Golden Globes 2014

Allison Williams

Allison Williams Golden Globes 2014
Kate: I absolutely love this. I feel like it’s a pretty unique dress.
Erica: It’s definitely unique. I didn’t see this during the actual event, so I’m not sure how the fabric looks, but it’s interesting while still being fairly elegant. Not my style, really, but I get what she’s going for and it works.
Kate: But I don’t love the slicked hair — her hair is gorgeous, why would she do that?
Erica: I like volume. As a general rule.
Amy Adams
Amy Adams Golden Globes 2014
Kate: This dress is very American Hustle in that it shows 60% of each boob. I wish she had not added that necklace.
Erica: I don’t love this. She’s a beautiful woman, and her hair and make-up look great, and I think she’s a really good actress. I just don’t like the dress. The low-cut-ness of it doesn’t look particularly well-made.
Kate: I like it fine enough, but she looks so much better in the movie than here. Also, when she arrived and when she was sitting she put this like matching coat/cape on, which was insanely awful.
Erica: I didn’t see that. Nor did I see the movie. I am so behind.

Amy Poehler, Dress #1

Amy Poehler Golden Globes 2014 1
Kate: Fantastic!
Erica: Yeah? I think, fine.
Kate: Great hair, very sleek dress.
Amy Poehler, Dress #2
Amy Poehler 2 Golden Globes 2014
 
Kate: I like the first one a lot better, but this is also fine.
Erica: I liked this one better, and I also appreciated that it looked like it went with Tina’s.
Amy Poehler, Dress #3
Amy Poehler 3 Golden Globes 2014
 
Kate: Did they have this many changes last year?
Erica: I think so. I don’t get it. I mean, why bother dressing for the red carpet at all? Why not just get there early for your hosting duties and wear what you’re going to wear on stage?
Kate: I like this one too, but the first one really knocked it out of the park.
Erica: This one is fine, but my favorite is the second. But – winning sure looks good on her!

Cate Blanchett 

Cate Blanchett Golden Globes 2014

Kate: I do not love this, but she can’t possibly look bad in anything.
Erica: Wow, I do love this. I think it’s my favorite of the night.
Kate: I think it’s that one layer of lace at the top — without that, it’d be much better. Also, how is her ass crack not showing in the back? Is there ass crack-erasing makeup now?
Cate Blanchett Golden Globes 2014 back
Erica: Oh. Oh, wow. I did not see that. Although I think I still like it. Also, a) double-sided tape is keeping that thing carefully in place, and b) yes, there probably is ass-crack-covering make-up.

Drew Barrymore

Drew Barrymore Golden Globes 2014
Kate: Absolutely horrid.
Erica: She’s very pregnant. I didn’t know that.
Kate: She looks like an actual cupcake, and one that I would never eat. Hate.
Erica: I feel like, I don’t necessarily like it, but it’s so her that I don’t really mind. But can we talk about ombre hair for a minute? And how it’s not okay?
Kate: It’s the reverse of skunk hair, right? And equally as awful? Yes. Gross. Stop doing this, ladies.
Elizabeth Moss
Elizabeth Moss Golden Globes 2014
Kate: Boy am I glad she’s not blond anymore.
Erica: Me too! Just that is making me rank this look higher than it deserves.
Kate: The dress is a good shape for her, but I am so over the whole sequin thing. And I hate that length.
Erica: Grading on a curve of “Things Elizabeth Moss usually wears on the red carpet,” I give this an A-. Which is not to say I don’t love her! But I don’t love her style. As her style goes, this is . . . fine.

Emilia Clarke
Emilia Clarke Golden Globes 2014
Kate: Mmmm channeling a little Daenerys here, are we?
Erica: Is she? I don’t really like this at all.
Kate: I don’t think the dress itself is phenomenal, but I do think she is an extremely attractive human. It’s really too bad her Breakfast At Tiffany’s on Broadway was so  terrible.

Emma Stone

Emma Stone Golden Globes 2014
Kate: Ew! Emma Stone, you are too skinny! What’s happened?
Erica: Yes. Hollywood, please stop skinnifying our already delightfully shaped humans.
Kate: The dress (or skirt and shirt?) is very ill fitting. It would be a whole lot better if that top color/material were the whole thing.
Erica: I don’t really understand this whole look at all. Dreadful.
Emma Thompson
Emma Thompson Golden Globes 2014
Kate: The ensemble is not my style, but it suits her.
Erica: No. It is awful. From head to toe. And I say this as a deep, deep admirer of Emma Thompson and I was totally delighted with her loopy presentation and the taking off of the shoes and bringing her martini on stage and everything. She is a wonderful human and a talented individual and in my Top 5 of “Living Persons with whom I’d like to knock back a few”. But everything about this look besides her beautiful and perfectly made-up face is awful.
Kate: Also, it kind of looks like she is wearing a wig?
Emma Watson 
Emma Watson Golden Globes 2014 front
Kate: I really love that red, and I need to get the name of her makeup person, but the dress looks like a backwards ’50s house dress. Pants underneath? Come on.
Erica: So I saw her present and thought she looked fine, if unremarkable. I hadn’t seen the back.
Emma Watson Golden Globes 2014 back
Erica: What the fuck? Honestly. But, look, she’s young, she’s experimental, and at least I am not required to be her gynecologist.
Kate: Her hair is way too casual — that’s, like, how I wear my hair to work almost every day.
Erica: Do we like her In Style party look any better?
Emma Watson 2 Golden Globes 2014
Erica: Me, I feel like it’s a little schlumpy and too short.
Kate: No, no we do not.
Hayden Panettiere
hayden panettiere golden globes 2014
Kate: Seriously? Is that from dress from Wet Seal circa 1998, or what?
Erica: I don’t even. She’s so pretty! How does she make these choices?
Kate: And again with the slicked back hair! Gross! She looks 13 years old. Such a shame.
Erica: You know, I do think she’s one of those people who just looks better in cut-offs and a tank, hair in a messy ponytail, playing football with her puppy on the beach. You know?
Jennifer Lawrence
Jennifer Lawrence golden globes 2014
Kate: Ughhh Jen, I hate the dark lipstick! And honestly the dress is a little too similar to last year’s.
Erica: You know, I didn’t like the make-up, but I thought it was done well, if that makes any sense. Like, I’m not big on the goth look, but hers was skillfully applied. But yeah, I hate the dress.
Kate: I still adore her, though, so I’ll let this one slide. I hope she turns it UP for the Oscars.
Erica: Her hair looks super-cute that short, though. She doesn’t have much of a chin and this makes her face look round and cute; the longer hair I feel maybe lent her a sort of “mushy” look.

