie Britton, you are a hottie! Dress like it!

Kate: But the color actually works because of her hair color, no?

Erica: I guess.

Kate: PS So excited for her new show Nashville October 10!!!!

Erica: Yeah, me too. On to the women of “Mad Men”! Starting with, naturally . . .

Christina Hendricks

Erica: Hair? Perfect. Make-up? Great. Dress?

Kate: PERFECT MINUS THE BELT! What is with everyone and belts on the red carpet?

Erica: Yeah, that’s my problem. I mean, my real problem is that it looks like an actual belt. I hate that on a formal gown.

Kate: And I love her hair all grown out like that, and the earrings, and that facial expression. She knew she won this one.

Erica: She wins at life, man.

Elizabeth Moss

Kate: Gah!

Erica: Why is she blonde?

Kate: Gaaaaaaaahhh!!!

Erica: No, I mean, why is she blonde?

Kate: Why did the seamstress not finish the bottom half of this dress?

Erica: Yeah, but why is she blonde?

January Jones

Erica: First, I love whatever this gesture is. This is a caption-worthy photo right here.

Kate: Do I even need to say anything here?

Erica: Here’s the thing about January Jones. She seems to always dress like she’s trying to convince everyone that she is NOT Betty Draper and a lot of the time she looks ridiculous. And miserable. But here, I don’t know, maybe it’s the smile, but I think I really love this dress.

Kate: Here’s the thing about January Jones, she looks terrible here and should try dress shapes other than tight as hell on top and stupidly poofy on the bottom.

Erica: I don’t know; she’s very experimental and I sort of like this one.

Kate: If experimental means continuously wearing the same stupid thing.

Kiernan Shipka

Erica: OMG she looks adorable.

Kate: Yes, perfect!!

Erica: Now what about the girls of “Girls”? Jemima Kirke (the wacky Jenna) was mysteriously absent (or mysteriously if you haven’t, you know, Googled her or anything) but how did the rest of them do?

Lena Dunham

Erica: You know what? I’m grading her on a curve. A curve made up of all of her other fashion choices ever, including what she dresses her character in for “Girls”. And on that curve? Solid B+.

Kate: I was actually expecting a lot more from Lena because she uglies herself up so much for the show and she is actually a good-looking human being, but I think she truly just doesn’t give a hoot.

Erica: See, the thing is, she’s a perfectly fine-looking person . . . for a person. Not so much for a Hollywood actress. And she appears determined at all times to demonstrate that she’s not even TRYING to be pretty like everyone else. She’s doing like, the opposite of what January Jones does.

Kate: Ergo, I adore her.

Zosia Mamet

Erica: I mean, I love her. She’s adorable on the show and I really want to see more from her character and more from her as an actress. She’s a person who, if I know she’s in a movie, I’ll see it, just for her.

Kate: I can’t decide who’s funnier, her or Marni, but this was a total fail for her red carpet debut. And she has the wrong shape/size head/ears for her hair so severely slicked back like that, as do most people.

Erica: Seriously, ladies of the entertainment industry. Hair is pretty. Especially your hair. Show it off.

Allison Williams

Erica: She is way skinnier than I thought she was. Or she lost weight. She should not do that.

Kate: She does look like she lost weight, but I absolutely love this dress, except for that stupid peplum thing that is literally haunting me everywhere I go.

Erica: Literally? Really?

Kate: They are everywhere!!!

Erica: The thing about the peplum is that it’s supposed to create hips on bodies that don’t have them. And some bodies really don’t. But some bodies have just dieted theirs into oblivion. Allison.

Kate: They are an eye sore.

Erica: So who else do we want to talk about?

Kate: How about . . .

Kerry Washington

Erica: Really? I feel like this is not very exciting from her.

Kate: No but I like it/would wear it, but I do agree with what my fashion-conscious boyfriend said during a football game commercial when I was permitted to see all the dresses: She’s too skinny.

Erica: Yeah, she’s lost a little weight, too, and not in a good way. But honestly, she’s hardly the worst offender there. Allison. Also, Kate, I don’t like that dress for you.

Kate: Fine, I’ll text her back and tell her to cancel sending it to me.

Kaley Cuoco

Erica: So I feel like I frequently enjoy her outfits at awards shows, and this is no exception. But what is up with her face? It’s not like I normally know what she looks like, because I don’t watch the show she’s on (or, actually, know what it is), but I feel like that’s not normally what her face looks like.

Kate: This is one of the three very blonde ladies who woe bright-ass yellow, and this is the worst one. I mean, ew!

Erica: Really? I like it. And I think Julianne Moore’s is the worst one. (I know she’s not blonde but she also chose bright yellow.) Why does such a beautiful woman dress like that?

Kate: Yes, Julianne Moore looked terrible as well. That was way too much for the Emmys.