Jessica Chastain

Jessica Chastain Golden Globes 2014
Kate: This is what she should have worn last year. Fab.
Erica: Can we discuss the necklace? It looks good here, but when she was presenting, it was pushed a little bit more to the shoulders and looked FABULOUS.
Kate: But AGAIN with that slicked back hair! Who told you people this looks good?!

Julianna Margulies
Julianna Marguiles Golden Globes 2014
Kate: LOVEEEEE!
Erica: Yes. All things are right with the world.
Kate: Love the black and gold, love the neckline, love the waist, love the hair jewelry makeup, this is a best dressed contender!
Erica: Also she either has the best professional care in the universe, or she is aging super-well. Her skin looks fantastic!

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Kate: Oh, excuse me Ms. Amazing.
Erica: Really? I thought she looked good but I didn’t think she looked particularly remarkable.
Kate: Like, what does she look BAD in? (Please God let me look remotely like her in 15-20 years.)
Erica: Is she not more than 20 years older than you?
Kate: Whatever, I’ll look like her now too!

Julia Roberts

Julia Roberts Golden Globes 2014
Kate: So it’s a black strapless dress with a sparkly belt over a nice white button down, but she is Julia Roberts so who gives ONE f*ck? Not her!
Erica: Yeah. I saw this and it was like, “On anyone else, I’d hate it. On Julia Roberts? You go on with your bad self, Julia. Do you.”
Kate: Great hair, makeup and jewels though, very classy.
Erica: Yeah, I loved her hair and make-up.
Julie Bowen
Julie Bowen Golden Globes 2014
Erica: Whatever. I give up.
Kate: I don’t like the sleeves, velvety top or those two colors together, but I’m happy she is wearing something different than her usual.
Erica: I know you don’t like braids, Kate, but I thought her hair looked good. I just don’t understand how a woman this pretty, this funny, this smart could continue to dress herself like this.

Kerry Washington
Kerry Washington Golden Globes 2014
Kate: For the first time in several years, Kerry Washington has failed on the red carpet. You heard it here first.
Erica: Oh, I’m more hit or miss with her in general. I thought she looked, like, okay.
Kate: Well, it’s a nice color on her, and her face finally looks normal again (re: fuller), but she’s at that awkward stage of pregnancy where the bump is not cute but can’t be hidden, and she picked a dress that highlighted that fact.
Erica: Whatever, she was glowing. I also continue to be super-impressed with her whenever I see her speak in public. She always comes across as so gracious and sharp. Like, I could see her as a 1960s political wife, very proper and the perfect hostess, but with that edge that will keep her parties lively and interesting.
Lena Dunham
Lena Dunham Golden Globes 2014
Kate: Hasn’t she worn this already?
Erica: I don’t know. I don’t know how to handle her style, really.
Kate: Her makeup is finally better and award show appropriate, but I am not a fan of the dress. Color yes, everything else no. And I really hate her tattoos. Call me a square, but they are just too much.
Erica: I agree. I’m a little ashamed of myself, but I agree.

Lupita Nyong’O

Lupita Nyong'o Golden Globes 2014 
Kate: Ok so this is kind of what Gwyneth Paltrow wore in white, what, last year? Two years ago?
Erica: Oh, yeah, I’d forgotten about that.
Kate: But it’s quite lovely. Although it’s a very “wow” color it looks elegant and understated on her, and she did makeup and jewelry very minimalistic, which was definitely the way to go.
Erica: Yeah, it’s pretty perfect. I think, though, we need to get rid of the “red” carpet. Do ivory or black or something. It’s too hard to see all these ladies in red.
Margot Robbie
Margot Robbie Golden Globes 2014
Kate: (I really need to see Wolf of Wall Street.) I actually think this is quite fabulous.
Erica: I do too. It’s va-va-voom but classy and she looked just great.
Kate: Not everyone can pull off the gems lining the armholes like that, and said gems really break up the ivory color nicely.
Mila Kunis
Mila Kunis Golden Globes 2014
Kate: I really like the dress except for the flower sh!t around the neckline.
Erica: Oh, yeah. And I think I’d like the transition from sparkle to no sparkle to be a little more gradual. But overall, good look.
Kate: And her hair and makeup are way too severe — lighten up, aren’t you Ashton Kutcher’s girlfriend? That’s not too shabby.
Erica: Wow, I think we have very different ideas on what constitutes “shabby” in a boyfriend. Ashton Kutcher has always struck me as that guy at the frat house who seems cute and funny at 1 am when you’ve had a whole lot of punch, but a week later he won’t get off your couch and he still thinks pretending he’s Mario and you’re a Koopa Troopa is hilarious and you’re like, “Dude, nobody is hot enough to put up with this. Least of all you.”
Olivia Wilde 
Olivia Wilde Golden Globes 2014
Kate: Ok so again with these these sequins which I am so over, and aGAIN with a bad baby bump dress! Did pregnant celebrities attend a class last week in which they learned the ugliest possible things to wear?
Erica: I would hate this dress with or without the baby bump.
Kate: Also, no matter how many celebrities she dates or has babies with or how many movies she stars in, I still can’t look at her without thinking about Lucas Scott.
Erica: Oh, I can. I like her, actually. But dress? Ombre hair? No. And how high exactly are those heels she’s wearing?

Paula Patton

Paula Patton Golden Globes 2014
Kate: That’s a joke, right?
Erica: Who is this person?
Kate: I refuse to waste any more blog space on this.
Reese Witherspoon
Reese Witherspoon Golden Globes 2014
Kate: You know what? I don’t like this.
Erica: I knew you wouldn’t.
Kate: I don’t like saying that I don’t like it, but I just don’t. The color stinks, the shape doesn’t flatter her, and the new haircut is upsetting me very much.
Erica: I think she looks fine. That material looks a little thick.
Sandra Bullock 
Sandra Bullock Golden Globes 2014
Kate: Absolute perfection, until you get to that gross blue on the bottom of the dress. So I’m just going to ignore that.
Erica: I can’t. And I didn’t like it before that. And what’s with the lipstick? I know you shouldn’t be matchy-matchy, but I’m also thinking a brick-y red with the hot pink right next to your face is a mistake?
Kate: That is also the most perfect side pony I have ever seen.
Erica: Yah. That’s true.

Sofia Vergara
Sofia Vergara Golden Globes 2014
Kate: Oh is Sofia Vergara wearing a strapless dress with a sweetheart neck and flared bottom, paired with a statement necklace and straight yet bouncy hair? How new and different for her!
Erica: I thought you’d be so excited that it was a princess skirt instead of a mermaid! And I like the necklace.
Kate: It actually does not look that good on her, I think it’s the skirt part that throws it off.
Erica: Well, she changed for the after-party. Do you like this better?
Sofia Vergara Golden Globes 2014 2

Kate: Actually yes, but much like how I feel about Amy Adams, I have seen way too much of this person’s boobs.

Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift Golden Globes red carpet 2014
Kate: No. Just no.
Erica: Really? I was unoffended by this.
Kate: I am offended by the fact that she is at every stinkin’ award show that has absolutely NOTHING to do with her — she was sitting at a table like, dead center! What has she done to deserve that spot?
Erica: I’m not saying I like it, just that I don’t care. It’s a hell of a lot better than her after-party dress.
Taylor Swift Golden Globes 2 2014
Erica: Although I do like her hair better here.
Tina Fey, Dress #1
Tina Fey Golden Globes 2014 1
Kate: So the dress is really fun, I like black and hot pink together. Hair is a little Palin-esque, but overall a very fun look for her. I’m happy it’s full length, she does that awkward ankle length a lot.
Erica: Well, her hair is pinned so it can easily be taken down for the show. But yeah, I like this. It’s different for her and very pretty.
Tina Fey, Dress #2
Tina Fey 2 Golden Globes 2014
 
Kate: Oh my god YES! Best she has ever looked at one of these things. Sexy sexy hair, perfectly styled dress. These sequins I am NOT over. Love! Best dressed nominee!
Erica: Right? Damn, girl. Also, can we talk about your waist for a second? Seriously, what are you doing to stay in that kind of shape? In between writing, performing, maintaining awesome friendships with women like Amy Poehler, carrying on a seemingly fine marriage and mothering two children? God, I suck.
Kate: Read her book and find out!
Tina Fey, Dress #3
Tina Fey 3 Golden Globes 2014
 
Kate: I like that it looks like she literally just threw her hair up in a clip without looking in a mirror.
Erica: It’s fine.
Kate: I don’t love the necklace, and now that several other people are in that red I am kind of over it. There was just no outshining her second dress.
Erica: Yeah. For real.
Zoe Saldana
Zoe Saldana Golden Globes 2014
Kate: Hot mess. It’s like Betsy Johnson and Free People had an ugly love child, and forgot to finish it.
Erica: It’s like you’re a high school sophomore in 1993 and this senior just asked you to prom! Which is in two days. And you don’t have any money and everything left on the rack in that pop-up prom store in the mall by your house – the one that also has a place to sell your gold and not one but two novelty gift shops? Yeah, they’re all hideous. But you have a spunky auntie and a needle and thread, so you negotiate with the store’s owner to get three dresses off the clearance rack for the price of just one of them and also you’ll do inventory next week for free! And then you cut up those dresses and sew them together so that you look totally unique and also like you will absolutely put out at the after-prom party, unlike his stupid ex-girlfriend who is at the prom with his best friend.
 