Erica: Hey, what about the lovely ladies of “Modern Family”?

Sophia Vergara

Kate: She is a mermaid, and not in a good way.

Erica: She’s wearing a cool color this time instead of a warm one. That’s change, right?

Kate: Why doesn’t she try wearing her hair up for once?

Erica: Geez, we are difficult to please.

Kate: Well this is exactly why they attend these things!

Julie Bowen

Erica: I really like Julie Bowen. I think she’s one of the prettiest people, in a very quiet way, like you could almost mistake her for a regular person until you look at her again, but I am frequently critical of her fashion choices. I take it all back. This is by far the worst thing she’s ever worn.

Kate: Second blondie wearing yellow (or is this neon green?), and I hate this one as well.

Erica: No, wait, I’m sorry, it’s not the dress. It’s the hair. What’s up with your hair, Julie Bowen?

Kate: It looks 10 times worse than mine when I don’t do it/put anything into it, and that’s pretty bad.

Kate: Okay, who else?

Mindy Kaling

Erica: I’m sure there’s a dress that could be slightly more flattering on her and I wish she’d ease up on make-up just a touch – like, back when Jane was a) in existence, and b) good, they used to do a monthly Make-under, and I’d kind of like to see that done to Mindy here, but, you know, I think she’s just terrific and overall she looks lovely.

Kate: I LOOOOVEEE! The goddessy shape is my favorite and the color is super swell, I just could do without the gold belt and that gothic lipstick color. Jeez Mindy. (Er you need to give me her book still!)

Erica: Kate, I took it out of the library, so I don’t know what to tell you.

Kate: Ugh, damn the man.

Ginnifer Goodwin

Erica: I really love her. I don’t know why she’s making that face. But I love her. And I sort of love this dress. It’s not that it looks amazing on her, and I’m always hesitant about belted things, and in this case, the color on the belt is a mismatch, but the dress is really interesting and unusual and the color is great and I think I like it.

Kate: Yes that is quite a face, and I sort of love it too, which is surprising to me.

Erica: Those shoes, though. Those shoes freak me out.

Kate: See, I like the shoes and how they peak out from the dress but still sort of blend into it. (What is wrong with me?)

Erica: No, look closer! They are the orange version of the ones Rihanna wore that don’t actually cover the toes!

Kate: I know, I still like it, so I will check myself into a mental institution shortly after this post.

Melissa McCarthy

Erica: She looks pretty good.

Kate: I don’t love the hair but it is a nice change from the same 3 dresses she wore all spring award show season.

Erica: I kind of hate that her purse and ring clash, and there are a whole lot of textures going on in the dress, but the shape is good and I’d say it’s a win for her.

Kate: Oh I didn’t even notice, but her ring matches her nails no?

Erica: Yeah. I like the ring. Just not with the purse.

Kate: And I’M tough to please?
Hayden Panettiere

Kate: I actually sort of love this dress, it’s very different, but I hate that she keeps doing that horrible thing with her hair. Down and mussy would have been perfect-o.

Erica: I absolutely adore this dress, and agree with you about the hair. She’s another one with simply fabulous locks that should always be visible. Although in this dress you could also do some pretty braids and twists and things.

Kate: No, braids are bad.

Claire Danes

Kate: Third blondie wearing yellow and this is my favorite one, although it looked much better live during the show than it does in this photo. You’re going to say you don’t like the bagginess of it, aren’t you?

Erica: Yeah, I am. Although to be fair, I didn’t watch the telecast, so maybe you’re right. Also her make-up is washing her out.

Kate: No then it’s definitely the photo because she looked great during the show.

Tina Fey

Kate: Um excuse me I love this!!<

Erica: This is sexy! I like that Tina Fey is finally embracing that she’s a good-looking person.

Kate: Totes!

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi

Erica: Ellen looks . . . I mean, I don’t like her hair like that but otherwise she looks fine. She likes to do the suity thing and it’s fine.

Kate: Yea, you can’t say anything bad about Ellen.

Erica: But Portia appears to be wearing a beige macrame jumpsuit. I just do not know what the hell anymore because seriously.

Kate: Blends in with her skintone and hair, which you know I love (no). Also, those are pants? . . .

Erica: Yes! It’s just . . . Quick, let’s look at something else.

Zooey Deschanel

Erica: Ah, that’s better. Like a lovely sorbet for the eyes.

Kate: Her face and hair are adorable as usual but the top of that dress does very strange things to her chest.

Erica: Yeah . . . but it’s so dreamy! It’s not her usual style. It’s not obviously retro or quirky or costume-y. But it still suits her.

Kate: And I actually like the lack of jewelry with hair up and a strapless dress, very natural.

Erica: Jewelry would make that dress look weirdly trashy, I think. Ethereal air sprites don’t wear jewelry.

Kate: And on that note, we bid you adieu.