Zooey Deschanel
Zooey Deschanel Golden Globes 2014
Kate: Well, this is pretty much very lovely. I really like the skirt.
Erica: I wouldn’t mind a more form-fitting top but it’s cute and it’s her.
Kate: The side bun is ok, but the flower wasn’t necessary. And her lipstick is bordering on too dark.
Worst Dressed
 
Kate: It has to be Paula Patton, right?
Erica: I continue not to know or care who that person is.
Best Dressed
 
Kate: I have to go with my girl Tina, as I am completely in love with her after reading her book.
Erica: Alright. I’m between Cate Blanchett and Julianna Marguiles.
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Golden Globes 2013

Erica: I know y’all are excited about this.

Kate: It has been the highlight of my 2013 so far, besides Book of Mormon.

Erica: See, Oscars, here’s how you make a telecast people want to watch – seat all the stars at tables with their friends and then give them free booze!

Kate: I know, I wish they were all miked while sitting so I could hear little snippets of conversation.

Erica: So I don’t see how we can not start with the hosts. Here’s them on the red carpet.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler - Golden Globes 2013 - ArrivalsErica: I do not approve of Amy Poehler’s “formal capris.” I will not. I cannot.

Kate: I was actually very excited about both of them, until I saw a) the length of Tina’s dress and b) her horrendous shoes. But I was very excited about a) Tina’s hair and b) Amy’s blazer, and I think both of them looked better than usual.

Erica: I love Tina Fey’s hair. The dress is kind of meh. I think Tina’s been doing well lately, but Amy Poehler definitely looks better than usual.

Kate: Again, I like the top. For Amy I would have chosen a longer necklace.

Erica: And here they are in their first hosting outfit:

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler 1 - Golden Globes 2013Erica: See, these dresses look great. Tina’s is a little boring and pageant-y, but the color saves it and, did I mention, I really love her hair like that.

Kate: Me too, and I like these as much as the first two — not a ton, but enough. It also looks like Tina lost some weight, which she did not need to.

Erica: I think it might be just a tight dress. And maybe the pounds you lose when you used to be much fatter, were told  you had to diet to be on television, dieted, got on television, got wildly successful, and then had a hosting gig at the Golden Globes in a spangly dress. You know?

Kate: Plus, I enjoyed them hosting SIGNIFICANTLY more than Ricky Gervais.

Erica: And then they changed again. Or back, in Tina’s case.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler 2 - Golden Globes 2013

Kate: Oh I barely noticed that change, don’t like Amy’s third dress. But throughout they night they were both dressing up as/making fun of celebrities at their tables, which I very much enjoyed.

Erica: Oh yeah. I especially liked when they were with J. Lo and George Clooney during their own category’s announcement. I hate Amy’s dress. I continue not to be impressed with Tina’s and it’s not like her hair looks bad and look, I get it, wearing your hair down all night is dangerous. It can fall flat. It can get all knotted and weird. So fine. Sweep it up. But I liked it better down.

Kate: I aspire to achieve that hair look every day.

Erica: And what about our ladies of Les Mis?

Anne Hathaway

Anne Hathaway - Golden Globes 2013

Kate: YES.

Erica: Meh.

Kate: How dare you?

Erica: I mean, she gave a lovely acceptance speech and is charmingly self-deprecating (Although she’s, like, this close to the line between “charming” and “Oh, can it, already.”).

Kate: Er, come on! She looks so Audrey with her hair like that! I guess I would like the dress better if it were one piece, but then it might look too bridal. I also can’t believe how much weight she lost to play Fantine and how she hasn’t gained it back yet. Make her some of your Bolognese!

Erica: Anne, I do not love that dress and I think it looks bridal anyway, but you can come over any time for some Bolognese. It would be my pleasure to host you. Just don’t sing any Fantine songs. You were wonderful but I just can’t take any more tears. And don’t make fun of being Princess of Genovia in my presence, please.

Amanda Seyfried

Amanda Seyfried - Golden Globes 2013

Kate: The problem here is two-fold: 1) That pin thing in the front, 2) her hair in front of her shoulders. The detail on that dress — Givenchy, might I add — needs to be seen in all its glory, and her (albeit lovely) hair is hiding it.

Erica: I totally hate it. I love her, I really do. I mean, how can you not love her when she makes faces like this on the red carpet:

Amanda Seyfried - Golden Globes 2013 - face

Kate: I, in fact, do not love her, but would like to take this dress off her hands.

Erica: But I totally hate this dress. With the collar and the weird lace and it looks like a redneck in 1987 designed her dream wedding gown I’m sorry.

Kate: Again, how dare you! This is Givenchy!

Jennifer Lawrence

Jennifer Lawrence - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: She also gave a charming acceptance speech.

Kate: Love it. Love her.

Erica: It’s like the dress is going, “Look, boobs!” It’s hard to see in this picture but the folds of fabric are just kind of like, “Hey, there are boobs here! No, really! Right here!” I am not so much enjoying that aspect of it.

Kate: Yes the boob part was weird but worked because of her torso length, I think. I really like the color, and for once I like the use of a belt on the red carpet. But just this once.

Erica: I don’t think it worked; I just think it’s ignorable. As is the belt. You know what I think it is though? Not so much her torso length but her general adorability.

Kate:

Lena Dunham

70th Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Erica: Um, wow. What is going on here?

Kate:  Wow as in bad wow, right?

Erica: She looks great. Her back doesn’t look all slouchy. The dress is a little glamorous and understated and not overtly hipster in any way. She . . . looks great. And, uh, congrats.

Kate: I disagree. I obviously adore her and Girls, but I think this was a horrible choice — it is ill fitting and a very poopy color, she’s done better than this on random nights out in Brooklyn.

Erica: Has she? Because I’ve never seen it.

Kate: And here she is with her girls:

Lena Dunham and Girls - Golden Globes 2013

Kate: I like Marney’s dress but not Shoshana’s.

Erica: Zosia Mamet managed to look like a human and Allison Williams is still too skinny.

Kate: Yes, still too skinny.

Erica: Oh, and the fourth one didn’t show up again. I’d think she was too good for awards shows or something, but, like, half the invited guests had the flu. This thing is seriously an epidemic, I guess.

Kate: Yea what’s up with that? Jennifer Lawrence has the flu and she was there! Step it up, celebs!

Erica: Dude, no, stay home. This flu is apparently a real whopper; even if you’ve had the flu shot you can get it and it’s ripping through the population.

Connie Britton

Connie Britton - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: Hair down! Score one for us!

Kate: PER. FEC. TION.

Erica: And she’s smiling like she’s supposed to be there! Sort of.

Kate: Well she knew she wasn’t going to win but wanted go and party anyway.

Erica: You know, in just about every picture of her, she’s in this pose.

Kate: So?

Erica: Just sayin’. It’s better than her usual, “Oh, please don’t point that thing at me. What, really? Alright, fine, if you insist.” pose.

Hayden Panettiere

Hayden Panettiere - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: Also hair down! Score two for us!

Kate: Yes I really really really like her hair down, she sometimes has very weird updos.

Erica: She’s so pretty.

Kate: The whole look is actually very Sweet 16-esque, but I still like it. Might like it better without the fish/mermaid tail, whatever you call it.

Erica: I didn’t used to dislike the mermaid tail thing but I am rethinking that.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: So I heard her say on the red carpet that she didn’t go big with the jewelry because the dress was already so much. But I think the dress actually needed, like, a gorgeous diamond necklace and fancier hair and make-up, because the dress was such a glamorous, lacy, complicated thing.

Kate: Disagree, a big necklace would have taken away from the detail of the dress. I love this, she was instantly a best dressed pick for me.

Erica: Alright.

Claire Danes

Claire Danes - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: She just had a baby?

Kate: Yes!

Erica: I mean, can we consider her waist for a minute? I think it is actually smaller in circumference than her head. Especially with her hair like that.

Kate: Why is everyone’s hair so nice and down and blown out but with those perfect flippy parts? Why can’t my hair do that? I love this dress, by the way. Eye makeup a wee bit too dark though.

 

Erica: I wasn’t being complimentary about her waist. It’s scary. Even if her hair looks fabulous. And yes, I like the dress.

Jessica Chastain

Jessica Chastain - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: Hate it.

Kate: Complete hatred.

Erica: Makes me worry about her boobs. Hate it.

Kate: Bad hair part/slicking, bad lipstick, bad top of dress, bad color of dress, all so bad.

Erica: The waist sits funny, too, like it’s a little too high – or a little too low – and it maybe wants to become a peplum or something. But I think the color is lovely on her and she’s beautiful and has the hair I wish I had and also, congrats.

Kate: You are wrong a lot right now.

Julianne Moore

Julianne Moore - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: So, first of all, I forgot Game Change happened this year. That seems like forever ago.

Kate: I saw it!

Erica: Second of all, Julianne Moore, 50 is the new 30 or something. You don’t have to dress like you’re over the hill yet. You’re gorgeous.

Kate: Yea, don’t like the dress at all, and I find it odd that she hasn’t changed her hair back from the Sarah Palin style.

Jodie Foster

Jodie Foster - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: See, this is what I mean. Jodie Foster is 50, and she’s dressing like she’s still a glamorous movie star. Maybe it’s because she’s . . . single.

Kate: Or maybe it’s because she’s bat-sh!t crazy, as evidenced by her speech which I could not understand why everyone was crying about it.

Erica: Well, she seemed to be announcing her . . . retirement? Along with not-coming-out-but-she’s-gay-but-she’s-not-coming-out-because-fame-is-hard? Also, she, like everyone else in the room, was piss-ass drunk at this point.

Kate: Can we also focus on that hair? And how grossed out her kids were by her speech?

Erica: The kids just seemed to be, you know, embarrassed, because they’re her kids, and whatnot. The haircut makes her forehead look enormous. She should rethink that. But you know what? Watching the clips, I realized I haven’t seen nearly enough Jodie Foster movies. A lot of them looked good.

Emily Blunt

Emily Blunt - Golden Globes 2013

Kate:Minus the earings, perfection!

Erica: Is she blondish now?

Kate: It appears that way, but I really like it. She has such a perfect face.

Erica: I do not like the stomach cut-outs. I don’t care how good your stomach is, I don’t like them. They’re weird.

Kate: This dress would kind of suck without them, though.

Erica: IMH(ha!)O, it sucks with them.

Naomi Watts

Naomi Watts - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: I did not like this, Kate, did you?

Kate: I did, with exceptions: I think this color looks better on someone with a hair color like, say, mine, and I think it is a fairly blatant copy of that Hilary Swank Oscar dress. But I do like it in general.

Erica: I am not a fan of the nun-in-the-front, party-in-the-back dress. And yeah, her coloring and the dress’s are not good for each other.

Kate: And I am not a fan of that folding-the-hair-under thing, ew.

Amy Adams

Amy Adams - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: I felt bored by this at first and have since decided it is dreamy and lovely.

Kate: I hate it.

Erica: Because it matches her skin tone?

Kate: Yes, and it is too tight. She still has not learned how to wear Spanx. And the hair would be acceptable if it were not KRIMPED.

Erica: It’s . . . not? Also, for what does she need to wear Spanx?

Kate: To make everything very smooth lines! I didn’t like how it hugged her.

Erica: But here is what I don’t get. If you’re going to wear a dress like that – and she’s hardly the only offender; practically all of the ladies do this – why bother wearing six-inch stilettos with platforms such that you can hardly walk up and down the stairs when your dress is going to cover them up anyway? Don’t you look more ridiculous when you need a team of people to help you move than when you look, perhaps, an inch or two shorter?

Kate: Every single female needed a team of people to help them get down those stairs. It was kind of pathetic.

Lucy Liu

Lucy Liu - Golden Globes 2013

Kate: This looks like Forever 21‘s version of what Audrey wore in Sabrina; ergo, I HATE it. And that stupid braid.

Erica: I really like it. It ought to look like she’s somebody’s grandmother’s couch, but the clean lines and lack of adornment make it really lovely and unusual and I like her hair. Also she and Connie Britton appear to be close friends.

Kate: No, it sucks. And is way too big for a) the Globes and b) someone who is not even nominated.

Julianne Hough

Julianne Hough - Golden Globes 2013 1

Erica: I did not like her in Rock of Ages. I thought she was the worst part. But this dress is . . . memorable. And I mean that in a good way.

Kate: I surprised myself by really liking this dress, until the showed the entire thing and I hated the bottom. If it were more of a column style and the sparkley things faded out toward the bottom it would have been perfect. I even like the hair.

Erica: See, I thought it would have been too expected and safe it was more of a column.

Kate: I don’t, however, like that she gets to attend everything just because of who her boyfriend is.

Giuliana Rancic

Giuliana Rancic - Golden Globes 2013

Erica: I still do not understand who this person is.

Kate: She’s an E! host, duh!

Erica: And I loathe this dress.

Kate: Yea, she makes Jessica Chastain look like a fashion icon. Worst dressed by a landslide.

Golden Globes!

I just looked and realized this never went up! So here it is, and I’ll have the SAGs up later today.

The 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards were last night! Who won? Who cares?! Let’s talk about dresses. And any other idle thoughts that pop into my head.

Amanda Peet

My favorite columnist Cynthia Heimel once wrote a column called “How to Get a Man (I’m Serious).” In it, she went over all the usual stupid advice and then said this:

If he’s the wrong man, you can turn yourself inside out with wiles and perfume and French-maid’s outfits and nothing will work. You’ll never get him, you’ll never keep him, you don’t have a chance.

If he’s the right man, you can have greasy hair, spinach in your teeth, and your skirt on inside out, and he’ll still be entranced and follow you to the ends of the earth.

As an example, she brought up her friend Nora, who had a rough break-up. Cynthia suggested that maybe she should dress sexier. “You look like you’re wearing a series of lampshades,” she told her friend Nora. Low and behold, Nora’s Mr. Right came along, loving her series-of-lampshade outfits.

Maybe Amanda Peet is trying to bag Nora’s boyfriend.

(An unrelated anecdote: I discovered Cynthia Heimel as a fairly young teen in a bookstore. I saw a book with the title Get Your Tongue Out of My Mouth, I’m Kissing You Good-Bye and knew I had found a lifelong idol. And then I got her Sex Tips for Girls, thinking the title was, um, tongue-in-cheek, like the last one, but no, it’s really a sex tips book, albeit a super-funny and irreverent and perhaps not comprehensive one. So, J, if we ever meet her – if it please God – you’ve got a lot to thank her for.

But I only had her books. I knew she wrote for Playboy throughout the eighties and early nineties, but I was born in 1981. None of my guy friends had Playboys old enough. Then when I was in college my friend and I were in a vintage store on Mass Ave and I spotted a Playboy from the 1960s out of the corner of my eye. I made some comment about being in the market for 1980s Playboys and the clerk directed me to a vintage desk, the bottom drawer of which was full of exactly what I was looking for. My dear and obviously very patient friend looked through them with me to find the ones with columns that weren’t in books I owned. I finally left that store with 20 “vintage” Playboys, which I carted around with me for a while before finally deciding I could just make photocopies of the column. But they were pretty fascinating. There was an article from a 1983-or-so issue about AIDS. You know, before we figured out what AIDS was.)

Amy Poehler (with husband Will Arnett)

You know? I think she looks pretty good. I frequently think she makes very weird choices for herself on the red carpet (or someone makes weird choices for her) but her hair looks good, her make-up looks good, and the dress . . . well, it’s not a great dress. But at least it doesn’t look like a wetsuit.

Andie MacDowell

How old is she now? What has she been doing lately? Because she looks really good. The dress is inoffensive if boring, but she looks sort of glow-y and fabulous. Seriously, how old is she now?

Angelina Jolie (with husband Brad Pitt) (in case you didn’t recognize him)

Okay, Kate, I know you hate her because you’re on Team Jennifer and isn’t she evil with her man-stealing and adopting children and formerly being sort of goth and maybe kissing her brother and not seeming to give a flying fuck what people think of her, but seriously? I f-ing love this dress. I mean, I love it. In a way, it’s almost like she’s being a caricature of Angelina Jolie – sexy, curvy, glamorous, a little cold and maybe a little evil-looking, with the matching red lips and purse, but also awesome.

Brad? Cut your hair.

Ariel Winter

You know, I’m getting the feeling that Ariel Winter the person is not at all like her character in Modern Family. Not that she has to be. But Alex Dunphy would die rather than wear that dress.

How do I feel about it? Love the bodice, hate the skirt, think she’s too damn young for the whole thing. (Commence pearl-clutching.)

Charlize Theron

I first saw a picture of this from, like, the bust up. I thought she looked fabulous. Then I saw the skirt. Oh, the skirt. Charlize. Seriously. You’re stunningly, otherworldly beautiful. You’re like an artificial creation of what the most perfectly gorgeous woman would look like if such a person could really exist, only you really do. And to top it off, you’re a really good actress.Young Adult was all you. It was a decent movie, made a really fantastic movie based purely on how good you were at playing your character. (I mean, I enjoy me some Patton Oswalt, but you carried Young Adult.)

So I guess, as good as you are, if you want to wear a giant poof on your skirt and that weird, reverse-mullet skirt (party in the front, business in the back) thing, then I guess you can. I just refuse to like it.

Claire Danes

When it comes down to it, I suppose that nothing, including a bra, could have saved that dress. So it’s just as well you didn’t wear one.

Connie Britton

Okay, the dress isn’t as fancy as I think it ought to be, or at least I think you need to wear a little more bling or something with it. But you look very nice.

But you’re making that face again. That “What am I doing here?” face. We’ve gone over this. You’re fabulous. You deserve to be at the Golden Globes. So wipe that look off your face before it freezes like that.

Dianna Agron

Wow. I don’t think you’ve gone there before. This is feisty. This is memorable. This is fierce.

Well, okay, the bodice is. The skirt then devolves into curtains in a bordello. Correction: curtains in a cheap bordello.

Still, it’s a lot more sophisticated and interesting than you usually go and the color looks fabulous on you.

Emma Stone

I love it. I mean, the skirt’s got a weird string-y looking thing happening and I kind of in general hate belts on evening dresses and those weird little shoulder pads like you’re an alien species in a SyFy miniseries . . .

Wait, why do I love it?

Oh, the colors are fabulous on you with your alabaster skiing and your gorgeous hair. And your make-up looks perfect and the dress very flattering and sexy without being slutty or excessively “I’m hot, okay? Stop talking about Ryan Gosling!”

And also I just love you. Please call me. We’d totally be good friends.

Evan Rachel Wood

I don’t care what anyone else says, I love it. It’s dramatic and cool and glamourous and even little amusing in a way, with the scales that turn into feathers like she’s some sort of mythological mermaid/harpy hybrid, which is just awesome. If I had a body that could carry it and an occasion that called for some serious amazing-ness, I would totally wear this dress.

I wouldn’t dye my hair that color. But I would wear an awesome smile that tells the world exactly how much I love my dress, like she is.

George Clooney and Date

George Clooney’s date is blonde. I thought he went for brunettes. Sigh.

Heidi Klum

From the back? Whoa, mama!

Wait, is that a little turquoise I see around her neck? That’s great, with her coloring and that dress, turquoise. Let me get a closer look.

Oh. That’s disappointing.

Jessica Biel

I aggressively hate this. I hate the sort of sad-wedding-dress look of it. I hate the ill-fittingness of it. It looks dirty and weirdly proportioned and confused. Like, why the sleeves and the prim neckline and then the slit up to your gynecologist’s office? Hate.

But she looks great. Her hair, her skin, her face. She looks so young and healthy and beautiful and I say this as a person who is not much of a Jessica Biel fan. So maybe she really likes the dress and feels great in it. They say dress in what you love, right?

Jessica Alba

This is already hitting as a top dress of the evening. I feel sort of meh about it. I don’t love the color for her and I think it’s sort of boring and old-looking. But I guess I am wrong.

Jodie Foster

I love the color but doesn’t it look sort of like it’s not really on her but just in front of her? I am reminded of that dress that Vincent of Season 3 of Project Runway made, the episode he inexplicably stayed in and Alison, who I loved, was voted off.

See what I mean? This dress (which, okay, he made out of trash) just sort of hung inches from the model’s body, and I know sometimes fashion is supposed to be “sculptural,” but sometimes that looks holy-shit-awesome and sometimes it just looks like you didn’t take the time to figure out what an actual woman’s body was going to look like in a dress. And that’s kind of how I feel about Jodie Foster’s dress. Or maybe she’s just standing awkwardly or it’s a bad picture. I don’t know.

Julianna Marguiles

Every time I see her picture I think, “Why did I stop watching The Good Wife? I really liked that show.” But that’s neither here nor there.

This isn’t an awful dress – the color is great, it’s slinky and a nice material – but she needs a better bra. And earrings that . . . relate. And hair that’s not in the same style as mine is right now.

And it needs a hem.

She normally looks fabulous on the red carpet. I don’t know what’s up with this.

Julie Bowen

I get what she was going for here, but . . . no. Hair too blonde. Dress too pale. Waistline defined weirdly. Skirt too long. Body simply not curvy enough to pull this off. She looks like a girl dressing up in Mommy’s clothes. (If one had a fabulous Mommy.) It’s just not coming together right.

Kate Winslet

Hair? Fabulous. Face? Fierce. (Both in terms of make-up and expression.)

Dress? Meh. She does look thicker than usual, but that’s not what’s bothering me. I just kind of hate it. Black and white color-blocks always look waitstaff-y to me, even when the white’s on the bottom and the black’s on the top. The sleeves are weird. The gape around her breasts is weird and revealing without being sexy. The white skirt is boring and tablecloth-like.

Maybe it’s just that my expectations for Kate Winslet on the red carpet are so high, she can’t meet them anymore.

Katherine McPhee

This is in strong contention for my favorite of the night. She looks positively lovely. I’m really into the thing that’s happening on the bottom there.

Kelly Osborn

So I get that the silver-white hair on a not-old person is, like, edgy-cool. You know. But I feel like, first of all, Kelly Osborn and I have gone through some similar body issues, and if your body is already heading in the potentially-frumpy direction, you don’t do anything that might actually make it easier for you to be mistaken for an old lady. I mean, her body looks great right now, but I do feel that adopting old-people looks works better on the otherwise slim-nearly-to-the-point-of-prepubescence. Second, I feel that, especially if you are at a fancy, red-carpet-like event, you can do one old-lady thing. You can have silver hair OR a dress that would look more suitable on Helen Mirren (or whoever Helen Mirren’s equivalent was in 1985). Not both.

Laura Linney

The woman can act the hell out of anything. But she cannot, apparently, hire a stylist.

Lea Michele

Oh, lordy.

I’m a little at a loss. I don’t understand what would possess a person such as Lea Michele – who is gorgeous, extremely talented, and only twenty-five years old – to choose this garment. This would have been fabulous on a Dallas trophy wife going to a fundraiser in 1987. Fabulous in a “Is that whore trying to steal my husband? Or is she going to whip off that skirt and go figure-skating?” way. Cher would have rejected this as being too tacky and over-bedazzled. Dolly Parton would think this is a little much.

I just . . . I don’t get it.

On another note, a recent InStyle featured her on their “10 Best Looks . . . Ever!” page. She’s been in the spotlight (on television, I mean, not on stage) for, like, three years. I mean, if they had included what she’d worn to a cast party of Les Mis when she was eight, then fine, the “. . . Ever!” would have made sense. But they didn’t.

And this dress is definitely not going to make any future “Best” lists.

Good lord.

Melissa McCarthy

Designers, do you not understand that more women look like Melissa McCarthy than like, say, Jessica Alba? Can you please figure out how to dress us?

Also, hair? No.

Meryl Streep

does not have to give a flying fuck what I or anyone else thinks about her dress.

Missi Pyle

I’m only vaguely aware of who Missi Pyle is. But I kind of love her dress. That color is definitely one that cannot be ignored, and rock on, her, for wearing it.

Morena Baccarin

I don’t know who she is, either, but she’s beautiful.

Natalie Portman

She looks like a little kid playing dress-up in Marilyn Monroe’s clothes. And I mean that in a totally good way.

Nicole Kidman

Look, this dress has created the appearance of breasts on Nicole Kidman. It must be one hell of a dress on that alone. Miraculous, even.

And actually, I like it on its merits, too. I love the color, I love the shape, I love the embellishments. It’s been a while since Nicole Kidman has worn something I’ve loved but I’m happy to see it again.

Piper Perabo

Piper Perabo is still working? And being nominated for things? Why, for the love of all that is holy, is this so?

Reese Witherspoon

has definitely looked less like a generic California blonde in the past.

Sarah Michelle Gellar

If you wanted people to talk about you come Monday, you definitely achieved that.

The thing is, I’m just enough of a hippie weirdo to appreciate where this dress is coming from and what it’s supposed to be doing. Super-glam silhouette, tie-dye. And even like the way it looks on the bodice and the . . . uh . . . poof. (My fashion vocabulary only goes so far.) But the whole thing looks like a giant joke she’s playing on the fashion-and-celeb-watching community.

And okay, I’m laughing.

The Deschanels

Zooey looks like she usually does. It’s not my favorite but it’s fine. Although, again, hem. What, are the tailors and seamstresses in L.A. on strike?

But, Bones, what are you doing? I know you just had a baby but there are fashionable and attractive ways to dress a body that, while fantastic, is maybe not as slim as it once was. You don’t have to wrap it in a blue polyester sheet and belt it like a bathrobe.

I mean, I am sympathetic with the just-having-had-a-baby feeling. I have only just come to the re-realization that, no really, sweatpants aren’t okay in public, and yes, even under a winter coat, I should wear an actual bra with a wire and all. But if that’s how you feel, just stay home. Don’t make your already-beleagured body walk around in that.

Tilda Swinton

Tilda Swinton, you go on with your bad self.

Tina Fey

finally dressed like she thinks she belongs there. Good job.

Viola Davis

looks fan-fucking-tastic.

Kate?